Cluck, cluck, cluck...

Yep, I think I am turning into a chicken. Chicken and green beans three days in a row. Yes, I could be more inventive, but I'll be honest I am just plain lazy! The good news of the day is that I found a way to drink the Myocel (someone on one of the boards called it Myohell). I mix it with a cup of non-fat milk and 3 teaspoons of frozen strawberries. Much, much better.

Have been doing great with the pre-op diet. Need to keep on keeping on. I think I am in the swing of it and am now going to add focusing on my liquid intake. Not drinking enough. Might as well get in the habit now --- one less thing to deal with after the surgery.

I actually forgot it was Halloween. Lucky for me, I don't have to participate in trick-or-treating. My porch light will remain off and I will stay cacooned in my nice warm blanky on the couch.

Do you like the pictures? I am going to try to continue to use new ones and not repeat. I added a counter and unfortunately it is somewhat depressing because there isn't anyone reading my blog! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Oh well, I will just keep plugging away and keeping it up to date. I think it will be interesting to look back on it a year from now.

I stepped on the scale this morning and had lost a few pounds. Believe it or not, I can't remember how many? That is kinda funny to me. I'll weigh again tomorrow 'cause I don't want to report the wrong thing.

16 days until surgery...

Shakes...YUCK!

OK, anyone that says Myocel tastes good is lying! That is the shake product that my surgeon has me on for anyone that doesn't know. The office recommend that I get the vanilla over the chocolate because 'you can do more with it'. Uh, hello? Do more with it? It tastes NASTY!!! I have put coffee in it (instant granules) to help cover the taste, berries, and anything else I can come up with. It comes down to choking it down. This is OK now that I don't have the band, but when I have the band, I'm sure the intent is that you sip your DELICIOUS shake. So, I'm going to have to ask them if I can buy one that I can stand. This bucket of *stuff* cost me 40 bucks, so I will continue to choke it down and ask about a replacement at my pre-op appointment.

I am only focusing on the pre-op diet right now and nothing else (like exercise). Although I have been doing more to keep my mind off the hunger. Planting and cleaning was on the agenda for me today.

Chicken and green beans for dinner again tonight.

17 days until surgery.

Tests Done / Surgery Date

All tests are done. *Passed* them all, so I got a surgery date! The date of my surgery is November 16. I have a pre-op with the surgeon the day before. I have managed to freak myself out numerous times by reading a lot of information (mainly Yahoo! groups) that makes me wonder if I am making the right decision. *sigh*

I can lose the weight. I just can't keep it off. On top of it, everytime I put weight back on, I put on more! At the rate I'm going, I could end up being 300 pounds. So, at least today, I am going forward with the surgery.

I started the pre-surgery diet today -- a couple days early. I was supposed to start on Tuesday, but I decided I better start of the weekend, so I could adjust. Let me tell you the pre-op shakes are disgusting! I don't care what anyone says, I hate it. So, I just plug my nose and drink. I'm not sure that I buy into the hype of the myocel product that I was asked to use, so I also went and got some protein powder from Wal-mart. It tastes a tad bit better.

So, for today I have had two shakes, a chicken breast, and a can of beans. I will likely have some SF jello later this evening. I am hoping to lose 10 pounds before I have the surgery.

18 days to surgery....

Tests, Tests, and More Tests!

Well, no surprise, but I was approved for lap band pending a bunch of tests. Comprehensive blood work out, sleep study, psych release, and a stress test. I think that is all of them. Luckily I hadn't eaten anything before the appointment, so I was able to go and do the blood work right away on Friday. The sleep study I signed up for Saturday night---more about that in a minute. Left a voicemail for the shrink on the psych release and scheduled the stress test for Wednesday.

So, back to the lovely sleep study. I put on one of the zillion forms that I filled out that I had started snoring. I didn't think much of it at the time 'cause what is the big deal. I figured it is a combination of allergies and being fat. Well, at the consultation they asked me a bunch of questions and at the end up it I was told that I had to have a sleep study.

Talk about wires! My best count is that there were about 25 wires attached to me! It took forever, but the good thing that by the time they were done I was actually ready to go to sleep. So, I slept and they woke me up at 6am. Unhooked me and I was on my way home. How'd it go? Who knows. I think I slept fine, but I'll have to find out for sure at another appointment.

That's the excitement from here. Over and out.

A Million Little Pieces

OK, so I started the Oprah book last night. I did end up reading 100 pages before I put it down. I think it is very good, but not so sure that I would HAVE to stay up all night to finish it, but it could still happen. I'll let you know.

Tomorrow is the big day! Consultation with the lap band doctor. I'm excited and I'm scared at the same time.

Friday night is such a good night on TV! So many shows to watch. Survivor is my favorite. Just a short one today. I hope everyone is enjoying my pics.

Over and out

Exercise - Who me?

Exercise for me ebbs and flows. When I'm doing it, I'm doing it and consistently doing it. When I'm not, I'm consistently not doing it. At least I'm consistent, right? ;)

I honestly have been too depressed to even move my fat ass lately other than what I have to do. Definitely not a good sign. I have made some small changes though that I have realized without 'forcing' myself to do so. I am no longer drinking soda and am drinking tea, water, or sugar-free Koolaid; I am consistently eating breakfast; and I am not eating in front of the TV. Baby steps - that's what it is all about.

Have the consultation on Friday and filled out the zillion pages of documentation today. It was somewhat funny when I got to the page on all the diets I have been on. There were only a couple that I haven't tried. Could either make a person laugh or cry. I decided to laugh. What is my problem? You might be thinking/asking? Well, I can take the weight off like no tomorrow! My problem is keeping it off. When I am focused 100% (dieting) things go well. I even keep the weight off for a while, but what happens is the focus diminishes because I have lost the weight and for some reason I don't have a good internal 'you're full' button. This is what the lap band --- which is only another tool --- brings to the table.

Believe me - the whole thing still scares the poop outta me, but I have done the research and talked to many people that have had it done. I plan to keep an open mind until I have my consultation on Friday. That's it for now. I am going to go read Oprah's new book club "A million pieces" which is supposedly so good that once you start reading it you can't put it down. I'll report back on that. (I did find it at Sam's club for under 8 bucks if anyone is interested.)

No Problem!

Yep, that is what the shrink said about the lap band. I was scared. I thought they might say that they weren't going to support it. Guess there is all around agreement that I'm fat! In this case, it is a good thing. The shrink said that it is likely that the medication will go down over time because of weight loss. I was thinking hell ya it is going down 'cause this will assist with one of the contributing factors to my depression!

Next step: the consultation on Friday with the lap band doctor. I need to get the paperwork finished. There is quite a lot of it. Assuming things go like I plan they will---I'm a good candidate. The next step will be to schedule the surgery and the special pre-surgery diet. I call it the liver diet. No, you don't eat liver, but I will be drinking this stuff that is good for shrinking my liver. They need the liver to be as small as possible to prevent bruising to it when they do the laproscopic surgery.

I have to say that I go back and forth and back and forth on this. It is very scary. Thinking: is it the right thing to do, what if something goes wrong, etc. Which brings me to another thing--I am not planning on telling anyone. I do not want to hear about how stupid it is, shouldn't do it, just get my fat ass in gear, etc. Been there, done that. I spend plenty of my time in inner debate about these things without a bunch of people commenting.

I did tell my best friend though. I had to tell someone 'cause someone has to pick you up from the surgery. Well that's it for now.

Got an Appointment

I called the place today about the lap band surgery. Asked about the financing -- since my insurance doesn't cover it. Can finance it, but it costs an extra $1,000 to do that. Not sure why, but that was what I looked in to. Called the number and ended up getting approved within an hour. This wasn't really the plan as I don't have the consultation until Friday, but who knew?!

So, on Wednesday I meet with the shrink. Will have to bring up the lap band option and see what it said about that. I have to list the medications I take on the intake form and the shrink. I am hoping that it is not an issue, but who knows. Guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Can't sleep!

I woke up suddenly about an hour ago and have not been able to get back to sleep. Thinking about work and other thoughts racing through my head. Trying to turn off the thoughts...

Desperate Housewives - Don't get it?

I have tried to watch it multiple times --- mainly due to a lack of anything else to watch. I just don't get what all the hype is about. If anyone can explain to me why he or she loves it so much, I would greatly appreciate it!

My journey...

Fluffy, fat, overweight, obese...all ugly ugly words! I have got to do something about my weight. It is truly out of control. Some days I care and other days I don't. Is my depression a contributing factor or am I depressed because I am so fat??? I think I am depressed because I am so fat.

Oh yeah, I know what you are thinking. So do something about it! I have. I have been on every diet known to man. You name it, I've been on it. Did I lose weight? Sure did on every single one of them. The problem - the weight does not stay off. Just stop eating? Easier said than done. There is something wrong with my 'full button' plus I also know that I use food as my drug of choice.

So, what am I going to do? I am considering a drastic decision and contemplating lapband surgery. I'm not even sure that I will qualify for it. Isn't that hilarious? I might not be fat enough! Then there is also the cost ($15K) which I will have to pay myself because it is not covered by insurance. But if I am a good candidate the expense will be worth every penny. I am going to call and speak to them tomorrow about the cost and setting up a consultation.

Then again, I started this blog deal and am wondering if I could do it myself. Today I feel like I can. Don't know about tomorrow. It's the long-term that wears me out. Getting the weight off, but then not being able to keep it off. Who knows?

I want the days back that I could wear whatever I wanted and it was more a question of what I was going to wear rather than what can I fit into. Currently what I can fit into is a very few select items. That also stresses me out 'cause I know people are noticing how much weight I am putting on and also likely that there are only a few things that I keep wearing. Who cares, right? It just makes me feel self-conscious.

This weekend I didn't get out of bed except for a total of 10 hours. That would be on the high end. I'm not eating much so the weight is steady. The depression right now is bad. I am on medication, but it doesn't seem to be working. I'll speak to the doctor this week at my appointment. Although, I know it is the weight. I'll have to consider asking about the lapband surgery too. It would make me mad though if they said that they would not approve it because of the depression---because I'd be paying for it myself.