Friday, April 15, 2011

Good Enough

I can remember at different times throughout this journey wondering "am I doing good enough?" There were two things that I was doing that were setting me up to think that I wasn't.
  1. Setting unrealistic goals.
  2. Comparing myself to others.
Unrealistic goals came in different forms for me. I used things like "you should" lose this much per week to calculate dates that I should be at X weight. Or setting workout goals that I didn't really like or just didn't work with my schedule. As the saying goes, failure was not an option. So I ended up feeling bad about myself. Thinking I wasn't doing good enough and beating myself up. Let's be real, that's just not healthy for me or anyone.

I think it is a natural tendency for me to veer toward an all or nothing mentality. I have found that in my professional life as well and have been working on balance in all aspects.

Don't get me wrong, I am in no way saying that goals are not imporant. Hell, I have them. It's that I have learned that goals need to be realistic, or even more so for me, that it is OK to say that goal sucks and I'm changing it or kicking it to the curb. It doesn't mean I'm a failure, not good enough, or not trying hard enough.  It means the goal was unrealistic from the get go, I decided I wasn't enjoying the journey to achieve that goal, or I needed more time to get there. Bottom line, I need to be kinder to myself and acknowledge that I am good enough regardless of achieving a goal or not. Tough lesson and one that after years of thinking otherwise is still pretty hard.

When I was banded nearly 6 years ago, there was only a handful of blogs and most people were not much further along on their journey than me. In hindsight maybe this actually was a good thing for me. I think women naturally compare themselves to other women. Genetics? Environment? Who knows, but what I do know is that it seems to be a "woman thang".

What's funny about it though is that we do it with this bad intent. At least for me, I don't walk into a room and go --- ha ha, I am now thinner than her, her, her---it's this weirdo, OMG, I look horrible compared to her, fatter, whatever. It's almost a way we have of beating ourselves up and again, not being good enough. To get to my point, this journey is about each of us individually. The band is different for everyone. It's a tool that is the same, but our bodies are different and unique. There are variations everywhere, fill level, amount of exercise performed/needed, rate of loss, overall weight loss, etc. But bottom line, don't compare, set realistic goals, be kind to yourself, and remember ultimately that we ARE all "good enough". (In fact, were not good, we're grrreeeattttt!)


Dawnya said...

Oh Fluffy...I so needed to read this today.

I'm over here feeling like a failure for only losing 32 pounds in 5 months.

I look at the blogs of my wonderful blogging family and I see women who have lost 100 pounds in 7 months or in a year.

I'm always so excited for them...but inwardly I'm burning with envy. I want it so bad. I don't want to fail myself, my family, my blogging sisters.

It's amazing...I am always telling others we are all different...the journey is different for us all. But I still can't convince myself that is true.

Thanks again Fluffy for sharing this. I'm printing it out and carrying it in my wallet as a reminder.

Justawallflower said...

This is a beautiful post! We all need to remember this, no matter where we r in our journey, or what rate we're working at, it is a personal journey that we will progress in at our own rate. Thanks for those words!

Cat's Chic Chat said...

Wow, I sincerely love this post. It's been the hardest thing for me as a brand newbie bandster is reading about people that have lost 100 lbs over the course of 7 mos or whatever...I want so much to be like them that I scour the blogs for the tiniest pieces of info. I've been "the fat friend" since I was in 2nd grade. I want this so much and I must admit I'm impatient. I need to as you've said, slow down and be kind to myself.

FitBy40 said...

Thanks for this gentle reminder. I needed to see that this morning!