What to do?

I could:

But I really need a break. And, I deserve a break after 11 hours. I could:

I went this morning, but I could get an extra workout in tonight since my husband isn't home. It's a possibility, but if I do go I need to take it easy. I could:

This picture sums it up. It's official. I fail at being an early packer. Thursday morning here I come and pretty much whatever I can put together from my closet. Plus, I'd really like to go shopping in Chi anyway. Eh, I might as well just choose:

And, nope, I'm not a star. That's one of the things we do at camp and it's so hilarious that when I saw this I had to use it. We call them star jumping jacks. But I'm a dork, so when I am going up in the air like these guys (uh, I wish with that much air) I will say "I'm a star" out loud repeatedly. Hey, it takes my mind off of how much they suck and gives everyone around me a laugh...some even join in now and then.

And yes, this post is actually making me get out the door. Cause without it, I'd likely just:

I got nothing...

Ya, the fact that I can't even come up with a title pretty much sums up my week. And here's a visual:

It's always possible that when I look back on this post a year from now that I will (hopefully) be thinking that I was getting all riled up about nothing...unfortunately right now, I do not think that will be the case. Oh well, it is what it is, right?

Other than whining about work and doing 7 camps with another one tomorrow. Um, let's just say that my husband will go if I go and leave it at that. I am just tired. Chicago? Continued fleeting thoughts that I should figure out if I have clothes to wear. But that's my plan for this weekend. *doorbell* 

Things are looking up already! Nothing starts a weekend like a new pair of shoes...even if they are for running! Happy Weekend!

This and That Tuesday

Originally New Balance told me that I wouldn't be able to get shoes until November. Imagine my surprise when NB contacted ME and let me know that my shoes were available to order. That is good customer service in my book!

My husband did his first bootcamp. He now understands why I always say there is no way I'd do the stuff that I do in camp on my own. He's out of town again, but may be back Wednesday night....I was teasing him saying that camp might be a deterrent and keep him out of town.

There is talk about doing a 6, 7, or 10 mile mud run next month. I am resisting the peer pressure. I'm not sure I'd have fun at a longer one. Me and another gal suggested a compromise for another run that is only 3.25 miles. Plus, you get a cape, a medal, and there's a FIRE obstacle. That sounds much better to me.

I'm hoping that family commitments for Thanksgiving will allow me to do the Turkey Trot. There's a 5K and an 8-mile run. I've done the 8-mile a few times and it has always been a blast. Plus, I'm planning on getting a new hat. I have 3 leaders at the moment. (Click image to make it bigger...I hope!)

Since I'm getting new shoes, I'm thinking I might get a new Road I D as well. If you don't have one and don't carry ID with you when you run, you should consider getting one. I have a medicine allergy that I want to be sure they know about if something were to happen to me.

And another safety item my husband taught me, on your phone you should put your contact person (for me my husband - you: spouse, partner, bff, whomever) listed as "ICE" - in case of emergency. Turns out that responders will look at your phone and this will help them immediately figure out who to contact.

Hmmmm, I normally make my oatmeal with almond milk. Today after the two camps yesterday and the one this morning, I was a bit of a zombie. I accidentally made it with skim milk instead. It doesn't taste as good.

At the rate I'm going, I will win the procrastinator award for getting ready for the trip. I get little flashes of panic when I read that people have new outfits, are packed, etc. now and then. But not to the point of action. Not to worry, this is quite normal for me.

Race Recap: Got Dirty, Had Fun, Did Go0d

My goal for this mud run was to make it through (or over) all obstacles and have fun. I wasn't racing for time. But I did push myself. I started with a group of people, but two other people said to me that they wanted to pick up the pace, so I set off with them. We went through the course pushing ourselves through the run portions, but hit bottle necks at a few obstacles and at others would help people through them. (We just had a hard time passing and leaving people struggling right next to us!)

The course was 3.1 miles and had roughly 20 obstacles. While the obstacles were challenging, I think the run between obstacles was harder. It had rained heavily the night before and there had been multiple waves before mine. The course was a mud pit from start to finish. So running between the obstacles was entirely on mud. I swear the effort was like running uphill the entire time (oh and there were hills too! *sarcastic*) and keeping my footing was also challenging. Here's a map of the course:

MandaPanda guessed right and the Prison Sh0wer was a fire hose which they were nailing us with as we were crossing water about 2-3 feet deep. I am scared of heights...oh, and I don't swim either. Thankfully I'm tall, so the deepest water on me was chest height. But the cargo ladder, that was scary for me. I figure it was 15 feet high (but was probably more like 100). You climb up and over to go back down the other side. i was fine going up. Then I got to the top and had a tiny bit of a freak out inside (OMG, I am going to fall and die. I can't do this...etc.). But I was a bit committed (ha) at that point, so I just took a deep breath and got myself over and climbed down. The adrenalin made my legs a bit shaky, but once I started jogging again I felt OK.

Here's a shot of one of the obstacles crawling under barbed wire. While it appears to be water, don't let that fool you. That is pure thin stinky mud!

And here's a before and after. I donated my shoes and threw everything else away except my pants.

Things I learned:

• I made it through and over all obstacles. :)
• I need to figure out pants that I can also toss.
• We passed lots of guys on the course, so it made us feel like we were doing well. And, in my defense of putting this bullet, a large percentage of those guys were pissed that they were being passed by "girls" (we heard them). *neener neener*...We finished 20 mins before our group.
• The "showers" provided at the end were fire hoses and pretty much smelled like sewer water. *gross* There really isn't much alternative, but next time I will bring a big bucket of baby wipes. 
• Talking about those brain eating things in the water that have surfaced in Texas recently while in the water added a layer of excitement in freaking everyone out. *I did not bring it up!*
• Woo hoo! Another item checked off my wellness goals for the year! 
• Mud runs are F-U-N! And, are definitely challenging. I'd do one again, but I'm not sure I'd be interested in a 6-10 miler.

NB Shoes

For work or hanging out shoes I'll wear "normal" width shoes by buying a smaller size vs. narrow. I'm sure this would freak out a podiatrist, but narrow widths are limited and expensive.

But my running shoes are always the right width and size to ensure comfort (preservation of toe nails!), performance (the right shoes make you faster - in my mind they do), and prevent injuries as I am sure I'd compensate somehow for a bad fit which just can't be good. I tried so many shoes over the years and felt like Goldilocks until I landed on a particular New Balance shoe which was "just right". Nobody within a reasonable distance of me stocks narrow, so I always buy them online directly from NB.

Imagine my surprise when I went online and there are no narrow in any size. I called and spoke to New Balance and there won't be anymore produced until November. So my hunt for a needle in a haystack for a  pair in stock at a store started.  I've since called around to all the major running stores that were nice enough to also call around and no luck. *Sigh* Light bulb moment - I will be in another state the week after next!!! Maybe I can find a pair in Chicago!!! 

Other things I'm whining thinking about:

• Work stress just wears me out. It's funny how it makes me physically tired. I've got 5 bootcamps in for the week and tomorrow is the race. I'm really not feeling it, but I am going to suck it up and go. I'm sure I'll get caught up in it once I get there, it will be fun, and I'll be glad I did it. Plus, it's one of the things I had on my Wellness Goals for the year. Man, already almost time for 3rd quarter stats. 
• I've been thinking about my blog and how it's not really so band related anymore. Now and then I'll have a post when I am trying to give myself a kick in the butt, but my band is just there. What I realized is how great a resource my blog is for me, seeing how far I've come mentally/emotionally in addition to the weight loss, my own accountability to things like my wellness goals, venting and whining, and because of what I said in this post.
• That's it's FRIDAY! Yippeeeee!!!!!!

Tenday

Basically I'm swamped, but I wanted to get a few things down...

1. So, I went to this big fancy mall where I didn't find any jeans, but I did see a duck standing on a turtle. We stood there convinced this was a fluke until 10 mins later the duck was still on that turtle. Yep, the turtle was alive and at one point even moved around, but the duck just stayed right on top.

2. I went and saw Warri0r which I enjoyed, but it also hit close to home so was hard for me to watch in parts. After the movie, I said to my husband that I swore I missed my calling and that I really was supposed to be a U F C fighter. Well, if my pals at Group0n didn't hear me say that and what did I find and get? 10 real live boxing training sessions for cheap! ....The being hit, hitting someone, and the blood will prevent me from pursuing this second career. I'll stick with bags and mitts. : )
3. I also purchased a month of yoga and need to figure out when I can start and get the most sessions in.
4. I met up with Beth Ann and Angela. BTW - they look a-m-a-z-i-n-g!!!! It has been so exciting for me to watch their progress.
5. At our meeting place, there were lots of signs of fall! Um, too bad the weather this week is not fall-ish! (Today it's supposed to be 106!)



6. Angela was my lucky charm and I did find one pair of jeans...for cheap! Score!
7. And yes, a pair of shoes were also purchased. My husband's reaction to them - those are sexy. Perfect!
8. I made a scallop dish that turned out way better than I expected. : ) The sear was much better on my husband's plate, but his just didn't look as pretty. 
   
   
   
9. The pris0n shower still doesn't have any more information, but it made for a fun conversation at bootcamp this morning with other people that are also doing the race and wondering.
10. The Hunger Game$ Trilogy is hard to put down!

Tenday...

1. I made a slide show using pics of my friend's adorable little boy on his first day of kindergarten...to terrorize ply my bff with his adorableness to buy some cookies for a school fundraiser. Uh yah, one week in and already a fundraiser. Good thing he's a cute kid. He said to me: "But Fluffy, I really really NEED an air horn!" D-I-E


2. Two boxes of cookies later. *SIGH* At least they are pre-portioned and frozen and not here yet. Strangely this worked for me the last time I was suckered into  supported a school fundraiser.


3. They didn't have sugar cookies. Which would have come in super handy for the holidays. Oh wait, I'm guessing there will likely be another opportunity...snort.


4. There are roughly 115ish days left in the rest of the year. I will should be thinking between now and when it hits 100 days left of some year-end goals.


5. I have a cleaning crew coming to my house for a one-time-top-to-bottom clean.Ya, I'm that lazy and ya there are that many cobwebs and dusty baseboards.


6. My husband thinks we should have a cleaner come in every other week. I guess he really does hate vacuuming that much...or thinks that my ability to clean a house is really that bad. 


7. My husband is out of town. I'm feeling lonely. Good thing those cookies aren't here yet.


8. In 11 days, I have the Jailbreak. There's mud, rope ladders, hurdles, "river" run, prison shower...Uh, what the hell is that? I looked on the course map and that's all it says "prison shower". Please don't tell me we have to get naked and do some of the course wearing only soap on a rope...If so, I will be skipping that...and taking pictures.


9. I still need to get a pair of jeans for Chi...well, I can't just wear a pair of jeans - I don't think I'd get past T S A - so I need to figure out some outfits.


10. I'd like these boots. Ya, 'spensive, but they will last forever! I could always be cremated in them. Hmmm, tempting position on why I need these boots for the husband.

Ladders

Bootcamp today...LADDERS! Narrated with comments and cheesy graphics and everything...by me!
So a ladder is something you step on to get to things you can't reach a progression of reps up and then back down. It looks like ----->
Here's what we did with an added bonus of the "break" that you take between each ladder rep completion....It's really not important, but (1) I actually remembered the torture what we did which was a miracle and (2) I got a bit carried away with the graphics.

Ladder Exercises

1. Pushups
2. Full squats (Thighs don't hit calves = trainer yell fest)
3. Johnny C's (Elbows remained in tact! Gotta celebrate the small stuff, right?)

"Break" 1

• 200 yard sprint (you call that a sprint???)

"Break" 2

1. Jumping burpee for 15 yards
2. Skip lunge for 15 yards
3. High knees for 15 yards (get those knees up people!)
4. Oh now go back from whence you came and live the joy again to get back to the starting point - translation - repeat 3, 2, and 1 and do the next ladder.

Part way through I felt like this:

Then like this:

 And toward the end, my legs felt like this:

 But ultimately I felt like this:

Cause I finished? NOPE. Cause next round my husband is doing bootcamp with me! (I think he's a bit scared. Ok, I'm just telling myself that cause it's fun.) Before he signed up, I said that it was my time - ya, I know it sounds harsh - but I wasn't "momming" him to go. And, that I didn't think the mornings would work for him if he's honest with himself (he sucks at getting up as in seriously sucks hits the snooze 8 zillion times and his work schedule has many meetings that start at 7).

So, we landed on me going in the morning like I usually do, but that I will also go 3 nights a week with him as well.  Uh yah, that's 8 camps a week. With the heat, I've been sticking to 5-6. It's STILL 100+ every day, but this morning it was 68 degrees! While I was training for my half, I was doing 7 camps with my long run on the weekend. So, I figure I should be OK and who knows it might even get me interested in considering another half this year. Oh well, it's only a month and Chi is in the mix which will cut bootcamp down that week.Here's to a continued cool down!

Please Send "The Fairy"

My husband unexpectedly was out of town today, so I found myself at loose ends. I did a bunch of housework and knocked out the grocery shopping. Then I figured that I had procrastinated enough and I might as well go check out the sales in an effort to get a few "real" clothes. Yah, I really hate shopping for myself that much and my summer clothes aren't going to cut it through fall/winter and my trip to Chi.

Off to the mall. I wasn't looking for work clothes as my current wardrobe *ahem* tshirts and shorts will be fine as long as I get to continue to work from home. I was on a hunt for casual hanging out / weekend wear. Specifically jeans.

I was convinced that a certain store would have some jeans so that was my first stop. I haven't tried any on in a long time and the few pairs I do have are too big. I'm pretty sure I was wandering around the store looking lost. This young gal came up and asked me if I wanted some help. I told her that I was looking for jeans and had no idea what I wanted. She offered to help me find a bunch of styles to try on. Great! So, she asks me what size I am and I seriously started to mumble about how I'm not sure, etc. She said, well what about the shorts that you have on. What size are those? I tell her and I blushed with embarrassment! As in full on felt my face get hot red. Unbelievable! Well, and embarrassing! Even as I type this I'm not sure why I was embarrassed and am going to have to think on that more.

I did try on the 8 or so pairs of jeans, but I was Go1dilocks. There was something wrong with each pair, but unfortunately didn't find the pair that was "just right" either *sigh*. I left that store and did walk into a few others, but I didn't see anything that I liked and was pretty much out of the mood of trying anything on at that point. So, if you know the jeans fairy - or are convinced that you know THE brand of jeans to try - please send me an email and let me know the brand.

***OMG - This is exactly why I blog. I think I was embarrassed because in my head I'm thinking she's responding with *snort* uh huh sure you are that size. AND, then what if she brings me that size and then they ARE too small *horror*. Because I'm shocked that I fit in the size I do. Anyway, there's some pretty warped projection dysmorphia crap going on there, but at least it's some nugget to ponder.

I can't remember if I blogged about this when it happened, but a few months ago I went to a going away party for one of my husband's friends. There were about 14 couples. I knew the wife of the guy that is my husband's friend and one other wife. I had stressed about what I was going to wear and ended up wearing my white capris (in picture), a fitted top with some *bling* stuff on it, and heels.

Anyway, later in the night after a number of the stepford wives had a lot to drink were talking about shopping and/or dieting. I can't remember exactly what they were talking about except that one of them made a comment to me that was "oh, well I'm sure you are a size zero" AND something about white pants (not said in a flattering way either). And, I was embarrassed then too. I was also totally speechless. I mean really, what do you say to that? (My husband leaned over and meowed and said wow, that was bitchy.)

Hell, I don't know where I am going with this. I am going to publish it though as it will likely keep in on my mind on some level to think about it some more. I don't think I'll be doing anymore shopping this weekend though! Go figure it could bring up so much crap for me. Anyway, off to figure out something to do for the evening...

Fun Times in Maintenance

Every now and then I think about getting a fill. And recently I've had fleeting thoughts about it. But over the years I've noticed some general themes are usually surfacing when the thought does come to mind for me:

1. My stress level may be much higher than normal.
2. I may not be generally making healthy food choices. (Eating more crap which can also include increased adult beverages.)
3. My healthy food choices may not be ones that satisfy my hunger. 
4. My portions may be off which is usually attributable to eating slider foods.
5. My exercise routine may be disrupted.

People may disagree, but a fill isn't going to address any of these things. In fact, I believe that it could possibly make the situation worse for me as it could limit the healthy choices that I do have.

Note: Keep in mind I am in maintenance. While I think being tight to the point that eating 1/2 - 3/4 cup-ish of food is not possible is not good, that's me and my opinion. Everyone's journey is different and everyone should take anything they read on a blog with a grain of salt. Ultimately, I encourage everyone to reflect and be honest with yourself and your doctor to figure out what is in YOUR best interest to get to goal...and to stay there.

And when I dig really really deep...and am super duper honest, which is really hard!, about thinking about a fill...I think the desire is really about fear and control. Fear that I will start backtracking. Fear of failure. Fear of regain. Feeling "out of control" on other things, so a fill will give me some control. *sigh* But I really do have control over all the things that I've listed. I don't need a fill for that. What I need to do is:

1. Remember that stressing about stuff that is not under my control is just plain silly.
2. Choose mainly healthy food choices. I feel better and have more energy when I do.
3. Aim for balance in the healthy food choices---protein, fruits, veggies, fiber, etc.
4. Sliders are a fancy way of saying crap food for me. Crap food is OK now and then. But it needs to be less "now".
5. Exercise.  (git-r-done). I'm important. I'm a priority. It helps with stress and makes me feel good. (Ha - today it sounds like I'm channeling the "you like me" 0scar speech.)

So nothing psycho Fluffy, just a little bit more focus. You're stressed, sleeping like crap, and tired. Be kind to yourself. BTW -  You do not need to stand on the scale either...just sayin'.

Related posts:
My thoughts on protein and some other opinions
Restriction
Golden(?) rules
My Most Important Rules
Why Do You Exercise?
Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3
The Five W's
Divorcing the Scale