Not gonna do it...

Weigh in. But the reason is pretty good. I've extended my stay out of town and don't have my scale. I think I gained and the last thing I need to do is add a scale factor in there with the variables that adds.

I don't think I did too badly considering, but far from stellar. Plus as most people have probably realized, I gain very easily. My exercise has been horrible. Two days only.

I am feeling particularly crampy today - TTOTM. And that is definitely having an impact on my desire to do much more than lay around.

Oh well. I have decided that until January 5 when I return to work, I'm not putting pressure on myself.

Exercise - um, does this qualify? ;-P

• Mon - OFF
• Tues - OFF
• Wed - 65 mins
• Thurs - 65 mins
• Fri - OFF
• Sat - OFF
• Sun - OFF

Weekly Weigh In

Let's just say that yesterday I ate like it was Christmas. A whole ton of stuff and a whole ton of salt, so I am not at all surprised that the scale is reflecting a HUGE gain of 3.5 lbs. I have got to get a handle on things. It has nothing to do with restriction. It is me making bad choices and eating crap. Regardless of how tight I am or was - chocolate, cookies, chex mix, frapps, etc. would still go down just fine. Classic eating around the band.

I wasn't going to weigh in and then decided I needed to see the damage. Needless to say I am freaking out. Tomorrow I am leaving town, so it could get worse. I am going to try to do my best to navigate all of this and not obsess as much as I possibly can. I swear it is hardest when you are trying to maintain and all the pressure people put on you to eat 'cause you are so thin'; 'you can have some'; 'it's the holidays'; the litany of these sayings is endless! I do much better when I am losing. How is it that losing is an easier goal than maintaining? I just don't get it. Oh well, cause I am back on the losing goal so that should be easier then, huh? The struggle and battle never ends!

Exercise for past week:

• Mon - 106 mins
• Tues - 105 mins
• Wed - OFF
• Thurs - OFF
• Fri - 120 mins
• Sat - 116 mins
• Sun - OFF - too busy eating...*sigh*
  

Metabolism...

....Of a sloth. That's pretty much what I have and always have had. I was thin to chubby in childhood and pretty much all through my late 20's I was thin to skinny with some maybe 20 lbs variations at the most. But I managed to do that by exercising a lot and being active all the time. In my 30's with some bad things that happened to me, I developed really really bad depression and my activity level changed to pretty much nothing other than going to work, but my sloth-like metabolism did not. So the weight piled on quickly because I would eat until I was full. Sloth-like metabolism + no activity + food = fat.

So what happened? I got even more depressed. Depression so bad that hospitalization was considered, but I was adamant that would throw me over the edge. The band was a last resort for me as I am sure it is for most others and was actually brought up as an option by my shrink. One of my complaints was never 'feeling' full. It took quite some time for me to get over the 'I'm a failure' and all that baggage that can occur with making such a decision. But it was the right one for me and I'm glad I did. That being said, it is also extremely private. I am a private person anyway, so this isn't the only thing I keep 'close to my vest' as the saying goes.

Why I am explaining all this?

• Cause I want to put my pics out here and had a set that had my head cut off, but showed it to my best friend and she said that where they were taken and what I had on could potentially compromise my identity. So I took the post down. I will try to take some that make me feel more comfortable.
• I do exercise a lot. Refer back to sloth-like metabolism. Not only for the weight benefit though, but for stress and depression management.
• Why didn't I lose all the 6lbs I gained the week before and only lost 3.5 lbs? See the post on 'December is Hard'. That same week I did all the exercise I had 1/2 slice of this choc mousse cake; 1/2 slice of cheesecake; and a king size bag of peanut M&M's. To some this might not seem like a lot, but refer back to my sloth-like metabolism. :-)
• Why so much exercise? Once I get there I enjoy it. I also use this as my free time to watch whatever I want either on the TV there or purchase/rent stuff to watch on my iTouch.
• Are you working out like a fiend the entire time? The first hour is always 'the workout'. It's hard and is what is probably what burns the 'real' calories. Anything above that is on the treadmill at usually a 4 mph pace. Sometimes with an incline and other times not. Depends on how my legs are feeling from the first hour. (Some days I do get a bit psycho though and do a long jog on the treadmill. I LOVE the rush.)
• Why don't I weigh 120 lbs? My body is shifting and I think that is messing with my weight. (Shifting - as in shrinking 'cause clothes are fitting differently.) Remember - the scale is only one measure of progress. Does that mean I plan to be 120 lbs. Um, nope. I want to be 134 lbs and then use the Weight Watchers rule for maintenance which is to stay within 2 lbs. either way.

I am going out of town next week for Christmas (yippeee) for a last minute unplanned trip, so I am hoping I can get past all the temptations and stick to 100% bandster rules this week to get back to the 135.5 lbs where I was. It isn't the end of the world or anything and if it doesn't happen, I'll just keep plugging away. I am taking my workout 'stuff' with me and planning to workout while I am at my friend's. My goal for the trip will be to maintain whatever weight I leave with (you know what I mean).

Weekly Weigh In

Current weight: 138 lbs. Amount lost - 3.5 lbs from the previous week 6 lbs gained (141.5 lbs). Trying to get back to 135.5 where I was. At least going in the right direction. Still a significant difference though, but I'll just try not to focus on that. :-)

As I said yesterday, my exercise was up. Also seems weird too considering I put in nearly 60 miles (58) - love my iTouch for sure.

Exercise

• Mon - 125 mins
• Tues - 122 mins
• Wed - 95 mins
• Thurs - 90 mins
• Fri - OFF
• Sat - 115 mins
• Sun - 135 mins

December is hard...

Man, it's birthday, then parties, then holidays, then stuff at work, then...It is ENDLESS. There is food anywhere and it is so easy to start grazing. Especially when it is yummy stuff that I like to eat. Well, I have changed some goals for the month. I am trying to get back to where I was 135.5 lbs, but other than that my goal is to maintain.

This week was not so good honestly. There were multiple work events and buffets and I sampled a lot of stuff. I didn't eat as much as I wanted to, so I did show some restraint (yeah me!), but I did have more than I needed to. It will be interesting to see my weigh in tomorrow. I am anticipating some sort of drop from the crazy six pound gain from last week and am hoping that I am not setting myself up for failure.

My exercise was awesome. My friends got me an Apple iTouch (seriously) for my birthday. I made a rule that I can only watch it (I already have an iPod and wrote a post somewhere about my love for it) when I am at the gym. So, it has worked out well. I have been catching up on some TV shows that I wanted to see and getting in long workouts at the same time. Fingers crossed for tomorrow!

To Fill or Not To Fill

I read a lot about people thinking that they need a fill. And, maybe they really do, but I wanted to share my thoughts on fills. The band is a tool. You must use it as such and you must make good choices...

Do you really really need a fill? Or maybe you just need...

• An eating change
• A behavior change
• An activity change

An eating change

• Are you eating what your provider told you what you are supposed to eat? Or are you eating crap? Be honest.
• Are you avoiding liquid calories?
• Are you eating the correct portion size? Seriously, try it. You will likely see that if you measure everything and quit when full or when the food is gone that within about 15-20 mins that you are full. (Brain delay is what I call it.)
• Are you avoiding soft foods?

A behavior change

• Are you eating only 3 times a day? Or if truly hungry and not head hungry making a wise choice in snacks?
• Are you eating breakfast? (Even if a liquid one...My experience anyway was without breakfast of some sort it stalled my weight loss.)
• Are you eating CONSCIOUSLY? Paying attention to indications that you really are full? (Some people experience a runny nose, a burp, etc.)
• Are you grazing between meals?
• Are you drinking liquids while you eat?
• Are you eating when you aren't hungry?

An activity change

• Are you moving? Like real exercise?
• Walk. No excuses not to. Work up the time if you have to, but I'd suggest 30 mins every day or with one day off. If you increase the time, then you can shorten the number of days.
• Get a pedometer. Walk 10,000 steps a day.
• EVERYONE has the time. Be honest about how much you sit around or watch TV. You can watch the TV at the gym while you are walking on the treadmill.

Bottom line - if you are or are not doing the things above as appropriate to what I suggested and are not losing weight, then I think you need a fill. If you aren't doing these things and aren't losing weight, then I don't think you need a fill. That's my two cents and I'm sticking to it!

Exercise so far this week:

• Mon - 125 mins
• Tues - 122 mins
• Wed - 95 mins

SIX Pounds??? What the )(#*$)@(#$?

Yep, Monday - official weigh in day and I am up SIX pounds. There is NO way that I ate 21,000 extra calories to make up the SIX pounds, but that is what the scale says today so I am recording it. Seriously, that is what it would take to gain SIX pounds. 21,000 EXTRA calories above what my body needs to stay alive and activity!

• Did I eat things that were not the best choices? Yes, I was out of town for my birthday.
• Did I drink alcohol? Yes, but seriously not as much as I thought I would. And, mixer was diet soda.
  
• Did I exercise? Nope, not like I normally do, BUT we walked everywhere. So, it wasn't like I was just sitting and eating the whole time. (Only one day last week of 'real' gym exercise.)
  

ARRGGGHHHHH!!

Theory: water weight. WAY more salt and other no so good stuff than normal and definitely not enough water/liquids consumed. (Well, except alcohol.)

Let's just say that my behind will be at the gym this week and I will see most if not all of this gain OFF next Monday when I weigh in.

Goals for this week:

• Gym one day off only.
• Count points. Stay within them.
• Drink enough liquids (I don't say water cause I hate water. I drink a lot of tea. And yep - caffeine in it, but don't care. I can't give up everything!)
• DON'T obsess! I have given myself permission to obsess until 5:00 today. After that - done!

And yes, I did give myself permission and all that other stuff, but as I said at the beginning - my irritation is there is NO way I had that many extra calories. I thought maybe 3 or 4 lbs max - which still seems like a lot to me - but never did I imagine SIX! And, I am venting for all of your reading pleasure! HA!

Current weight: 141.5!!! That's right - back up in the 140's (previous 135.5 lbs). OK, I think I'm done for the moment...gotta catch up on everyone else. :-)

Giving Myself a Vacation

I had mentioned that this weekend is my birthday. I am heading out of town for the weekend with my close friends for a whole lotta celebrating! That's right - drinking and eating. I am giving myself permission for this special time to do whatever. I find that giving myself permission usually tends to keep me on an even keel.

In fact, the vacation has started a bit early. I have only worked out one day this week. :-) I had originally decided that I would work out Mon-Thurs to offset any damage. Well those plans didn't work out so well and honestly I'm a little burned out and excited about going out of town, so I am also going to officially 'vacation' from the gym until Monday of next week.

I'll be back on Monday. I'm heading out tomorrow and most likely won't be back before that. Have a great weekend everyone and I sure hope everyone else is on track for the week!!

Weekly Weigh In

Well, I had decided I would be happy with remaining the same weight as last week considering the huge loss (4 lbs.) and I am trying. :-) I am focusing on the fact that what the heck is 1.5 lbs really anyway? I'm just so close to the 100 lbs mark though I can taste it. Plus, let's be real - I worked out a lot this week. Geez...

Current weight: 135.5 lbs. Amount lost - big goose egg.

Exercise

• Mon - 111 mins
• Tues - 95 mins
• Wed - 90 mins
• Thurs - Thanksgiving (OFF)
• Fri - 90 mins
• Sat - 113 mins
• Sun - OFF

For the M&M's...

OK ladies - here it is... :-)

Only difference is the actual tattoo does not have the "doo-dad's" that are around the tree. It's a representation of the tree of life.

Tattoo

I got my first tattoo about a year ago I think. I had been thinking about getting another one because I had a design in mind, but it just wasn't a priority item. So, the original is on my right hip - below the panty line. My NEW one (ha) is on my left hip. Yep, I didn't tell anyone and went and did it last night. Why not tell anyone? Well, a tattoo is with you forever - kinda like your band - so I wanted to make sure it was my decision and that I could 'puss out' if I wanted to and not feel pressure to go through with it.

I figured since I wasn't going shopping on Black Friday - I might as well do my part for the economy - HA! I did go in one store. Let me stress go in though. The line was down one aisle and up another (figure easily 50 people) to checkout. That was enough for me. I figured there wasn't anything there that was worth me standing in that line for! The sales pretty much go on all weekend - it's just the 'doorbuster' ones that are on Friday only. Not so sure I'll even make it out and fight the crowds though.

Other than that - there really isn't much to report. I might skip my workout today as my hip is a bit sore where I got the tattoo. I'll have to see how it goes though cause it really is just an excuse not to go. ;-)

Next weekend I will be turning 40. I was hesitant to mention that as people might think the tattoo was a reaction to this next milestone in my life. I'm not going to lie - I am freaking out a little bit about turning 40. Funny thing is this is the first birthday I have had a reaction too. Not sure why that is, but nothing I can do about it, right? If anything, I sure would like to be at 134. That would be a 100 pounds lost with my band. I'm close, but not sure it will happen. Again, a couple pounds is not life or death, but I sure would like it! :-)

Exercise...

• Mon - 111 mins
• Tues - 95 mins
• Wed - 90 mins
• Thurs - Thanksgiving (OFF)
• Fri - 90 mins
• Sat - ?

I love my new tattoo...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well, I didn't end up doing anything today. Good news - eating hasn't been bad. No 'gobble until you wobble' for me! (Although I sure wanted a piece of pumpkin pie and never got around to making the crustless one. Oh well, I'll make it for Christmas...maybe.) Bad news (well kinda) - I didn't end up going to the gym. I just wasn't in the mood. I'll just count it as a day off.

I did stand on the scale yesterday - um, which I'm not supposed to - Monday only! As I expected, the scale showed a gain. It's also TTOTM, so that could be contributing to the scale as well. Who knows! Nothing official until Monday.

Believe it or not, I could actually go shopping (Allen Outlet Mall) at MIDNIGHT! Seriously. I guess last year it was packed with people! Most other stores open at 4 or 5 am. Yes - Americans are crazy! I have to admit it, I might hit a few stores tomorrow as well. I do hope that a ton of people go and shop like crazy. The economy sure could use it.

Exercise so far this week...

• Mon - 111 mins
• Tues - 95 mins
• Wed - 90 mins
• Thurs - Thanksgiving (OFF)

Crustless Pumpkin Pie Recipe (1 ww pt)

I follow Weight Watchers by proxy of my friends that are doing it. I know how many points I'm allowed and it has honestly turned into a good tool to facilitate conscious eating. I just add the points to my journal along with food I eat and exercise I get in. This works for me and allows me to review it as needed to figure out what works and what doesn't. So, here's a recipe I plan to make for Thanksgiving. I actually don't like pie crust and leave it anyway, so I thought I'd try one that doesn't even start with a crust!

Crustless Pumpkin Pie

• 3/4 c granular Splenda
• 1 tbsp corn starch
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp ginger
• 1/4 tsp cloves
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 2 large eggs worth of egg beaters
• 1 - 15 oz can of pumpkin puree (not the pie mix)
• 1 cup skim milk

Preheat oven to 425. Mix all the dry ingredients together. Mix sugar and eggs together. Add the dry ingredients, then the pumpkin, and finally the milk.

Spray a 9-inch pie plate with non-stick stuff of choice and pour in mixture.

Bake at 425 for 12 to 15 mins. Reduce heat to 350 and bake for an additional 30-35 mins. Voila! Cool and refrigerate.

8 servings at 1 pt each. (I'm adding fat-free topping to mine!)

Exercise so far this week:

• Mon - 111 mins
• Tues - 95 mins

Rules for PB (Zena this is what I commented back to you)

Here's the rules I was provided with when you PB / vomit by my surgeon. As always, you should follow the guidance that your surgeon has provided to you, but I have found these very successful...

• Some degree of vomiting or regurgitation may occur after you eat
  
• This may indicate you are: eating too fast, trying to eat too much, not chewing your food adequately, or eating the wrong foods {addition by Fluffy: you are too tight. Being too tight is not good. You can read about it in my blog as well.}
  
• Every person is different and some foods may give you problems and not others. Avoid those foods that give you problems
  

So what to do when/if it happens...

• If you vomit solid food
  
  
  
  • Stay NPO (no food or liquid by mouth) for two hours
    
  • Do not force the issue and try to eat or drink again immediately {Addition by Fluffy - cause you will throw up again}
    
  • This may induce more vomiting. The more you vomit the more swelling that may occur across your band. This may lead to further obstruction. {Addition by Fluffy - and a whole lotta pain}
    
  • After two hours try solid food again {Addition by Fluffy - I actually try liquids first. If that goes OK, I try something soft. Then I progress to bandster food}
    
  
  
• If you vomit again
  
  
  
  • Stay NPO (no food or liquid by mouth) for four hours
    
  • After four hours try water only
    
  • If you can tolerate water stay on clear liquids for 12 hours before trying solid food again.
    
  
  
• If you can't tolerate clear liquids or water without vomiting notify the doctor immediately
  
• Prolonged vomiting (more than 12 hours) is not normal - Call the doctor immediately

Additions by Fluffy - freaking out is normal. From what you saw on my most recent post on my worst experience ever, I still freak out after 3 years. Try and remember it is normal and try and remain calm. I've found that getting stressed actually makes the situation worse. One other trick - Try lying on your left side. Strange, but for some reason there have been quite a few times that it has helped. It also kinda calms me down. :-)

Weekly Weigh In

First, I am feeling better! No pain whatsoever. I'm going to stick to liquids this morning and try some mushies later today. I don't like to eat non-bandster foods because it leads to hunger, but am sure this morning will be no problem. WHEW! Talk about relief! :-)

Today is my official weigh in day, but I am not really believing it. I think that it is a 'fake' weigh in and will be very surprised if the weight holds this week. A FOUR pound loss is just too hard to believe as a real loss, but I was not surprised to see a big drop with the stuck experience and being on liquids for a day.

Current weight: 135.5 - Like I said, my fingers will be crossed that this holds. Maybe it will ensure a good week at the gym? And, also help me not eat a bunch of bad stuff on Thanksgiving! - One can hope!

Exercise for the week:

• Mon - 120 mins
• Tues - 80 mins
• Wed - 90 mins
• Thurs - 80 mins
• Fri - OFF
• Sat - 65 mins
• Sun - OFF (Stuck)

Worst Stuck Experience EVER!

OK - please be warned that I am going to provide all the gory details. If you have a weak stomach, you might think twice before reading...

A couple friends and I went out to dinner on Saturday night. I had steak and steamed veggies. I eat this sort of stuff all the time, so did not expect any problems. We went to a club and I was there about 20 mins and BAM! The worse heart burn I have EVER had! I tried Pepcid - which I carry everywhere with me - nothing. Tried hot tea - nothing. Next thing I know I have to throw up. So, I go and do that. Come back - still miserable. I threw up a couple more times and then decided it was time for me to go home.

I get home and am still just as miserable. I tried everything. At this point my stomach is starting to hurt like it has never hurt before. I am wondering if I have hurt my band. Things are not getting better, but what to do? I decided to try and sleep.

I tossed and turned all night. The next morning (Sunday) my stomach was still killing me. After three years of having my band, I have never experienced anything like this. Since the night before, I had cut off all liquids. I was hoping this would help. In the afternoon, I decided to try some really hot tea. Again - BAM - I threw up. Guess what? From all the previous throwing up, I must have managed to block my opening and that was what was causing all the pain. I could tell because of what I threw up (told you it was graphic). My tummy was still sore, but as of the evening - I started feeling back to normal!

What a relief. Normal lap band reactions occurred - OMG - I've slipped, my band is going to have to come out, I'm going to die from the pain, UGH - make it go away. I'm sure many bandsters can relate to some or all of these feelings.

I have only had liquids today and plan to do the same tomorrow. I want to give my tummy a chance to regroup and resolve any remaining irritation from what happened. Needless to say, I didn't make it to the gym regardless of the post from yesterday, but I think the reason was pretty good!

Exercise Post

This is not an exciting post. I just wanted to get my exercise out here for the week. It was hard to get to the gym today because I have a friend flying in from out of town and I'm excited! Some friends and I will be hitting the town tonight. Should be a good time. I'm hoping that by posting when I really have nothing to say (ha) that it will get me to the gym again tomorrow. Not sure what I'm doing for Thanksgiving, but if I do end up going somewhere, I want to be able to make some bad food choices with no guilt!

Melanie - Sorry to hear about your port. From what you described, it does sound like it may have flipped. Good to go get it checked out to ensure that the pipe (can't think of the right word) from the port to your band is not at risk. I'm hoping that if it is flipped, it's like mine. If it had to do it, mine is the way to go. Can still get fills, no risk to band, etc. So me getting it fixed is really just my call about the sticking out part (which personally is GROSS!).

I cruised around a bit, but will have to stop by everyone's blogs tomorrow. Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

• Mon - 120 mins
• Tues - 80 mins
• Wed - 90 mins
• Thurs - 80 mins
• Fri - OFF
• Sat - 65 mins

Being "Visible" Rather Than "Invisible"

I didn't realize how invisible I had become to men until recently. I think recognition of this took time as well. Here's my observations:

• Men talk to me at the gym now. To say hi or whatever.
• Men open doors for me. The other day one even went back and opened the door for me.
• Men that I don't know at work smile and say hi to me in the hall.

There are probably other things, but these are the ones that have for some reason stuck out to me. I know men are visual creatures and all that mumbo jumbo, but it makes me sad that I was previously so invisible when I am still the same person, just in a thinner package.

I can honestly say that while I might not be attracted to a heavy man, I still treat them with common courtesy (sorry, opening doors and saying hi in a hallway to me is nothing more than common courtesy). Being fat makes you no less of a person than a skinny one...

Made an Appt with Surgeon - Flipped Port

About day 2 or 3 after surgery and seriously following everything that I was supposed to, I KNEW that my port had come loose. I know exactly when it happened and could even kinda feel it rip away. I called the surgeon's office and was promptly told there was no way that could have happened. Um, wasn't that one of the risks? Anyway, I was still recovering and honestly just said screw it. In hindsight, I shouldn't have.

Then came my first fill and YEP my port had flipped. I was lucky that it had done it in such a way that it is on its side and can easily be manipulated. Again, I was told not to worry about it and I listened 'cause there was plenty o' padding on top of it. In hindsight, I shouldn't have.

I was a self-pay lap band person. My insurance doesn't cover weight loss surgery without appealing and jumping through a lot of hoops. I was severely depressed, taking a bunch of meds for the depression, and was getting desperate. So, I decided to just pay for it. (Keep in mind it was three years ago and it was even more expensive than it is now. Double what it costs today in DFW.) Since I was self-pay, I decided to pay the extra to get a low-profile port. I thought it would be the extra investment. (In hindsight, I still think that was a smart move.)

Well, now that I have nearly lost 100 lbs, my port sticks out. You can see it and it kinda looks like a tumor. But what is the worst is it feels disgusting and sometimes kinda gets 'stuck' - it's hard to describe - when I am lying down. So, I called the surgeon's office - guess what - $2400 bucks. Nope, that is not a typo. After all I have spent for this thing, the last thing I want to pay is $2400 more. Especially considering when this happened.

I only talked to someone in the office, so am going to pay the 65 bucks to go ahead and meet with the surgeon in person. It's not until mid-December. I'd like to get to 134 by then in the hopes that a 100 lbs lost might sway him to 'make me a deal'. Plus I am convinced I can maintain that weight where a year ago I didn't think I could. (Self-doubt and let me tell you - losing is hard, but I think maintaining is the hardest and has always been a struggle for me.)

Exercise so far this week:

• Mon - 120 mins
• Tues - 80 mins

And good grief, I was so hungry today. Seriously. I think it was a lack of food yesterday. Couldn't eat much. Had one of those dang tight days.

I *heart* Lap Band Blogs

Yep - I'm addicted. I'll search, I'll look at the list that I see on other blogs, and stumble across other lap band blogs. I think they are helpful to remind me where I was, struggles I had, and how far I've come. I thought I'd become a follower of all the blogs that I could find today. So, you may recently have seen me pop up on your blog as one. I have also added all the blogs to my read list. I'm going to see if I can find more to add. I'd like to have a decent list more so for others that stumble across my blog.

The only requirements of being added are there must have been a post in the past 30 days and my preference is that it is not within some site like lapbandtalk or similar. Honestly, I just find them hard to read.

I'm hoping that others that I start to follow will then check out my blog and the long list of reads leading to more interaction among fellow bandsters. Feel free to comment with other blogs, questions, etc.

Cheers!