Funk...

I've been in a funk. After the surgery and the complication and a long separation (which is still going) from my guy, I just landed in a funk. I'm not sure why. A few things that I have thought of:

• Surgery and while I didn't 'want' kids I always thought it would be my body going through menopause rather than a hysterectomy that would make that decision for me. (Yep, I know adoption is always an option, but unless you have been through this it is hard to describe the emotions, etc.)
• Complication - the on-going discomfort kept me from getting back on my schedule of at least exercising by working out.
• Anxiety because of separation from my guy. Is it real? Will it work out? When will he change his mind? (Yes, I have some baggage, but I am hoping it is carry-on size.)
• Bottom line - I went into a funk which really was a bit of depression. (Have been severely depressed in the past - medication, etc. - so knew the signs.

So what did I do? I looked for something to get me going. I decided that a new gadget might help me and I got myself a GoWear fit - It's essentially just like a BodyBugg, but much cheaper. (Essentially same functionality, made by the same company, etc.). I've had it since about mid-April and I'll post separately on it, but here's some things I learned:

• I get a much better workout at the gym than outside. (I think I just work harder because of all the people around.)
• I have confirmed what I knew. I have the metabolism of a sloth. I guess you could look at it with a positive slant which is my body is extremely energy efficient and doesn't burn much. It's a green body. HA!
• It does kinda suck wearing it all the time on my arm, so I think long term it may be something that I wear just when I am working out.
• It was worth the money. I am back on track and overall I am feeling much better.

Geez - I have to get caught up on everyone's blogs! (Hey, if any of you are thinking of getting a BodyBugg or a GoWear Fit and have questions, please let me know. I'm happy to share my experience and opinion.)

Happy Easter or Passover!

I love this cartoon...I wish everyone a very Happy Easter and a Happy Passover!

All the test results are in. I have a bruised and an abraised bladder. Everything indicates it is healing, so there is nothing that needs to be done. It could take up to 3 months(!) for it to completely heal. At 3 months, they'll do another test just to make sure everything is OK. All good news as far as I'm concerned. It explains everything and the bleeding has gone down dramatically as well.

I have had some Easter candy this weekend. I am a SUCKER for candy and as all bandsters know candy goes right down without a problem. Oh well, it's a holiday, right? I'm planning on heading to the gym Monday, but doing 'strolls' in the meantime.

Huh?

First - Thanks for the good wishes!

Nope it wasn't an infection. All the lab work came back negative. I am having some tests today and tomorrow to be sure that there isn't any damage to anything in my urinary track (bladder, etc.). I am sooo excited! Uh, not, but at the end of the tests it will either confirm that there is something up or that it is residual and nothing is wrong that needs to be done. The positive is that by the end of the week I should know and then can just move on. I am looking forward to that for sure!

I have been weighed at multiple doctor's offices and of course every weight has been different. I bit the bullet and weighed in today. Last time I weighed in I was 141 lbs. (I was less than that prior to the surgery, but I am going to conveniently forget about that. HA!) Today, 142 lbs - And, I'll take it! I haven't been doing any exercise, so I am happy with this.

Not exercising has affected me. I feel like I have less energy and honestly I just feel FAT! Something about working out for me addresses all that and I feel energized and healthy. Oh - and my sleeping isn't as good as it is if I'm working out either. If everything goes well this week, I'm back at it on Monday---not psycho, but build up working out. (I have taken some strolls around the lake, but definitely not exerting myself.)

Not surprised...

Have an infection and hopefully that is all it is. I'll take the antibiotics for 7 days and it should clear everything up. If not, then back to the doctor for more tests. Fever was over 101 this morning at the dr's office which explains why I have been feeling like dog poop. Doc said I'm cleared to go back to the gym when I feel like it. Right now - I don't. So, I will be vegging for a few more days.

Nope...

I still haven't weighed in. I continue to watch what I am eating and follow the rules, but I am guessing the lack of exercise is having some effect since my surgery. I just don't want to add the stress to myself right now of a weight gain because I need to take it easy until after my doctor's appointment tomorrow. I have been having this weird discomfort - hard to describe - but I just don't feel right and am feeling tired all the time. (Hmmm, maybe the tiredness is due to a lack of exercise? ha) I thought the best thing to do was just go in and have the doctor check me out - my appointment was a couple weeks out, so I just moved it up. I want to ensure that I don't have an infection.

If I get a green light, then back to the gym Wednesday morning. My plan for this week is to walk an hour on the treadmill. My goal is in the next 45 days to have my mileage back up to where it was which was around 40 miles per week minimum. If I have gained anything, this will take care of it I'm sure. Funny thing is that my clothes still fit, so I am hoping the damage - if any - is minimal.

Dawn, Melody, and Jody V - You ladies are all right! A BIG thanks for adding the comments. It helped a lot. I haven't told him as we are going to be apart for the next couple of months. I thought it best to tell him in person and when we will be together for a bit of time to answer any questions / concerns that he has. I really wasn't looking for an excuse, this just seemed better for ME as I would be wondering what he is 'really' thinking and driving myself crazy with it (seriously and honestly shows that I am thinking what I need as well which is not a normal practice for me!). I'll have a better idea what is going on if we are together. Stay tuned on that.

Traveling girl...

I have been essentially living between two states since November of last year. A guy who I used to date in 2006/07 re-entered my life after deciding that a long-distance relationship wasn't what he wanted. (When we met he lived in the same state as me, but work was taking him out of state.)

Well, needless to say - over time he realized that I super wonderful (of course - ha!) and that we should give it a try. This was more than fine for me as this guy is a keeper and one that I would marry. As someone that never thought she would get married (never really wanted to) and has actually been engaged twice (uh, yep, I'm the REAL Runaway Bride - Julia Roberts movie) this is significant.

So where do I think this is headed? Actually to marriage. We have had many discussions about it, what each of us want, etc. I don't want a 'wedding'. I'd prefer that he get a ring, 'officially' ask me, and we just go get married.

My recovery has been challenging for both of us and frankly a little scary for me. As a 40-year-old woman that has always relied on herself and is very very independent it takes a effort of my part to let my guard down and fully let him in. I've been getting better at this over time, but also realize I have some more work to do.

How does this relate to my blog? Well, he doesn't know about my lap band. Nope - not at all. There are only 7 people in my life (none of which are family) that know about my surgery. I'm not sure how he will react, what he will think, etc. Yep, I'm scared about telling him as well, but I am going to have to tell him. When will I get the nerve up to do it is the question?

Hormones suck...

Oh yes, to all women I am stating the obvious and every single woman knows exactly what a woman is referring to and can totally relate. Well, men can't. They say they do, but nope. I have two types of hormones:

1. I am going to cry and cry for no reason
2. I am totally on edge and anything you say might set me off

In both instances, it is horrible for people around me and I gladly own this 100%. The problem is the getting mad shit that can occur (and usually does) by the man.

As a lovely side effect of the surgery, although I was lucky to get to keep my ovaries, they have to switch blood supplies. During this time, some people (SOME people) get the joy of experiencing some menopausal symptoms. Guess what? I am SOME people!!!! I had a hot flash and said - I hope I don't have any more of these, which I haven't, but my hormones are OUTTA WHACK big time. Both 1 & 2 as described. UGH!

I have not been working out because I am still sidelined because of the surgery. I have been eating a lot better than I had been though and am hoping that I will end up maintaining as a minimum.

I'm Back!

Hoping that I haven't been gone so long that people gave up on me! I plan to spend the next couple of days catching up with everyone's blogs.

Where have I been? Working and traveling and just busy in preparation for my surgery which was Monday---puts me out for a couple weeks and then only 40 hours for the next 4. (40 sounds normal for most people, but I usually end up working closer to 60 each week.) My workouts went down a bit and eating went a little south as I was anxious about the surgery itself, but overall remained at my last reported weight. (Yeah on that!)

I am supposed to listen to my body and I should be able to start walking when I feel up to it. No jogging or anything until after 4 weeks. As long as I'm walking and watching what I am eating, I don't think this will be an issue.

I'd be wondering if I read on someone's blog what the surgery was - well, I had a hysterectomy. Turns out that I had cervical cancer come back for the third time and was sick of dealing with it. This is supposed to take care of everything. The downside is kids are not a possibility, but I'm old anyway and can always adopt. The upside - no more periods!!! (And yep, I did get to keep my ovaries.)

Please make sure that in addition to breast self exams that you are going in for your annual checkup which includes a pap smear. Honestly, if you have to have cancer this isn't a bad one to have. It is very slow growing and if caught early it's not so bad with a very good prognosis.

As if...

What I was dealing with wasn't enough. Guess what? As of this afternoon, absolutely NO voice at all. I am hoping that by the time I wake up tomorrow that some of my voice will be back. It kinda makes it hard to work without a voice. ;-) No fever - so must be viral. Bottom line - I need to quit whining and woman up. As I said in my last post, no weigh in, but have been doing some workouts at the gym this week - just not at my normal intensity. Bad storms (thunder, golf ball sized hail, and tornado threat) is headed my way shortly. This is normally spring type weather, but the weather has seriously been crazy here in Texas.

For those of you that are in Australia (and happen to stop by my blog now and then), I hope you and your families are safe. I knew there were fires going on from reading the news online, but recently there has been a lot of coverage on the news here in the US. A horrible, horrible situation.

Mel - Thanks for the good wishes on my last post. I appreciate it. BTW - I LOVE the new outfit. Take a look at the pictures again objectively--meaning as if they are someone else you are looking at--- and you can see how much the outfit really just doesn't fit (in a good way - way too big!). You look fabulous in the new one!

SICK!

That's all I can say. Between my cold and my allergies - which are totally outta control - I have done a whole lotta nothing. I am not weighing in. I'm not doing much of anything. Hoping the bit of rain today will help with my allergies because my medicine sure isn't.

Hope everyone else had a better week than me!

Weekly Weigh In

Well, turns out I did lose 1.5lbs of the Santa weight and trying not to beat myself up about the fact that it likely would have been more without the Taco Bell & Candy. Definitely progress though, so I will focus on that. I did take today off from the gym, but am considering a walk. I'll see how I feel and what time I get done working. Current weight: 141 lbs.

Super Bowl Sunday!

It's Super Bowl Sunday and I'm sitting here watching the pre-game show. I am totally exhausted. I want to finish up the sorting, but the worst room (office) is what is left. I finished the kitchen though. I might have to leave the office until next weekend, but plan to keep going in and out this afternoon in case I get a second wind.

I was planning that next weekend would be for cleaning since all the sorting was to be done. I'll have to see how it goes. There is definitely plenty of time to do the sorting as it's pretty much 10 hours of TV for the Super Bowl. Seriously, for those of you that don't realize the beating (I mean entertainment), it starts at noon. Kickoff is about 5ish and goes until essentially 10pm tonight.

So what's my problem? My problem is that I am having the desire to eat crap!!! I am going to do my best to refrain and remind myself that tomorrow is my weigh in day. I thought maybe if I threw it out here that it might help with the battle. Again, it's not hunger. It's emotional crap eating. The cool thing (trying to find something) is that I am so good at recognizing it BEFORE it starts. In the past, I would recognize it after the fact - so that's real progress! And I would have to say that I mostly am able to deal with it!

I worked out every day this week. Honestly - too much. It is contributing to the feeling of exhaustion and my legs are not sore, but just worn out. Hard to describe. Depending on how I feel in the morning, I might have to go ahead and take a day off to let my legs rest. Doing the elliptical is also an option. I jogged 54 miles this week. Too bad I ate all that crap on Saturday or I'd be more optimistic that I would see a huge loss tomorrow!! Here's the exercise stats:

• Mon - 80 mins
• Tues - 80 mins + 65 mins
• Wed - 120 mins
• Thurs - 70 mins
• Fri - 65 mins
• Sat - 65 mins
• Sun - 62 mins

Note to self: TOMORROW is weigh in day. Deal with your emotions in another way rather than eating them! (And get the sorting done! ha)

BWAAAAAA...

Not really anything else I can say and here's why: I have been eating right and exercising all week (yeah me). Then last night I went out with a good friend for a couple adult beverages. I was already hungry, but add a little alcohol to the mix and I was starved. On the way home....TACO BELL and then I proceeded to eat a TON of candy. I am not kidding you. I ball parked the calories this morning and estimate it was easily between 1500 and 2000 for the extravaganza.

Bottom line - I can't use the drinks as the excuse. I was hungry and made bad choices. The candy - for me that slides right on by the band. So doesn't matter if I am probably already full, it goes right on down. I just plain didn't want to and wanted to eat a bunch of crap. Well, mission accomplished.

The good news - I am back on track today. That's the trick - do it - get it over with - and get back on track. In all honesty though I did do the beat up thing this morning and then said to myself - GET OVER IT AND SHUT UP. Cause it is over and done with. Nothing can be done about it now. Sometimes the self-kick-in-the-ass is quite effective for me! HA

What did I have? Nachos supreme with extra beans and a ton of fire sauce (Taco Bell really is a weakness of mine), Reese's miniature peanut butter cups, and Cadbury's milk chocolate. MMMMMM-mmmm-good I tell ya!

So, I won't - or I shouldn't be - surprised if I have little to no progress on my weigh in on Monday. Just thought of this - I just had my Superbowl party early! There is a lot of crap at Superbowl parties and this year I have decided to just stay home so I can get some things done around the place at the same time.

I am busy sorting out the house today. My friend that was here helped me get the stuff that I had piled in the garage to the donation place this morning, so I am going through the rest of the house. I've lived in this house for 12 years and crap - crap that I don't need or use I might add - has piled up. I just want it out. So, if I workout today, it will be later. If I don't, then I will for sure tomorrow.

Here's my exercise so far this week:

• Mon - 80 mins
• Tues - 80 mins + 65 mins
  
• Wed - 120 mins
• Thurs - 70 mins
• Fri - 65 mins
• Sat - **
• Sun - **

**Workout at least one of the days.

Stayed the SAME!???

That's right people. No movement on the Santa weight whatsoever. So, I am still what I was the last time I reported in (142.5 lbs). Honestly, I am surprised. I thought I would see something. The funny thing is that I am in such better shape than when I was this weight before. My mile time is 6 miles in an hour no problem and can push it a lot of days for more. I don't subscribe to the "maybe it's muscle weight" theory as it takes a TON of effort for a female to put on muscle mass and I haven't been doing that kind of workouts. It may be possible though that my fat percent has dropped, because if the scale is right - which is only one measurement people! remember that - my clothes at the pre-Santa weight (135.5 lbs) fit just fine. I would expect that a 7 lb swing would make my clothes tight and that honestly isn't the case. Anyway, who the heck really knows right? Reminder to self - it's only one measurement. Tons of factors could be in play: hormones, water, etc. Just keep on keeping on that's what I have to do and am going to do.

I'm also having some surgery in early March that will take me out of commission for some time on the workout front. I'm not positive yet how long the recovery is, but I would like to get to 134 by the surgery if at all possible. My concern with the surgery has to do with the downtime and the potential for me to not only get outta shape (inevitable), but put on some weight (just not sure what is going to happen). I'd like to be at the lowest weight by then to help manage any weight gain. I will try to monitor and eat what I am supposed to (bandster food), but the reality is that it could very likely be a HUGE struggle.

Well...

I got ready - gym clothes on, shoes, iPod - the whole deal. Then work hit again. So by the time I got all the work stuff wrapped up I only had an hour to get ready. So no workout on Friday. No workout on Saturday or Sunday either (when I am out of town with the guy that is just the reality. No workouts on Sat/Sun)...weigh in tomorrow should be interesting. My clothes are fitting fine, but I'd like the scale to be down. Plus, I'm 70 days out from my goal of being at 134 lbs. Look for another report tomorrow with the weigh in stats.

PLEASE please please weight loss fairies don't let me down! (And yes, I am a dork.) Here's the exercise stats...

• Mon - 65 mins
• Tues - 65 mins
• Wed - 65 mins
• Thurs - 65 mins
• Fri - Off
• Sat - Off
• Sun - Off

Since I am back home for the next 20 days I should be able to get my workouts back up a bit. Looking forward to some downward progress.

Procrastinating...

That is officially what I am doing. How do I know? I have worked past the time I was supposed to and have now cleaned the house. Why? Cause I didn't go work out this morning and now don't want to. I am trying to get myself to go and thought that maybe - just maybe - if I blogged about it that it would get me there.

My guy didn't have to go to work until mid-day. He said to me - why don't we go to the gym in the morning? (I normally just go.) I said - OK, if you are really going to, great. Cause it's Friday and if I don't get it done, then I won't want to. (hmmm, self-fulfilling prophecy???).

Anyway, guess what? Didn't happen. Asked him about it, then I started working. Asked again and then guess what? Time for him to go to work and no gym! GRRRRR - MEN!

So, here I am thinking about how I should go, but how I don't really really wanna.

Reasons to go:

• Santa weight (which I don't know where I am because I couldn't weigh in)
• Drinking tonight
• Won't workout tomorrow and can't Sunday because I am traveling back to TX
• Eaten OK all week, but exercise is not what it was which would be fine if eating was more than OK.
• Santa weight
• Cause I should
• Did I say: Santa Weight?
• I have to be ready by 6pm. With 1 hour to get ready - which I don't even need that much time - that leaves an hour to workout.
• I'll be glad I did afterward

Reasons not to go:

• I don't wanna

Well needless to say the reasons to go outweigh the not. But I am not making any promises. Dang it! I don't wanna! (Had to get that last little tantrum out)

Exercise so far this week:

• Monday - 65 mins
• Tuesday - 65 mins
• Wednesday - 65 mins
• Thursday - 65 mins
• Friday - TBD
• Saturday - Most likely a no.
• Sunday - Traveling - OFF

Weekly Weigh In

Well, I'm not home with my scale, so not weighing in. Scale differential is just not a good thing. I did eat well all week, exercise was OK, and did some drinking (but also a lot of dancing). I'm hoping that the scale will reflect it next week when I weigh in.

I had mentioned in a previous post that I thought there was a chance that I needed to fill. NOPE. I just need to eat what I am supposed to eat (no soft foods and hard protein) and things have been going fine. I am optimistic that I have made some progress against the Santa weight.

It's good for me to fight the urge to stand on the scale here. So, I am thinking it is a good exercise for me. I've been wondering - do women have a 'scale obsession' gene? bwwaaa

Hope everyone is doing well. I also need to catch up on everyone's blogs.

Exercise

• Monday - 65 mins
• Tuesday - 65 mins
• Wednesday - Travel - OFF
• Thursday - 65 mins
• Friday - 65 mins
• Saturday - OFF
• Sunday - OFF

OMG! Weekly Weigh In

You have got to be kidding me?? The scale must be broken. Um nope, it is Santa weight and it isn't broken AND it isn't 6 lbs. It is SEVEN. That's right people - seven-frickin-pounds. I can feel it and I can see it. Best friend says no way. I said, who is gonna lie???? I am at 142.5 from 135.5 on my birthday in December. Yes, it sucks and yes it is also a bit depressing. AND yes I am venting! I have to get it out.

I must continue to eat like a bandster (just got back on track) - avoid soft foods and most importantly avoid crap. I swear I got into a habit for a few weeks of eating around the band. Bad, bad, bad. I'm going to eat the right food and the right amount and see how things go. I honestly was feeling very hungry as well. Possible (and likely) reasons:

• I was eating crap - high sugar / high carb - body wants more, more, more!
• I was eating too much and have stretched my pouch. Had a couple bouts of heartburn.
  
• I was eating the wrong food. Too many soft foods. Therefore I wasn't feeling full.

I'll see how it goes. I really think it was all of the above. Well I have to go and watch some 'crack' TV. That's what I call TV shows that are train wreck, once you start watching them you can't stop. So, I'm off to watch Momma's Boys. (Big time hilarious train wreck. Where do they find these people??? And, hello? Why the hell am I watching! HA!)

Tomorrow...

Yep, I have to do it. Get on the scale tomorrow and find out my weight. FACE THE MUSIC WOMAN! I doubt I have much of a change and am anticipating that it will still reflect the "Wii Weigh In" of 141.5 lbs---oh please, do NOT let it be worse. A 6lbs gained from where I was before the Santa weight 135.5 lbs. (OMG - I would be sooooo glad if by some miracle it was a number starting with '13', but not going to get my hopes up...just going to say a little wish to the weight loss fairies.)

Oh well, as I've said over and over - it is what it is. Just brush myself off and get going again. I took it easy this week exercise wise because of my Wii injury (nope - seriously was not kidding about that).

Planning to get back to more of a normal workout level this week. Here's the exercise summary:

• Mon - 60 mins
• Tues - 60 mins
• Wed - OFF
• Thurs - OFF
• Fri - 60 mins
• Sat - OFF
• Sun - 60 mins

LOVE THIS STUFF!!!! Aquafina ALIVE

OK - You have to check out this new water from Aquafina (made by Pepsi/PepsiCo). This stuff is A-W-E-S-O-M-E!

There are 3 varieties available. Yeah, yeah - the pic shows 4, but I can only find 3 of the 4. Here's my free commercial for them on these...

• Energizer (Orange / Lime Flavor). Sounds weird, huh? Well it tastes GOOD! I was kinda scared it would taste too much like lime. Nope! Zero calories in this one, but the Energizer part is from the caffeine. So, be warned - it's like drinking a cup of coffee, but better for you (my opinion) but supported by the fact that they threw in some B vitamins.

• Protect (Berry Pomegranate). Now, to be fair. You put pomegranate in water and I'm a happy girl. So, I may not be the best judge on this one. Again, zippo calories. Running low on antioxidants? This one has E and C vitamins. How much? Not sure - probably on the website. (I'll let you guys go check that out if you want to.)

• Satisfy (Peach Mango). This one I can't find! I want it, want it, want it! (Tantrum is officially over.) This one has TEN calories, but guess what? It's from FIBER!!! Rock-on!!! I have a hard time getting in enough fiber. This way I get fiber and water in one go. Let's be real people - you'd have to drink TEN of these to get to 100 calories, so I am just fine with the 10 calories. I'm on the hunt for this one.

If you decide to try this out, let me know what you think!!!