Friday, August 19, 2011

Beat Down Week

I'm not going to lie. This week has really beat me down and I'm worn out. I'm just at a super high stress level and when I am it leads to a bunch of other stupid thoughts. I have learned though THE BEST way to control eating. My secret? Just have a TMJ flare up to the point that your jaw hurts so much that you can't chew! To help alleviate this, I've been asked to wear my guard all the time that I can and to reduce my stress (duh). It's clear and really unnoticeable until I talk and sound like I have a bit of a lisp, but still quite lovely. I kinda wish it was neon and glowed though. I just think it'd lead to some entertaining looks and who knows what people would say.

What have I done to manage the stress?
  • Verbalized it to my husband. It's not really talking because I don't have enough information to talk at this point vs. just to say "I'm feeling super stressed". But for me, this is progress. Historically I have always internalized (or hidden from) my feelings.
  • Went to camp as planned...every. single. day. I'll tell you it was a struggle. My sleep has sucked and I have a bad case of the don't wannas, but I knew the exercise would help me, so I dragged my a$$ there. Sometimes it just comes to that. Alarm goes off and it would be oh so easy to hit snooze or set it to a later time, but nope. Get up and get out!
  • I have been tossing around the idea of running another half this year. For now, I've decided that training for it would just add to my stress and I'd probably not enjoy it with where my head is at currently. There's still plenty of time to make a final decision, but now is not the right time. (If there are any other b00bs training for a half in December, please let me know. I figure if I am I might need to do a 7-8 mile run while in Chi....*cough* hangover permitting. I like to plan ahead.)
  • Made healthy choices. Having to eat soft foods/liquids is not my preferred method. I get the most satisfaction from eating "real" food and my bandster portions. To help, I went to the store and got a selection of soups that sounded good and some new flavors of yogurt. It's restaurant week here in Dallas, we're going to a fancy restaurant tonight so I'm hoping that all this babying of my stupid jaw will pay off and I'll be able to eat something!
So yah, some other crap has surfaced as well. Stuff that intellectually I know is stupid and it's just anxiety, will be fine, etc. I figured I'd throw them out here regardless in case there are other b00bs that *might* be having some similar thoughts...
  • I saw on a few blogs "formal night" and getting clothes to wear. I saw that and my reaction was "whhhaaaaatttt?". Started thinking, hell I've got nothing to wear and it could still be 123 degrees here when I leave for Chi, but who knows what the temp will be there. What will I wear? etc. etc. Eh, I'll figure it out. I just repeat to myself that it's a great opportunity for shoes and it brings comfort to me. ;)
  • My blog doesn't really contain much personal information other than about this journey. I start thinking things like "whoa, nobody is going to know me" and other thoughts on that same theme. Yes, stupid. I will just have to make sure that I introduce myself and to force myself to reach out to people (it's kinda like that feeling thing).
  • And last, but not least, .... come on - somebody must also be thinking some of these same things! ---- I'm seen live and in person and I start wondering what the gals will think. "She could still stand to lose a few" "There's no way she weighs what she says she does" "She doesn't look that fit" "She's not as 'small' as I thought she'd be"....yep, I recognize these are MY insecurities surfacing and there may be only 1 or 2 people that think any of these things (seriously joking), but even if there is. Oh well, out of my control. It is what it is.
And yet, with all these thoughts, I look forward to meeting as many of you as I can. That's a good thing. : )


Cece said...

Great job with managing your stress ... I cannot imagine the pain of a TMJ flareup ... the minor tmj problems I have are enough to make me want to poke my eye ... be good to yourself ... you're allowed :)

Shannon said...

I hope your flareup decided to finish it's buisness soon.

I kinda did a holy crap when I saw the formal night and don't have anything to wear.
Also you are not the only one who has those little insecurities. I get them too. So High five!
I can't wait to meet you at BOOBs :)

Laura Belle said...

Stress is a huge problem for me. Always has been, always will be. Right now, talking it out to a counselor is helping me. Also, I just think i'm too busy to overthink it or worry about it, which is a first for me.

As long as you DEAL with it, and don't suppress it, you'll survive to see better days!

Kristin50 said...

I cannot wait to meet you. I have a ton of stress. It is one of the biggest reasons that I put back on 50 pounds that I am now having to take back off.

I have no idea what I am going to wear either. I am just hopeful I will fit in!!

Beth Ann said...

I know you and I ADORE you! You are beautiful, funny and just plain awesome.

I'm sitting out of restaurant week this year. Hope you are going somewhere fun!

MandaPanda said...

First, I think all the insecurities you feel about boobs is normal. I'm still so jealous that I won't be there.

Second, I'm so proud of how you've been handling a stressful week. This week has been particularly terrible for me and I haven't handled it nearly as well. Kudos to you!

FitBy40 said...

you are awesome, beautiful and strong. Keep in mind that we ALL have issues with ourselves, especially body issues. That's why we had WLS, right?!
You'll be the rock star that you are, and we all love you!

Rachel said...

I wont be there, but wish I could be! Can't wait to follow your blogging journey!

Ronnie said...

I doubt anyone'll think that, and if they do, I'll whoop 'em! I wish I could participate in restaurant week, but I doubt they'd appreciate me bringin' my little bad ass children in any of those nice places. lol