Friday, May 06, 2011

Cinco de...

Ugh, let me just say that as I get older my ability to drink goes down. It's an inverse correlation or whatever the right term is. While Cinco de Drinko was really the joke goal we set for our girls outing, after two I was d-o-n-e. I switched to water, but with a late night and what I did drink boot camp was not in the cards for me this morning.

Ironically, when the alarm went off for camp, a dog pretty much started barking for the next couple of hours. How is it that the owner doesn't hear that? Hmmmm, maybe it was a sign that I should have sucked it up and gone to camp??? 

We walked around the event and went into various shops. I saw a pair of jeans that I thought were very cute and two of my pals saw me looking at them. None of these gals knew me before or even know that I've lost all this weight. They just see me as I am now.

One of the girls said to me, "What are you a size 0?" I wonder what my face looked like and I'm afraid that it wasn't good and she may have perceived it as snotty or something, but I was really just shocked and embarrassed. She's very sweet and intended absolutely no harm with her comment---it's all me.

I am still adjusting to how people see me as well as how I see myself. I have struggled my entire life with seeing myself as bigger than I am (dysmorphia) and that unfortunately continues. I wonder if it is something that I will ever conquer, but I try to use pictures and looking at my clothes (not while I'm in them) as suggested in counseling, but it's still a struggle.

Thanks so much for all the comments on the scale post. It's interesting to see everyone's thoughts and different approaches. As with most of this banded stuff, I don't think there's a "right" answer to it and the answer is whatever works best for you. I realized that I didn't really flat out say it that separating from the scale was very scary and hard for me. It was.

Happy Weekend! : )


FitBy40 said...

It's interesting that you have friends who don't know you used to be heavy. Hubby is interviewing for a job out of state. My first thought, besides "oh my god, we'll have to move", was "wow, I'll meet all new people who will never know that I used to be obese!". Funny how we think, and what becomes important.
You'll get there, these things take time. You didn't put the weight on over night, your brain will need time to catch up. That's my opinion anyway!

Lady Lap Band said...

OMG I struggle with dysmorphia too, its tough! When I see pics of myself I do a double take bc I'm not convinced it is me! When I look in the mirror I don't see the same thing I see in pics!


The Cozy (not crazy) Coconut said...

Interestingly enough - I KNOW I have opposite dysmorphia. Its why I've weighed what I do for so long. I still think I'm smaller than I am and I've been overweight for quite a few years. I'll pull out clothes, thinking I can fit in them and I don't. I don't take many pictures of myself - I'm good at taking them and evading having them taken of me! But - maybe when I get these last 35lbs off - I'll begin to have the opposite problem. I CANT WAIT to have that problem! :) :) Thanks for commenting on my onderland post - I appreciate the support as I've not been out blogging or commenting much lately. I haven't weighed this in 6 years! So thanks again!!

Beth Ann said...

I hate that you struggle with this. You are so perfectly thin and gorgeous to any eye but your own, my friend. I wish you could see what I see. :)

I hate it, but I understand it. I'm working hard to see myself as I change and it is tough.

Sanguine said...

OMG COZY COCONUT!!!!! I was thinking the same thing as I read this entire blog!! I was like MAN!!! I am the OPPOSITE! I look in a mirror and I'm like NO WAY is that me!! I don't feel thin of course but I am always amazed and sad that I have actually gotten this big! My surgery is in three days. I am scared and excited. I can't wait to look like I feel inside! :)