Bad Case...

Of the "I don't wannas". I have now been sitting here reading for two hours dressed in my gym clothes. The problem is that I haven't been to the gym. And, unfortunately just putting on the clothes doesn't count as exercise. Man, what a great thing if it did though!

As of right now, I can't say one way or the other for sure if I will go to the gym today. It may or may not happen, but what I have decided is that I am not going to stress about it. I am using today to 'veg'....heck, I really don't even have anything to post, but at least I can check the box on the daily posting activity for November.

What I need to put in perspective is that I set a goal for 20 workouts for November. It's still reasonable that I will attain it, but it's also reasonable that if I end up close that is (and should be) good enough.

Exercise so far for November:

1 - Off
2 - 65 mins - 4.6 miles
3 - 65 mins - 4.6 miles

4 - 65 mins - 4.8 miles
5 - Off
6 - 65 mins - 5.3 miles
7 - 65 mins - 5.3 miles
8 - ?

In looking at this, I think I should consider a week to start on a Sunday. Therefore, for 'last' week, I totaled 5 hours and 25 minutes of exercise for a distance of 24.6 miles. Back to vegging in my workout clothes!

Do you ever wonder...

if banded people that used to blog, but don't anymore achieved their goals or maintained their loss? I can tell you that I sure do. Many say they are 'too busy with life' or that their life 'no longer revolves around the band'. I'm not sure if I buy into either of those.

Am I busy? Sure, but I was busy before. And, I don't consider that my life ever 'revolved around the band'. I'm not saying that I wasn't focused on my goal, etc., but just like everyone my life is and always has been busy and full.

Maybe I am just being b@tchy this morning and this is a b@tchy post, but I do wonder. I wonder if some *disappear* because they have re-gained. (I hope not as I want everyone to achieve their goal and maintain!) Going back through my blog you can see that I gained something like 12-15lbs at one point. It was a major funk, but I got out of it and learned from it, got focused, setup my weekly weigh in, and my range that I had to stay in.

I'm not saying in any way shape or form that somehow I am 'better' than the people that no longer blog (and good grief, I hope this doesn't read that way), but I can tell you that I get reassurance and motivation from the blogs I read (regardless of whether or not they have a band). The consistent theme that underlies all the blogs when you sit back and think about it is that regardless of how you get healthy getting there and staying there takes a helluva lot of hard work.

I also find that my blog helps me to keep *me* and my *health and wellness* a priority and I like to think that those that have started or are in the midst of their journey are somehow helped by my stumbles and successes along the way. So, while there may be breaks in my blog, I will continue to share my struggles, frustrations, and successes.

To anyone out there that was blogging and isn't anymore: HEY, give us an update! Even if it's once every couple of months, we'd love to hear from you! We hope you have been successful and wish you well, but if you weren't - remember we are also here to help and support you!

Off to the gym!

What is it...

About Broccoli Slaw?!?! Yep, it's my recent addiction. All I do is take the slaw and mix it with Maple Grove Farms of Vermont Fat Free Balsamic dressing. The dressing is super awesome (yes, I am a valley girl tonight)! It has 40 calories for the ENTIRE bottle. Yep, 40 calories. And it tastes great!

Anyway, broccoli slaw in a bowl, add some dressing, and instant healthy salad. The other reason I like it vs. regular salad is that I can't eat much at a time. It keeps well for days. (If you are banded and can't eat broccoli slaw, couple things to consider: Are you chewing enough? If you are, then you can nuke it to essentially steam and soften it, then cool, add dressing, etc.)

Exercise:

• 65 mins - 5.3 miles - 16 more days to go

Accepting Reality

Well, I did NOT get to the gym yesterday. A friend of mine called and she was really down and stressed. She asked me what I was doing and I said nothing - which at the moment was true - and she asked if I wanted to go grab some dinner. Yes, I could have said I need to go to the gym or that I needed to go to the gym first, but she was coming from work. She's a good friend, so I decided to say come over.

Since last night I have thought a lot about this. Working out at varied times wasn't so much of a challenge when I was younger. So what has changed? I have a varied group of friends - sizes and fitness - so, it's not that they 'just don't workout and are unfit'. But what is different in my opinion is that as you get older there is just more 'stuff' going on: more work obligations, spouses, kids, friends with limited time/availability, etc. And, in the end, 'sacrificing' yourself is just the easiest one to go with.

All that being said, I don't feel like I sacrificed to be there for my friend in this case. I did the 'right' thing. But it is just one of many examples of what comes up that gets in the way of me going to the gym. So, I have to accept the reality: if I don't make going to the gym in the morning a priority, it just isn't likely to happen that day. Accept it and move on.

I think there are many other 'realities' that I should take the time to jot down, but right now - I'm heading out the door to the gym! : )

What realities have you had to face on your journey?

Weekly Weigh In

I was pooped last night and thought I'd be able to get up to go to the gym first thing this morning. The alarm went off and I could have forced myself, but I decided that it would likely just carry over to Friday morning. So, after a long discussion in my head about am I *really* tired or am I on 'gym avoidance', the conclusion was truly tired and I slept in.

I WILL be going to the gym later this afternoon though or during Survivor to ensure I get to my 20 workouts for the month.

After candypalooza I decided it was not in my best interest mentally to get on the scale until my 'standard' Thursday weigh in and to just focus on eating right and exercising. The last weigh in I show is from October 21 - I was at the low-end of my range at 138lbs. Today - I'm at 140lbs which is right smack in the middle of my goal range (138lbs - 142lbs). So up two lbs from that last weigh in I show on my blog, but still within my range.

I'm relieved that I am within my range, but still feeling like I am detoxing from all the sugar. My pace has definitely suffered and I need to work on that. When? That'd be later today when I go to the gym! ; )

I love my Keurig!

Early this week, I got a new coffee maker. It's a Keurig Special Edition Gourmet Single Serve Coffee Maker. (How's that for a mouthful?)

Here's their description of it:

The Special Edition Brewing System is our mid-luxury home brewing system that offers a blend of styling and convenient features. The Special Edition features chrome accents, a blue, back lit LCD display and three brew size options.

Programmable features include a Digital Clock, Adjustable Temperature and Auto On/Off. The 48 oz. removable water reservoir holds up to eight cups before refilling and for the removable drip tray allows for easy cleaning and the use of travel mugs.

Here's mine - You put in this thing called a 'k-cup'. It really looks like an oversized creamer container. It has coffee in it, but they also have tea, hot chocolate, chai latte, mocha, etc. Put down the handle, press a button, and voila! There's my coffee.

I used to have an addiction to venti lattes from Starbucks. Then I got married and just had a problem rationalizing spending 4 bucks a day on coffee---the 'my' money vs. 'our' money; please note though he had no problem with it - he's a good husband. I had thought about getting something that would make a latte, but I decided that coffee made more sense and that I could have a Starbucks on special occasions.

This thing will have paid for itself in a month. From that point onward, I will continue to save 100 dollars a month by replacing my Starbucks.

A k-cup works out to $.60 each, but that is not getting them on sale (which you can a lot of the time) or from Sam's. If I get them at Sam's, they go down to $.40 each.

Exercise:

65 mins - 4.8 miles - 17 more days to go.

I am finding that my goal of posting every day is helping me get to the gym. This morning I almost did the 'I'll do it later today' thing to sleep in, which for me never happens, but I had committed to my daily posting and it really did help get me out of bed!

Biggest Loser - OK, for the record, I was not a big Tracey fan. She just bugged me with her wide-eyed 'what do you mean' looks and stuff, but WOW did she look good! I think there are going to be some shocking reveals at the end of this season.

I will not be a statistic!

Well, at least a bad one! I can't remember who's blog it was that posted this (sorry), but he or she (sorry again!) was having the psych evaluation in anticipation of having surgery and one of the things that was brought up was that after 2 years of hitting goal weight that *most* people gain back 20% of the weight that they lost. (Dang, I sure wish I could remember the blog, so I could get it right and ask about it!)

Anyhoo, seeing that has helped me to recommit (the funniest things seem to trigger me) and motivate me to keep on track and within my goal range of 138 - 142 lbs. I have not been on the scale since 'candypalooza' as Thursday is my official weigh in day. I figured I might as well just stick to that and *maybe* I'll luck out and be within range when I weigh in on Thursday. : ) And - note to self - If I am not, I only have MYSELF to blame from candypalooza.

(Yikes, my goal weight was 149lbs. If I gained back 20% of what I lost to get there (85lbs), that would be 17lbs to bring me to: 166lbs! Uh, no way jose.)

So, my immediate goals for November (thanks to all the people that have been posting monthly goals - that also has triggered me!) are as follows:

• Post a blog entry once a day.
• Workout at least 20 days this month (5 days a week).
• Workout a minimum of 60 mins each time.
• On Thanksgiving (November 26), target weight is 138 lbs - low-end of target range.
• Setup a cool virtual route like Julie.

Exercise so far:

• November 1 - uh, none (Not a good start! But Sunday is usually a rest day for me.)
• November 2 - 65 mins (4.6 miles - in anticipation of setting up virtual route.) - 19 workouts to go.
• November 3 - 65 mins (4.6 miles) - 18 workouts to go

Candypalooza!!!

That's right. I started on Friday and kept on eating a TON of frickin' candy through last night. I am still trying to figure out why it turned into such a binge of crap, but once I had all that stupid sugar it just kept on keeping on. I said to myself, "OK, eat it. You can keep on eating in through Sunday night, but you are going to have to live (and accept) with the repercussions."

Whoa, am I feeling it today! I'm also sure it's going to continue for a couple days at least while I detox from all of this. Sugar - as in candy and crap like that - has a double whammy for me as I am hypoglycemic.

So, as far as the why. I'm stressed and missing my hubby. If I am honest, it got to a point where I was medicating how I was really feeling. Oh well, I'm human.

Good news - I did get up and go to the gym today. It would have been really easy to continue 'the funk' and not gone. It's amazing how badly 3-days of crap eating makes me feel! Oh well, the first step in getting back on track completed. Detox has begun!

Halloween..."Before" / "After"

Well, the one in the all black is me in my fat suit Halloween costume. OK, not really, but I seriously couldn't resist. (I have a weird sense of humor.) This is me at 234 lbs.

The other one is me in my Halloween costume from last year (2008). Yep, still camera shy people. I want to keep my anonymity. I am 145 lbs. in this picture. What a difference 89lbs. makes.

I need to take a pic of my 'before' jeans and my 'after' jeans. Now that I think about it, I haven't even put them on since I *had* to wear them. That's kinda weird in a way too.

I'm in a reflection mode at the moment. I can't believe that I am nearly 4 years out. I currently stay within a goal range of 138 - 142 lbs. (Less than even this picture AND the outfit is much looser in the waist and hips.)

So, I'm going to answer my yearly questions. Any questions? Please let me know. Nothing is off limits.

Official weigh in stats:
Height: 5'8"
Starting weight: 234 lbs
Current weight: 138 lbs
Overall loss: 96 lbs
Lbs to goal: 0

Current goal: Maintain between 138 lbs - 142 lbs

BMI: 21.0 - (Normal weight = 18.5-24.9)
Clothing size: 6. Sometimes even a bit loose and end up in a 4.

Shirt: S

How many fills have you had?

• 1st fill – 1.2cc
• 2nd fill – 1.8cc
• 3rd unfill - was just too tight - went to 1.4cc
• 4th unfill - dilated pouch - complete unfill
• 5th fill - .6cc
• I think I went up some from here to about .8cc; then unfill to about .4 cc; then another to .2 cc - that's where I remain. There is .2 cc in my band. It's pretty much empty.
  

Are you going to stay at your current fill level?
Yes.

What are you going to do next?
Work on my "mojo". I need to set some new goals and figure out how to maintain my motivation.

What size clothes are you wearing?
6 pants/dress (sometimes a 4).

Shirt - Small

What do you eat in a typical day?
I always start with weight control quaker instant oatmeal with 1/2 oz of dried blueberries or cherries for breakfast. (Good source of fiber. Keeps me full without being too substantial to feel uncomfortable.) For lunch, pretty much whatever. If I'm tight - which you can tell over time - I'll have something soft. For dinner, I'm loosest then and eat pretty much anything. I pretty much stay away from pasta and bread entirely. When I do eat some, it might be a bit of pasta or crackers---pasta always has a lot of sauce. Dry meat has to have sauce. Chicken breast is tricky some days. Dry meat of any kind is a problem, but as long as what I eat is chewed well and within the amount I am supposed to have - I don't have any issues. (Update: Same answer as last year, but I have added more fruit to my diet.)

Was it worth it?
Yes, it was. I stress though that I would only recommend it as a last resort. I felt I was there. I could get the weight off, but just couldn't keep it out without exercising and watching what I ate ALL the time. Now, I live a life of moderation on everything and the weight stays off. Other than the gain of 15lbs that was totally MY FAULT and choice (via bad choices and not working out) I have remained the same weight or lost a bit. It was worth every penny and I was self-pay. (Update: Keeping this one the same as well. I need to go back and read that post about the 15 lbs.)

Have you had any problems?
Yes. You'll see in the beginning of my blog that shortly after my surgery I swore my stitches in my port popped. Everybody told me no way and not to worry about it. When I went in for my fill, it had. So it is on it's side. I still have not had it fixed, but you can now see a lump from it when my shirt is off and FEEL it. Feeling it is the grossest. I am considering getting it fixed. I have also had some problems with pouch dilation. People being too tight is BAD. The other thing is that your portion size is also very important. It can also lead to stretching of your pouch. Signs? Eating more than you used to and getting heartburn (aka - reflux). (Update: I haven't gotten my port fixed. I might, but I'd rather have some new boobs - lol!)

Have you pb'd?
Yep. When I was too tight, a lot. Now, I pretty much know how and what to eat depending on the tightness of my band. When/if I have problems, it is around my period. I have learned sometimes it is best not to fight it and let it happen. This seems to work for me and then does not lead to repeated pb's or irritation. Be sure to follow your surgeon's instructions for when this occurs. I find that I get very tight (swollen and irritated) and need to follow the instructions. I'll stay on fluids for a number of hours and then depending on how bad it is (believe me you get to where you know) I'll put myself on self-imposed soft foods for a day or two. Usually within a day I am totally back to normal. (Update: I'm not sure, but I'd guess that I've have 2 episodes in the past year.)

What rules do you follow?
Eat slowly. Take small bites. Don't eat first thing in the morning. When I feel full - stop. Don't drink with meals. No soda. That pretty much sums it up. There aren't a lot of them. These are pretty much the standard bandster rules. The latest addition is the first bite rule. I am sure to chew well and make sure it is small. There is some suspicion that not doing this may have contributed to the dilation. Again, no one knows for sure. (See the side.) (Update: Since my band is essentially empty, I focus on good choices and eating the *right* amount. If I eat hard foods like I am supposed to, guess what - full. If not, I have a little snack.)

Do you have loose skin?
Surprisingly, I'd have to say no. I wear a bikini and look pretty damn good for my age. Over time since I hit goal and continued to workout, I'd say that I even look better. Now, that being said, I'd like to have a boob lift. I don't think that has anything to do with the band though. Just age and gravity. Believe it or not, my boobs are THE SAME size they were before banding. (Update: my boobs are smaller. Seriously. I'm essentially the same weight, but I'm smaller - less fat I figure. So, my boobs don't fill the bra cups like they were. Me wanting new boobs is getting higher on the list.)

Do you 'diet'?
I guess most people would say yes. I'd say no. The bottom line whether you have a lapband or not is you have to make good food choices. I roughly follow Weight Watchers that my friend gave me all the scoop on. The daily points with the flex keeps everything in check. I have journaled my food and exercise since I was banded - except for the time that I put on the 15lbs. This is very successful for me. Conscious eating is critical. (No Update)

So what is all this about this 15lbs you gained?
Well, for about 5 or 6 months, I didn't work out, log my food, or make good choices. The good news is that I only gained 15 lbs. In the past, this would have been much worse. I also avoided the scale, so it was my clothes screaming at me that they were tight that woke me up. There were a whole lot of factors that contributed to my not caring - work stress, break up, just not caring - in fact, I think I was in a bit of a depression. Well, I kicked myself in the ass and got things under control. That is what you see referenced in the past 12 weeks or so. In those 12 weeks, with dedication and effort - and following all the rules - I lost 15.5 lbs. (Update - huh, guess this is what happened. It's funny how you forget things and how a blog can help you remember.)

Lack of Payoff?

Thanks for the comment Julie:

"I was just talking to a friend last night about maintaining weight loss. She said the same thing - that it's harder to maintain than to lose. However, she couldn't explain why. What you said about lack of payoff makes a lot of sense. Is there a way to still get that payoff while maintaining?"

I have friends that 'do' Weight Watchers and it seems to be a feeling that many people have at goal. You know how you are losing weight and you are looking at the scale and going, "OMG, I have worked so hard there better be a loss" and then there is? Payoff. The compliments you receive on your journey? Payoff. The milestones you receive? Payoff. The clothes that now fit? Payoff. The smaller sizes? Payoff. The NSVs? Payoff. Etc. etc.

Well, almost 4 years out and over 2 years since I hit (and surpassed) my goal, it's different. You are just 'you'. People are now used to you. You are at goal weight. Your goal is to maintain your current weight and remain in your current clothes. Compliments are few and far between. Heaven forbid you put on weight, cause look out! Then, "Did you notice? So and so is gaining weight."

All of this really is kinda stupid (I recognize that), but it's also the reality. I give myself a pat on the back for staying within my range (138-142) for all this time, but sometimes I just get plain old worn out. And, I am sure people are thinking, "Well, get over yourself, I'd pay money to get where you are." Well, first of all I did pay money to get where I am! OK, I couldn't resist that 'banded humor' as I am self-pay. : )

As we all know - or are learning - the band is not magic. It's work. The band is a tool and nothing more. You can eat around it and do all sorts of things that are going to lead to weight gain (what I refer to as self-sabotage - cause hello? you put a frickin' band around your belly - there has to be some self sabotage there!). I *should* be proud that I have avoided that and I am....well, kinda - ha!

But banded or not, staying at a healthy weight and fit at almost 41 years old is work. Will I continue? Sure I will. But I will have my ups and downs and general bitchiness about what it takes to stay in my range.

Thanks for your post as well "Dinnerland", but it's not so much about having a goal as I have one - to stay within my range - it's just hard to explain. I do think it's feedback and something outside of 'me' that made losing 'easier' vs. maintaining.

How exciting is it to come back to my blog each week to find out that I stayed within my range? To me, not much. I'd much rather read about the people that are losing and making progress (and I do - way to go all of you!!!). I know that sounds stupid as there is this 'you need to do it for you' mantra. I agree 100%. I did this for me. I got to my goal for me. I stay in my range for me. But bottom line - it's hard.

I'll have to think more about it. Like I said, I do think it's a funk, but it's also a valid 'feeling' that I just can't adequately describe and is there, but not really talked about. Counseling anyone? (ha) I think I just need a swift kick in the butt, a 'get over yourself', and keep on keepin' on. But this is what my blog is for, right? To *talk* about the 'stuff' that is really going on inside of me. So that's what I'm doing.

Thanks again to Julie and Dinnerland. I appreciate your feedback and duly noted. I need to figure out how to get the 'payoff'. Overall, I do think I am OK, but thought I'd share a bit about this inner struggle? challenge? whatever you want to term it that is somewhere deep inside of me.

Oh wait, here's the exciting news: I'm within my range as it is weekly weigh-in. And, go figure, low end: 138 lbs. See, not so exciting, huh? : )

Work, work, and wait - more work...

Last week sucked. I wasn't able to workout and I can prove it wasn't 'just an excuse' this time as well. I ended up practically working around the clock Monday - Friday. I slept about 12 hours between Monday night until Friday night (when I got a whopping 6 hours). It couldn't be avoided, but was a stress on me and also my poor hubby.

Not sleeping, stress, not exercising, and not the best eating is likely going to reflect itself on the scale this week. I must focus on it being out of my control and something that doesn't occur very often....*sigh* - I have to tell you that maintaining SUCKS! I've said it before and I'm saying it again. As weird as it sounds, there is this lack of 'payoff' or 'something'. It's hard to explain. If someone out there can relate and explain it better, please do so! (Then again, maybe I am in a big ol' funk from not sleeping, stress, not exercising, and unscheduled weird eating - it's not that I'm eating crap, just that everything is off.)

Testing, testing, 1-2-3?

I have noticed that I have a bad habit. Every now and then I 'test' my band. I think this is a bad practice and something I need to stop doing. It's not good overall as it can lead to PB'ing and/or pouch stretching (dilation) - both bad things overall. Therefore, going forward I will not test my band anymore. I will remember:

• The band is in there and it is doing it's job.
• There are days that I have more tightness (restriction) than others. My personal experience and opinion is that this has to do with 'lovely' woman hormones.
• I need to eat what I am supposed to and also the amount that I am supposed to period. If I do, then I'm done. I will and can (giving myself permission) to eat more later if needed.
• Eating too slow is as bad as eating too fast. I can't remember the 'eating time' that I was given, but I think it was 20 mins max.
• Am I really hungry or am I emotional? Do my test - do I want something good for me or crap? If crap, not hungry period.
• If I HAVE to have crap. Then make it a portion-controlled conscious decision.

What brought this up? I've just been reflecting on my journey and what I can do to further my long-term success since I am almost FOUR years out. Wow! I can't believe it has been that long. Some people may say, "Well, maybe you need a fill?" My response to that is no. (See this post.) When I have gained weight, the honest answer is cause I have been eating CRAP and a lot of times compounding that by not exercising. Getting a fill, in my opinion, is not an appropriate response. The behavior needs to be corrected. Am I hungry sometimes? Sure, but sometimes it is head hunger and other times it is 'real' hunger. When it's real, I have a small snack and it passes. Good enough I say. : )

The scale is whacko right now. I am still within my range, but yesterday (official weigh in) it said 141lbs and today it said 138lbs???? Nope, I'm not weighing every day, but I was just curious this morning as I have been diligent for the past couple of weeks on both eating and exercising and expected that I would see a lower weight. (Oh wait, don't we all??? (ha))

The increased diligence has been greatly caused by my hubby going around saying he was 'fat' (which he's not) and his decision to exercise more and eat better. Nothing but a good thing for me! BTW - boys SUCK! He has lost SEVEN pounds. That's right people, 7 frickin' pounds by a few dietary changes and exercise in two weeks. Venting now: and my results? Uh, nothing!!!!! : )

SALT!

Emotions - OMG, I am UP 2.5 LBS from YESTERDAY morning????? WTF?????

Emotions - OK, get off and try again. Scale has to be WRONG!!!

Emotions - OMG!!!!! Still the same - f-ing 142 lbs. That is HIGHER than last week. WTF? WTF? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Brain - OK, CALM down! There is NO way I gained 2.5 lbs in one day when I have been making good eating choices and exercising since the last weigh in a week ago.

Emotions - Well, you remember what Jillian on Biggest Loser says - something to the effect of the scales don't lie. You weigh what you weigh. It's all excuses.

Brain - True. You weigh 142 lbs (which by the way is technically within your range), but at least 'some' if not 'most' of that weight is likely water retention from the salt gorge (soup at lunch very high salt content and dinner was a packaged meal also with very high salt content) which you normally monitor so the body is reacting. To gain 2.5 lbs, you would have had to eaten an EXTRA 8,750 calories!!!!

Emotions - Well, I don't like it!

Brain - Well, too bad! Get over it!

Emotions - Well, I'm not gonna! Cause the scale RULES me! I don't wanna weigh 142 lbs. I'm fat.

Brain - That's just stupid. The scale is only one measurement. How are your clothes? How has your eating been? How has the exercising been?

Emotions - Fine, fine, fine. Don't care, still don't like it.

Brain - Well just keep doing what you are doing. It will be fine.

Emotions - Don't like it. And, ya know what? Now I just wanna not exercise and not make good food choices? Where's the ice cream?????!!!! Candy????!!!! (MmMMM, candy corn)

Brain - You are going to exercise and you are going to make good choices. No ice cream and no candy. HA! This is why there isn't any in the house and HELLO? it's just you EMOTIONS!!!! Quit being a big whiny baby and get over yourself. Just move on and keep on doing what you are doing.

Emotions / Brain - I will eat as planned today. I will drink extra water. Exercise is done for the day, but I will go again tomorrow. The scale while not "lying" will go back down in a couple days.....uh, and try to quit sneak weighing which you keep doing when you are on the high end of your range. Then again, it does keep me focused on staying to the low end.

To Emotions AND Brain - Shut the hell up and focus on something else!!!

: - )

Sometimes...

You just HAVE to tell yourself 'good job', right? Well, I did today. Nothing big really, I was just sore and having the 'I don't wannas', but I got myself on the treadmill and did a workout. I'm not going to lie - I was not into it! So, I told myself: 3 miles. The faster you do it, the sooner you are done. Warm up, 10 minute mile, 9 minute mile, 8:30 minute mile, cool down, and DONE!

I just felt good about having done it more than anything. I also found that putting it in the post earlier today served as an incentive. It's funny how that works. The same thing happens with my food journal. Sometimes it is quite a magical tool that keeps me on track and prevents from eating stuff that I shouldn't (encourages good choices)...Well, at least most of the time!

Gotta watch Survivor! Yep, I'm a junkie. Same with Biggest Loser. : )

Weekly Weigh In and Weeeeeee!

Well the scale showed a 1 pound loss down to 141. Still within my range 138-142 and going the right way. I'd like to get back to the low side and am working toward that.

The 'weeeee' is really a reference to my new Nintendo Wii!!! I had considered getting a WiiFit as well, but had used it at a friend's house in the past and it was a ton of fun, but it didn't seem like much of a workout (for me - and not a comment on anyone that finds that it helps them toward their goals, if so - great!). So, I went with EA Sports Active.

I've added the 30-day challenge within the 'game' to my treadmill workouts. I'm doing the hard level and whatever it throws in front of me. The good news is that it is definitely engaging muscles that are not engaged by my treadmill work. How do I know? Cause I can feel it!!!

Overall I like it so far, but the resistance band that is included is a joke. I am planning to go get one to replace it with to increase the resistance. As long as it has the handles, it should work as a replacement without an issue (I think anyway!). With all the lunges, I am getting a good lower-body workout (that's where I feel it), but the upper-body due to the lack of resistance isn't so good.

It does take some practice to get into the rhythm of the system as the controllers have to be held still, correctly, and in time. I am still trying to get the hang of it and more importantly trying to not focus so much on the controllers that I forget about my overall form. Only 27 days to go! (HA!)

Workouts:

• Monday - 4.6 miles treadmill (60 mins including warm up and cool down)
• Tuesday - 4.8 miles treadmill (60 mins including warm up and cool down) / 30 mins Wii EA Active Sports
• Wednesday - 4.8 miles treadmill (60 mins including warm up and cool down) / 30 mins Wii EA Active Sports
• Thursday - pending - I *might* take a day off - if so, then note to self: MUST workout Fri/Sat

What a difference a week makes!

And I don't really mean that in a good way. Man, vacations are hard. I eat poorly and no 'real' exercise - and you know what - that's OK in my book. The problem though is getting back on track - it's HARD!

The funny thing? I feel yucky by the end of a 'break' - bad food and no exercise = feeling fat and about 110% of the time weight gain as well. Guess what? No difference this time around. I'm feeling fat and I am at the top end of my maintenance range (142 lbs).

And in full disclosure, I really could have worked out on Thursday of last week, but I had a serious case of the 'I don't wannas'. Bottom line - I'm human and normal just like everyone else, but I did force (and I mean force) myself to the treadmill this morning. Repeat to self again: I'm human and normal just like everyone else. : )

I am hoping that the next few days will require less and less 'force' as the days pass. Using the power of positive thinking: "I'm sure it will"....and I just need to focus on my Thursday weigh in. The scary thought, as all of us know, is that my weight *could* be higher and that was a low weigh in from the damage. Man, now that is a scary thought!!!!

Physical Inactivity Poses Greatest Health Risk to Americans

Translation: All we do is sit. And I believe we eat more. Eating more and moving less = weight gain. Here's a snippet from the article:

Research has shown approximately 25 percent to 35 percent of American adults are inactive, Blair said, meaning that they have sedentary jobs, no regular physical activity program and are generally inactive around the house or yard. "This amounts to 40 million to 50 million people exposed to the hazard of inactivity," Blair said in an interview. "Given that these individuals are doubling their risk of developing numerous health conditions compared with those who are even moderately active and fit, we're looking at a major public health problem." Link to entire article here.

I don't make excuses for getting fat. Bottom line - I was eating more (and it was crap - plain and simple crap), severely depressed, and not moving period. I have nobody to hold accountable for that other than myself. Up through my 20's that had not been the case and not any major weight issues. It was a slippery slope and a downward spiral that was further exacerbated by the depression. Excuse? Nope. It's the explanation. I own up to it and took what honestly was drastic steps to get back on track and out of my depression.

The real point of my post though is that I think there is way too much focus on food and weight in the media vs. the lack of MOVEMENT. When you think about it, all the foods that are 'bad' have been around for a number of years. Yes, the portion sizes have also grown, but ultimately everybody has to be accountable for the choices they make when eating. In other words, this crap about taxing 'bad' food pisses me off. Just because you tax it doesn't mean people are going to stop eating it. And, who the hell in the government is going to decide what a 'bad' food is that warrants this tax? Stupid I tell you.

And as far as kids go, I'm old. When I was a kid it wasn't until my early teens (I think) that Atari was even around (that's a game unit like Wii and XBox for any youngsters that may be reading). Therefore we were always playing. And that meant riding bikes, chasing each other, and even some rough housing (ha). But the play was physical. When you think about kids today they are plugged in all the time. TV, gaming, texting, chatting, etc. etc. It's no wonder to me that kids are much heavier.

Bottom line - We need to look at the bigger picture of overall eating habits (choices) and exercise. And yes, I bet some people are saying, "well, easy for you to say you have a band." Well, my band is empty. I have minimal restriction that is only triggered when I eat a big bite of something that is not well chewed (and it's only protein like chicken or beef) or frankly just eat like a pig. And the stuff that got me fat (candy, ice cream, etc.) will go right through regardless of how tight my band is. As I've said in previous posts, variety is important for everyone in what they eat for overall health. But I have also harped on exercise. Some may be able to get to goal without exercise, but I believe that is a small number. I also believe that long term success is ultimately tied to exercise.

Man am I on my soap box? : ) And truth be told, I am NOT a fan of exercise. I just do it cause I need to, it's good for me, and at the end of the day makes me feel good. So my soapbox summary is: generally make good choices - which personally I find is WAY easier on the days I do exercise for some reason - and MOVE people!!!

Exercise today:

• Tuesday - Steep incline - 60 mins on treadmill (including warm up and cool down) - 4.6 miles

Workout Post

In an effort to stay on track, there might be a whole lotta here's what I did posts. I find like many others that it increases my initiative, etc. I'm going away for a family visit from Friday - Tuesday (Labor Day weekend here in the States), so there will be no 'defined' exercise and likely not the best choices in food available, so I am attempting to take a pre-emptive strike at the damage.

• Friday- Plod (again) - 60 mins on treadmill (including warm up and cool down) - 4.6 miles
• Saturday - jog - 15 mins on treadmill (including warm up and cool down) - 2.5 miles / 1 hour walk on beach
• Sunday - 1 hour walk on beach
• Monday - varied - 70 mins on treadmill (including warm up and cool down) - 5 miles

I want one of those tracker things that Nike makes and goes on your shoe (it fits on some Nike shoes, but that is not my shoe of choice). The problem is the stupid thing works with a Nano, iTouch, or iPhone. I have a Shuffle that I use when I work out and have an iTouch. But I am not a fan of having to strap a gadget to my arm and if you have seen an iTouch/iPhone, they are pretty big. I'm not even totally convinced that I'd like a Nano on my arm and it would cost roughly $140 for that and another $20 for the Nike gadget. OK, I think I have convinced myself it is a definite luxury item. But it tracks miles and stuff and syncs to a website...yes, I know I'm a nerd. : )

Scale - Friend? Foe?

I refuse to let the scale rule my life. Therefore I only weigh in once a week no matter what. That day is Thursday. While I have managed to stick to the once a week weigh in for several months now, I just can't seem to get over the trepidation of the damn thing. It's that feeling of: "OMG, did I gain weight?" and then either the feelings of happiness or disappointment that occurs as a result. I guess it is normal, but somehow it bothers me that a stupid scale and a number influences how I feel after I get on it.

I can't remember which magazine I was thumbing through (wish I could!) when I stumbled across a story that essentially followed this chick around for a period of time. I seem to recall that pictures were taken maybe once a day of her in a swimsuit to document what she looked like. Then each day she would say how she felt: skinny, fat, etc. The funny thing is that she looked EXACTLY the same from picture to picture. I am trying to remind myself of this story because it is important. Bottom line if I stay within the 138-141 lbs range I AM going to look the same as well.

Another weird thing - when I do weigh in on the low side of my range it is like I don't believe it. I have to stand on the scale a few times to 'make sure' it is right. *SIGH* This is just the stuff that is going through my mind at the moment. Bottom line: the scale really isn't just a number. But then again, without it I can easily see how my weight could (OK would) creep up on me. In reflection, when I was gaining and heavy I NEVER stepped on a scale - if I didn't know what I weighed - somehow I could avoid the reality. Can you say DENIAL? : )

So, I have decided that with the good and the bad, the scale is my friend. : ) Weekly weigh in on Thursday will continue and as long as I am within my range I am OK. Workout goal: 4 times a week (That does not include walks or other activities, but real "I am working out" times). Anything above that is bonus.

• Weigh in Thursday - 138.5 lbs
• Workout - Thursday- Plod- 60 mins on treadmill (including warm up and cool down) - 4.6 miles

Stress!

This week has been very stressful on the work front. After a weekend of not making the best choices food wise and little exercise, I am a bit concerned if I am in my weight window. Oh well, I will find out tomorrow. I thought as a reliever though and reinforcement of getting on track with exercise for the week that I would post progress so far. Maybe this will trick me into working out again tomorrow and Friday. Well at least I can hope!

• Monday - Speed - 60 mins on treadmill (including warm up and cool down) - 5 miles
• Tuesday - Distance - 75 mins on treadmill (including warm up and cool down) - 6.5 miles
• Wednesday - Hills - 60 mins on treadmill (including warm up and cool down) - 4.75 miles

I find that variety in both food and exercise is important. If you do the same exercise day in and day out (as well as food), your body gets used to it.

For exercise I change the goal (speed, distance, hills, etc.) and as appropriate also the duration. After my slacking off last week, I can definitely feel the workouts in my legs this week. I plan on doing a 'plod' tomorrow - which I define as easy pace for an hour on the treadmill that still gets in exercise, but in a way gives my body a bit of a rest as well.

On the food front, this being married "thing" helps out a lot. I think some people might find that strange as I have heard people say they got married and gained weight. For me, I find it helpful. Go figure? Because I like to cook and have someone to cook for, we eat at home except for 1 or 2 meals a week. Everything I cook is healthy and I cook enough for us to eat at dinner and then leftovers are usually used for lunch. So every night tends to be something different.

Planning on checking back in tomorrow. : )