Thursday, July 01, 2010
How time flies!
A year ago July 3, I did something I didn't think I would EVER do. I got married. On that day, I was so happy. Neither of us could stop smiling. Did I think it would always be like that? Uh, no. In fact, the night before I had given him a letter that said there will be hard times, we'll fight, etc. etc., but I'll stick with you and am looking for you to stick with me. I not only gave him my heart, but I also gave him my trust. Let's just say I had far from the best childhood, no relationship with parents, and acquaintances with siblings at best and leave it at that. Letting myself actually let go and trust him 100% was huge. I cried like a baby as he read that letter and he said, "hey, this is a happy time." I seem to recall saying something like: "I really am happy, just emotional, and a bit scared."
Well a year will have passed on Saturday. And as expected with two very different, independent people, we have had our fair share of fights, etc. But some wise people that have been married for 20+ years had told me that the first year of marriage was the hardest for them. Our first year was hard. I am not going to lie. While you want to "please" your partner, you also don't want to compromise your wants and needs and have to find the balance. You have to figure out how to navigate through all of this and figure out the nuances of communicating with one another.
While I traveled to stay with him prior to getting married because my job afforded me the flexibility, we technically didn't live together full time. We each had separate households and there were weeks apart. For me, I didn't want to live together. At 40, I told him, we're either doing it all the way (getting married) or not. I don't know, for me that was just the "right" thing. I needed to take that step as I had done the "live together thing" before and in hindsight I always had one foot out the door. It's hard for me to explain, but I swear deep down I knew I could leave at any time which prevented me from fully commiting really. (And, maybe I didn't really want to.)
A year later was getting married still the "right" thing? Thankfully I can honestly answer that with a "yes". I can't imagine my life without him. He can drive me nuts at times and I get angry and frustrated, but I do the same to him. We are getting better and I am hopeful that those wise experts were right and our 2nd year will be a bit smoother.
My final thoughts: don't settle. Hold out for the "right" person. Male / female whatever - it doesn't matter - find that person you can both love AND trust. Could you end up as the crazy cat lady? (For guys, is it crazy dog dude????) Believe me, I was thinking that could be me and upset about it when I was turning 30 (hey, I even had two cats!). Over time I moved from being worried about it to: "I'm a catch. Someone will be lucky to have me. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, I'll be OK." .... Happy 4th of July to readers in the States. Happy Canada Day to any readers in Canada. And, happy weekend to all!
(Yep, those are "real" wedding pics.)