Restriction? Tight? Not Tight? OH MY!

I read a ton of blogs in Google Reader...many many more than I follow. I repeatedly read about fills, not being tight enough, restriction, etc. But hey - they are lap band blogs right?

Maybe it's that I have been banded a while or maybe it was my personal experience with being too tight, not really realizing it, and dilation of my pouch, but I tend to be sensitive to the "search for restriction" and find myself thinking when reading "you're too tight". I guess I'm a firm believer that you should be able to eat most things...especially the important things like non-liquid hard protein and not be drinking your calories.

The band shouldn't be restricting what you eat as much as helping you with your hunger (real hunger not head/emotional hunger). I find that by eating the correct amount of food (please note this is VOLUME not necessarily WEIGHT) and eating when hungry (even if that means more than the "prescribed" 3 times a day) that I stay within my set weight range and don't feel like I'm on a diet or deprived. As long as the food is prepared well (not overcooked) or I don't have too much of something like bread or pasta, I don't have any issues.

And, of course, I still have cravings. And, of course, I give into them, but cravings for me are usually emotional - there's something else going on with me and I am trying to hide behind some crap food. Other times, it's just that I want something decadent and have found in this "true" non-emotional scenarios that if the high calorie food doesn't taste good that I won't eat it. Go figure?

Anyway, I'm not sure the point of this post really. Other than I read this article on someone's blog (sorry! I can't remember which one) and it pretty much reflects my thinking and wanted to put it here for others to read and ponder. (Bandster - if you're out there, please take credit for this great find in the comments! I bookmarked the site to read future newsletters, but not the post.)

Here's the article: (source: Dr. Terry Simpson - It's Not About Restriction)

The Lap-band is NOT about Restriction
When talking about the band, some patients talk about restriction. Let's first be clear about one thing: the purpose of the band is not restriction; the purpose of the band is to lose weight by suppressing the appetite.

When band professionals talk about restriction we are talking about something totally different than "restricting what a person eats." In fact, many band surgeons avoid talking about restriction so as to not confuse patients. The band works by dimming the appetite, and this provides a conscious control and decision made by the patient, it does not work by "making" a person do something, or keep them from eating too much.

The Lap-band works by suppressing your appetite
As a result, you are less interested in food between meals, making it easier to resist temptation. The analogy is when you are near a vending machine when you are hungry-- what do you do? Probably find yourself with some junk food that is not a part of your plan. But, when you pass a vending machine when you are full, it may not even catch your eye. Having the appetite dimmed makes you less tempted by the many food choices modern living throws at you - -this is what the band does, by suppressing appetite you become less interested in food.

What you should not feel, with the band, is the sensation of being "stuffed."
When you eat Thanksgiving dinner, you can feel stuffed. Contrast that with the sensation two hours after you eat your big meal, at that point your appetite is suppressed. It is the subtle dimming of the appetite that the band should provide. Being stuffed after a large meal is a complicated sensation of the abdominal wall stretching and a lot of gas in the bowel, in addition to feeling a diminution of appetite. You will not, and should not, feel the abdominal wall stretch with the band. You should not feel the "near nausea" and you should not feel bloated.

Key point: You should NEVER eat until you feel full. It is best to stop eating before you "feel full." If you do eat until you feel full you will most likely be overstuffed. This leads to the universal key to success -- patients who eat a small volume of food (which, if you measure, is consistent) will be successful with the band. If you want to succeed, you need to know how much you are eating, and then stop eating -- it is in your control, but the band will help you -- not by stopping you, but by allowing you to feel satisfied after the small volume.

Early on, most Lap-band patients do have a sense of "restriction"...particularly after the first fill. When we place the band on a patient the stomach above the band typically will hold one to two ounces (by volume, not by weight). The stomach has a lot of muscle fibers, and the wall of the stomach is fairly thick. When food is consumed, it arrives in the pouch, and meets some resistance, first against the newly adjusted band, and then against the stomach which does not stretch easily. People love this feeling! It is a sense of control over food -- a leash. But it is not permanent. It makes it difficult to eat more, because the top part of the stomach and the band will resist it. If you over eat you will feel uncomfortable.

This is the honeymoon phase, you feel full with less, no appetite, and if you try to eat more it doesn't work. They eat a small amount of food, they feel satisfied, and they are losing weight.

For patients who rely on this sensation, they will find it will take ever increasing volumes of food to obtain this sensation. The initial response is to have their band adjusted so that they can "feel full again." Against a tighter band, the upper stomach stretches a bit (and if they eat fast it stretches more)and they again have the sensation of "feeling full." This becomes a cycle, a tighter band, the stomach stretches more-- and then instead of going back to its original size, the stomach stretches more and more to where it takes more to fill it.

The person who continues to eat until they have this sensation, will find that it takes more and more food to obtain this feeling. Two things happen -- first the stomach stretches to where it accommodates more food, and to stretch it means you have to eat more. The second is that to "feel full" it takes the brain time to register this sensation -- this is not the sensation registered by the hypothalamus, but registered in the conscious cortex. So your stomach can be full, but your brain won't register it for a while, and if you keep eating you can overeat. As a result, the pouch dilates. Similar to a balloon, when you first start to blow up the balloon it takes a bit of force. As you continue to fill the balloon, the wall of the balloon stretches (thins out), it is easier to blow it up -- the same is true with the upper pouch. Early on, before the pouch is stretched, it takes a little bit of food to cause it to stretch, but with chronic over-eating the pouch will accommodate more and more food. The stomach wall is thinner, it is easier to stretch, and to get that sensation it takes more food than at first. Often patients will complain that they "don't feel restriction," and wish to have the band made tighter.

There are two potential results to this: one is the patient will passively stretch the stomach and esophagus and not be eating a small amount of food. These patients simply do not lose the weight that the surgeon expects. The other is that the band will be forced down the stomach, the band will slip, which generally requires operative intervention to reposition it.

For those patients who are rigorous about the volume of food they eat, and do not let the stomach to tell them when to stop eating - they do very well. This is one of the keys of successful patients, only eat a certain portion of food - period. If the band is properly adjusted, the appetite will be dimmed for several hours. Once your brain realizes that a small amount of food keeps you satisfied, then your eyes will adjust to the amount you eat.

Some describe a "soft stop." Where before a sense of fullness occurs, there is a signal from your body -- this can be a runny nose, a sigh, or a subtle ache in the left shoulder. Patients who find this "soft stop," do very well with the band.

The other advantage of eating small portions is it becomes a lifestyle change--you will have the ability to gauge the amount of food you can comfortably eat, knowing it will keep you satisfied for several hours.

You can always -- always, always, always, -- eat more food, because, contrary to what we believed for a long time-- food passes by the band within a minute and then into your stomach. But the key to successful patients is not how much they can eat, but how little they can eat to suppress hunger.

The band goes around your stomach, not around your brain, or your lips
This simple concept, of eating a specific volume of food -- eating it slowly, and then walking away, is the key to successful eating habits of patients. This means that the band works with effort from you -- not by it doing everything for you. You have to make the decision to eat a small volume of food, and let the band work with you.

The sensation that we would want the band to produce is the "soft stop." The soft stop is when you eat a small portion of food and walk away. Sometimes this is difficult, like most things, practice makes perfect. To set yourself up for success -- we recommend you use smaller plates, along with smaller utensils. If you go out to eat, ask for the to-go bag immediately, and remove the excess food from your plate. You can physically always eat more food, but the advantage about practicing small portions and walking away, is ultimately your eyes will get use to what the stomach is telling it, and it will be much easier to eat smaller portions as time goes on.

It isn't uncommon for patients to want an adjustment because they say they can eat more

The first question we ask is, "Why are you eating more?" The typical answer is, "Because I can." The typical response, "Just because you can does not mean you should." Since the band's job is not to restrict the amount of food you eat, do not leave that to chance -- that is your job. Part of personal accountability is to account for, to measure, to know how much you are eating at a time. The band is empowering; if you eat an appropriate amount and make appropriate food choices, you will be satisfied for several hours. This results in either weight loss, or weight maintenance (if you are at your goal). The purpose of the band is to assist you to lose weight -- and this occurs only with active participation by you: you chose what to eat, you choose how much to eat, and you practice walking away after eating that amount. The band is a tool to allow you to eat less and have your appetite dimmed resulting in weight loss, or maintenance. It is a tool to help you adopt a healthy lifestyle -- you still have the choices to make, but the band allows you to be satisfied with those choices.

"If I could eat less and walk away, what would I need this band for?" -- a common question we are asked. Without the band, if you eat a small amount of food and walk away your appetite would rise within a couple of hours -- you would find yourself hungry and wanting more food, possibly leading to unwanted snacking. You would also find, if you willed yourself to withstand the hunger, that your weight loss gradually decreases. The band fools your brain into thinking you ate more.

Think of it another way -- the hypothalamus does not have eyes -- it doesn't know how much you ate, it doesn't know if there is a lot of food around and you are not eating it, or if there is a band on your stomach. The hypothalamus reacts very simply to the stimulation provided by the upper part of your stomach. Stretch that thermostat, it thinks you are eating a lot -- do that consistently over time, and it behaves as if you are eating a lot all the time and will allow your body to release fat stores and not cause your body to go into a metabolic slow-down. Conversely -- if you go on a diet, without the band --and that part of the stomach is not stretched, your hypothalamus thinks you are in a famine -- it doesn't know that there is a lot of food around you.

The purpose of banding is weight loss. Patients who are successful do not "feel tight," or "feel restricted." Instead, successful patients report that they rarely have an issue with the band, they do not "feel restriction." Successful patients come for adjustments when they notice that their appetite is returning between meals -- patients who are not successful rely upon the band to tell them when to stop eating.

The band, in successful patients, is empowering. While, on occasions, the band is "fickle" the proper way for the band to work is for it to allow you to eat less and not be moved by an appetite.

There is another group of Lap-band patients who do not like any sensation of restriction--a group we call volume eaters. They want to eat a lot, when they want to eat, and they do not like the sensation of a "hard stop." Nor does this group want to eat a small volume and walk away and allow their appetite to be suppressed. One patient even asked for pills for nausea, because she could not eat "a quart of chili." Yes, this person thought a quart was a normal serving size -- not a cup, a quart! Sometimes these patients come in for an adjustment, then come back thinking that the band is too tight, because when they overeat they become acutely uncomfortable, or feel as if they are "obstructed." Often these patients will come in for a fill, then an unfill, then another fill.

It does take a bit of work to change a person's perspective about the volume of food they eat. For some there is a feeling of deprivation, a period of mourning, but ultimately the band can become a tool to overcome this sensation, and allow the patient to eat. Remember, if you want to be a 125 pound person, you have to eat like one. The band allows your body to re-set the thermostat to the amount of food that it takes to keep you satisfied between meals.

To be more specific - food does not stay in the pouch above the band for a long period of time. Typically it travels through this area fairly quickly, usually less than a couple of minutes. The effect of the band is NOT to have food stay above the stomach in that small pouch - the effect of the band is on your appetite after a small amount of food stimulates that. Does this mean you can eat more -- yes, you can. That is always in your control.

So the first lesson -- Eat a specific, and small, portion of food, and walk away
If you can measure it -- you can manage it

Where's the couche?

Couche? Anyone know? Well, I sure as heck didn't. The couche is the spot on a watermelon that was on the ground while it was growing...you were thinking WHAT? Ha. Anyway, turns out that for a ripe melon you should be able to see the couche when you are buyingit. If it isn't there, the melon was picked prior to maturity. Other watermelon picking tips:

• Symemetrical melon heavy for its size and free of blemishes or soft spots
• The belly button of the melon. OK, it's not really called that, but it kinda is just like a belly button isn't it? Anyway it's supposed to have clean indentations (not sure what that means), but indicates that the melon naturally detached from the stem which I guess is a good thing.

(source: paraphrased from C00king Light Mag - July issue)

Watermelons are big right? OK, maybe I'm just saying get a BIG one. A really really BIG one. Why? Cause you don't want to let that baby go to waste, right? So what do you do???? WATERMELON MOJITO PARTY!!!! Here's the recipe. It's kinda theirs and mine because I cut out some of the calories and sure as heck still tasted good to me:

1. Muddle 2 watermelon chunks with the juice of 1 lime and 2 teaspoons of sugar in a glass. That's from the recipe. Here's what I did - took a glass, filled it halfway with watermelon chunks, sprayed in some lime from one of those fake limes that is filled with lime juice (so you really don't want to juice the whole lime in this case..just sayin'), and a packet of Truvia (that natural fake sweetener. Uh huh, natural fake - I know. But it's good). Since I do not have a kitchen equipped with all the gadgets of a culinary person, I used the bottom of a wooden spoon. Pound the hell out of the stuff that's in the glass.
2. Stir in a handful of mint leaves. (I put them in a pounded them around some more to get some of the mint to release.)
3. 2 ounces white rum. (I used one big shot)
4. Ice
5. Top with ginger ale (I used diet Sierra Mi$t---I think any clear soda would be fine.)
6. Garnish with more mint (uh, put in a straw and get to drinkin'!)

Paraphrased from: F00d Network Mag - July/Aug edition

Let me just say: YUMMY!

Workout summary from Polar for last week:

• 8 hours 15 mins
• 4900 calories

Why Do You Exercise?

• To lose weight?
• So you can eat whatever you want without a gain?
• 'Cause you just "have to"?
• You don't know?
• Haven't really thought about it?

Well, I've been reading (and do read) a zillion blogs in Google Reader. It struck me how many times I read or read between the lines how much all of us consider exercise something we "have" to do to lose weight. And, it is true for most, but the reason is short term really isn't it? What happens when you don't have any more weight to lose? Do you stop working out? If you do, what about re-gain?

 

It got me thinking about why I exercise. The thoughts at top are what popped into my mind immediately. They just didn't seem good enough somehow. Especially when I honestly started thinking the "have to" and that I didn't know. Because there was more to exercise when I was younger (as in through my 20's and thin and exercising).

So what came to me is: I feel good after I workout. Seriously good. Really really good. Good as in healthy and strong. Did I say good? When I don't workout for a period of time - I don't feel good, start feeling "blah", have less energy, don't deal with stress as well, and many many more things. So I am going to try and focus on these reasons, which are more long term, (and maybe even a bit more motivating in a way?) when I am going to workout or on one of those days (OK - there are probably a few more than that) that I get the "I don't wannas".

Heck, I don't know. There's just a lot of crap that goes through my mind and sometimes it helps to throw it out here. Coming up in my next post - 'cause I gotta head out for some fun! - yummy boozy (as in adult) beverages to make with WATERMELON. : ) And my weekly recap....

Thanks to all of you that are following my blog. I know that everyone is in various stages of their lap band journey and it's exciting to read about your progress and I can definitely relate to your struggles. If ANYONE (follower, lurker, etc.) has a band question, please do not hesitate from asking me. I am happy to share with you my thoughts...

Happy FRIDAY!

Heat Advisory

Issued by The National Weather Service / Dallas/Fort Worth, TX  / 3:01 pm CDT, Wed., Jul. 14, 2010 - Their text is in CAPS...
... HEAT ADVISORY REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL 6 PM CDT THURSDAY...

A HOT AND HUMID AIRMASS REMAINS IN PLACE OVER NORTH TEXAS. OVERNIGHT LOW TEMPERATURES TONIGHT WILL BE WARM IN THE UPPER 70S AND AFTERNOON HIGH TEMPERATURES ON THURSDAY WILL AGAIN BE IN THE UPPER 90S TO NEAR 100 DEGREES. IN ADDITION... HUMIDITY VALUES WILL REMAIN HIGH DURING THE PEAK HEATING HOURS OF THE AFTERNOON RESULTING IN HEAT INDEX VALUES NEAR OR ABOVE 105 DEGREES. WIND SPEEDS WILL BE LIGHTER ON THURSDAY ADDING TO THE DISCOMFORT AND LIMITING THE COOLING ABILITY OF THOSE INVOLVED IN VIGOROUS OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES. THE HOT WEATHER IS EXPECTED TO CONTINUE INTO THE UPCOMING WEEKEND AND THIS ADVISORY MAY BE EXTENDED BEYOND THURSDAY.

Fluffy: It's July. It's Texas. It's hot. We see plenty of days that are triple digits, so I am kinda confused as to how a 95 degree day with humidity that puts the heat index into 105 gets a heat advisory. And yes, I am this big of a dork and check out the weather and the advisories and crap. But now that I type this, I am starting to think that a heat advisory appears anytime it's in the triple digits. Oh well, moving on...

PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTIONS...

A HEAT ADVISORY MEANS THAT AFTERNOON HEAT INDEX VALUES ARE EXPECTED TO MEET OR EXCEED 105 DEGREES WHILE OVERNIGHT LOW TEMPERATURES WILL NOT FALL BELOW THE UPPER 70S.

Fluffy: Didn't this already get stated in the first paragraph? And seriously, I checked. Most nights in July are pretty much in the 70's.

PERSONS INVOLVED IN VIGOROUS OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES ARE URGED TO TAKE FREQUENT BREAKS AND DRINK PLENTY OF WATER. WEAR LOOSE FITTING AND LIGHT-COLORED CLOTHING. BE SURE TO CHECK ON PERSONS WITH HEALTH PROBLEMS AND THE ELDERLY... AS THEY ARE THE MOST SUSCEPTIBLE TO HEAT EXHAUSTION AND HEAT STROKE. NEVER LEAVE YOUNG CHILDREN OR PETS IN AN ENCLOSED VEHICLE... EVEN FOR A SHORT TIME... AS TEMPERATURES CAN QUICKLY RISE TO LIFE THREATENING LEVELS.

Fluffy: Now you are talking! "Frequent Breaks" = skip workout. Drink water, wear loose fitting and light colored clothing, etc. - UH DUH (oops I used caps - although the advisories would be funny if they had some "duhs" and "dudes" in there. DUDE - IT'S HOT OUT THERE. DUH, DRINK WATER. - Much better I think). Anyway, this is seriously basic information that all Texans (and other hot climates) should follow at all times during the heat of the summer, but whatever. Now my favorite: NEVER LEAVE YOUNG CHILDREN OR PETS IN AN ENCLOSED VEHICLE... EVEN FOR A SHORT TIME - So does this mean to "never" do it during a heat advisory or ever? An argument could be made that the way this is written says only during a heat advisory. And yes, common sense would say otherwise, but I am not kidding you that every summer there are deaths of kids that are left in cars by STUPID parents. I think it needs a revision though: DUDES - REGARDLESS OF HEAT ADVISORY DON"T BE A DUMBASS. NEVER LEAVE YOUR KIDS OR PETS IN A FRICKIN CAR UNLESS YOU ARE IN THERE BAKING AND DYING WITH THEM.

Bottom line:
Fluffy, The National Weather Service says you do not have to go for a jog tonight. Bootcamp this morning was enough. OK, maybe it is just being conveniently used, but maybe I'll still go for a walk. (Current temp is 96, but feels like 106.)
 
Bad news:
The temp is high and the humidity is about 49% right now. When I go to bootcamp in the morning, the temp is projected to be a cool 78 degrees, but the humidity is going to be 87%. Honestly, the current temp and humidity is looking pretty good. Tomorrow morning is going to suck...

Blogging Works...

Seriously. I got up yesterday morning. Felt like crap. I started getting ready and said "nope" - sinus infection - I could feel the pressure with each step. Need to go to the doc. So I went to the doc, got antibiotics, etc. and figured I'd just go to bootcamp Tuesday morning. Day goes on and the pounding and pressure is going down (thanks to the shot of antibiotics in the ass). Getting close to night bootcamp. Should I? Shouldn't I? Hubby says, "Skip it, you're not feeling well." ....Get my clothes on...Should I? Shouldn't I? Uh oh - I have to get 5 bootcamps in. If I don't go tonight, then I'll have to go TWO times another day to hit my 5 day commitment that I put on my blog....so I took my not so happy ass and went to bootcamp. Oops, please ignore the fact that I said that I would put a smile on when I went to camp...I was sick remember?!!! : )

I didn't get that extra workout in that I thought I might. So 5+1 for last week. According to my Polar: 5 hours 38 minutes for 3091 calories.

BYOC – Bring Your Own Craziness

Yep, I’m jumping on the “band” wagon. Ha ha, get it? Yes, I am hilarious and here all week!

Week so far recap first though:

• Toss all crap food from the house. Yes, it is a waste, but I don't care. It has to be removed from the house. - DONE....Good comment Trixie on that post. ("Just remember, it's NOT a waste if you toss it out. It's a waste if it ends up on your waiste.")
• Make a menu for the week and stick to it. – Yes for M-Th, Going to have to figure out today – Sun.
• Go to 5 bootcamps. Stretch goal: Add 2+ workouts on top of bootcamps. 5 +1 so far. Maybe I can get my butt to move again tomorrow and hit the stretch goal!
• Drink, drink, drink! Increase water in the hopes of flushing some of this bloat out of myself. I have been a drinking fool! (Thanks for joining me Jody V!!!)

And, now, courtesy of: http://justmedrazil.blogspot.com/

Love or money? High salary or job satisfaction?
What’s that expression? You can love a rich one as much as a poor one? It’s not so much $$$ for me, it’s ambition, drive, and success. If my husband was a teacher, but was all those things, then that would work for me. NOTE: I love teachers. I only use it as an example, because being a teacher is a GREAT job, but in my opinion teachers are not paid enough.

Both on salary and job satisfaction…I actually have more of a three-legged stool on jobs. Leg one: Salary. Leg two: The Job Itself. Leg Three: People you work with. It’s a balance between the three. If you are not adequately happy with the three, guess what? Your stool topples over and it may be time to consider if something needs to be done. And here’s a surprise, it’s rare to be completely content with all three, (man, you are a lucky dog if you are!) but usually as long as two of the three are strong they “can” compensate for the third leg. (Uh, quit typing…OK, stopping now as I am not even sure this makes any sense!)

What is your favorite time of day?
Man there isn’t just one time of day. I like mornings after I’ve finished bootcamp. I like any time of day spent with my hubby or friends. Ah, sleep, I like sleep. Etc.

My in-laws just had their wills done so it made me wonder this. Do you have a will? Did you tell anyone your wish to be kept alive or not?
We have talked about what happens if one of us is critically injured, etc. No kids, so has not been a priority, but it is on our “to do” list.

Repeat question. Pick one thing for one day you'll do next week that aids in your physical or mental health.
I will go to bootcamp M-F. I will put a smile on my face and tell myself that I can do anything that she challenges us to.

Repeat questions. Make someone a superstar for a moment...whose comment or blog stuck with you this week and why.
I honestly can’t think of just one. Sorry…I kinda suck, but the blogs have rocked!

Hangover...

Well, I did have a bit of a hangover from my anniversary celebration. As I get older, more than about a glass and a half of wine leads to recovery time which led to being a sloth and eating like crap. So this morning was the real hangover. Food hangover that is.

I could feel all the crap I ate the past few days at bootcamp this morning. It's funny how a few days of utter crap eating makes me feel so bloated and yucky. Ah well, it's life right? So back on track it is. I'm going to watch my food choices pretty closely for the next couple of weeks. Quite a few treats have been entering the picture. Definitely a slippery slope for me and I am going to put the brakes on it now. Complacency? Thinking that it won't matter? Rationalizing? Denial? All of it? Bottom line: "step away from the crap". To make this a reality, I'm going to:

• Toss all crap food from the house. Yes, it is a waste, but I don't care. It has to be removed from the house.
• Make a menu for the week and stick to it.
• Go to 5 bootcamps. Stretch goal: Add 2+ workouts on top of bootcamp
• Drink, drink, drink! Increase water in the hopes of flushing some of this bloat out of myself.

Ha. Just looked down and saw which shirt I put on. Very fitting. "Just Do It".

How time flies!

I can remember as a kid thinking how long the summers were. How a school year took forever to end. Time until my next birthday? Forget about it! It crawled. Adults would always say, enjoy it. As you get older time will go by very quickly. Dang it if they weren't right!

A year ago July 3, I did something I didn't think I would EVER do. I got married. On that day, I was so happy. Neither of us could stop smiling. Did I think it would always be like that? Uh, no. In fact, the night before I had given him a letter that said there will be hard times, we'll fight, etc. etc., but I'll stick with you and am looking for you to stick with me. I not only gave him my heart, but I also gave him my trust. Let's just say I had far from the best childhood, no relationship with parents, and acquaintances with siblings at best and leave it at that. Letting myself actually let go and trust him 100% was huge. I cried like a baby as he read that letter and he said, "hey, this is a happy time." I seem to recall saying something like: "I really am happy, just emotional, and a bit scared."

Well a year will have passed on Saturday. And as expected with two very different, independent people, we have had our fair share of fights, etc. But some wise people that have been married for 20+ years had told me that the first year of marriage was the hardest for them. Our first year was hard. I am not going to lie. While you want to "please" your partner, you also don't want to compromise your wants and needs and have to find the balance. You have to figure out how to navigate through all of this and figure out the nuances of communicating with one another.

While I traveled to stay with him prior to getting married because my job afforded me the flexibility, we technically didn't live together full time. We each had separate households and there were weeks apart. For me, I didn't want to live together. At 40, I told him, we're either doing it all the way (getting married) or not. I don't know, for me that was just the "right" thing. I needed to take that step as I had done the "live together thing" before and in hindsight I always had one foot out the door. It's hard for me to explain, but I swear deep down I knew I could leave at any time which prevented me from fully commiting really. (And, maybe I didn't really want to.)

A year later was getting married still the "right" thing? Thankfully I can honestly answer that with a "yes". I can't imagine my life without him. He can drive me nuts at times and I get angry and frustrated, but I do the same to him. We are getting better and I am hopeful that those wise experts were right and our 2nd year will be a bit smoother.

My final thoughts: don't settle. Hold out for the "right" person. Male / female whatever - it doesn't matter - find that person you can both love AND trust. Could you end up as the crazy cat lady? (For guys, is it crazy dog dude????) Believe me, I was thinking that could be me and upset about it when I was turning 30 (hey, I even had two cats!). Over time I moved from being worried about it to: "I'm a catch. Someone will be lucky to have me. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, I'll be OK." .... Happy 4th of July to readers in the States. Happy Canada Day to any readers in Canada. And, happy weekend to all!

(Yep, those are "real" wedding pics.)

216? Um, N-O!

I saw this article on Melting Mama's website---some interesting stuff pops up on her site and this is one of those times, so might want to check her site out.

Anyhoo, when I got the band nearly 5 years ago, I knew there wasn't a lot of data about long term results. At the time, it was hard to find more than a handful of people that even had it for more than a couple of years and even fewer that had been at goal for more than a minute (just sayin'). It bugged me for about 2 minutes because other options were not viable for me (the personal choice thing), so I was going with the band anyway.

This article has some data from the Netherlands. I have selected a few of the points here. I personally found them a bit SCARY when they are measuring success at 25% of "excess weight"! (Just being honest!)

Five years after surgery, about two thirds of patients maintained 25% excess weight loss. At 10 years the success rate dropped to less than a third (31%).

Using 40% excess weight loss as the standard resulted in a five-year success rate of about 50%, which declined to 20% at 10 years, Edo Aarts, MD, reported at the American Society of Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery meeting.

"Action Points":

• Explain to patients that this study showed that weight loss achieved with adjustable gastric banding was not maintained over time in most cases.
• The findings were based on a retrospective review of medival records at a single hospital in The Netherlands. The findings' applicability to use of adjustable gastric banding in the United States is unclear.
• Note that this study was published as an abstract and presented at a conference. These data and conclusions should be considered to be preliminary until published in a peer-reviewed journal.

Source of text

My first question is how the heck is "excess weight" defined? I tried to figure it out - and to find the original abstract - but I got tired and gave up. So if anyone knows, can you please fill me in?

For now, I am going to say that "success" is a normal BMI rating (and yes - there is a whole new hoopla around whether or not BMI is worth a crap, but I'm going to leave that out for now) - so a BMI of 24.9 is a weight of 163 lbs for my height (5'8"). So, with a starting weight of 234 lbs - 163 lbs = 71 lbs. Twenty-five percent of 71 lbs is 17.75 lbs??? Hello, so essentially 216 lbs would make me a band success story??!!! Not in my book baby puppy!

And, if I get over that and just accept that is a success rating, then the numbers in this article are FRICKIN' SCARY! At FIVE years only 50% kept this amount off and this went down to 20% at TEN years???

November 2010, I will be 5 years out. I can, and will, guarantee you that at FIVE and TEN years out, I will not be TWO HUNDRED FRICKIN' SIXTEEN POUNDS!!!! I just don't know what to think of this article. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about data. I think that data is important, but this lack of defined "excess weight" that is being thrown around and what makes or does not make the band a success is quite troubling. The success numbers from this place in the Netherlands were this low for such a small percentage??? What else was going on at this clinic? What about aftercare? Etc. I'll be honest - SHOCKING!

But ya know what - it's information. It's data. I have a band and I am going to do what I am going to do with it regardless of articles and statistics. So anyone that is reading (and trying to understand my gobbledygook) please keep that in mind. Bottom line - it really doesn't matter which surgery you had - it's all what you do with it. *end of rant*

....And hopefully I haven't started a $hit storm with this, but I decided to risk it. Comments welcome...

Crap

This week I have eaten too much crap. Seriously. desserts, chocolate, chips, etc. Food wise NOT a stellar week. And it's not that I ate those things either, it's that in reflection on the week I just had too much overall. It's a fact. Period. Recognize and move on.

If I'm really honest about it, I think at least half of it was emotional and a bit unconscious. NOT GOOD! Meaning that I wasn't thinking about the "why" I was eating it, it was mindless, I was eating, etc. And don't get me wrong, this makes me sound like I do this all the time. The "why" crap. Believe me I don't. Because the "crap" I ate at restaurants I am 100% OK with. It's the "crap" that I ate at home that is a watch out for me. Anyway, I'm not even sure any of this makes sense, but I wanted to get it down here so that I could work through it a bit.

Some good stuff from the week - I did go to bootcamp every day and I also did a couple short runs. Total time: 5 hours and 42 mins for 3068 calories. (And, if I do crap on Sat/Sun - man, crap is the word of the day, huh? -  it counts toward this total. My workout week is Monday to Monday. Maybe putting that here will motivate me? Um, not thinking so, but worth a try.)

What kinda makes me pissed at myself - OK, what does make me pissed at myself - is that next week is my off week from bootcamp. Group classes work for me. I feel obligated to go and I suck it up and I go. It's a commitment and I don't want to be one of "those" people that seems to come sporadically or have people ask me why I didn't go. Cause let's be real - do the majority of the women really WANT to go and workout outside in this heat at 5:30am??? Um, my bet is NO. So what am I going to say? I didn't wanna. That's just lame. So I go.

So, I'll have to put on my big girl panties and motivate myself to get my exercise in next week. I think it is going to be a bit harder, but I WILL DO IT....as much as right at this moment I really really have a bad case of the "I don't wannas". Hmmm, maybe I should consider going to the gym next week? I wish they had classes at better times, but at least I could go there and do the treadmill or stair climber and be in air conditioning. It's worth thinking about.

So next week, here's my "to do" list:

• Minimum of 15 miles for the week
• Minimum of 3 times for Jillian's 30-day Shred or Jillian's No More Trouble Zones
• Water - heat/humidity is brutal - Need to stay hydrated to achieve the first item
• Pay more attention to "crap" eating.

Thanks again Dinnerland for letting me know you think I'm a "Superstar of the Band". As you can see from this post, I'm not feeling so stellar, but it might be a good exercise for me. And some headless befores and afters might help me as well.

But you know what, we are BOTH going to stick with it. The scale IS going to move for you (I sent you the weight loss fairies) and I will get my a$$ moving next week. HAHAHA - way to go Dinnerland - just saw that your post. Congrats!

Happy weekend everyone!

Bootcamp Round 3 - Fit Test

Today was the fit test for the end of the session. Friday is the last day of Round 3. Overall, I think there was some pretty good improvement!

My observations for this session:

• Core and arm strength increasing (Yippeee!).
• Burpees - not much of an improvement, but I am going with the heat. : ) I was feeling it today--no wind whatsoever and very humid. (It was 81 when we started at 5:30 AM.)
• While squat form has improved, there is still room for further refinement.
• Boxing kicks ass!!! I wish we did more of it. Man, definitely a workout.

Oh, what's up with the rounds? It's full out as many as you can do for a "round" in 20 seconds. Recover for 10 seconds and repeat. It's tough for sure!

What I liked about this session:

• It didn't seem like we ever repeated a workout. Even if we did, it was spread out enough that I didn't notice it.
• Good variety in muscles worked.
• Loved the advanced plank work which I think pushed me.

What I will do during my week "off" (next week - the week between sessions):

• Minimum of 15 miles for the week
• Minimum of 3 times for Jillian's 30-day Shred or Jillian's No More Trouble Zones (I love both of these)

What I plan to work on next session:

• Continue development of core and arm strength.
• Further refine squat form.
• Have the asskicker yell at me if my form is not good as much as it takes. (I am starting to think that my form is sucking again for planks. Without a mirror, I have a hard time judging where my butt is--sounds weird, but true. Is it too high? Too low? Hips in proper position? etc.)

Weekend Recap

Chocolate, cheese fries with ranch, and lots and lots of NOTHING! That's right. I didn't exercise and honestly I just spent a lot of time lying around. I was T-I-R-E-D, but today I woke up feeling more "normal" and somewhat recharged.

Why only somewhat? Cause I am in a work slump. I have fully diagnosed Slumpville. While being worn out and tired was a contributing factor, yesterday I started feeling down. I was trying to figure out why and suddenly - LIGHT BULB - it is because it's work tomorrow. Slumpville = work. Since I can't quit my job unless I win the lottery (or someone wants to give me a portion of his or her winnings - anyone?), I am going to have to figure out another plan to get outta this work slump. I have no idea right now what that plan is, so it's called "soldier on" for now. (AKA - suck it up baby!)

Saturday night while watching a movie (must not have been that great because I can't remember what the heck it was!) I had some chocolate. More than I should have because there was too much available, so I need to figure out how to get what I want, but in a smaller amount. On Sunday, lunch was thin crust pizza (YUM!) and dinner was seriously good - worth every calorie (which is about 10 bazillion trillion) - Snuffer's cheddar fries with Ranch dressing. Yep, that was dinner and YEP - it was YUMBO!

Fun and games over though!!! Monday bootcamp this morning and weekday eating....is it Friday yet? ; )

Granting Permission

This weekend I am granting myself permission to do NOTHING. Meaning NO exercise is required or expected AT ALL on Saturday or Sunday. Does this mean I won't? Who knows, but what it does mean is that I am giving myself the weekend off as part of my move out of Slumpville.

What I have found is that when I give myself permission to either not exercise or have something like candy or dessert that often times I find myself exercising or not having the candy/dessert...with no pressure of "I have to exercise!" or "Man, I NEED some candy/dessert. I MUST have it." Other times I do. Regardless of what happens in either scenario, I do it and I feel good about it (no guilt). This is definite progress.

So I will leave the week with the following in no order of importance:

• Completed 5 bootcamps. Polar info: 5 hours 12 mins for 2880 calories.
• Weighed within my June revised weight range (132 - 136 lbs) *Note: most weeks I weigh in once a week. Other weeks, I don't weigh at all. Weird, but true.
• New clothes are definitely looser than when first purchased.
• Last week of boot camp for this session is next week. Next week I need to figure out my plan for the week between sessions.

Thanks ladies for the comments! Happy weekend!

Slumpville

There's a Dr. Suess book called, "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" Have you read it? Here's a quote from it:

"You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump. And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done."

That pretty much describes where I'm at. I am dragging. Feeling tired and worn out. I've come from the Lurch and I'm in a Slump. And ya know what? It's NOT much fun and getting out of it is NOT easily done. Frustrating! I mean let's be real --- quoting from a kids book? I don't have any kids?  It has me a tad bit concerned! : )

So I'm in the process of un-slumping.

• Step 1: Acknowledge the Slump. (Done - Hi Slump! and this blog post.)
• Step 2: Figure out what is causing the slump (Done - I think - burned out on work, have not had a vacation in years, needing some time to recharge)
• Step 3: Ask for help. (Done - Spoke to hubby.)
• Step 4: Determine plan for un-slumping. (Immediate need: Some downtime. aka ME time. Hubby is also feeling like he's in Slumpville.)
• Step 5: Execute Plan. (Determined to find ME time this weekend. "Hey, ME time! Wanna do something this weekend?")
• Step 6: Say good-bye to Slump 'cause there will be NO "waiting" or "staying". (Hopefully quite soon I'll be saying "Bye Slump! Hope not to see you for a while!")

So look out Slump 'cause you've been served and you are on your way out the door!

Fact: "Slumps Happen". What do you do when you're in a Slump?

My blog...

I took the time this weekend to go back to the beginning of my blog and scan the posts. All I can say is "wow". It really is weird to look back at it 5 years later. I found some information "Golden Rules" as I referred to them that I actually kinda like better (or at least to add) to the stuff I have listed on the sidebar. Check them out:

• Chew all foods very well and appreciate the taste. Take your time, don't rush
• Start with a small, planned amount of food. Wait at least 20 minutes before thinking of adding something else to your plate
• Eat meals and snacks on time. Hunger drives an uncontrolled appetite
• Don't drink 30 minutes before or after a meal. Never drink during a meal
• Eat without distraction. Tension or excitement may cause you to eat too fast or forget to chew

I really do think these are golden. Thoughts?

And this on PB'ing---which is guidance from my doctor:

• Some degree of vomiting or regurgitation may occur after you eat
• This may indicate you are: eating too fast, trying to eat too much, not chewing your food adequately, or eating the wrong foods (or potentially too tight)
• Every person is different and some foods may give you problems and not others. Avoid those foods that give you problems

If you vomit solid food

• Stay NPO (no food or liquid by mouth) for two hours
• Do not force the issue and try to eat or drink again immediately
• This may induce more vomiting. The more you vomit the more swelling that may occur across your band. This may lead to further obstruction.

 After two hours try solid food again

•  If you vomit again:
•  Stay NPO (no food or liquid by mouth) for four hours
•  After four hours try water only
•  If you can tolerate water stay on clear liquids for 12 hours before trying solid food again.
•  If you can't tolerate clear liquids or water without vomiting notify the doctor immediately
•  Prolonged vomiting (more than 12 hours) is not normal - Call the doctor immediately 

And this post where I adopted Edgar the purple hedgehog. I was surprised to see he was still around after all the neglect!

I've had stalls, stumbles, and successes. What a journey and honestly an evolution in my mind and well being as much as my physical appearance.

I started this journey being severely depressed, meds, shrink, the whole sha-bang. My weight was definitely contributing. It's funny how I just made the decision to get the band and was off and running. It was a significant investment (self pay), but worth every penny.

During my journey I worked on my inside and outside (inside is not reflected as much in my blog as I keep some things out to retain anonymity). I continued to see a counselor and eventually stopped taking my meds for depression. We reached a point where we agreed that further counseling was not needed - that I had the tools in my toolbox to keep myself mentally and emotionally on track (way more baggage than weight). I know that without this component of my journey that I would not have been as successful.

Things continued to "shape up" on the outside as well. But life is about stalls, stumbles, and successes. I am sure that I will experience stalls and stumbles going forward, but if I do that I am also now prepared to turn them into successes!

What do you do to get or keep your "mind" in shape?

Ah, my Polar...

Oh how I love you...If I just believed you! You are kinda like a super duper cute boy (prior to me being married of course!), does he really like me? Is he "into me"?

I have been whimping out on my runs this week - just too dang hot - only one this morning and bootcamp all week. According to my new love: 5hrs and 52 mins of exercise for M-S for a whopping 3353 calories! Can this be true? Have I really been burning that many calories with the asskicker???

I doubt you my new love because "WHAT THE HELL?" - that's a lot of f-ing calories! Now, I'm not complaining and I am hoping, wishing, and praying (singing that song) that is indeed the case....so that it offsets the full on fat version of lasagna, some roll with butter, and the 1/2 of a box of Mike N Ikes I ate while watching a movie I had last night. : ) (Dear Mike and Ike, don't feel left out, because I also love you! Which is why we only "see" each other now and then.)

I'm waiting for the maid to show up...Oh wait, that's me. I better get to work!

Weighing and Measuring

My name is Fluffy and I have PORTION DISTORTION. Yep, I admit it, unless I am out to dinner or at some event, I weigh and measure all my food. Do I consider this a "diet"? Not really - there is some distinction between a diet and a lifestyle, but I'm not even going to get into that. It's just what I do.

So why do I do it? Because I HAD to be honest with myself. That's right, you ask me to eyeball some food and it's going one of two ways - too much or too little. So, when I'm at home (or going to work) I portion control to address my portion distortion.

I was also honest with myself that crap food is crap food regardless of the amount. That being said, I am not saying that I don't eat crap food, because I do! YUM! But my honesty came into play that I cannot control myself around it if it's in the house. Cookies, candy, ice cream - it talks to me. Seriously! And, I am fortunate that my hubby could care less about this stuff (weird, huh?), so I have the luxury of just not having it in the house - period.

Everyone that has WLS has their own personal reasons for having the surgery and what works for them. Success for me at this point is measured (HA!) in my ability to maintain. Maintenance is hard (OK, in a lot of ways it just plain SUCKS!). In fact, I think I have said it's hard a bajillion times. There's this weird no payoff thing. Your goal isn't to lose weight anymore and guess what? You are now this "thin" person. People don't say anything anymore. It's just you. (Compliments again serving as a payoff.)

So, I workout, I measure and weigh, and I generally make healthy choices. M-F I pretty much stick to healthy choices. (Guess what? There are lots of healthy choices that are really satisfying!) Then on the weekends, we'll go out to eat for a meal or two, I'll have some adult bevies, and/or some dessert. Do I feel deprived? Honestly, no. When I do feel deprived and I'm honest with myself - it's an emotional thing and back to my drug of choice: FOOD : )

This is my lifestyle or diet whichever you prefer. ; )

OOOOO toys....

I got one of these (Ok - over there)! A Polar FT7 heart rate monitor. Why? Because my breathing sucks when I jog and it is holding back both my endurance and my speed (diagnosis provided by the asskicker). Asskicker said for me to get a heart rate monitor to "know" when my breathing is off. No it doesn't breathe for me silly, but it does let me know when my heart rate has skyrocketed. You don't breathe, your heart rate goes up. So we'll see how it goes....cause first I gotta figure out all the damn settings and buttons - there are TWO more on the other side! I've gotten it going for two days this week, but it is TOO frickin' hot to do any running. Just not gonna do it. With heat index it was 105 yesterday afternoon (remember it's asskicker in the morning), so stay tuned for a really really exciting (ha) update at some point.

Along the same lines, there is discussion of some training involving a half marathon. You may (or may not) remember this post. No marathons for me. A half marathon - OK, I'll consider it. Still thinking on that one as well. Hmmmm, bunch of thinking not so much action!

I also got another toy. Yep, I am a gadget dork. I have the new Sprint droid phone - EVO HTC - something like that anyway. Similiarity to the Polar - well there aren't a lot of buttons, but there is a whole lotta crap on this thing that I don't know how to use yet. (Don't say it....I don't do manuals! ha ha ha)

F-I-V-E?!?!

Bootcamp started this week. I wasn't going on Monday. It was Memorial Day. It's a national holiday. I'm off work. I AM SLEEPING IN!...I went to bootcamp.

The asskicker expected that there would be 3 people there, so she had planned not do to the day 1 fit test. Well, there were more like 15 or so, but she decided to not go ahead with it as there would be more people after the holiday. As I figured, it was today.

The fit test happens at the beginning and end of the 4 weeks to give you some sort of measure of progress. She changes it every session (very cool) and this time was no different. I'm not going to get into the boring details other than, remember this post? This is the post that I said my goal for this bootcamp session was to be able to do one full pushup. Uh, um, well, today - I - DID - FIVE!!! Five full on frickin' pushups. I did the first one and seriously thought, "WHAT THE HELL?" and then did four more. Then I knocked out all the rest as 1/2 pushups to retain form. Talk about cool.

Note to self and to anyone reading: Don't try. DO. Don't doubt yourself. YOU CAN DO IT. Honestly, after class I was thinking that I bet I could have done that ONE pushup last session, but I didn't think I could. Get a grip woman - after speaking to the asskicker about how the hell to do a full pushup (yep, I'm a clueless dork and I just felt that my form was off) - you should have TRIED to do one in one in the remaining sessions. Oh well, lesson learned.

Problem is this is day 3 of the 4 week session. Guess I better come up with a new goal or slack the rest of the session (the second being a joke of course!)?

Thanks Dinnerland!

First a shout out to Dinnerland: Thanks for the post on your page. Nope, I don't mind at all. I did my blog for two reasons. (1) I wanted to have some place to go back and look at progress (oh all right - and a place to bitch and moan!) and (2) When I was banded, it was VERY hard to find information (at least I couldn't find much). I found that the boards covered the same stuff over and over again (sorry) and I wanted to see if my journey would be of help to people after me. (And, hopefully in some way it has!). It has been interesting to see the ebb and flow of changes in "how to use your band". What did I learn that I found most important? Weight loss even with a band sucks and is not easy?! Oh sorry, had to put that in there. In all seriousness, it's that everyone is different and every journey is different. Keep your chin up and your head down and you will get to your goal!

So to you Dinnerland - thank you and awesome job on your 5 months! And I'll be reading.Congrats on the 170's!

Barbara - Thanks for the link! I will be heading out to read that. I was cracking up on your conversation with your husband. I took a quick peak at your most recent post - I'll have to get out there and read more. In regard to the 6 small meals your doc suggested. Maybe consider looking at it a bit differently. Give yourself permission (and reassure yourself you are compliant) to have a snack if/when you are hungry. The three 'main' meals always be sure that they are the measured amount and then when/if needed have that snack. My experience (noting that everyone is different - HA!) was that I had dilated my pouch - seem to recall that it was twice. And that I actually lost MORE weight when I switched to what your doctor suggested. Just "food for thought".

Darlin' - Thanks for the comment and CONGRATULATIONS on your new lowest weight!!!

Nella - One thing to know, I always have an opinion that I'm willing to share! I read your most recent post and for me - big Y-E-S on stress and tightness for me. I definitely see a correlation. One of the other things that I found is that when eating with people that don't know that if I am not paying attention then I will eat too fast, etc. or if I am paying too much attention, then I just plain get stressed out! The good news - it gets soooo much easier over time.

So I've been thinking...

about something kinda weird. My husband and I had a talk about what the other one wants to happen if we are suddenly hurt badly, ill, or God forbid die. Anyway, I am a cremation kind of gal. I don't want to use up space on the earth (yep, I'm one of those) and bugs - um, no. I also asked him to PLEASE not keep my ashes with the ones that I can't seem to get him to do something with from the dog and the cat. I tried the tactic of explaining that at least if we do something with the ashes, we will know what happened to them, but that didn't work (ideas welcome - I don't want to end up on that show "The Marriage Ref").

Oh ya, the point. So what about my band? Is the crematory hot enough that the band will also be all melted up?

And another thing - when you get fake boobs - I think they tell you that you might need to have them replaced in 10-15 years (some sort of time period anyway) - so is there also a "life expectancy" for the band? Do they even know? And hellooooo, why am I only thinking of this now nearly 5 years out? (I vaguely recall asking at the time and was told something like - shouldn't be needed.) So, here's what I found through Google on some site:

"The lifespan of the Lap Band is uncertain but many have been in place since 1994 without failing so they appear to be durable and long lasting but may not be durable enough to last a lifetime. We cannot say what the lifespan of the band is at this time."

Sounds kinda like "shouldn't need to be", huh? Anyone get any scoop on this from their provider recently? Thoughts?

Just one...

I can't do 1 full pushup. O-N-E full pushup - no can do. I can do a ton of half pushups (on knees) and the ass kicker says my form is good and that I'll get there. Sure seems that I *should* be able to do one measly full pushup. Can you tell it bugs me? : ) And yes, I have added this as a goal for the next bootcamp session. Don't get me wrong, there will be hundreds - and what feels like thousands - of half pushups performed, but in addition I plan to bust out 1 full pushup.

On Tuesday evening the ass kicker was sending out some emails. I took it as a sign that I should go to bootcamp again for the evening session. Hubby wasn't home and what else did I really have to do? So off I went. I worked my tail off again and figured that my performance might suffer a bit in the morning as a result. But I figured since it wasn't hill day that I'd be OK. Well, you guessed it, it ended up being hill day. Man was it hard. I didn't feel sore necessarily (figured that joy wouldn't fully kick in today - guess what? I was right), but just worn out / tired. Pushed myself and made it through.

Man - my blog kinda sucks. But I keep telling myself that I am doing this to record things now and then so that I can go back and look at it as needed for reminders, but also for a history of this crazy journey. (For any bandster readers - I can't tell you how valuable that aspect of my blog has been.) Then again, and I think I mentioned this somewhere, I didn't want to just drop off the face of the earth either. I still wonder about some bloggers that were banded around the same time as me (2005) and how they are doing now --- years out from being banded.

I guess I wanted to continue to share that the journey doesn't stop and that maintenance still requires focus. The journey continues, but evolves. So there isn't much "band" news here per se and the focus has changed to more of fitness / health. (But if anyone stops by and has a question, please feel free to ask! I ALWAYS have a bandster opinion. ha)

Why has the focus changed from the band? Well, my band is just there at this point. I don't think about it except for my ugly, freaky, port on its side that can easily be seen. (Still thinking about what I am going to do about that.) I just continue to follow the basic bandster rules that I have on my sidebar, but maybe a typical day of what I eat might be of interest...

Breakfast:

• Quaker Oats - Weight Control (higher in fiber) instants oatmeal - (Maple and Brown sugar is my favorite) with added cinnamon and 20 grams (1/2 serving) of either dried blueberries or dried cherries.

Lunch:

• Lately - sandwich thin bagel sandwich. Usually something like: 2 oz. turkey, tomato, purple onion, and 1/2 avocado spread that I make (it's just 1/2 avocado mashed with hot salsa). Remember - for many this might not be possible, but my band is pretty much empty. The thins as well are really really thin, so there isn't a lot of bread and the avocado spread provides some "good" fat, but also some bandster "grease" to help with the bread. For me, I find this substantial lunch keeps any snacking at bay. As most bandsters can relate, somedays I can eat 1/2-3/4 of the sandwich. On other days, I eat the entire thing. But regardless, I stop when I start to feel full.

Dinner:

• This is where the variety comes into play. It's to endless to put in here because this is the meal I eat with hubby. If anyone is interested though, I will take the time in another post to put some of it out here.

Snack:

• Yep, I snack when needed. If I am hungry, I eat. It's controlled and I usually have a talk with myself before proceeding. Am I hungry? Am I thirsty? etc. For snacks, I usually have a few nuts or a serving of greek yogurt with cinnamon and a 1/2 serving of granola.

Big YIPPPEEE it's Friday! Have a great weekend.

Week 4 - Wrapping Up Round 2

This week marks the 4th week of this round of bootcamp. I did miss two days this session, but they were unavoidable because of work. My personal rule on missing camp is the ONLY valid reasons are:

1. I have a fever
2. I am actively puking my guts out (fever does not need to be present - HA)
3. I have to travel for work

Lucky for me(?) all three of these things rarely occur. For the next round of camp, I don't forsee missing a day.

Observations from this camp session:

• I have definitely increased my overall strength. I increased my weights this session from last and am finding that for some exercises they are too light. For next session I will either get heavier weights or small kettleballs.
• My form is improving! I continue to try and focus on form. Think about what I am doing and what muscles are "supposed" to be engaged. When I do this, I am able to feel some discomfort the next day. It's not pain, just a feeling that my muscles have been worked. On days when I don't do this, the next day I don't feel anything. To continue improve, I have to make sure to continue this next session.
• On some days we essentially do farleks although at camp they aren't called that. I have noticed an increase in my overall pace because of this. Prior to camp, I would not get this type of workout in. Camp is a good thing for this.
• I am pleased with my progress, but the next couple of months will be the true test. It's been steadily getting warmer and more humid in the morning, but it's definitely NOT what it will be. Water will be my friend.

There is a week "off" between camps. You can sign up (aka - pay more money) to do camp during this off week. I am not going to press my luck with hubby though and just take the week off from camp. It'd probably be a good idea to figure out a plan for that week, so I better get thinking on that. But then again, I do have some cash in my wallet...tee hee

OMG....Sometimes I hate Blogger...

I had written a long post and it was eaten by blogger! You know one of those thoughtful ones with personal perspective and opinion. Why does it always happen on posts like that? Is that Blogger editing me for my own good???? Maybe...so, now a totally different one...

My husband said my clothes were getting baggy. He cannot stand it when I wear clothes that don't fit and would rather have me go out and get stuff that fits. I know rough life, huh? So there were a bunch of sales yesterday and I went out to check out what I could find as I am a big time bargain shopper. Took my 6's into the dressing room. All too BIG?!? I had thought my pants were looser and my belt was cinched tighter on my trip, but a FRICKIN' FOUR? This has to be vanity sizing at it's best. Tried on more stuff, nope still need a smaller size. (Keep in mind - I am a little crazy and my mind was thinking there is just NO way.) I decided to go over to the "fancy area" where there are designer shops and yep - same thing. WEIRD. So what did I get? NOTHING. That's right nothing. I just couldn't get my mind around it yet and just came home. (Crazy huh?)

It really is disbelief with some denial maybe and some good old fashioned fear. In my mind up until this point, I have been a 6. My wedding dress was a 6 last year. I'm good with a 6 - and I really am. So I'm flat out weirding out. There's just no way; I can't be this size; will I remain this size; etc. etc.  I am sure many of you have thought similar things - ok, I'm hoping so. Anyway, for now I am going to just keep my current clothes for some adjustment time.

Uh, No...

Bootcamp conversations recently---"bootcamper" refers to different ladies:

Someday at bootcamp conversation 1:

• Bootcamper: "You should train for a marathon."
• Me: "Uh, No. I decided a long time ago that 26.whatever miles was not a goal I needed to accomplish in my lifetime and that I'd drive that distance if needed."

Someday at bootcamp conversation 2:

• Bootcamper: "You should do this X" (X - can't remember the name of the "event")
• Me: "I'll look it up on the internet."
• Me that night: "Uh no. Are you f'n insane?" The event is some psycho extreme special ops developed "thing" that is to "challenge" all aspects of fitness. Um, 1 - HEIGHTS (not a fan); 2 - Swimming in muddy stuff (not only not a fan cause I am CONVINCED in muddy stuff that something is going to grab me, but I don't swim.)
• Next day - me to bootcamper: "Hey, I looked it up you need to swim. Unfortunately (COUGH) I don't swim."
• Bootcamper: "Well hell, the water can't be that deep." (Yes, seriously)
• Me: "I mean I really don't swim. The FAQs in two places stress - you don't swim, this isn't the event for you."
• Bootcamper: "Oh, you really can't swim? That's weird. Oh well, there will be other events."

Someday at bootcamp 3:

• Bootcamper: "You should..."

What have I learned?

• The instructor/leader whatever you want to call her is an asskicker that takes extreme pleasure from asking us the next day "Are you sore?" Looking for someone to please please say yes, so that she can laugh. Enough said.
• Most of these ladies are insane. (Just sayin' - I love them all really.) Quite a number have completed MULTIPLE - not one, but MULTIPLE marathons, triathlons, or some other extreme event.
• These ladies don't know that I used to weigh 100 pounds more than I do right now. In fact, some have commented on my fitness. (Inside I giggle every time.)
• I continue to increase my strength and have some pretty good muscles to prove it!
• I love bootcamp.
• I love the asskicker pushing me and correcting my form--she cracks up that I thank her after class after the asskicking for the corrections.
• I love these ladies that are inspirations to me from their sheer joy of participating in these "insane" hard core activities.
• ...I might actually have to consider one of these types of events just to shut them up *sigh* - stay tuned

Food, food, food!

I had to go to Chicago for 3 days for work. OK, only 3 days, but it was TEAM building. TEAM building = FOOD. Seriously, from sun up to sun down with work people AND food! Did I eat some crap? Yep, I did. But I also managed to go to bootcamp on Day 1 before I left and on Day 2 I hit the exercise room at the hotel for an hour. Day 3 - I just couldn't do it. 8am - 10pm + being "on" for work mode is a killer for me. I was sleeping like crap and just plain work out. I took a day off. That's the good news.

Now for the bad news...The day off would have been OK, but then I also took Saturday and Sunday off. And, by off, I mean SLOTH central. I didn't do much of anything and on those days ate more than I would have including a significant amount of crap. I think it was really hidden? buried? emotions. Mother's Day weekend. I have a crappy relationship with my mom (translation = none) and I felt a bit of a weird sense of "I will never be a biological mother" kind of thing. Yes, these can be considered excuses, but I choose to see them as reasons. Does that make my slothness and not so stellar food choices OK? Not necessarily, but at the end of the day, we all go through ups and downs.

This was a bit of a down for me, but this morning I went to bootcamp and picked it back up again. And now that I'm typing this, I am also wondering if maybe there wasn't a bit of self-sabatoge involved? I think I also gave myself a free pass because all of my clothes are either too big or loose and "technically" I have also been weighing in less that my target range. (SELF: THERE ARE NO FREE PASSES!)

I think my port is really starting to bug me (man, this is a WHINE post. Anyone have any cheese?). It flipped right after surgery, but since it was the low profile one, I had plenty of fluff covering it, and I could still get fills (it's on - or at least it was - on it's side), I just didn't worry about it. Well, it's pretty dang noticeable at this point. The dilemma is do I really want to spend money getting it taken care of (I have been self pay my entire journey) and also have the surgery? Anyone that has insight on work on a port, please let me know!

Have a great week and anyone that might have also experienced a bit of a down - today IS the day, just leave it behind, and MOVE on. (ha ha pun)

I just did what????

OMG - I just committed (as in PAID IN FULL) for an entire YEAR of bootcamp. The asskicker was running a special that if you paid for a year, you received a pretty significant discount. I have been having a lot of fun, meeting nice ladies, and overall been quite challenged, so I thought I'd see what hubby said.

Honestly, I was kinda dreading the conversation. It's how much? Etc. etc. So I figured easing into it was best and sent him an email with all the information including my anal analysis of how it really wasn't that much considering my gym membership is $100 per year and it's for my health, yada, yada. Phone rings. *Sigh*. Get on the phone and he says, "Do It". Seriously? OMG, OMG, OMG! You are the best most supportive husband!

What's his payoff? (Did I just channel Dr. Phil? UGH!)  He says to me: I'm not quite sure how to say this. Ladies: we all know what that means. It's bad. So, I pre-empted him and said. Is this the part when you say that I am less of a bitch and a happier person when I work out? It's OK, because it is a true statement and I can take it. And, yep, that's what he was trying to think of how to say. He wouldn't say it that way to me (he said that as well), but honestly that's the reality. My workout is GOOD for me more than just for my health and fitness. Mentally it helps me cope with a stressful job and seems to make it easier for me to "leave work at work".

Oh and in regard to my STOOOPID post yesterday: by later in the afternoon, I was feeling bootcamp plenty! Have a great day!

Am I sandbagging?

Bootcamp round 2 started on Monday. With a week of "rest" (exercised, but no bootcamp), I have been rolling through it. Round 1 I was sore as crap some days. So far, not so much. Am I sandbagging? I don't think so, but I am starting to wonder. I keep thinking, shouldn't I be sore? Am I really working as hard as I can? What should I be doing differently? I did increase the weights that I use - when we use them - to 10lbs each. The first class I used 8. Maybe I need to push it up to 12? Or how 'bout this for a thought? Why don't I just ask the asskicker? Yes, an "a-ha" (more of a DUH) moment as I typed this up. See - another bonus for blogging!

I love to watch Biggest Loser. I watched last night and was horrified to find out that 5 of the top 10 fattest cities are in TEXAS! Not something to be proud of. Then the next scary thing is that they were saying that in some short period of time (can't remember) they are projecting that 75% of the Texas population will be classified as overweight or obese. YIKES!

Man, those people have lost some major weight! I think the blond girl (pink team shirt) is going to have quite a significant apron (kinda looks like she does already). Ii have wondered that about many of the current and past contestants and if after being on the show they chose to have plastic surgery. I've been waiting for next week - it's makeover week! I think Daris is going to end up being really cute.

But my favorite? Jillian. Oh Jillian, how I think you have the BEST body! So much so that I purchased her 30 day shred video to integrate into what I am doing. Actually I purchased it a couple weeks ago and have yet to do it! DOH!

OMG - I have GOT to find a swimsuit! I don't know about you guys, but I think shopping for a swimsuit SUCKS! Either, I don't like any of them, too low, too high, too small, too big. Always TOOOOO something. Sunkist Amy had a picture posted of herself in a really cute Target swimsuit. I had not thought to look there, so I checked online and ordered a bunch of them (free shipping and also store return) to try on here in the comfort of my own home. : ) Why the emergency? Cause we now live in a stupid house that has a POOL!! HAHAHAHA - Seems like I should have a swimsuit, huh?

Where have you found swimsuits? If you know of "the" place, please let me know.

"Progress Report"

I couldn't think of a title for this one, but I was sitting around reflecting and I thought I'd give some sort of progress report. I should consider taking a new picture as I am 11 lbs. less than this picture. (Man, I loved that costume, I had so much fun!

I can't believe that I am 4.5 years out. (And, I always seem to say that - HA - no matter how long it is. My goal range has been 138-142 lbs, but recently I saw a significant drop down to 134 lbs.

Updating my "yearly" questions. If anyone has any questions, please feel free to ask. Nothing is off limits.

Official weigh in stats:

• Height: 5'8"
• Starting weight: 234 lbs
• Current weight: 134 lbs
• Overall loss: 100 lbs
• Lbs to goal: (doc had said 149. I felt "chunky" at that weight after staying at it for a while.
• Current goal: Maintain between 138 lbs - 142 lbs. I am seeing how it goes with bootcamp this round and deciding whether or not to adjust my range.
• BMI: 20.4 - (Normal weight = 18.5-24.9)
• Clothing size: 4-6 (mainly a FOUR!)
• Shirt: S

How many fills have you had?

• 1st fill – 1.2cc
• 2nd fill – 1.8cc
• 3rd unfill - was just too tight - went to 1.4cc
•  4th unfill - dilated pouch - complete unfill
•  5th fill - .6cc
•  I think I went up some from here to about .8cc; then unfill to about .4 cc; then another to .2 cc - that's where I remain. There is .2 cc in my band. It's pretty much empty

Are you going to stay at your current fill level?
Yes.

What are you going to do next?
Complete round 2 of bootcamp with the asskicker. Decide whether or not to adjust my weight range and see if I can adjust to my size B boobies. (waaaa)

What size clothes are you wearing?

• 4 pants/dress (sometimes have to go up to a 6).
• Shirt - Small

What do you eat in a typical day?
I always start with weight control quaker instant oatmeal with 1/2 oz of dried blueberries or cherries for breakfast. (Good source of fiber.) For lunch, pretty much whatever - there really isn't a typical meal. I pretty much stay away from pasta and bread entirely. When I do eat some, it might be a bit of pasta or crackers---pasta always has a lot of sauce. Dry meat has to have sauce. Chicken breast is tricky some days. Dry meat of any kind is a problem, but as long as what I eat is chewed well and within the amount I am supposed to have - I don't have any issues. (Update: Same answer as last time, but I have added more fruit to my diet.)

Was it worth it?

Yes, it was. I stress though that I would only recommend it as a last resort. I felt I was there. I could get the weight off, but just couldn't keep it out without exercising and watching what I ate ALL the time. Now, I live a life of moderation on everything and the weight stays off. Other than the gain of 15lbs that was totally MY FAULT and choice (via bad choices and not working out) I have remained the same weight or lost a bit. It was worth every penny and I was self-pay. (Update: Keeping this one the same as well. I need to go back and read that post about the 15 lbs.)

Have you had any problems?
Yes. You'll see in the beginning of my blog that shortly after my surgery I swore my stitches in my port popped. Everybody told me no way and not to worry about it. When I went in for my fill, it had. So it is on it's side. I still have not had it fixed, but you can now see a lump from it when my shirt is off and FEEL it. Feeling it is the grossest. I am considering getting it fixed. I have also had some problems with pouch dilation. People being too tight is BAD. The other thing is that your portion size is also very important. It can also lead to stretching of your pouch. Signs? Eating more than you used to and getting heartburn (aka - reflux). (Update: I haven't gotten my port fixed and it is pretty noticeable (I do have the low-profile port already). If I were to look into boobies, I'd see if it would be possible to get that fixed at the same time.)

Have you pb'd?
FOR SURE. When I was too tight, a lot. Now, I pretty much know how and what to eat depending on the tightness of my band. When/if I have problems, it is around my fake period (I swear since my hysterectomy (post band) that I still have periods!). I have learned sometimes it is best not to fight it and let it happen. This seems to work for me and then does not lead to repeated pb's or irritation. Be sure to follow your surgeon's instructions for when this occurs. I find that I get very tight (swollen and irritated) and need to follow the instructions. I'll stay on fluids for a number of hours and then depending on how bad it is (believe me you get to where you know) I'll put myself on self-imposed soft foods for a day or two. Usually within a day I am totally back to normal. (Update: I'm not sure, but I'd guess that I've have 2 episodes in the past year.)

What rules do you follow?

Eat slowly (but not too slow!). Take small bites. Eat the right portion sizes. When I feel full - stop. Don't drink with meals. No soda. That pretty much sums it up. There aren't a lot of them. These are pretty much the standard bandster rules. Since my band is essentially empty, I focus on good choices and eating the *right* amount. If I eat hard foods like I am supposed to, guess what - full. If not, I have a little snack.)

Do you have loose skin?

Surprisingly, I'd have to say "no" (do my boobs count?). I wear a bikini and look pretty damn good for my age. Over time since I hit goal and continued to workout, I'd say that I even look better. My motto is: "Who says that I can't be in as good a shape as my 20's?"

Do you 'diet'?

I guess most people would say yes. I'd say no. The bottom line whether you have a lapband or not is you have to make good food choices. I roughly follow Weight Watchers that my friend gave me all the scoop on. The daily points with the flex keeps everything in check. I have journaled my food and exercise since I was banded - except for the time that I put on the 15lbs. This is very successful for me. Conscious eating is critical. (I eat very strictly during the week and less so on the weekend - it works for me!)

So what is all this about this 15lbs you gained?

Well, for about 5 or 6 months, I didn't work out, log my food, or make good choices. The good news is that I only gained 15 lbs. In the past, this would have been much worse. I also avoided the scale, so it was my clothes screaming at me that they were tight that woke me up. There were a whole lot of factors that contributed to my not caring - work stress, break up, just not caring - in fact, I think I was in a bit of a depression. Well, I kicked myself in the ass and got things under control. I dedicated 12 weeks and a lot of dedication and effort - and following all the rules - I lost 15.5 lbs.

Seriously? A frickin' B???

OMG - My boobs are G-O-N-E! I was wearing a tight t-shirt and husband pokes top of boob and says, "What's that?" Well, what it was was NOTHING! My boobs had shrunk in my formerly current C sized cup. I am now a B! To top off the horror, we are not talking nice little B sized boobies. We are talking B sized lost 100 lbs 40 (OK, 41) year old boobies. NOT NICE!

Oh where oh where have my boobies GONE? And can someone PLEASE give them back to me? While the scale recently took a  bit of a dive, I knew that I was "shape shifting" from bootcamp (ass kicker is aptly named). My tailored clothes were definitely getting looser and I had noticed the "issue" with my bra, but DENIAL was just better. I have definitely been losing body and boob fat.

So, I had to get new bras this weekend. Did I say B sized bras??? (Waaaaaaaaaa) I may or may not be able to adjust to these boobs. Just being honest. I am finding that I am quite self-conscious about them. I was whining about wanting my boobs back and that I wanted boobs for my birthday. My husband was funny, he said, "well, I am NOT getting you boobs for your birthday." So I asked why and he said, "Oh sure, here's some boobs for your birthday 'cause your current boobs are not good enough for me." My response, "But that's not how I would take it, since I want them." He's so sweet, "If you want boobs, done. You can have boobs and you don't have to wait until your birthday." Honestly, that meant a LOT to me just hearing how supportive he was. I'm a lucky girl.

So what to do? Nothing. That's my current plan. I am going to see how I feel about them as the months go on. I "think" I'd like to have some "bionic" boobs, but then I think about the surgery, recovery, etc. and I think, "do I really?". I'm just not sure. Only time will tell. (Maybe this is a sign that I should consider coming out of hiding for the big BOOBS event in Chicago????)

Comments & Google Reader

Thanks Grace and Jody V for the comments! Grace - I didn't have you on my Google Reader. I'll be reading from now on! Jody - I've been reading your blog for a long time and sorry to hear about the tough things going on with you and your family right now. I'm sending positive thoughts your way!

This brings me to where I need to do better. I read seriously a ZILLION blogs, but I do it in Google Reader. The problem is that I cannot find an easy way to post comments from within the reader itself and requires me to go to the blog as well if I want to comment. I have no excuse for not doing so and I should more often.

I bet Jody would have liked to have known sooner that I was thinking of her (even virtually) and that her situation SUCKS, but ya know what? Jody is trying to stay positive. (YOU GO!) That's all you can do and way to go for taking time out for you and going to Zumba. It's funny how signs happen with the church bells, isn't it?

Getting comments is really a great thing, but another big *prize* for me is to find out that there is someone else out there (banded or not) that is on a health journey. Grace - while I just scanned your blog quickly to get an idea of where you are in your journey, keep up the good work! In my opinion, exercise is key component --- way to go! Another key, is your head - I can see that you are making great progress there as well! I'll be reading and catching up!

My opportunity for today is: when I read a post and I have a comment that comes to mind, go post it. I like comments. You like comments. Everyone likes comments! Happy weekend everyone!

WHAT? 100 POUNDS????

That's right! I stood on the scale before heading out of town and I am not kidding you, I have lost 100 pounds! Four weeks of bootcamp completed. I think I had said that I was staying pretty much at the high end of my range? (138-142 is my range, I had been bumping between 140 and 142). I stood on the scale on Friday and my weight was 134 lbs!!!!!! Low and outside my range and ya know I am one of those "this has GOT to be a fake weight" type of people, so who the hell knows. But at least I can honestly say that I lost 100 lbs.! Does it still count if it's only for a day? ; )

Will I stay at this new weight? I'm not sure. Will the scale "cooperate"? Will it be a weight that is "reasonable" to maintain? Should I now consider altering my range? I'm just not sure. For the past 4 weeks, I have been literally working my ass off. It's not realistic that I will maintain this activity level year round. I'm just being honest. It's a lot of effort (some days too much) and there's also the $$$. So, I'll see what the next few weeks bring and go from there. I anticipate going up next week (my guess would be back within my range) as I ALWAYS gain weight (even temporarily) after flying. It's just a fact, but a good one to know otherwise some major freaking out could occur. (ha)

I am on a weekend getaway with my husband. The first day I had dessert, but otherwise eating was reasonable. That was Friday, so I had bootcamp as well that day (exercise = check). Saturday we did a 6.6 mile hike up hundreds of feet in elevation with a lot of snow. That night we had snacks for dinner with some wine. Dessert was 3 small cookies and 1/2 Hershey's bar. I didn't feel bad about any of it. I think I have mentioned that my maintenance involves eating incredibly "on plan" during the week and cutting myself slack on the weekend? So, this is inline with my personal maintenance.

Not sure what's up for today, there might be a hike, but looking for an easier one than yesterday as that was also the intended plan (easy hike) to give my knee a rest. That didn't really happen, but I was a good girl and iced it and also went in the hot tub for a soak.

I hit goal weight on July 11, 2007 (149 lbs. A lost of 85 lbs.). This was the goal that my doctor set for me. I just felt chubby at that weight and decided that if I took off another 10 lbs. that I would feel better.  I think I have been maintaining my range weight of 138-142 for over two years at this point (sorry too lazy to figure it out by going back to old posts). I am more shocked than anything at this point, but wanted to be sure that even if I never saw 134 on the scale again that I at least had it logged in my blog that technically I did lose 100 lbs. : )

UGH!

OMG - I ate dinner last night. Not a problem. Right amount. Stuff I've eaten before, etc. Dinner was seriously a non-event. But about 10 mins after eating, I was told some very upsetting information. Stress makes me TIGHT. And seems like it can happen kinda quickly. So, I was starting to not feel good and tried to calm myself down. NOPE! An hour later I was SICK. And, it wasn't just once either. It was one of those that once it started it just kept going. The last time this happen from what I can figure out was here....August of 2009! Go figure.

I was miserable last night. I'd fall asleep and guess what? I'd wake up barfing! OMG HORRIBLE!!! I woke up for bootcamp. (Yep, I went!) My stomach was SORE! It was super sore all day. Nothing but liquids for me. I also think that I was a touch dehydrated between the barfing and the bootcamp. I am finally feeling better now.

I guess I just needed to whine a little!

Last day of bootcamp is "officially" tomorrow. There are two make up days next week. I'll be attending one of them to find out how much I have improved. Then the following week is week 1 of Round 2!

Week 4 already?

Who would have thought that I would hit week 4 of bootcamp and be thinking - huh, it's week 4 already? Well it is and that's what I'm thinking! I didn't "exercise" this weekend and it certainly paid off giving my body a rest. I am sure I would have felt guilty, but unfortunately sometime on Friday my knee popped and then went to throbbing pain. It was so bad at one point that I just laid on the couch watching the Masters. I stayed off it for the most part (only walking when necessary) for the rest of the day. On Saturday, I could tell it was feeling better, but still hobbling around. Sunday I was walking, but tentative (and yep, feeling a bit guilty for being a sloth!). Remained on limited use and today at bootcamp had that "scared feeling" that I would hurt myself. Warmed up really well and took it a bit easy on the squats on that side, but overall all systems GO!

Looking back at my bootcamp so far, am I glad I invested the money and am doing it? Yes. Overall my fitness has improved and I am definitely in the groove. So why do I feel a little blue? CAUSE THE F-ING SCALE IS SHOWING ME AT 142!!! I can't remember if I had said the scale was up in earlier posts, but I think I had cause I had gotten on my rampage about muscle. Do I think I have gained muscle - most likely a little, but more so I'd say my fat has gone down. I would have expected overall to be at the lower end of my range and yep, I am disappointed about it. It's just a reality when I am KILLING myself that I want the FRICKIN' scale to also reflect it.

Do my clothes fit differently? Honestly, I am not sure. Sometimes I think they do and other times I think they don't. What should I have done? Taken my measurements!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR - man, this post didn't seem to start off as a rant, but it should has turned into one! Anyway, I do have MUS-CLES in my arms and I'm expecting that on Friday when I re-do the fitness test in bootcamp that I will show an improvement from where I was. So self, get over it!

Goal of Week 4 camp is to continue to put it out there "Biggest Loser" style (last chance workout reference) and to ensure that I am eating enough and small meals throughout. I want to see if I am more mindful of eating small meals more frequently if I can avoid my end-of-week drain. Then a week off and bootcamp ROUND 2 begins!!!

If it moved...

I ate it yesterday! Have you ever had one of those days where you are just HUNGRY? I am talking real hunger all day long? Well that was me yesterday. I kept asking myself: Are you hungry? Or is this something else? If you are hungry, then you can eat something healthy and if you want it then you really are truly hungry. I ate at 2-3 hour intervals all day yesterday. By the time it was dinner, I wasn't hungry and didn't eat any.

Do I think this is something to be concerned about? Not at all. I was hungry and I was listening to my body. Why do I think this happened? I don't think I ate enough the day before, I have the bootcamp every day, and I think there might be some "hormonal flux" in there as well. Yes, "hormonal flux" is a medical term (according to me - HA!). Since having a hysterectomy, I swear that I have a "phantom" period. I have tracked this for a couple months and can see the same pattern prior to the hysterectomy which is a few days prior I would have a bigger appetite which would then subside and I really wouldn't be hungry much at all. My philosophy is not to fight my body. If I'm hungry, I eat. But I am sure that when I do it is good choices vs. crap. If all I want is "crap", that's a DING DING DING - you aren't hungry - you are eating EMOTIONALLY! Step AWAY from the food. :)

I am planning on taking two whole days off from any strenuous physical activity. My body is feeling worn out! Week 4 of bootcamp starts next week and I'll pick things up again then. That doesn't mean that I plan to just sit on my ass, but will do work outside in the yard and maybe an easy walk. Fingers crossed the weather cooperates with these plans! Happy weekend!

What are you doing April 20?

Well how about committing to working out for 60 mins? There are two bloggers The Anti-Jared and Jen (Prior Fat Girl) that have a couple of great blogs, but are also trying to rally troops to workout for 60 mins on April 20. You were already planning on working out that day anyway, right? Well go make it official and pledge to do so on one of the blogs. The Anti-Jared is also giving away a chance to win a free prize. So what are you waiting for? Get going!

Push It?

In my last post I said that week 3 of bootcamp would be to "push it". Well, I've been pushing, but it seems just to be able to keep up! I gardened (major weeding, removal of mulch, re-mulching, etc.) from sun up to sun down on Saturday and Sunday. Uh, hello? Gardening IS a workout! How do I know? My hamstrings were SO TIGHT on Monday that it wasn't until halfway through that I started to loosen up. The ass kicker (my pet name for the bootcamp instructor) even noticed and asked me what was up. On and off yesterday I stretched and stretched my hamstrings hoping that they would loosen up. I can't say they are back to "normal", but they do feel better today and I didn't feel as tight (or scared that I was going to hurt myself!) at camp today.

Funny thing though - only my hamstrings felt it from the gardening. I must be getting a decent overall workout, but looks like ongoing I need to get more hamstring work in. Oh, and lesson learned: when doing extensive gardening marathons - I need to stretch now and then and definitely after!

Chicken Wings

MMMmmmm, no not the hot spicy ones that are so good drowned in bleu cheese dressing, but my arms! I have always had tiny arms. Tiny as in scrawny. Itty bitty wrists and then these sticks. Now don't get me wrong the sticks have varied in size (unfortunately), but much like a chicken had always not been strong. Well let me tell you, this boot camp torture has been worth it just for the arm factor! My bff said, "holy crap, there's actually a muscle there!" HA HA!

So week two has ended with my focus being on form. It was a great week honestly. I worked hard and seriously enjoyed myself. After some convincing of my husband, I have also signed up for the next camp! Week 3 - thinking of what my goal should be. Week 1 - survival; Week 2 - form. I think Week 3 will be to "push it". Meaning that when the leader says that you should be full intensity, I am going to focus on going all out. I should be dead by the end of the week.

I did get on the scale. No loss of weight at all. Still in range though. I hear: Well muscle weighs more than fat. Here's my personal opinion on that. While I have likely increased my strength and gained a bit of muscle - stressing 'bit", what I think is happening is that I am losing fat. A lb of fat is the same as a lb of muscle. Seriously think about it - a lb is a lb. So what's the difference? The volume of fat to make up a lb is more than the volume of muscle. Meaning that you can be shrinking fat wise and not see it so much on the scale, but feel it in your clothes. I can honestly say that my clothes are looser, but dang it I sure wish I would have measured myself! (If anyone is out there - learn from my mistake - take your measurements. You'll be glad you did.) I had intentions of measuring, but I couldn't find the measuring tape when I was going to do it and then boot camp started. Oh well, maybe for the next 4 weeks.

I have been catching up on a lot of blogs. I still see the trend of I can eat too much, I can eat this or this and shouldn't be able to, etc. I have this post from some time ago here that talks about fills. Of course, I think it's a good  post (HA), but bottom line it's only a TOOL people. You STILL have to make good choices. It's not an easy fix or a quick fix. So what does it do? If you follow the correct portion size, it *should* help you eat less. Eat less of good choices that is!!! Anyway, I'm on my soap box. Maybe it's spurred on by the fact that Easter is Sunday and I am a candy FREAK. Guess what people? You can eat as much candy as you want. : (

Unfortunately I know two other people that are banded that have not done well. Why? Lack of change of behavior. You HAVE to change your behavior. Anyone that tells you otherwise is not being truthful, doesn't realize their own behaviors have changed, or are just really freakin' LUCKY! So, it's a tool, good choices, and yes - EXERCISE!!!

Happy Easter or Passover to everyone!!