Would my relationship with my husband change if I went back to where I was? For me, this is an easy answer. I think it definitely would. My husband has only known me as I am now, so I think that would make it very hard on him---and, that's meant in no negative way toward him at all. Hmmm, how to explain what I mean. I guess I know that not only would I be fat - which I think he wouldn't find attractive - but I think I would be sad and depressed like I was which would be a beat down for him. I wouldn't be the person I am now physically OR mentally.
Do I want to go back? Does anyone? I didn't think so! Either do I. And I also think could I? And, I can say no. I had hit such a pit of despair that it has left such a scar on me (and some scare too!) that gaining 105 lbs. back is just not something I can do, nor will I allow myself to. I am so much happier and feel so much better, it just isn't an option.
Fat thoughts? Yes, we're women. I think it's unfortunately whether it's a sex thing (hormones anyone?) or an environment thing, I have them now and then. Put on an outfit - dang, this makes me look fat. Start a day - dang, I feel fat. While I have been working on changing the words to things like this outfit is not flattering to me and man I feel bloated today or something "non-fat" related, the thoughts still surface now and then.
Thin thoughts? For me, I am trying to change this as well. Much like fat, I don't want thin or skinny in the mix either. It's a mental thing. For me healthy, strong, lean --- those sorts of words --- work better.
Did this journey and losing the weight magically made my life better? I think what made my life better was the by product - the mental aspect, feeling better, and all that other stuff. It has equipped me to handle life stress as it surfaces. So, in reality the stress is still there, but how I react or the choices I make are better. I think a large aspect of that is making "me" things a priority. I am fully commited to living the best and healthiest life I can...and have a heck of a lot of fun while doing it!
Since I've finished my long training run and planning tomorrow as an "off" day, here's a recap of last week:
- 0 bootcamps, 1 exercise class & 2 training run (14.5 miles) - calories: 1486 (Oops, kinda low. Oh well!)
2 comments:
So glad you didn't give up on the training, even if it wasn't what you set out to achieve this week!
I agree with all the other stuff you said as well. I am no where near goal, but I am more than half way there. My husband met me about 15 pounds heavier than I am now (a complete guess, since I was never big (haha) on weighing myself). He has never dated big women before, and it took a year of friendship before we started dating, but he loves me. He says he would love me at any weight, but I know he is more attracted to me as the weight comes off. Keep doing what your doing, cause it really is an inspiration to those of us who are still trying to get to where you are. I am hoping for the happier me to emerge somewhere along the way too (not that I'm unhappy, just low self esteem I guess). Have a wonderful weekend!
I think I'm glad I'm single on this journey. :) It makes it easier to just focus on myself. Good for you for getting back into training mode.
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