Saturday, September 04, 2010

Sometimes I wonder...

Did I do the right thing by getting married? Is it normal for it to feel at times like it's a roller coaster? Did I make a mistake? Would I have been better off without him? I know I love him, but is that enough? I'm not so sure he truly loves me at this point vs. his desire not to fail at being married. (Heaven forbid! What would his parents think?)

When I married him, it was for the long haul for me. I knew there would be ups and downs and disagreements. I felt where I set the bar for success was reasonable and attainable. We had talked about this before we got married and honestly at the time it seemed like we were on the same page.

Strangely, I seem to be finding out that he has a fairy tale view of what being married should be like: always getting along, laughing all the time, etc. He has set the bar so high we cannot achieve it. I am just being realistic. It's life - it's not all this sugar plum Cinderella crap. He has set the bar is too high. It's unrealistic and unattainable. If he is not open to "re-setting" the bar to a realistic level this will not work.

If I have to, I can accept this not working. He will have to make the call though. What I don't like is the roller coaster. Yes, no, yes, no. That and hell I got married at 40. I had a very nice single life before getting married. ALL of that was given up by me. My house, etc. And yes, you could make the same argument for him, but it's honestly not the case. He got the house he wanted (I made a lot of compromises) and guess what? He still has his house from before we are married - it's just rented at the moment. It makes me frustrated and feel unsettled. If this doesn't work, I don't want the house we live in. Yet where the hell do I go? An apartment???? That makes me mad.

Whatever happens, I have always made it through the hard stuff. I will again this time. That's what strong women do. I don't "need" a man. I wanted a partner.

It's been an ugly few days.

7 comments:

-Grace- said...

I'm sorry the last few days have been terrible. Thinking of you, hun. I hope you get resolution very soon. *HUGS*

Jody V said...

Fluffy,

I know Frank and I went through ups and downs and still do at times. I hope it works out for you. Hang in there. I'm thinking of you.

Jody

Elisabeth said...

Wow. It sounds like you and I are sharing the same marriage. As I read this I thought, "Have I been blogging in my sleep". I know exactly where you are. All the details are almost identical. I am trying to decide if it's worth sticking around or not.
I wish you the best of luck in working it out. Or, moving on with grace and strength. The benefit we have is that we both lived very successful single lives before we were married so we know it is possible to be there again.
You are in my thoughts.

Island Bandit said...

Aw man..... sorry to see you going through such difficult times right now. I actually came over to let you know that I'd just nominated you for an award. Hope in a little way it at least puts a smile on your face. Be strong and you'll know what's right and best.

Dinnerland said...

Fluffy: I'm so sorry things are rough. Have you and your husband considered trying to get into some couples therapy to sort things out?
Often, the first year of marriage can be rough-- but truth be told, your sense of upset and feeling like you may need to get out are signs that you need help with these issues.
No shame in that.
I wish happiness and love for you in your life, no matter how it all works out.

Dinnerland said...

One more CRAZY idea for you: you could call into the Dr. Laura Berman show on Oprah Satellite Radio (sorry, cannot recall the station number.) I don't think you have to have a satellite radio-- just call in and say you want a 'relationship 911.' She does some initial counseling on the radio for free and is super helpful. I'll bet you'd be an ideal person to call in-- and if you could get your husband to agree, even better!
I know you want to remain anon. -- and I am sure they will allow you guys to use an alias...

Kerri said...

*Hugs*