Below are some of the ones that made me giggle...
- A gym is not designed to make you feel instantly better about yourself. If a gym wanted to make you feel instantly better about yourself, it would be a bar.
- No one in the history of gyms has ever lost a pound while reading "The New Yorker" and slowly pedaling a recumbent bicycle. No one.
- Don't fall for gimmicks. The only tried-and-true method to lose 10 pounds in 48 hours is food poisoning.
- You can take 10 Minute Abs, 20 Minute Abs, and 30 Minute Abs. There is also Stop Eating Pizza and Eating Sheet Cake Abs—but that's super tough!
- If you're motivated to buy an expensive home exercise machine, consider a "wooden coat rack." It costs $40, uses no electricity and does the exact same thing.
- If a gym class is going to be effective, it's hard. If you're relaxed and enjoying yourself, you're at brunch.
- Fact: Thinking about going to the gym burns between 0 and 0 calories.
- A successful gym membership is like a marriage: If it's good, you show up committed and ready for hard work. If it's not good, you show up in sweatpants and watch a lot of bad TV.
- There is no secret. Exercise and lay off the fries. The end.