Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Man, You've Lost a Lot of Weight! ... How much?

I ran into an acquaintance from work. "Wow Fluffy, you have lost a lot of weight! How much have you lost?" "Uh, I have thanks. Good to see you, how have you been?"

It's probably some weird insecurity I have, but people asking me how much weight I've lost kinda strikes me as rude. I'm also likely taking it the wrong way as an added bonus. But for non-close friends (my inner circle) to ask me, it makes me uncomfortable. You know it's a lot, so why isn't that enough? Why is the number so important?

I have been at my job for over 16 years. People witnessed my roller coaster ride - thin, not thin, thin, not so thin, fat, not as fat, FATTEST ever, to now. There are a lot of people where I work, so you can go for a year or more without seeing someone that you know. And, don't get me wrong, I understand it's shocking if his or her memory of me is my "before" and it doesn't really bother me if there is an exclamation of "wow, you've lost a lot of weight" or whatever---I think that's a normal, honest reaction as I am kinda like a BL unveiling in that scenario. It's shocking, I get it - just not the "how much?".

I'll dodge it. I'll say quite a bit. I've said a 5th grader. But while I guess I am proud of losing over 100 pounds, I just don't like to advertise it. It's just not me. Am I being a hypocrite since I talk about it on my blog? To me, no. This is my place to put my thoughts, etc. And, one of the original hopes of this blog was that maybe it would help someone else that is either considering or newly banded, so talking about weight and clothing sizes and all that helps me remember and stay true to my journey and potentially others that you can lose the weight you need to by using this tool and making other changes...and, most importantly, maintain the loss 5 years later (and yep, for some reason I am kinda obsessed with this 5 year milestone, but that's another post).

But now that I type this out, I wonder do I think/feel this because of my shyness overall as I get embarrassed when people say anything if I am truly honest about it? Maybe...But in full candor in this meandering post, I also remember when I was about 50 lbs down that I was PISSED that a person in the "inner circle" had not said one dang thing to me. And, if it was someone that had a major weight problem, I'm not so sure I'd mind either. So go figure...Maybe I just need to get over it!

Do people ask you how much weight you have lost? Does it bother you? How do you handle it? Should I be responding differently such as providing "a number"? Should I just shut the hell up and get over it?


Silverhairedgoddess said...

Over the years of going from a size 22/24 to a size 10 and back up to my old friend 22/24 !, I have had alot of people making remarks about my growing size or my lessning (is that a word) size and sometimes it bothered me and sometimes it didn't.

But I agree with you, why can't people just say "wow, you lost weight and Wow you look great". If you tell them the truth and say 80 or 90 0r 100 pounds- they look at you funny, well maybe not funny but a look that says "how could you have been that heavy in the first place".

I always say "enough to make a difference " - it really is no one's business - unless like you say its to help someone with their weight problem.

Keep up the good work and don't let anyone get you down :)

Matilda said...

I feel that you should say only what you are comfortable saying. Confirming your weight loss is one thing, stating a number is another. I don't think it is important and I feel it is a bit rude as well. We all know that the number shouldn't mean anything, but it does. People can still judge you by that number even after the fact. I think you are justified in not sharing it.

Island Bandit said...

i was just telling a friend that all of a sudden my weight (or lack of it) is a hot topic. and yes... once they tell me i look great, they either want to know how much i've lost or how much more i want to lose or what my goal weight is! I guess politeness stopped them from asking when i was on the way up just how much i'd gained!!!!
tell them whatever you're comfortable telling them

Jody V said...

OK...here is my take. I have done that to people for years...ask how much weight they lost that is. Now...I just tell them that they look great and their efforts are really paying off. Now...I would rather know HOW you did it vs. how much you lost. Your how you did it could put me right back on track.

Your Blog readers are certainly glad that you share those numbers with us. We all had the same tool "installed" and it has worked differently for me than you. I never lose hope reading your blog.

Please keep our motivation going!!


Dinnerland said...

I think it is rude and before I got banded, I worried what I'd say if people asked me... since then, I've changed "PIG's" (ha ha) and so people know me at a lower weight.
I am still trying to get off 30 some odd more pounds-- so it may come up.
I won't like it, though.

Read said...

When I lost a significant amount before I HATED it when people asked me how much. I never answered specifically, always deferred. I remember my SIL pushing and pushing, "no really, how much did you lose?" over and over throughout a day. I finally had to tell her, I'm not going to give you a number - it was a lot as you can well see.

For me, it's because of the judgement I believe they will have of me to have had that much weight to lose in the first place. If someone were in my inner circle and they wanted to know, it would be because they wanted to applaud every one of those pounds gone, but if they aren't from the inner circle - it's what? morbid curiosity? a way to feel better about themselves?

I'm right with you!!

julie said...

Before I had an incident with my current boss, I would have wondered why you don't like sharing your weight loss amount. I have been asked "how much" and have proudly told anyone and everyone that I am half the woman I once was and have lost 175 lbs. Now I have a better idea why you feel like avoiding the question.

Once I moved to a new city, I decided not to broadcast the fact that I was banded. Not that I'm ashamed (I'm certainly NOT), I just didn't want to be defined by it. I want to be known for how I look and am now. However, a coworker recently had a birthday and to celebrate, the boss took us to lunch. I got a lot of questions as to why I was eating so little. I evaded but after their persistence, I explained. When my boss asked how much I had lost, I told him, and he said, "Wow, you must have been HUGE!" And, yes, he emphasized that last word.

I am proud of my weight loss and weighing 175 is a dream come true after weighing 351. However, his comment stung me for two reasons; 1)the implication that I'm not small to begin with (I'm the largest woman at work), and 2)the judgment on my past weight (how did I get so fat). He laughed and everyone asked me questions about the procedure, and I played it off like nothing had bothered me, but it had.

I've since decided not to answer that question and I LOVE Silverhairedgoddess's response of "enough to make a difference" and will adopt that answer from now on.

Sorry for the long comment but thank you for the great blog! You really keep me inspired and motivated!

Justawallflower said...

as someone who does not like personal attention, I am not looking forward to people exclaiming my weight loss! For me it is kind of a contradiction, because I do want people close to me to notice, but I guess I just don't want it to be a big deal. As for the number lost, I'd say it's perfectly reasonable to NOT give a number. It's all about what you are comfortable giving.