"Progress Report"

I couldn't think of a title for this one, but I was sitting around reflecting and I thought I'd give some sort of progress report. I should consider taking a new picture as I am 11 lbs. less than this picture. (Man, I loved that costume, I had so much fun!

I can't believe that I am 4.5 years out. (And, I always seem to say that - HA - no matter how long it is. My goal range has been 138-142 lbs, but recently I saw a significant drop down to 134 lbs.

Updating my "yearly" questions. If anyone has any questions, please feel free to ask. Nothing is off limits.

Official weigh in stats:

• Height: 5'8"
• Starting weight: 234 lbs
• Current weight: 134 lbs
• Overall loss: 100 lbs
• Lbs to goal: (doc had said 149. I felt "chunky" at that weight after staying at it for a while.
• Current goal: Maintain between 138 lbs - 142 lbs. I am seeing how it goes with bootcamp this round and deciding whether or not to adjust my range.
• BMI: 20.4 - (Normal weight = 18.5-24.9)
• Clothing size: 4-6 (mainly a FOUR!)
• Shirt: S

How many fills have you had?

• 1st fill – 1.2cc
• 2nd fill – 1.8cc
• 3rd unfill - was just too tight - went to 1.4cc
•  4th unfill - dilated pouch - complete unfill
•  5th fill - .6cc
•  I think I went up some from here to about .8cc; then unfill to about .4 cc; then another to .2 cc - that's where I remain. There is .2 cc in my band. It's pretty much empty

Are you going to stay at your current fill level?
Yes.

What are you going to do next?
Complete round 2 of bootcamp with the asskicker. Decide whether or not to adjust my weight range and see if I can adjust to my size B boobies. (waaaa)

What size clothes are you wearing?

• 4 pants/dress (sometimes have to go up to a 6).
• Shirt - Small

What do you eat in a typical day?
I always start with weight control quaker instant oatmeal with 1/2 oz of dried blueberries or cherries for breakfast. (Good source of fiber.) For lunch, pretty much whatever - there really isn't a typical meal. I pretty much stay away from pasta and bread entirely. When I do eat some, it might be a bit of pasta or crackers---pasta always has a lot of sauce. Dry meat has to have sauce. Chicken breast is tricky some days. Dry meat of any kind is a problem, but as long as what I eat is chewed well and within the amount I am supposed to have - I don't have any issues. (Update: Same answer as last time, but I have added more fruit to my diet.)

Was it worth it?

Yes, it was. I stress though that I would only recommend it as a last resort. I felt I was there. I could get the weight off, but just couldn't keep it out without exercising and watching what I ate ALL the time. Now, I live a life of moderation on everything and the weight stays off. Other than the gain of 15lbs that was totally MY FAULT and choice (via bad choices and not working out) I have remained the same weight or lost a bit. It was worth every penny and I was self-pay. (Update: Keeping this one the same as well. I need to go back and read that post about the 15 lbs.)

Have you had any problems?
Yes. You'll see in the beginning of my blog that shortly after my surgery I swore my stitches in my port popped. Everybody told me no way and not to worry about it. When I went in for my fill, it had. So it is on it's side. I still have not had it fixed, but you can now see a lump from it when my shirt is off and FEEL it. Feeling it is the grossest. I am considering getting it fixed. I have also had some problems with pouch dilation. People being too tight is BAD. The other thing is that your portion size is also very important. It can also lead to stretching of your pouch. Signs? Eating more than you used to and getting heartburn (aka - reflux). (Update: I haven't gotten my port fixed and it is pretty noticeable (I do have the low-profile port already). If I were to look into boobies, I'd see if it would be possible to get that fixed at the same time.)

Have you pb'd?
FOR SURE. When I was too tight, a lot. Now, I pretty much know how and what to eat depending on the tightness of my band. When/if I have problems, it is around my fake period (I swear since my hysterectomy (post band) that I still have periods!). I have learned sometimes it is best not to fight it and let it happen. This seems to work for me and then does not lead to repeated pb's or irritation. Be sure to follow your surgeon's instructions for when this occurs. I find that I get very tight (swollen and irritated) and need to follow the instructions. I'll stay on fluids for a number of hours and then depending on how bad it is (believe me you get to where you know) I'll put myself on self-imposed soft foods for a day or two. Usually within a day I am totally back to normal. (Update: I'm not sure, but I'd guess that I've have 2 episodes in the past year.)

What rules do you follow?

Eat slowly (but not too slow!). Take small bites. Eat the right portion sizes. When I feel full - stop. Don't drink with meals. No soda. That pretty much sums it up. There aren't a lot of them. These are pretty much the standard bandster rules. Since my band is essentially empty, I focus on good choices and eating the *right* amount. If I eat hard foods like I am supposed to, guess what - full. If not, I have a little snack.)

Do you have loose skin?

Surprisingly, I'd have to say "no" (do my boobs count?). I wear a bikini and look pretty damn good for my age. Over time since I hit goal and continued to workout, I'd say that I even look better. My motto is: "Who says that I can't be in as good a shape as my 20's?"

Do you 'diet'?

I guess most people would say yes. I'd say no. The bottom line whether you have a lapband or not is you have to make good food choices. I roughly follow Weight Watchers that my friend gave me all the scoop on. The daily points with the flex keeps everything in check. I have journaled my food and exercise since I was banded - except for the time that I put on the 15lbs. This is very successful for me. Conscious eating is critical. (I eat very strictly during the week and less so on the weekend - it works for me!)

So what is all this about this 15lbs you gained?

Well, for about 5 or 6 months, I didn't work out, log my food, or make good choices. The good news is that I only gained 15 lbs. In the past, this would have been much worse. I also avoided the scale, so it was my clothes screaming at me that they were tight that woke me up. There were a whole lot of factors that contributed to my not caring - work stress, break up, just not caring - in fact, I think I was in a bit of a depression. Well, I kicked myself in the ass and got things under control. I dedicated 12 weeks and a lot of dedication and effort - and following all the rules - I lost 15.5 lbs.

Seriously? A frickin' B???

OMG - My boobs are G-O-N-E! I was wearing a tight t-shirt and husband pokes top of boob and says, "What's that?" Well, what it was was NOTHING! My boobs had shrunk in my formerly current C sized cup. I am now a B! To top off the horror, we are not talking nice little B sized boobies. We are talking B sized lost 100 lbs 40 (OK, 41) year old boobies. NOT NICE!

Oh where oh where have my boobies GONE? And can someone PLEASE give them back to me? While the scale recently took a  bit of a dive, I knew that I was "shape shifting" from bootcamp (ass kicker is aptly named). My tailored clothes were definitely getting looser and I had noticed the "issue" with my bra, but DENIAL was just better. I have definitely been losing body and boob fat.

So, I had to get new bras this weekend. Did I say B sized bras??? (Waaaaaaaaaa) I may or may not be able to adjust to these boobs. Just being honest. I am finding that I am quite self-conscious about them. I was whining about wanting my boobs back and that I wanted boobs for my birthday. My husband was funny, he said, "well, I am NOT getting you boobs for your birthday." So I asked why and he said, "Oh sure, here's some boobs for your birthday 'cause your current boobs are not good enough for me." My response, "But that's not how I would take it, since I want them." He's so sweet, "If you want boobs, done. You can have boobs and you don't have to wait until your birthday." Honestly, that meant a LOT to me just hearing how supportive he was. I'm a lucky girl.

So what to do? Nothing. That's my current plan. I am going to see how I feel about them as the months go on. I "think" I'd like to have some "bionic" boobs, but then I think about the surgery, recovery, etc. and I think, "do I really?". I'm just not sure. Only time will tell. (Maybe this is a sign that I should consider coming out of hiding for the big BOOBS event in Chicago????)

Comments & Google Reader

Thanks Grace and Jody V for the comments! Grace - I didn't have you on my Google Reader. I'll be reading from now on! Jody - I've been reading your blog for a long time and sorry to hear about the tough things going on with you and your family right now. I'm sending positive thoughts your way!

This brings me to where I need to do better. I read seriously a ZILLION blogs, but I do it in Google Reader. The problem is that I cannot find an easy way to post comments from within the reader itself and requires me to go to the blog as well if I want to comment. I have no excuse for not doing so and I should more often.

I bet Jody would have liked to have known sooner that I was thinking of her (even virtually) and that her situation SUCKS, but ya know what? Jody is trying to stay positive. (YOU GO!) That's all you can do and way to go for taking time out for you and going to Zumba. It's funny how signs happen with the church bells, isn't it?

Getting comments is really a great thing, but another big *prize* for me is to find out that there is someone else out there (banded or not) that is on a health journey. Grace - while I just scanned your blog quickly to get an idea of where you are in your journey, keep up the good work! In my opinion, exercise is key component --- way to go! Another key, is your head - I can see that you are making great progress there as well! I'll be reading and catching up!

My opportunity for today is: when I read a post and I have a comment that comes to mind, go post it. I like comments. You like comments. Everyone likes comments! Happy weekend everyone!

WHAT? 100 POUNDS????

That's right! I stood on the scale before heading out of town and I am not kidding you, I have lost 100 pounds! Four weeks of bootcamp completed. I think I had said that I was staying pretty much at the high end of my range? (138-142 is my range, I had been bumping between 140 and 142). I stood on the scale on Friday and my weight was 134 lbs!!!!!! Low and outside my range and ya know I am one of those "this has GOT to be a fake weight" type of people, so who the hell knows. But at least I can honestly say that I lost 100 lbs.! Does it still count if it's only for a day? ; )

Will I stay at this new weight? I'm not sure. Will the scale "cooperate"? Will it be a weight that is "reasonable" to maintain? Should I now consider altering my range? I'm just not sure. For the past 4 weeks, I have been literally working my ass off. It's not realistic that I will maintain this activity level year round. I'm just being honest. It's a lot of effort (some days too much) and there's also the $$$. So, I'll see what the next few weeks bring and go from there. I anticipate going up next week (my guess would be back within my range) as I ALWAYS gain weight (even temporarily) after flying. It's just a fact, but a good one to know otherwise some major freaking out could occur. (ha)

I am on a weekend getaway with my husband. The first day I had dessert, but otherwise eating was reasonable. That was Friday, so I had bootcamp as well that day (exercise = check). Saturday we did a 6.6 mile hike up hundreds of feet in elevation with a lot of snow. That night we had snacks for dinner with some wine. Dessert was 3 small cookies and 1/2 Hershey's bar. I didn't feel bad about any of it. I think I have mentioned that my maintenance involves eating incredibly "on plan" during the week and cutting myself slack on the weekend? So, this is inline with my personal maintenance.

Not sure what's up for today, there might be a hike, but looking for an easier one than yesterday as that was also the intended plan (easy hike) to give my knee a rest. That didn't really happen, but I was a good girl and iced it and also went in the hot tub for a soak.

I hit goal weight on July 11, 2007 (149 lbs. A lost of 85 lbs.). This was the goal that my doctor set for me. I just felt chubby at that weight and decided that if I took off another 10 lbs. that I would feel better.  I think I have been maintaining my range weight of 138-142 for over two years at this point (sorry too lazy to figure it out by going back to old posts). I am more shocked than anything at this point, but wanted to be sure that even if I never saw 134 on the scale again that I at least had it logged in my blog that technically I did lose 100 lbs. : )

UGH!

OMG - I ate dinner last night. Not a problem. Right amount. Stuff I've eaten before, etc. Dinner was seriously a non-event. But about 10 mins after eating, I was told some very upsetting information. Stress makes me TIGHT. And seems like it can happen kinda quickly. So, I was starting to not feel good and tried to calm myself down. NOPE! An hour later I was SICK. And, it wasn't just once either. It was one of those that once it started it just kept going. The last time this happen from what I can figure out was here....August of 2009! Go figure.

I was miserable last night. I'd fall asleep and guess what? I'd wake up barfing! OMG HORRIBLE!!! I woke up for bootcamp. (Yep, I went!) My stomach was SORE! It was super sore all day. Nothing but liquids for me. I also think that I was a touch dehydrated between the barfing and the bootcamp. I am finally feeling better now.

I guess I just needed to whine a little!

Last day of bootcamp is "officially" tomorrow. There are two make up days next week. I'll be attending one of them to find out how much I have improved. Then the following week is week 1 of Round 2!

Week 4 already?

Who would have thought that I would hit week 4 of bootcamp and be thinking - huh, it's week 4 already? Well it is and that's what I'm thinking! I didn't "exercise" this weekend and it certainly paid off giving my body a rest. I am sure I would have felt guilty, but unfortunately sometime on Friday my knee popped and then went to throbbing pain. It was so bad at one point that I just laid on the couch watching the Masters. I stayed off it for the most part (only walking when necessary) for the rest of the day. On Saturday, I could tell it was feeling better, but still hobbling around. Sunday I was walking, but tentative (and yep, feeling a bit guilty for being a sloth!). Remained on limited use and today at bootcamp had that "scared feeling" that I would hurt myself. Warmed up really well and took it a bit easy on the squats on that side, but overall all systems GO!

Looking back at my bootcamp so far, am I glad I invested the money and am doing it? Yes. Overall my fitness has improved and I am definitely in the groove. So why do I feel a little blue? CAUSE THE F-ING SCALE IS SHOWING ME AT 142!!! I can't remember if I had said the scale was up in earlier posts, but I think I had cause I had gotten on my rampage about muscle. Do I think I have gained muscle - most likely a little, but more so I'd say my fat has gone down. I would have expected overall to be at the lower end of my range and yep, I am disappointed about it. It's just a reality when I am KILLING myself that I want the FRICKIN' scale to also reflect it.

Do my clothes fit differently? Honestly, I am not sure. Sometimes I think they do and other times I think they don't. What should I have done? Taken my measurements!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR - man, this post didn't seem to start off as a rant, but it should has turned into one! Anyway, I do have MUS-CLES in my arms and I'm expecting that on Friday when I re-do the fitness test in bootcamp that I will show an improvement from where I was. So self, get over it!

Goal of Week 4 camp is to continue to put it out there "Biggest Loser" style (last chance workout reference) and to ensure that I am eating enough and small meals throughout. I want to see if I am more mindful of eating small meals more frequently if I can avoid my end-of-week drain. Then a week off and bootcamp ROUND 2 begins!!!

If it moved...

I ate it yesterday! Have you ever had one of those days where you are just HUNGRY? I am talking real hunger all day long? Well that was me yesterday. I kept asking myself: Are you hungry? Or is this something else? If you are hungry, then you can eat something healthy and if you want it then you really are truly hungry. I ate at 2-3 hour intervals all day yesterday. By the time it was dinner, I wasn't hungry and didn't eat any.

Do I think this is something to be concerned about? Not at all. I was hungry and I was listening to my body. Why do I think this happened? I don't think I ate enough the day before, I have the bootcamp every day, and I think there might be some "hormonal flux" in there as well. Yes, "hormonal flux" is a medical term (according to me - HA!). Since having a hysterectomy, I swear that I have a "phantom" period. I have tracked this for a couple months and can see the same pattern prior to the hysterectomy which is a few days prior I would have a bigger appetite which would then subside and I really wouldn't be hungry much at all. My philosophy is not to fight my body. If I'm hungry, I eat. But I am sure that when I do it is good choices vs. crap. If all I want is "crap", that's a DING DING DING - you aren't hungry - you are eating EMOTIONALLY! Step AWAY from the food. :)

I am planning on taking two whole days off from any strenuous physical activity. My body is feeling worn out! Week 4 of bootcamp starts next week and I'll pick things up again then. That doesn't mean that I plan to just sit on my ass, but will do work outside in the yard and maybe an easy walk. Fingers crossed the weather cooperates with these plans! Happy weekend!

What are you doing April 20?

Well how about committing to working out for 60 mins? There are two bloggers The Anti-Jared and Jen (Prior Fat Girl) that have a couple of great blogs, but are also trying to rally troops to workout for 60 mins on April 20. You were already planning on working out that day anyway, right? Well go make it official and pledge to do so on one of the blogs. The Anti-Jared is also giving away a chance to win a free prize. So what are you waiting for? Get going!

Push It?

In my last post I said that week 3 of bootcamp would be to "push it". Well, I've been pushing, but it seems just to be able to keep up! I gardened (major weeding, removal of mulch, re-mulching, etc.) from sun up to sun down on Saturday and Sunday. Uh, hello? Gardening IS a workout! How do I know? My hamstrings were SO TIGHT on Monday that it wasn't until halfway through that I started to loosen up. The ass kicker (my pet name for the bootcamp instructor) even noticed and asked me what was up. On and off yesterday I stretched and stretched my hamstrings hoping that they would loosen up. I can't say they are back to "normal", but they do feel better today and I didn't feel as tight (or scared that I was going to hurt myself!) at camp today.

Funny thing though - only my hamstrings felt it from the gardening. I must be getting a decent overall workout, but looks like ongoing I need to get more hamstring work in. Oh, and lesson learned: when doing extensive gardening marathons - I need to stretch now and then and definitely after!

Chicken Wings

MMMmmmm, no not the hot spicy ones that are so good drowned in bleu cheese dressing, but my arms! I have always had tiny arms. Tiny as in scrawny. Itty bitty wrists and then these sticks. Now don't get me wrong the sticks have varied in size (unfortunately), but much like a chicken had always not been strong. Well let me tell you, this boot camp torture has been worth it just for the arm factor! My bff said, "holy crap, there's actually a muscle there!" HA HA!

So week two has ended with my focus being on form. It was a great week honestly. I worked hard and seriously enjoyed myself. After some convincing of my husband, I have also signed up for the next camp! Week 3 - thinking of what my goal should be. Week 1 - survival; Week 2 - form. I think Week 3 will be to "push it". Meaning that when the leader says that you should be full intensity, I am going to focus on going all out. I should be dead by the end of the week.

I did get on the scale. No loss of weight at all. Still in range though. I hear: Well muscle weighs more than fat. Here's my personal opinion on that. While I have likely increased my strength and gained a bit of muscle - stressing 'bit", what I think is happening is that I am losing fat. A lb of fat is the same as a lb of muscle. Seriously think about it - a lb is a lb. So what's the difference? The volume of fat to make up a lb is more than the volume of muscle. Meaning that you can be shrinking fat wise and not see it so much on the scale, but feel it in your clothes. I can honestly say that my clothes are looser, but dang it I sure wish I would have measured myself! (If anyone is out there - learn from my mistake - take your measurements. You'll be glad you did.) I had intentions of measuring, but I couldn't find the measuring tape when I was going to do it and then boot camp started. Oh well, maybe for the next 4 weeks.

I have been catching up on a lot of blogs. I still see the trend of I can eat too much, I can eat this or this and shouldn't be able to, etc. I have this post from some time ago here that talks about fills. Of course, I think it's a good  post (HA), but bottom line it's only a TOOL people. You STILL have to make good choices. It's not an easy fix or a quick fix. So what does it do? If you follow the correct portion size, it *should* help you eat less. Eat less of good choices that is!!! Anyway, I'm on my soap box. Maybe it's spurred on by the fact that Easter is Sunday and I am a candy FREAK. Guess what people? You can eat as much candy as you want. : (

Unfortunately I know two other people that are banded that have not done well. Why? Lack of change of behavior. You HAVE to change your behavior. Anyone that tells you otherwise is not being truthful, doesn't realize their own behaviors have changed, or are just really freakin' LUCKY! So, it's a tool, good choices, and yes - EXERCISE!!!

Happy Easter or Passover to everyone!!

Boot camp

It's named very well. It is booting me for sure! I am on week two. Last week my goal was survival. I found out (surprisingly) that at 41 I was in pretty good shape! In fact, better shape that many of the ladies that are younger than me. Go figure. This week's goal is form. I will concentrate on doing exercises like I am "supposed" to. The other thing I'm doing is treating each day as a Biggest Loser Last Chance workout. I have to tell you I feel so great after doing this! (It's at 5:30 am and outside.) I weighed and am still in range. Yes, I am a little disappointed, but maybe I am burning a lot of fat and shrinking. In hindsight I should have measured myself. Oh well, my clothes will tell me how I'm doing. If this isn't a hoot, I was walking around in my sports bra and panties (just regular bikini kind - nothing fancy) and my husband says to me: "Do you have a swimsuit like that?" I looked at him and was thinking, "Huh?" I responded with, "I have a top, but unfortunately I am going to have to go swimsuit shopping." (I hate it!) and he says, "Well, I think you should get one like that. You look fantastic." WOW! That's all I could think and said shyly, "Thanks."

Catch Up Post

The old house sold! We are fully moved into the new house. My time has been filled with packing, moving, unpacking, and oh yeah - working. We are finally feeling settled and I'm looking forward to Spring. There have been some nice sunny days and the flowers are starting to bloom. I have switched to outside workouts for the time being until the heat drives me back inside. Monday I start a bootcamp - don't ask me why - it will be an ass kicking, but I thought some variety would be a good thing. It's M-F at 5:30 am for 4 weeks. I am actually a little bit scared! On the weight front - I'm still within range. Boring, right? But it was the goal and look I'm doing it! : )

Fill Up & Trash

For some reason there are two things I really hate doing. They are really quite stupid too! I absolutely hate taking out the garbage and filling the car up with gas. Right now the car needs filling and I was looking at it on the way back from the store - hmmmm, looks like there's enough to get to the gym in the morning and back. So yep, you guessed it. I didn't fill it up. Why is that stupid? Well, I was right next to a filling station! And, reality is I will have to get gas tomorrow. As far as garbage, taking it out sucks. 'Nuff said!

While I absolutely love reading all the blogs - banded and weight loss in general (and way more than I have listed on my blog - I use Google Reader) - I have decided that my blog is B-O-R-I-N-G! That's right, I can admit it. The problem? I am leary of sharing super personal details and therefore my blog remains about being banded. Since I am at goal, there just isn't much to say. Summary: It's hard to maintain and anyone that says otherwise I am saying is L-Y-I-N-G! (Yep, I am having a spelling bee this post.) Don't get me wrong, I have done well with staying in my range, but I will not lie. It takes effort and focus and all that yucky stuff, but DANG IT I am going to continue to maintain. : )

Anyway, I'll continue to keep posting now and then, but I'll make it a minimum of one post a month. So please keep checking in now and then. (It does add to my accountability as weird as that sounds!) I also have some pretty tasty recipes that I need to get out here. For now though - I want to cover some of my favorite sauce/dressing/condiment finds in no particular order.

• Ketchup - I can't have meatloaf without it. Just hate it without. But Ketchup is full of sugar. Ah, but here comes REDUCED Sugar Heinz Ketchup! It's awesome. Tastes exactly like the normal to me and get this FIVE that's right FIVE calories per tablespoon.
• BBQ Sauce - Again, high sugar. There are many times that I just need a little sauce for meat to ensure it isn't too dry. But oh hidden calories! Enter KC Masterpiece Low Calorie Classic Blend Barbecue Sauce. It's awesome! Calories? Forget about it! TEN calories for TWO tablespoons!!
• Mayo - Some things just aren't so good with the light stuff or the fat free stuff. WRONG!!!  Hellman's Low Fat. Man, it tastes exactly like the full fat mayo! 15 calories (1 gram of fat) per tablespoon.
• Salad Dressing - How about ZERO calories and ZERO sugar? Oh sure, you are thinking it tastes like crap. NOPE!!! Maple Grove Farms of Vermont - Sugar Free Balsamic Vinaigrette. It's made with Splenda and it rocks.

I am always on the hunt. If you have a favorite sauce/dressing/condiment, please share!

How many times...

Am I going to start a post and not get it out there? OK, this time it's happening. To ensure that, it is going to be brief and to the point about what has been going on since my last post.

• Happy belated: Thanksgiving, B-day to me, Christmas, and New Year's.
• Moved hubby back to TX. (Packing, cross-country drive, etc.)
• Bought a new house in TX (found, offer, purchase, and closed. It's ours - wow.).
• Prepared "old" house in TX to be put on market.
• "Old" house (TX) is now listed (anyone looking for a really nice house? tee hee)
• Worked out enough to stay within range.
• Have joined the January frenzy at the gym and feeling maybe a little bit re-energized (not going to lie, it's just a little bit!)

Now I am off to catch up on everyone. I am sure it will take days!

Weighed In

I decided to bite the bullet and weigh in last Thursday on my weigh in day. I'm telling you people - the scales just don't make sense. I am going to quit trying to figure it out and just hop on every week and see what it says. (Uh huh, sure I am. HA!)

My weight was 141lbs. Higher than I would have liked - of course. But lower than I expected. I was within my range as an added bonus. Honestly, it was a shock to me. I swear I am not as lean as I was as my clothes fit differently. I don't think this is my imagination either.

Remember a pound of fat WEIGHS the same as a pound of muscle, but that pound of fat takes up more room than that pound of muscle. It's a volume thing. I see people say "muscle weighs more than fat" - not true. A pound of anything weighs the same as a pound of something else, it's just that one "pile" may be bigger than the other. So while my weight is within my range I do think I am *fatter*.

So, what am I going to do about it? Hit the gym. I went 4 times last week and am working toward getting my mileage up and my speed down to where it was before. I look forward to January. I like it when there is a huge influx of people at the gym - many people don't - but I find it somehow motivating....I keep forgetting that this coming week is Christmas. I don't know what it is, but it just doesn't 'seem' like it.

Ah-Ha Moments - Good Read!

So, I have a Kindle (which I love) and I'm an avid reader. So, I troll around a lot just looking and sampling books. I stumbled across a book called: "Secrets of a Former Fat Girl" by Lisa Delaney. I read the free sample and something about the book just grabbed me. So, I bought it and read the book. I had alluded to having some ah-ha moments in my last post and the source of those was reading this book. (I highly recommend it.)

Even though it's intended for those that are on or starting their journey, there's a lot of good stuff here that really made me think. Here's a couple examples (quoted text is from the book):

On weight loss: "The real issue was not "How do I lose weight?" it was "how do I begin to think about myself as someone who can lose weight?" She goes on to talk about she is convinced that it's how you think about yourself and how you carry yourself that leads to being a "former fat girl". Well, my ah-ha here was, "HMMMMMM, I don't think I think of myself as a former fat girl." I think that deep down even now I think that the weight will come back - it's only a matter of time. This is not good and something that I am working on changing. I agree that this "fear" is a defeatist attitude and will eventually lead to failure. Not because I can't do it and keep the weight off, but that I *think* I can't. Interesting stuff for me...

On her birth order: "Sandwiched in the middle was me---the peacekeeper, the please, the good girl, the one who didn't want to make any waves. I craved my parents' approval, but I was uncomfortable being singled out for any reason, good or bad." - WHOA! This struck home with me. I am middle child and good grief this is me. To this day I get uncomfortable being singled out and I am also all of those things that she described.

And this one I had never heard anyone say, but wow is this me. It's about her brothers and how they treated her. "...comments that might have rolled off other kids penetrated my spirit like needles in a cushion." My brothers TERRORIZED me with taunts and teases of "fat", "pig", etc. And guess what? I wasn't. I have always struggled with my weight, but managed to keep it relatively in check until I was hit with major depression (that's somewhere in my blog if interested). But it was nice to hear someone validate this as I seriously just thought it was me and I was 'too sensitive'.

Loved this in regard to her exercise. There are a lot of spots in the book that made me chuckle. I seem to recall that her goal was 3 miles or something. So she's describing a workout and recalls her thoughts at the time: "After all, we've made it through two whole miles. That's like fourteen in the Fat Girl time/space continuum, right?" ---OMG, that is funny isn't it??? Haven't you thought that exact same thing?????

And my new mantra: "It's not an option." Referred to in acronym form: INO. For me that's things like: Exercise = INO; Making good choices most of the time = INO, etc. Meaning exercise is not an option. It is the norm. Meaning it will happen because it is not an option, but a requirement. I plan to work on more detail of my "real" INO list.

Ponder this: "When I think about it now, I wasn't as much putting others before me as I was putting myself last. That might seem like a game of semantics, but it's not. My lack of self-confidence and self-respect made me feel like I didn't deserve to be first." Ah ha?

Another mantra: "How I spend my time is my choice." She goes on to talk about you need to realize that for the most part your "lack of time" for the most point is the result of your own choices and related to the previous blurb about "choosing" to put other people's need above your own. Hmmmmm

There are just so many others! "When in doubt, laugh." "Choose you. Choose you. Choose you."

Consider getting this book. For me, if I get one or two things out of a book it was worth the read. There were wayyyyyy more than that in this book.

Thanks Lisa!

What?!

How can it already be the middle of December? OK, first I didn't hit any of my goals for November. That's right. Not one of them. I'm not proud of it, but I'm also not disappointed. I'm just OK. And, you know what? That's OK!

So, what's been up? We decided that we are going to stop the bi-state thing (yipppeee!) and going to make it Texas. So, since that we have:

• Found a house, put in an offer, and close on it later this month.
• Prepared one house for selling AND put it on the market. (Fingers crossed it sells in a decent amount of time!)and

When I see it like that, it doesn't look like much. But it was a ton of work in a short period of time. I stayed in Texas the entire time working and taking care of the prep work on the house while hubby had to be in the other state and traveling. So my priorities shifted. Between work and cleaning, etc. there just wasn't time to get to the gym. I was tired and stressed. I'm not going to lie, I could have gone and I might have even felt more stress, but I just was not in a place to force myself.

I acknowledged these feelings and said to myself to go to the gym if I want to and if I don't so be it, but that once every item was done on getting the house on the market, no excuses - back to the gym. Today was that day back and I figured I should also get back on track with the blogging while I was at it!

I didn't weigh in the entire time. I just didn't need the added stress. (This would have led to stress about not going to the gym, potentially gaining weight, feeling guilty, beating myself up, etc. etc.) Between sickness and all of this crap, I had not been to the gym in some time. And yep, I feel it. But I was back at it this morning and will be back there again tomorrow. I'll possibly weigh in Thursday, but I might also give myself a 'grace' week as long as I am continuing to eat what I am supposed to. (Note to self: you just need to be in your range. You do not have to be suddenly at the low end or below. Within the range is GOOD and it is your plan.)

I'm reading a good book too. I've had some 'a-ha' moments. I'll have to blog about that another time. Off to catch up on everyone else!

Jumping on the "band" wagon - bandster quiz

1. How long have you been banded? 4 years and 5 days. (OK, I don't really count the days, but it was just 4 years for me and I thought it was kinda funny.
2. What was your highest pre-band weight? / Current weight now? / Total lost to date? 234 lbs / 138.5 lbs / 135.5 lbs
3. What is your best "go-to" food to get in your protein? Any meat that is not overcooked. It does the best job of keeping me full for the longest period of time. Hmmm, ya think that's why they want us to eat it? ;)
4. What is your favorite protein brand/shake? I use low carb Slim Fast - chocolate - in the can. I only use liquid when I have to. For example, had a bad pb experience, tight following hormone patterns, etc.
5. What food do you miss the most now being post-band? None. I can eat anything I want in a small amount. The key is to make 'good' choices most of the time and when the choice isn't the best (and can bypass the band which the yummy stuff usually can) I am sure to watch portions.
6. What is your favorite "mushy" food? Soup, but I've always been a soup freak. When I have it, I make sure that it is either one of those healthy canned ones (Obsessed with Progresso Sante fe Chicken) or I make it myself.
7. What was your worst PB experience? The most recent one is here (a year ago!), but I bet there are others somewhere in my blog.
8. What has been the hardest part of this journey so far for you? Honestly - I think it's all hard. You have to want it and no matter what anyone tells you, you earned your success. The band is not magic. (Maintenance is also hard!)
9. What is your best NSV to date? Hmmmm, there are so many. I'll go with the cliche answer of looking good in my wedding dress.
10. What is your top non-weight goal for your band? Man, this quiz is kinda hard. I can't think of an answer to this---maybe it's just from being at goal for a while.
11. What is your goal weight or size? My goal weight that I set with my surgeon was 149lbs. I stayed there for a while and decided that I wanted to go to 139lbs. I am considering at the beginning of the year when all the weight loss insanity starts to consider seeing if I can get to 134lbs (100 lbs lost and see how that goes). I currently maintain between 138-142 lbs.
12. What band "rule" do you live by (i.e. don't cheat on)? There isn't one because I'd be lying if I said there was. Sometimes I eat more than I should and sometimes I have soda - (alcoholic drink mixer, but I stir it well with a straw to get a good amount of the fizz out)
13. What band "rule" do you not follow as much or aren't so good at? See above.
14. What is your goal "reward"? You know - I didn't set one for myself. Or at least if I did, I forgot and don't recall getting anything. Maybe I should get one NOW! : )
15. What are you most thankful for? All the other band bloggers out there and the comments that are left now and then on my blog. I enjoy reading everyone's journey!

FOUR YEARS!

Wow, I just realized that I missed my four year banding date! It's hard to imagine that it's been that long. Feeling better, but chest crap takes a lot out of you and makes exercise tough - direct path to fits of coughing.

So, I'm not going to hit my workout goal for the month. My attitude is good though - it's oh well, out of my control. Oh, oops - not my posting goal either. : (

I'm within my goal range though (139 lbs), so some good news. Man, I have over 600 entries to read! I'm off to catch up on everyone else.

Sick!

Really bad bad chest cold and sinus infection. All bets are off at this point. Dang it! But I feel like crap and am giving into it. : (

Bad Case...

Of the "I don't wannas". I have now been sitting here reading for two hours dressed in my gym clothes. The problem is that I haven't been to the gym. And, unfortunately just putting on the clothes doesn't count as exercise. Man, what a great thing if it did though!

As of right now, I can't say one way or the other for sure if I will go to the gym today. It may or may not happen, but what I have decided is that I am not going to stress about it. I am using today to 'veg'....heck, I really don't even have anything to post, but at least I can check the box on the daily posting activity for November.

What I need to put in perspective is that I set a goal for 20 workouts for November. It's still reasonable that I will attain it, but it's also reasonable that if I end up close that is (and should be) good enough.

Exercise so far for November:

1 - Off
2 - 65 mins - 4.6 miles
3 - 65 mins - 4.6 miles

4 - 65 mins - 4.8 miles
5 - Off
6 - 65 mins - 5.3 miles
7 - 65 mins - 5.3 miles
8 - ?

In looking at this, I think I should consider a week to start on a Sunday. Therefore, for 'last' week, I totaled 5 hours and 25 minutes of exercise for a distance of 24.6 miles. Back to vegging in my workout clothes!

Do you ever wonder...

if banded people that used to blog, but don't anymore achieved their goals or maintained their loss? I can tell you that I sure do. Many say they are 'too busy with life' or that their life 'no longer revolves around the band'. I'm not sure if I buy into either of those.

Am I busy? Sure, but I was busy before. And, I don't consider that my life ever 'revolved around the band'. I'm not saying that I wasn't focused on my goal, etc., but just like everyone my life is and always has been busy and full.

Maybe I am just being b@tchy this morning and this is a b@tchy post, but I do wonder. I wonder if some *disappear* because they have re-gained. (I hope not as I want everyone to achieve their goal and maintain!) Going back through my blog you can see that I gained something like 12-15lbs at one point. It was a major funk, but I got out of it and learned from it, got focused, setup my weekly weigh in, and my range that I had to stay in.

I'm not saying in any way shape or form that somehow I am 'better' than the people that no longer blog (and good grief, I hope this doesn't read that way), but I can tell you that I get reassurance and motivation from the blogs I read (regardless of whether or not they have a band). The consistent theme that underlies all the blogs when you sit back and think about it is that regardless of how you get healthy getting there and staying there takes a helluva lot of hard work.

I also find that my blog helps me to keep *me* and my *health and wellness* a priority and I like to think that those that have started or are in the midst of their journey are somehow helped by my stumbles and successes along the way. So, while there may be breaks in my blog, I will continue to share my struggles, frustrations, and successes.

To anyone out there that was blogging and isn't anymore: HEY, give us an update! Even if it's once every couple of months, we'd love to hear from you! We hope you have been successful and wish you well, but if you weren't - remember we are also here to help and support you!

Off to the gym!

What is it...

About Broccoli Slaw?!?! Yep, it's my recent addiction. All I do is take the slaw and mix it with Maple Grove Farms of Vermont Fat Free Balsamic dressing. The dressing is super awesome (yes, I am a valley girl tonight)! It has 40 calories for the ENTIRE bottle. Yep, 40 calories. And it tastes great!

Anyway, broccoli slaw in a bowl, add some dressing, and instant healthy salad. The other reason I like it vs. regular salad is that I can't eat much at a time. It keeps well for days. (If you are banded and can't eat broccoli slaw, couple things to consider: Are you chewing enough? If you are, then you can nuke it to essentially steam and soften it, then cool, add dressing, etc.)

Exercise:

• 65 mins - 5.3 miles - 16 more days to go

Accepting Reality

Well, I did NOT get to the gym yesterday. A friend of mine called and she was really down and stressed. She asked me what I was doing and I said nothing - which at the moment was true - and she asked if I wanted to go grab some dinner. Yes, I could have said I need to go to the gym or that I needed to go to the gym first, but she was coming from work. She's a good friend, so I decided to say come over.

Since last night I have thought a lot about this. Working out at varied times wasn't so much of a challenge when I was younger. So what has changed? I have a varied group of friends - sizes and fitness - so, it's not that they 'just don't workout and are unfit'. But what is different in my opinion is that as you get older there is just more 'stuff' going on: more work obligations, spouses, kids, friends with limited time/availability, etc. And, in the end, 'sacrificing' yourself is just the easiest one to go with.

All that being said, I don't feel like I sacrificed to be there for my friend in this case. I did the 'right' thing. But it is just one of many examples of what comes up that gets in the way of me going to the gym. So, I have to accept the reality: if I don't make going to the gym in the morning a priority, it just isn't likely to happen that day. Accept it and move on.

I think there are many other 'realities' that I should take the time to jot down, but right now - I'm heading out the door to the gym! : )

What realities have you had to face on your journey?

Weekly Weigh In

I was pooped last night and thought I'd be able to get up to go to the gym first thing this morning. The alarm went off and I could have forced myself, but I decided that it would likely just carry over to Friday morning. So, after a long discussion in my head about am I *really* tired or am I on 'gym avoidance', the conclusion was truly tired and I slept in.

I WILL be going to the gym later this afternoon though or during Survivor to ensure I get to my 20 workouts for the month.

After candypalooza I decided it was not in my best interest mentally to get on the scale until my 'standard' Thursday weigh in and to just focus on eating right and exercising. The last weigh in I show is from October 21 - I was at the low-end of my range at 138lbs. Today - I'm at 140lbs which is right smack in the middle of my goal range (138lbs - 142lbs). So up two lbs from that last weigh in I show on my blog, but still within my range.

I'm relieved that I am within my range, but still feeling like I am detoxing from all the sugar. My pace has definitely suffered and I need to work on that. When? That'd be later today when I go to the gym! ; )

I love my Keurig!

Early this week, I got a new coffee maker. It's a Keurig Special Edition Gourmet Single Serve Coffee Maker. (How's that for a mouthful?)

Here's their description of it:

The Special Edition Brewing System is our mid-luxury home brewing system that offers a blend of styling and convenient features. The Special Edition features chrome accents, a blue, back lit LCD display and three brew size options.

Programmable features include a Digital Clock, Adjustable Temperature and Auto On/Off. The 48 oz. removable water reservoir holds up to eight cups before refilling and for the removable drip tray allows for easy cleaning and the use of travel mugs.

Here's mine - You put in this thing called a 'k-cup'. It really looks like an oversized creamer container. It has coffee in it, but they also have tea, hot chocolate, chai latte, mocha, etc. Put down the handle, press a button, and voila! There's my coffee.

I used to have an addiction to venti lattes from Starbucks. Then I got married and just had a problem rationalizing spending 4 bucks a day on coffee---the 'my' money vs. 'our' money; please note though he had no problem with it - he's a good husband. I had thought about getting something that would make a latte, but I decided that coffee made more sense and that I could have a Starbucks on special occasions.

This thing will have paid for itself in a month. From that point onward, I will continue to save 100 dollars a month by replacing my Starbucks.

A k-cup works out to $.60 each, but that is not getting them on sale (which you can a lot of the time) or from Sam's. If I get them at Sam's, they go down to $.40 each.

Exercise:

65 mins - 4.8 miles - 17 more days to go.

I am finding that my goal of posting every day is helping me get to the gym. This morning I almost did the 'I'll do it later today' thing to sleep in, which for me never happens, but I had committed to my daily posting and it really did help get me out of bed!

Biggest Loser - OK, for the record, I was not a big Tracey fan. She just bugged me with her wide-eyed 'what do you mean' looks and stuff, but WOW did she look good! I think there are going to be some shocking reveals at the end of this season.

I will not be a statistic!

Well, at least a bad one! I can't remember who's blog it was that posted this (sorry), but he or she (sorry again!) was having the psych evaluation in anticipation of having surgery and one of the things that was brought up was that after 2 years of hitting goal weight that *most* people gain back 20% of the weight that they lost. (Dang, I sure wish I could remember the blog, so I could get it right and ask about it!)

Anyhoo, seeing that has helped me to recommit (the funniest things seem to trigger me) and motivate me to keep on track and within my goal range of 138 - 142 lbs. I have not been on the scale since 'candypalooza' as Thursday is my official weigh in day. I figured I might as well just stick to that and *maybe* I'll luck out and be within range when I weigh in on Thursday. : ) And - note to self - If I am not, I only have MYSELF to blame from candypalooza.

(Yikes, my goal weight was 149lbs. If I gained back 20% of what I lost to get there (85lbs), that would be 17lbs to bring me to: 166lbs! Uh, no way jose.)

So, my immediate goals for November (thanks to all the people that have been posting monthly goals - that also has triggered me!) are as follows:

• Post a blog entry once a day.
• Workout at least 20 days this month (5 days a week).
• Workout a minimum of 60 mins each time.
• On Thanksgiving (November 26), target weight is 138 lbs - low-end of target range.
• Setup a cool virtual route like Julie.

Exercise so far:

• November 1 - uh, none (Not a good start! But Sunday is usually a rest day for me.)
• November 2 - 65 mins (4.6 miles - in anticipation of setting up virtual route.) - 19 workouts to go.
• November 3 - 65 mins (4.6 miles) - 18 workouts to go

Candypalooza!!!

That's right. I started on Friday and kept on eating a TON of frickin' candy through last night. I am still trying to figure out why it turned into such a binge of crap, but once I had all that stupid sugar it just kept on keeping on. I said to myself, "OK, eat it. You can keep on eating in through Sunday night, but you are going to have to live (and accept) with the repercussions."

Whoa, am I feeling it today! I'm also sure it's going to continue for a couple days at least while I detox from all of this. Sugar - as in candy and crap like that - has a double whammy for me as I am hypoglycemic.

So, as far as the why. I'm stressed and missing my hubby. If I am honest, it got to a point where I was medicating how I was really feeling. Oh well, I'm human.

Good news - I did get up and go to the gym today. It would have been really easy to continue 'the funk' and not gone. It's amazing how badly 3-days of crap eating makes me feel! Oh well, the first step in getting back on track completed. Detox has begun!

Halloween..."Before" / "After"

Well, the one in the all black is me in my fat suit Halloween costume. OK, not really, but I seriously couldn't resist. (I have a weird sense of humor.) This is me at 234 lbs.

The other one is me in my Halloween costume from last year (2008). Yep, still camera shy people. I want to keep my anonymity. I am 145 lbs. in this picture. What a difference 89lbs. makes.

I need to take a pic of my 'before' jeans and my 'after' jeans. Now that I think about it, I haven't even put them on since I *had* to wear them. That's kinda weird in a way too.

I'm in a reflection mode at the moment. I can't believe that I am nearly 4 years out. I currently stay within a goal range of 138 - 142 lbs. (Less than even this picture AND the outfit is much looser in the waist and hips.)

So, I'm going to answer my yearly questions. Any questions? Please let me know. Nothing is off limits.

Official weigh in stats:
Height: 5'8"
Starting weight: 234 lbs
Current weight: 138 lbs
Overall loss: 96 lbs
Lbs to goal: 0

Current goal: Maintain between 138 lbs - 142 lbs

BMI: 21.0 - (Normal weight = 18.5-24.9)
Clothing size: 6. Sometimes even a bit loose and end up in a 4.

Shirt: S

How many fills have you had?

• 1st fill – 1.2cc
• 2nd fill – 1.8cc
• 3rd unfill - was just too tight - went to 1.4cc
• 4th unfill - dilated pouch - complete unfill
• 5th fill - .6cc
• I think I went up some from here to about .8cc; then unfill to about .4 cc; then another to .2 cc - that's where I remain. There is .2 cc in my band. It's pretty much empty.
  

Are you going to stay at your current fill level?
Yes.

What are you going to do next?
Work on my "mojo". I need to set some new goals and figure out how to maintain my motivation.

What size clothes are you wearing?
6 pants/dress (sometimes a 4).

Shirt - Small

What do you eat in a typical day?
I always start with weight control quaker instant oatmeal with 1/2 oz of dried blueberries or cherries for breakfast. (Good source of fiber. Keeps me full without being too substantial to feel uncomfortable.) For lunch, pretty much whatever. If I'm tight - which you can tell over time - I'll have something soft. For dinner, I'm loosest then and eat pretty much anything. I pretty much stay away from pasta and bread entirely. When I do eat some, it might be a bit of pasta or crackers---pasta always has a lot of sauce. Dry meat has to have sauce. Chicken breast is tricky some days. Dry meat of any kind is a problem, but as long as what I eat is chewed well and within the amount I am supposed to have - I don't have any issues. (Update: Same answer as last year, but I have added more fruit to my diet.)

Was it worth it?
Yes, it was. I stress though that I would only recommend it as a last resort. I felt I was there. I could get the weight off, but just couldn't keep it out without exercising and watching what I ate ALL the time. Now, I live a life of moderation on everything and the weight stays off. Other than the gain of 15lbs that was totally MY FAULT and choice (via bad choices and not working out) I have remained the same weight or lost a bit. It was worth every penny and I was self-pay. (Update: Keeping this one the same as well. I need to go back and read that post about the 15 lbs.)

Have you had any problems?
Yes. You'll see in the beginning of my blog that shortly after my surgery I swore my stitches in my port popped. Everybody told me no way and not to worry about it. When I went in for my fill, it had. So it is on it's side. I still have not had it fixed, but you can now see a lump from it when my shirt is off and FEEL it. Feeling it is the grossest. I am considering getting it fixed. I have also had some problems with pouch dilation. People being too tight is BAD. The other thing is that your portion size is also very important. It can also lead to stretching of your pouch. Signs? Eating more than you used to and getting heartburn (aka - reflux). (Update: I haven't gotten my port fixed. I might, but I'd rather have some new boobs - lol!)

Have you pb'd?
Yep. When I was too tight, a lot. Now, I pretty much know how and what to eat depending on the tightness of my band. When/if I have problems, it is around my period. I have learned sometimes it is best not to fight it and let it happen. This seems to work for me and then does not lead to repeated pb's or irritation. Be sure to follow your surgeon's instructions for when this occurs. I find that I get very tight (swollen and irritated) and need to follow the instructions. I'll stay on fluids for a number of hours and then depending on how bad it is (believe me you get to where you know) I'll put myself on self-imposed soft foods for a day or two. Usually within a day I am totally back to normal. (Update: I'm not sure, but I'd guess that I've have 2 episodes in the past year.)

What rules do you follow?
Eat slowly. Take small bites. Don't eat first thing in the morning. When I feel full - stop. Don't drink with meals. No soda. That pretty much sums it up. There aren't a lot of them. These are pretty much the standard bandster rules. The latest addition is the first bite rule. I am sure to chew well and make sure it is small. There is some suspicion that not doing this may have contributed to the dilation. Again, no one knows for sure. (See the side.) (Update: Since my band is essentially empty, I focus on good choices and eating the *right* amount. If I eat hard foods like I am supposed to, guess what - full. If not, I have a little snack.)

Do you have loose skin?
Surprisingly, I'd have to say no. I wear a bikini and look pretty damn good for my age. Over time since I hit goal and continued to workout, I'd say that I even look better. Now, that being said, I'd like to have a boob lift. I don't think that has anything to do with the band though. Just age and gravity. Believe it or not, my boobs are THE SAME size they were before banding. (Update: my boobs are smaller. Seriously. I'm essentially the same weight, but I'm smaller - less fat I figure. So, my boobs don't fill the bra cups like they were. Me wanting new boobs is getting higher on the list.)

Do you 'diet'?
I guess most people would say yes. I'd say no. The bottom line whether you have a lapband or not is you have to make good food choices. I roughly follow Weight Watchers that my friend gave me all the scoop on. The daily points with the flex keeps everything in check. I have journaled my food and exercise since I was banded - except for the time that I put on the 15lbs. This is very successful for me. Conscious eating is critical. (No Update)

So what is all this about this 15lbs you gained?
Well, for about 5 or 6 months, I didn't work out, log my food, or make good choices. The good news is that I only gained 15 lbs. In the past, this would have been much worse. I also avoided the scale, so it was my clothes screaming at me that they were tight that woke me up. There were a whole lot of factors that contributed to my not caring - work stress, break up, just not caring - in fact, I think I was in a bit of a depression. Well, I kicked myself in the ass and got things under control. That is what you see referenced in the past 12 weeks or so. In those 12 weeks, with dedication and effort - and following all the rules - I lost 15.5 lbs. (Update - huh, guess this is what happened. It's funny how you forget things and how a blog can help you remember.)

Lack of Payoff?

Thanks for the comment Julie:

"I was just talking to a friend last night about maintaining weight loss. She said the same thing - that it's harder to maintain than to lose. However, she couldn't explain why. What you said about lack of payoff makes a lot of sense. Is there a way to still get that payoff while maintaining?"

I have friends that 'do' Weight Watchers and it seems to be a feeling that many people have at goal. You know how you are losing weight and you are looking at the scale and going, "OMG, I have worked so hard there better be a loss" and then there is? Payoff. The compliments you receive on your journey? Payoff. The milestones you receive? Payoff. The clothes that now fit? Payoff. The smaller sizes? Payoff. The NSVs? Payoff. Etc. etc.

Well, almost 4 years out and over 2 years since I hit (and surpassed) my goal, it's different. You are just 'you'. People are now used to you. You are at goal weight. Your goal is to maintain your current weight and remain in your current clothes. Compliments are few and far between. Heaven forbid you put on weight, cause look out! Then, "Did you notice? So and so is gaining weight."

All of this really is kinda stupid (I recognize that), but it's also the reality. I give myself a pat on the back for staying within my range (138-142) for all this time, but sometimes I just get plain old worn out. And, I am sure people are thinking, "Well, get over yourself, I'd pay money to get where you are." Well, first of all I did pay money to get where I am! OK, I couldn't resist that 'banded humor' as I am self-pay. : )

As we all know - or are learning - the band is not magic. It's work. The band is a tool and nothing more. You can eat around it and do all sorts of things that are going to lead to weight gain (what I refer to as self-sabotage - cause hello? you put a frickin' band around your belly - there has to be some self sabotage there!). I *should* be proud that I have avoided that and I am....well, kinda - ha!

But banded or not, staying at a healthy weight and fit at almost 41 years old is work. Will I continue? Sure I will. But I will have my ups and downs and general bitchiness about what it takes to stay in my range.

Thanks for your post as well "Dinnerland", but it's not so much about having a goal as I have one - to stay within my range - it's just hard to explain. I do think it's feedback and something outside of 'me' that made losing 'easier' vs. maintaining.

How exciting is it to come back to my blog each week to find out that I stayed within my range? To me, not much. I'd much rather read about the people that are losing and making progress (and I do - way to go all of you!!!). I know that sounds stupid as there is this 'you need to do it for you' mantra. I agree 100%. I did this for me. I got to my goal for me. I stay in my range for me. But bottom line - it's hard.

I'll have to think more about it. Like I said, I do think it's a funk, but it's also a valid 'feeling' that I just can't adequately describe and is there, but not really talked about. Counseling anyone? (ha) I think I just need a swift kick in the butt, a 'get over yourself', and keep on keepin' on. But this is what my blog is for, right? To *talk* about the 'stuff' that is really going on inside of me. So that's what I'm doing.

Thanks again to Julie and Dinnerland. I appreciate your feedback and duly noted. I need to figure out how to get the 'payoff'. Overall, I do think I am OK, but thought I'd share a bit about this inner struggle? challenge? whatever you want to term it that is somewhere deep inside of me.

Oh wait, here's the exciting news: I'm within my range as it is weekly weigh-in. And, go figure, low end: 138 lbs. See, not so exciting, huh? : )

Work, work, and wait - more work...

Last week sucked. I wasn't able to workout and I can prove it wasn't 'just an excuse' this time as well. I ended up practically working around the clock Monday - Friday. I slept about 12 hours between Monday night until Friday night (when I got a whopping 6 hours). It couldn't be avoided, but was a stress on me and also my poor hubby.

Not sleeping, stress, not exercising, and not the best eating is likely going to reflect itself on the scale this week. I must focus on it being out of my control and something that doesn't occur very often....*sigh* - I have to tell you that maintaining SUCKS! I've said it before and I'm saying it again. As weird as it sounds, there is this lack of 'payoff' or 'something'. It's hard to explain. If someone out there can relate and explain it better, please do so! (Then again, maybe I am in a big ol' funk from not sleeping, stress, not exercising, and unscheduled weird eating - it's not that I'm eating crap, just that everything is off.)

Testing, testing, 1-2-3?

I have noticed that I have a bad habit. Every now and then I 'test' my band. I think this is a bad practice and something I need to stop doing. It's not good overall as it can lead to PB'ing and/or pouch stretching (dilation) - both bad things overall. Therefore, going forward I will not test my band anymore. I will remember:

• The band is in there and it is doing it's job.
• There are days that I have more tightness (restriction) than others. My personal experience and opinion is that this has to do with 'lovely' woman hormones.
• I need to eat what I am supposed to and also the amount that I am supposed to period. If I do, then I'm done. I will and can (giving myself permission) to eat more later if needed.
• Eating too slow is as bad as eating too fast. I can't remember the 'eating time' that I was given, but I think it was 20 mins max.
• Am I really hungry or am I emotional? Do my test - do I want something good for me or crap? If crap, not hungry period.
• If I HAVE to have crap. Then make it a portion-controlled conscious decision.

What brought this up? I've just been reflecting on my journey and what I can do to further my long-term success since I am almost FOUR years out. Wow! I can't believe it has been that long. Some people may say, "Well, maybe you need a fill?" My response to that is no. (See this post.) When I have gained weight, the honest answer is cause I have been eating CRAP and a lot of times compounding that by not exercising. Getting a fill, in my opinion, is not an appropriate response. The behavior needs to be corrected. Am I hungry sometimes? Sure, but sometimes it is head hunger and other times it is 'real' hunger. When it's real, I have a small snack and it passes. Good enough I say. : )

The scale is whacko right now. I am still within my range, but yesterday (official weigh in) it said 141lbs and today it said 138lbs???? Nope, I'm not weighing every day, but I was just curious this morning as I have been diligent for the past couple of weeks on both eating and exercising and expected that I would see a lower weight. (Oh wait, don't we all??? (ha))

The increased diligence has been greatly caused by my hubby going around saying he was 'fat' (which he's not) and his decision to exercise more and eat better. Nothing but a good thing for me! BTW - boys SUCK! He has lost SEVEN pounds. That's right people, 7 frickin' pounds by a few dietary changes and exercise in two weeks. Venting now: and my results? Uh, nothing!!!!! : )

SALT!

Emotions - OMG, I am UP 2.5 LBS from YESTERDAY morning????? WTF?????

Emotions - OK, get off and try again. Scale has to be WRONG!!!

Emotions - OMG!!!!! Still the same - f-ing 142 lbs. That is HIGHER than last week. WTF? WTF? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Brain - OK, CALM down! There is NO way I gained 2.5 lbs in one day when I have been making good eating choices and exercising since the last weigh in a week ago.

Emotions - Well, you remember what Jillian on Biggest Loser says - something to the effect of the scales don't lie. You weigh what you weigh. It's all excuses.

Brain - True. You weigh 142 lbs (which by the way is technically within your range), but at least 'some' if not 'most' of that weight is likely water retention from the salt gorge (soup at lunch very high salt content and dinner was a packaged meal also with very high salt content) which you normally monitor so the body is reacting. To gain 2.5 lbs, you would have had to eaten an EXTRA 8,750 calories!!!!

Emotions - Well, I don't like it!

Brain - Well, too bad! Get over it!

Emotions - Well, I'm not gonna! Cause the scale RULES me! I don't wanna weigh 142 lbs. I'm fat.

Brain - That's just stupid. The scale is only one measurement. How are your clothes? How has your eating been? How has the exercising been?

Emotions - Fine, fine, fine. Don't care, still don't like it.

Brain - Well just keep doing what you are doing. It will be fine.

Emotions - Don't like it. And, ya know what? Now I just wanna not exercise and not make good food choices? Where's the ice cream?????!!!! Candy????!!!! (MmMMM, candy corn)

Brain - You are going to exercise and you are going to make good choices. No ice cream and no candy. HA! This is why there isn't any in the house and HELLO? it's just you EMOTIONS!!!! Quit being a big whiny baby and get over yourself. Just move on and keep on doing what you are doing.

Emotions / Brain - I will eat as planned today. I will drink extra water. Exercise is done for the day, but I will go again tomorrow. The scale while not "lying" will go back down in a couple days.....uh, and try to quit sneak weighing which you keep doing when you are on the high end of your range. Then again, it does keep me focused on staying to the low end.

To Emotions AND Brain - Shut the hell up and focus on something else!!!

: - )

Sometimes...

You just HAVE to tell yourself 'good job', right? Well, I did today. Nothing big really, I was just sore and having the 'I don't wannas', but I got myself on the treadmill and did a workout. I'm not going to lie - I was not into it! So, I told myself: 3 miles. The faster you do it, the sooner you are done. Warm up, 10 minute mile, 9 minute mile, 8:30 minute mile, cool down, and DONE!

I just felt good about having done it more than anything. I also found that putting it in the post earlier today served as an incentive. It's funny how that works. The same thing happens with my food journal. Sometimes it is quite a magical tool that keeps me on track and prevents from eating stuff that I shouldn't (encourages good choices)...Well, at least most of the time!

Gotta watch Survivor! Yep, I'm a junkie. Same with Biggest Loser. : )

Weekly Weigh In and Weeeeeee!

Well the scale showed a 1 pound loss down to 141. Still within my range 138-142 and going the right way. I'd like to get back to the low side and am working toward that.

The 'weeeee' is really a reference to my new Nintendo Wii!!! I had considered getting a WiiFit as well, but had used it at a friend's house in the past and it was a ton of fun, but it didn't seem like much of a workout (for me - and not a comment on anyone that finds that it helps them toward their goals, if so - great!). So, I went with EA Sports Active.

I've added the 30-day challenge within the 'game' to my treadmill workouts. I'm doing the hard level and whatever it throws in front of me. The good news is that it is definitely engaging muscles that are not engaged by my treadmill work. How do I know? Cause I can feel it!!!

Overall I like it so far, but the resistance band that is included is a joke. I am planning to go get one to replace it with to increase the resistance. As long as it has the handles, it should work as a replacement without an issue (I think anyway!). With all the lunges, I am getting a good lower-body workout (that's where I feel it), but the upper-body due to the lack of resistance isn't so good.

It does take some practice to get into the rhythm of the system as the controllers have to be held still, correctly, and in time. I am still trying to get the hang of it and more importantly trying to not focus so much on the controllers that I forget about my overall form. Only 27 days to go! (HA!)

Workouts:

• Monday - 4.6 miles treadmill (60 mins including warm up and cool down)
• Tuesday - 4.8 miles treadmill (60 mins including warm up and cool down) / 30 mins Wii EA Active Sports
• Wednesday - 4.8 miles treadmill (60 mins including warm up and cool down) / 30 mins Wii EA Active Sports
• Thursday - pending - I *might* take a day off - if so, then note to self: MUST workout Fri/Sat

What a difference a week makes!

And I don't really mean that in a good way. Man, vacations are hard. I eat poorly and no 'real' exercise - and you know what - that's OK in my book. The problem though is getting back on track - it's HARD!

The funny thing? I feel yucky by the end of a 'break' - bad food and no exercise = feeling fat and about 110% of the time weight gain as well. Guess what? No difference this time around. I'm feeling fat and I am at the top end of my maintenance range (142 lbs).

And in full disclosure, I really could have worked out on Thursday of last week, but I had a serious case of the 'I don't wannas'. Bottom line - I'm human and normal just like everyone else, but I did force (and I mean force) myself to the treadmill this morning. Repeat to self again: I'm human and normal just like everyone else. : )

I am hoping that the next few days will require less and less 'force' as the days pass. Using the power of positive thinking: "I'm sure it will"....and I just need to focus on my Thursday weigh in. The scary thought, as all of us know, is that my weight *could* be higher and that was a low weigh in from the damage. Man, now that is a scary thought!!!!

Physical Inactivity Poses Greatest Health Risk to Americans

Translation: All we do is sit. And I believe we eat more. Eating more and moving less = weight gain. Here's a snippet from the article:

Research has shown approximately 25 percent to 35 percent of American adults are inactive, Blair said, meaning that they have sedentary jobs, no regular physical activity program and are generally inactive around the house or yard. "This amounts to 40 million to 50 million people exposed to the hazard of inactivity," Blair said in an interview. "Given that these individuals are doubling their risk of developing numerous health conditions compared with those who are even moderately active and fit, we're looking at a major public health problem." Link to entire article here.

I don't make excuses for getting fat. Bottom line - I was eating more (and it was crap - plain and simple crap), severely depressed, and not moving period. I have nobody to hold accountable for that other than myself. Up through my 20's that had not been the case and not any major weight issues. It was a slippery slope and a downward spiral that was further exacerbated by the depression. Excuse? Nope. It's the explanation. I own up to it and took what honestly was drastic steps to get back on track and out of my depression.

The real point of my post though is that I think there is way too much focus on food and weight in the media vs. the lack of MOVEMENT. When you think about it, all the foods that are 'bad' have been around for a number of years. Yes, the portion sizes have also grown, but ultimately everybody has to be accountable for the choices they make when eating. In other words, this crap about taxing 'bad' food pisses me off. Just because you tax it doesn't mean people are going to stop eating it. And, who the hell in the government is going to decide what a 'bad' food is that warrants this tax? Stupid I tell you.

And as far as kids go, I'm old. When I was a kid it wasn't until my early teens (I think) that Atari was even around (that's a game unit like Wii and XBox for any youngsters that may be reading). Therefore we were always playing. And that meant riding bikes, chasing each other, and even some rough housing (ha). But the play was physical. When you think about kids today they are plugged in all the time. TV, gaming, texting, chatting, etc. etc. It's no wonder to me that kids are much heavier.

Bottom line - We need to look at the bigger picture of overall eating habits (choices) and exercise. And yes, I bet some people are saying, "well, easy for you to say you have a band." Well, my band is empty. I have minimal restriction that is only triggered when I eat a big bite of something that is not well chewed (and it's only protein like chicken or beef) or frankly just eat like a pig. And the stuff that got me fat (candy, ice cream, etc.) will go right through regardless of how tight my band is. As I've said in previous posts, variety is important for everyone in what they eat for overall health. But I have also harped on exercise. Some may be able to get to goal without exercise, but I believe that is a small number. I also believe that long term success is ultimately tied to exercise.

Man am I on my soap box? : ) And truth be told, I am NOT a fan of exercise. I just do it cause I need to, it's good for me, and at the end of the day makes me feel good. So my soapbox summary is: generally make good choices - which personally I find is WAY easier on the days I do exercise for some reason - and MOVE people!!!

Exercise today:

• Tuesday - Steep incline - 60 mins on treadmill (including warm up and cool down) - 4.6 miles

Workout Post

In an effort to stay on track, there might be a whole lotta here's what I did posts. I find like many others that it increases my initiative, etc. I'm going away for a family visit from Friday - Tuesday (Labor Day weekend here in the States), so there will be no 'defined' exercise and likely not the best choices in food available, so I am attempting to take a pre-emptive strike at the damage.

• Friday- Plod (again) - 60 mins on treadmill (including warm up and cool down) - 4.6 miles
• Saturday - jog - 15 mins on treadmill (including warm up and cool down) - 2.5 miles / 1 hour walk on beach
• Sunday - 1 hour walk on beach
• Monday - varied - 70 mins on treadmill (including warm up and cool down) - 5 miles

I want one of those tracker things that Nike makes and goes on your shoe (it fits on some Nike shoes, but that is not my shoe of choice). The problem is the stupid thing works with a Nano, iTouch, or iPhone. I have a Shuffle that I use when I work out and have an iTouch. But I am not a fan of having to strap a gadget to my arm and if you have seen an iTouch/iPhone, they are pretty big. I'm not even totally convinced that I'd like a Nano on my arm and it would cost roughly $140 for that and another $20 for the Nike gadget. OK, I think I have convinced myself it is a definite luxury item. But it tracks miles and stuff and syncs to a website...yes, I know I'm a nerd. : )

Scale - Friend? Foe?

I refuse to let the scale rule my life. Therefore I only weigh in once a week no matter what. That day is Thursday. While I have managed to stick to the once a week weigh in for several months now, I just can't seem to get over the trepidation of the damn thing. It's that feeling of: "OMG, did I gain weight?" and then either the feelings of happiness or disappointment that occurs as a result. I guess it is normal, but somehow it bothers me that a stupid scale and a number influences how I feel after I get on it.

I can't remember which magazine I was thumbing through (wish I could!) when I stumbled across a story that essentially followed this chick around for a period of time. I seem to recall that pictures were taken maybe once a day of her in a swimsuit to document what she looked like. Then each day she would say how she felt: skinny, fat, etc. The funny thing is that she looked EXACTLY the same from picture to picture. I am trying to remind myself of this story because it is important. Bottom line if I stay within the 138-141 lbs range I AM going to look the same as well.

Another weird thing - when I do weigh in on the low side of my range it is like I don't believe it. I have to stand on the scale a few times to 'make sure' it is right. *SIGH* This is just the stuff that is going through my mind at the moment. Bottom line: the scale really isn't just a number. But then again, without it I can easily see how my weight could (OK would) creep up on me. In reflection, when I was gaining and heavy I NEVER stepped on a scale - if I didn't know what I weighed - somehow I could avoid the reality. Can you say DENIAL? : )

So, I have decided that with the good and the bad, the scale is my friend. : ) Weekly weigh in on Thursday will continue and as long as I am within my range I am OK. Workout goal: 4 times a week (That does not include walks or other activities, but real "I am working out" times). Anything above that is bonus.

• Weigh in Thursday - 138.5 lbs
• Workout - Thursday- Plod- 60 mins on treadmill (including warm up and cool down) - 4.6 miles

Stress!

This week has been very stressful on the work front. After a weekend of not making the best choices food wise and little exercise, I am a bit concerned if I am in my weight window. Oh well, I will find out tomorrow. I thought as a reliever though and reinforcement of getting on track with exercise for the week that I would post progress so far. Maybe this will trick me into working out again tomorrow and Friday. Well at least I can hope!

• Monday - Speed - 60 mins on treadmill (including warm up and cool down) - 5 miles
• Tuesday - Distance - 75 mins on treadmill (including warm up and cool down) - 6.5 miles
• Wednesday - Hills - 60 mins on treadmill (including warm up and cool down) - 4.75 miles

I find that variety in both food and exercise is important. If you do the same exercise day in and day out (as well as food), your body gets used to it.

For exercise I change the goal (speed, distance, hills, etc.) and as appropriate also the duration. After my slacking off last week, I can definitely feel the workouts in my legs this week. I plan on doing a 'plod' tomorrow - which I define as easy pace for an hour on the treadmill that still gets in exercise, but in a way gives my body a bit of a rest as well.

On the food front, this being married "thing" helps out a lot. I think some people might find that strange as I have heard people say they got married and gained weight. For me, I find it helpful. Go figure? Because I like to cook and have someone to cook for, we eat at home except for 1 or 2 meals a week. Everything I cook is healthy and I cook enough for us to eat at dinner and then leftovers are usually used for lunch. So every night tends to be something different.

Planning on checking back in tomorrow. : )

All Better!

Well, much much better from my horrendous stuck pain tummy experience. There is some residual stress about "I wonder if there is something wrong with my bad? Did it move? etc etc.", but I am just trying to get past it. I am not having any pain nor any reflux, so I figure things are good. I am planning on eventually getting around to contacting my provider though to get a band checkup. I like to have it looked at once a year for peace of mind that the band and pouch are OK.

I slacked quite a bit on exercise this past week, but with the multiple days of liquids I managed to stay within my 138-141 pound range at 139.5. But now there are no more excuses other than me being a lazy a$$ and I need to get to it!

Off to read other people's blogs!

Yep, it still happens...

Nearly 4 years later and yep - food still gets stuck. That's right people - I got stuck. Chicken skewers with some sauce. That's all I had. For me, the mistakes are as follows:

1. I usually try to have a mixture of food. It seems to keeps food moving. Eating just one type of 'real' bandster food can lead to getting stuck for me. Everyone is different.
2. Eating at a bar at the actual 'bar'. Too many people and NOT paying attention. Talking and eating. What I refer to as not eating consciously.
3. Hindsight - eating too fast, not paying attention, bites too big, not chewing enough, not eating consciously...what does this mean? STUCK!!!!

I felt fine at first, but a while later you banded readers know all the symptoms and what happens without me going into the details. It was NOT pretty.

Funny thing (ok maybe ironic) - I swear this was the worst stuck experience I have ever had (Yep, worst than this one, but look - similarities!). My stomach hurt so badly afterwards and the next day that I honestly started to panic. I did the "absolutely nothing" for 4 hours and then sipped some water. It went down, but I still felt like crap. Had a few sips of water after that and nothing else period. All I had the next day was liquid and not a lot. My stomach still hurt. I figured OK, still keeping down liquids. Just give it some time.

Day 3 - still liquids, but tummy is feeling better. That night I had some mushy stuff and all still good. It's day 4 and I'm still only doing liquids most of the day with mushies in the evening. Feeling much much better - back to normal essentially and will try regular bandster food tomorrow.

I just wasn't in the mood to pay the $150 bucks to get essentially the instructions that I followed--my provider says that as long as you are keeping down liquids see how it goes. I am not advocating the approach I took above at all nor my provider (you should always follow the guidance of your provider), I'm just explaining why I didn't go to the doctor. (And, I'm writing like there are readers. That kinda makes me chuckle.)

I do expect that I will feel tight when I eat bandster food tomorrow. Let's be real - there HAD to be some major irritation, but if it is in anyway just not 'normal' tight I'll be making an appointment. The past few days have put a wrinkle in not only eating, but also going to the gym. The last thing on my mind was working out (ha). Going to try to get back to the gym as well tomorrow.

WID...

I have been doing what I KNOW is emotional eating - I am pretty sure it is separation anxiety from my new hubby, but am still mulling it over. I think I added insult to injury on those days by not going to the gym. I was 'supposed' to on those days and it just seems to throw me off. Even if I don't get the best work out in, any kind of workout makes a difference and I have to force myself to go on planned days. (No excuses!)

Thank goodness I got myself back on track relatively quickly. How? Stern talk with self: "What the HELL are you doing???? Just go!" and forced myself to go to the gym even though it was the LAST thing I wanted to do. Lucky me it worked and helped get me back on track. I am forcing myself to weigh in on Thursdays and also blog a bit more for the next month in the hopes that it will give me an extra boost of accountability while hubby and I are apart.

And, go figure? I'm at 139 lbs for the week. Funny how sometimes when you don't eat the best or workout as much that as long as you get back inline quickly there doesn't seem to be much damage. In my case, I'm down .5 from last week. More stern talk here though: MUST focus!!! Need to stay within my set range of 138-141.

(Secret thought though - man, it would be a good use of this month to get back around 135. But I don't want to put more pressure on myself, so will just see how it goes.)

WOOT!

Weighed in at 139.5 lbs. I'll take it! I'm within my window and all the freaking out was for nothing! I need to remember at this point that what I am doing works for long term maintenance and to quit freaking out. Reminders to self...

• Always eat correct portion sizes.
• Don't drink while I eat period.
• Make good healthy food choices (variety, variety, variety) and eat protein first most of the time.
• Hungry between meals? Ensure that it is 'real' hunger vs. 'head' hunger. Good choices = real. Bad choices = head. If good, then have a snack.
• Exercise a minimum of 3 times a week for 1 hour (5-6 miles jogging). 4 is better, but 3 is the minimum.
• The scale is only a number and does not dictate how I feel. Remain in window of 138-141, but know that a zillion factors can make the scale fluctuate. (That being said, don't rationalize a gain if/when there is one if behavior has not matched these basic items outlined in this list.)
• Remember other measurements such as clothes and fitness.
• Maintenance is hard. Weird how a goal to maintain just doesn't provide the incentive that losing does.
• Give myself a pat on the back now and then. I have been at my surgeon's goal weight for 2 years now. That goal was 149 lbs. I personally reset that goal lower and have maintained that for some time. My ongoing weight goal is 138-141 lbs.

Weight In Day...tomorrow

Well, tomorrow is the day. I am going to jump on the scale and see where I am after not weighing in for about 6 weeks. The funny (as in stupid) thing is that since I made the decision to weigh in, it has filled me with anxiety! I feel like I have been eating everything in sight. I have been eating more and I think it is a combination of the weigh in and also separation from my husband.

We are going to be separated for five weeks seeing each other only twice (two weekends) during the entire time. Longer apart than we've been married! I guess I should be used to it with how our relationship has been "doing the long distance thing", but this is a long separation even prior to us getting married. I get lonely at night and then ya know what happens!!! The food gremlins overtake my mind!

The good news is that while I have been eating more it hasn't been crap! (Yeah me!) But calories ARE calories. I will focus on the scale showing 141. Anything below that icing on the cake. Anything above - I think I will have a bit of a meltdown, but will just need to step it up and get more control over the eating and work out a bit more to get back within my range (138-141). I'd really like to be at the 138 regardless, so if I'm not I think for the next 4 weeks (this week we were separated as well) focusing on weight loss again for a bit.

Other things I need to remember when I weigh tomorrow (so I can re-read if I freak out!):

• My wedding dress was a size 6 and fit perfectly.


• My clothes all fit and are a size 4-6.


• I can easily jog 6 miles in under an hour. (Translation: I'm pretty dang fit for 40!)


• The scale is only one measurement (re-read the bullets above)

Enough rambling! Until tomorrow...

Note to Dalia: Congratulations on your banding! I am sure you will do great. Please let me know if you have any questions. Thanks so much for the compliment and good wishes. I had hoped that my blog would be useful to someone. I'm glad you have found it helpful.

MARRIED!

Thanks for all the good wishes! I did get married and couldn't be happier! My dress did arrive - actually dresses - and I tried on the one that I liked the best as well as all my friends and it fit perfectly. Like it was made for me even, so that's the only one I tried on. (Picture to the left (not me) - it's from JCrew.) Funny what happens when you follow the size chart that they provide and use a measuring tape? : )

A week before the wedding and since then, I have found it pretty easy to stay on my routine of 4 or so workouts and good food choices most of the time. I swear that I have lost weight - clothes are looser - but don't have my scale with me to check. I thought about getting a scale, but figured that I am better off with just one that I go by. I guess I am feeling more 'stable' for lack of a better word and that is helping me stay on track.

I plan to weigh in next week though and see where I am. I'd like the looseness of my clothing to translate into a change on the scale, but as long as I am within my 138-141 range I'm good. (I'd rather have 135 though! Not going to lie!) I am definitely in much better shape, I can jog 5 miles in under an hour without a lot of effort. I need to consider increasing my intensity a bit or at least put in some intervals or something on some of the days. I'll have to think about that more and report in.

I do want to get on my soap box for a minute though as I read a lot of blogs etc. and speak about fills.

First the not going to mince words - No one should be tight enough that they are not able to eat solid food period. That is not the purpose of the band. Everyone should be able to eat *most* foods and should be eating a well-balanced diet.

Being at the right fill level and eating what I am *supposed* to has been key to my success. Did I have some bumps along the way? Sure. But I firmly believe that my long-term success has been that I recognize and live by the band as being a tool. It is still up to me to make good choices.

Think long and hard about whether or not you really need a fill or do you need a head adjustment? Are you eating what you are supposed to? Both in types of food and amount. (Remember - hard foods are what works - eat your protein first, have some veggies, etc.) Are you exercising? It is my opinion that if you are relying on the band to do all the work for you that you will not be as successful than using it as a tool. And don't get me wrong, there are plenty of people that are using the band that way, I just had to get this out cause it has been bugging me (again).

For anyone that is reading this and wondering, "Well smarty pants, how much do you have in your band?" I have about .1-.2 in my band. It's pretty much empty in other words. I am able to eat pretty much anything (some times of the month I can have problems with bread), but I ensure that I stick to the right amount of food (see right side of blog). I think that keeping my "pouch in shape" has also helped me tremendously. If I get hungry, I make sure I am craving 'real' food and not crap. If it is crap, then I am not hungry - it's my head/emotions. If it is 'real' food, then I have a snack.

Am I perfect? FAR from it! I have crap now and then in moderation, but since I am at goal and working out this works. It's a reasonable and healthy way to live without feeling deprived. Honestly, I think a before and after pic would go a long way to proving these points, but I am not comfortable with that. That being said, I am considering setting up a separate blog that I would lock down and provide access to people with their email address. If you are interested, please comment.

Here's some info from a previous post (guess this topic comes up now and then for me!) that I think provides some additional info...

Do you really really need a fill? Or maybe you just need...

• An eating change
• A behavior change
• An activity change

An eating change

• Are you eating what your provider told you what you are supposed to eat? Or are you eating crap? Be honest.
• Are you avoiding liquid calories?
• Are you eating the correct portion size? Seriously, try it. You will likely see that if you measure everything and quit when full or when the food is gone that within about 15-20 mins that you are full. (Brain delay is what I call it.)
• Are you avoiding soft foods?

A behavior change

• Are you eating only 3 times a day? Or if truly hungry and not head hungry making a wise choice in snacks?
• Are you eating breakfast? (Even if a liquid one...My experience anyway was without breakfast of some sort it stalled my weight loss.)
• Are you eating CONSCIOUSLY? Paying attention to indications that you really are full? (Some people experience a runny nose, a burp, etc.)
• Are you grazing between meals?
• Are you drinking liquids while you eat?
• Are you eating when you aren't hungry?

An activity change

• Are you moving? Like real exercise?
• Walk. No excuses not to. Work up the time if you have to, but I'd suggest 30 mins every day or with one day off. If you increase the time, then you can shorten the number of days.
• Get a pedometer. Walk 10,000 steps a day.
• EVERYONE has the time. Be honest about how much you sit around or watch TV. You can watch the TV at the gym while you are walking on the treadmill.

Bottom line - if you are or are not doing the things above as appropriate to what I suggested and are not losing weight, then I think you need a fill. If you aren't doing these things and aren't losing weight, then I don't think you need a fill. That's my two cents and I'm sticking to it!