Not Mo Jo, but Mojito

It all started with one really good mojito. (ok maybe it was two)

Who doesn't want a couple pygmy goats? (You can't have just one, they get lonely.) I figure we can house and crate train them to get around the home owner's association and the city oridinance that they are farm animals and not allowed. Who'd be the wiser right? Check these two out and you'll see why I want them.

You want one, I mean two, now don't you? Before you think I've lost my mind. Here's what my husband wants:

I don't know what his deal is with big dogs. The bigger the better in his book. We've been trying to come up with a dog we can both agree on, but we haven't landed on one yet. We did take a trip to a breeder to see some labradoodles here in TX.

Awwwwww, right? Too bad they don't stay that size. Needless to say, no goats or a puppy were purchased. We're sticking with the wild kingdom in the backyard for now.

And you thought this wasn't band related? I have a new slogan I'm a B.A.D.E, pronunciation - bad eeee. What is it? Bandster Against Drinking and Eating of course! (Yah, I blame it on the mojitos too)

Do your part! Become a B.A.D.E today! Don't drink & eat!!!

(and yah, don't drink and drive either)

~~~~~~~
Thanks for all the great comments on "motivation"! Look at what Banded Bella said "...Motivation, to me is a mind over matter thing....when you stop minding it ceases to matter. We should always mind gaining weight or not exercising so that it always matters." I think that's great. Thanks Bella!
~~~~~~~

Motivation Comment

LapBand Gal, I am now your official stalker. I tried 8,234,123 times to get my comment on your blog post on motivation with no luck. No joke - check your stats!. Lots of blogs have been discussing motivation in addition to LabBand Gal. Finding it, keeping it, losing it, etc., so I thought I'd chime in.

Motivation is a philisophical thing for me. It's like: Which came first the chicken or the egg? Or, do you get wetter running or walking the same distance in the rain? (Think about that one. It will drive you crazy debating with yourself! OK, it does me.)

Motivation is something that ebbs and flows for me. In various posts you will see references to "funks", "slumpville" and "sloth". A component of these for me is just plain ol' lack of motivation. What happens? Life. There's just ups and downs in life and I don't think that it's realistic to always be "on" or motivated. And, I also think that's alright. At least for me it is. ; )

But let's talk about motivation and exercise. I workout my fair share. Do I always want to? Nope. In fact, I have determined that I hate running in the Texas heat. Yep, me no likey. So I'm not doing it. I'll run when I feel like it (believe me there's a ton in bootcamp, so I'm not missing out) and pick it up again with the longer distances when it's cooler.

So what do I do when I'm lacking motivation? I take the: just do it, put my big girl panties on, I'll feel better after I do it, pull myself up by my bootstraps, fake it until I make it, get your ass out there, suck it up buttercup, whine a little (or a lot), there is no valid excuse approach. It's a million dollar question in my book that doesn't have just one answer and varies from person to person....hmmm, sounds like something else, huh?
(weight loss, banding, etc.)

Ultimately for me, motivation is like what I choose to eat. It's the law of averages. I need more days of motivation and healthy eating than days that aren't. Balancing the teeter totter that way (ooooo, another cheesy graphic!) has kept me at a steady goal weight for over 3.5 years.

This isn't a diet. Behavior modifications such as exercise and what I choose to eat are not temporary and to me that's what sets this journey apart from a diet. These life changes are never done and they have to continue. I refuse to have wasted my money, time, and effort...and most annoyingly for me personally to be a statistic that supports the "WLS surgery doesn't work" camp.

Why yes, I was going to put this entire thing in LapBand Girl's Comments. ; )

Flashbacks to a few posts

Today is a new day! Thanks for the nice comments yesterday.

When I get an email from someone that is considering or new to banding, there are a few posts that I suggest checking out on my blog. I thought I'd point them out as they are buried in the postings at this point and there are quite a few new followers (Thanks!).

Of course, these are my thoughts and opinions. You should always follow the guidance of your doctor or ask questions of him/her, but if you have a question and want an opinion, please let me know!

• My thoughts on protein and some other opinions
• Restriction
• Golden(?) rules

Weekly Round Up

• 6 bootcamps
• Calories: 3620

Acknowledging and moving on...

My husband is very squishy on the inside. While he may not always know how to express himself well, he is very sensitive and kind hearted---one of the things I cherish most about him. Most people don't know this or see this because of his profession, experiences, etc. and I think at times misinterpret his reactions because he tends to go inside himself when he's hurt or sad.

Yesterday he put off calling his dad to wish him a happy father's day. He loves his dad - very much in fact - but there have been many times that his dad has hurt him with his words and he doesn't know which dad is going to answer the phone. Unfortunately yesterday was one of those days that something was said that hurt my husband. Needless to say when this happens, I get pissed. I try to take the high road and provide the other perspective (his dad is joking, didn't mean it that way, etc.). Problem was, this time I was also hurt by what was said.

I was too shocked by what happened at the time to recall exactly what my husband said his dad said, but he said something to the effect of I guess I'll never have to get you a card for father's day. I had heard my husband say during the call some reference to there being plenty of children to adopt, but didn't know how that surfaced at the time, so this was the missing piece.

Anyway, I had cancer. Repeatedly I tried to address it without having a hysterectomy. But it just wasn't working. Living 90 days to 90 days with some it's clear reports to be followed by "it's back" was taking a toll on me after nearly two years, so I made the decision to solve the problem entirely by having a hysterectomy. Plus, my doctor at this point wasn't even sure if I continued down the current treatment path if I could carry a child. I was not married to my husband at the time, but we were dating again. It's funny how when I was choosing not to have a kid became so different than when the choice was made for me. It took my power away I guess.

Prior to marrying my husband, we had a long discussion about "You know I cannot have children. It's not a possibility. You are giving up having a child of your own." My husband said at the time that he didn't want children and if that changed we could consider adopting. I brought up that I was concerned that HIS clock hadn't really set off yet and wanted him to know that if he changed his mind that I would be willing to adopt. So, it's out there and we both know it's an option. One that we may or may not choose to pursue. Right now neither of us knows.

What I do know is that I'm just very upset today. Upset that was said to my husband by his father (I think my husband took it as a criticism and that somehow he has failed or disappointed his father). Upset that he may be missing having a child of his own because of me. Upset that I don't have a choice anymore to decide whether or not I want to have a child. We talked about it quite a bit yesterday, but while I was pissed and upset at the time, I was so concerned about my husband that I didn't realize just how upset I really was. Today I do. It sucks. But I also know that I am cancer free, I haven't let him down, and there are other options...and, I haven't been eating my feelings. I will allow myself to continue to be upset today, but tomorrow I will move forward.

Milestone & That's what BFFs are for?

Milestone

I realized, fluke really, that my last post was my 500th! It's hard to believe that my first post was October 9, 2005. In so many ways it seems like it was just yesterday and in other ways not. Well, here's to the next 500 posts and thanks to each and every one of you that take the time to read and comment!

My BFF

So my BFF found a picture of me. She thought it was just sooooo hilarious that she HAD to send it immediately. The email subject:: "Who the hell IS THIS???"

It's funny to hear her say that she didn't realize how big I was until I wasn't anymore. Since she sees me often, it was a strange kinda thing. She really didn't notice my weightloss until I had lost a lot and it really didn't hit her how fat I was until she saw me in past pictures. (She actually met me when I was thin.) Since then she'll come across pictures now and then and freaks out. It's pretty funny actually.

The picture was a bit small, but I did my best to do a side by side comparison. I can tell you this though that t-shirt in the original picture is a man's XL and I also fill out nicely(?) the XL loose fit (supposed to be) elastic waist capri sweat pants I had on. The other side XS and size either 2 or 4 pants.

 

Weekly Round Up

• 4 bootcamps
• Calories: 2687

Banging = Stomp = Husband

My husband likes to bang on things...pretty much constantly. Oh, it's not annoying at all (HA), but I have to say he does have some rhythmic skills. Thankfully the drum set is still not setup for him to add that to his banging routine.

I saw Stomp several years ago, but knew he hadn't and they had made changes to the show since I went. So we went over the weekend. After the show he said we should go to these more often and I was thinking in my head whether or not I can see him enjoying a full on musical. I think he's more Stomp, Cirque, Lion King, but who knows. We might just have to try it!

Weekly Round Up

• 4 bootcamps
• Calories: 2687

Fear

First and foremost, thanks for the nice comments on my picture on my last post. Please know that I am not trying to diminish or seek additional comments, but want to write about how I am feeling since that post.

Surprisingly, I felt fine in my bikini in Mexico, but I seriously would have felt like I had made no progress if I felt otherwise when I didn't know anyone there other than my husband. But having the picture on my blog makes me feel insecure and uncomfortable. I don't know, it just does. I know it is there and I feel naked. Which sounds stupid when I remind myself this blog is anonymous. I knew the post was outside of my comfort zone, but I decided to do it anyway because I used to look like this:

And it sure would have been helpful to know that getting from that to where I am today was a possibility back in 2005 when I was seeking people that already had a band. So, I will focus on the good things about doing the post that I need to remember:

• The comment on my paleness is a true feeling I was experiencing in Mexico (albeit a negative one, but  that I successfully told myself to get over and I did), but it wasn't about my body in the bikini really. This was a step forward for me.
• I also edited from that post some negative comments about the photo itself. The negative comments flowed from my brain to fingers so quickly that I didn't even notice them until I reread the post before publishing. But I did call myself on it and deleted them.
• Reality is that my body is not perfect and I need to try and stay on the side of the teeter totter that my imperfections are OK more so than not. My goal was to get healthy and at the end of the day I need to remind myself (give myself a good kick in the a$$) that I surpassed what I had originally hoped by a long shot. And frankly, my surgeon put 85lbs as my stretch goal and I landed at 107.
• That chair - see how I filled it up so nicely? I take about half that amount of space now.

So the work continues on this journey...

GOOOOOOO MAVS!!!!

Vacation Bullets

• It was the first week of the "rainy season". I was a bit scared and the forecast showed rain. Whew, we had awesome weather! It started pouring on the last day when we were getting ready to leave, but that made leaving easier. ; )
• We didn't have an agenda. We went to bed when we wanted, got up when we wanted, and ate when we wanted. It was perfect and just what I needed. I was pretty sad Sunday night that I had to return to the "real" world and am looking forward to going somewhere again.
• I didn't workout on my vacation. I did some active "stuff", but nothing strenuous. I just didn't wanna and that's OK. Regardless, last week I still got in 4 bootcamps for 2690 calories.
• It felt like I ate a lot, but I think it was more so that I wasn't as active as I normally am and felt a bit slothlike. I mentioned how much I ate toward the end of the trip to my husband and he busted out laughing. He said he was amazed at how little I ate. Funny how it's all perspective.
• The pool was deep everywhere -- 5.5" for the most part. Which wasn't over my head, but I don't know how to swim (hangs head in shame). My husband who swims like a fish towed me around the pool the first day. The second day we stopped by one of the shops and I got a kids floaty ring. It was big enough that I thought I could hold onto it or lay across it. I didn't think there was anyway I could fit in the center. Imagine my surprise when that floaty fit around me! seriously shocked
• I have some pictures, but I haven't messed with them and I think they are mainly scenery pictures anyway. I wore my bikinis to the pool and little dresses/skirts the rest of the time. I felt a little bit self conscious when we got to the pool the first time, but honestly it is because I am so pale. Which I told myself is STUPID. While I wish there was something I could do about it, there isn't. So I just got over myself! (Me and sunscreen are tight!)

Non-Vacation Related, but I just can't help myself...

• Weinergate - *gigglesnort* - I didn't believe him from the get go. There has always been something about him that has always made me feel "oogie" as a woman. Personally: Resign already dude. You only did what you had to do (no "responsibility" was taken in my book). You were caught in the act and are now trying to do a mea culpa and get away with it. And, for me the basis is not so much because you're a slime ball, but because you LIED and frankly you're an idiot for doing what you did and thinking that you could get away with it. (Oh, and honey, please at least separate from him.)
• The bachel0rette. Yes, I watch it (hanging head in shame, again!), but there's really nothing else on. I find her to be very insecure, but found the most recent episode to be even more cringe worthy. There is NO way they didn't know what a slime ball that bentley character was, but it's all about the ratings. The things he said - HARSH! It will make for a good reunion at the end though I'm sure.

Whoooossshhhh!

That's me driving by! Things are hectic with me trying to get everything done before leaving for Mexico. So, just a quick post and I'll be back next week!

Weight. I forgot. While I divorced the scale, the nurse was adamant that I had to weigh. I explained to her why I didn't want to, but she was honestly a bit of a )(@#*$)@(#$* so I just stepped on the scale. I had clothes on and weighed 130 lbs, so this no weighing stuff is really working for me. The last time I had weighed, I was 129 lbs in my b-day suit (nekkid).

Oh, and the doctor did say that was horse crap and would note it in my file for the next time so that it would be my choice if I wanted to weigh or not. She's very happy with my journey and how I have maintained my loss (ob-gyn). She has other patients that also have a band and I guess it hasn't been a smooth ride.

Slumpville. Ya me! My stretch goal for the "slump" week was to get 4 camps in. Working through my slump on my blog just seemed to work me out of it and I put on my big girl panties and got to it! : )

Nails. I had that gel nail polish put on my nails. It's not supposed to come off like regular nail polish and grow out. I thought they'd be perfect for time in the pool. Um, 2 days. That's right. 1 day in the pool and sure nuff those puppies started peeling off. Grrrrr! I think there was something wrong with the application. I am going to try and fit in a trip back, but not sure I have the time between now and when I leave.

Exercise & eating. I am planning 3 camps minimum before I leave. If I have room in my suitcase, I will pack workout clothes, but I don't have any plan to use them. But if the mood strikes me, I'll have the clothes to do it. I find the water aerobics and other "active" activities to be a hoot, so I plan to participate in those. The objective for this short trip is to relax and be "off the grid". I plan to eat and drink what I want and do a whole lot of hanging out, reading, and napping. I can hardly wait!
 
Nos vemos la próxima semana! Adiós por ahora!
 
Disclaimer & soapbox thought: I am not fluent. I speak brokenly and usually have a ton of errors, but I think it's better to attempt to use the native language than not at all. It amazes me (appalls actually) that Americans go to Mexico and are upset because everyone isn't fluent in English. Um, it's Mexico????

Weekly Round Up
•6 bootcamps
•Calories: 3503

Clothing Coupons Pay Off!

I went to 0ld Navy. Now, I don't think it's the highest quality, but what I get there is usually so trendy I really only want to wear it for the current year anyway. Personally, I think their "original" prices are high for what you get, but when on sale or clearance, it's pretty good!

I picked up 8 items for a total of $136.28. All items were on sale or on clearance, but my final price was $63.14! HUH? So, here's how it worked out. I knew that all clearance items were marked down an additional 50% off. Add to that I had a one day coupon for an additional 20% off with no exclusions and WHAM-O, SCORE! : )

Here's a picture of the loot:

I didn't realize what an idiot I was in my last post. After mentioning about my car, I should have told everyone that I am just fine! Thanks for the concern though. : )

If you have an 0ld Navy close by, I'd go check out the clearance section! I believe the sale is still on...uh, what are you waiting for??!!! (oooo, and post your loot if you go!!!)

Hmm, they multiplied!

Well here's what happened. I bought one bikini and my husband loved it! I didn't really want to wear the same one the entire time, so back to the store I went. Surprise! They were now even lower priced! So, the one turned into three (mix and match line). I am sure every woman would have done the same thing...right? : )

Um, I may not have mentioned a few of the sarongs that are with the suits to the husband. A couple I had, but a couple are new. Shhhhhh...

OK, this seriously is NOT a whine. This week has turned hilarious. In other words, all I can do is laugh at this point.

The spa part of the pool emptied for some unknown reason overnight. The pool is not my job. Here's what I can tell you about the pool. "Hey, there it is!" Needless to say I panicked and my husband is out of town all week. Mysteriously the pool service doesn't know why it emptied either, but thankfully it has stayed filled since they came out and checked it out. Who knows.

My phone died. I took it to get it repaired and decided to just drop it off to get back quickly and back to work. Eh, not a big deal. Have a phone plan. Well, then on the way home, I was rear ended. Yep, I couldn't make this stuff up!

Thanks to all of you that read and comment on my blog. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to meeting those of you that are able to go to B.O.O.B.S. I have my plane ticket, roommate, and we have our hotel reservations!

Yup, it's confirmed...

I desperately need a vacation and I swear my hormones are out of whack. Evidence:

• I am grumpy to co-workers. (Oh, and kinda HATING my job right now!)
• I was talking to my husband on the phone today and started crying for pretty much no reason...niiiiceee!
• I swear I am having hot flashes, but I've never had one to know for sure, so I'm not sure. Women have tried to describe what it feels like to them and I kinda think it sounds like it, but then not really....arrrggghhhh!
  • Recently visited the doc and all hormones, vitamins, and other such full workup crap is totally normal. While this is good, I really wanted something to be off to explain what is up with me!
  • And more TMI on this bullet, I had a hysterectomy and experience fake periods, but all of this is just different.
• This is manifesting itself during a super bad (no not the movie, although I highly recommend it) time as this is an off week for camp. The trainers have been a bit flaky, so I only have 3 days of camp, but am trying to see if I can get a 4th day.
• Why yes, I could get my a$$ out and do something on my own or *shudder* go to the gym, but please see other bullets as to why that just ain't happening at this time. : )
• I haven't been reading blogs! The horror!
• Eating for the right reasons is very hard right now. (aka - I want to eat crap food all the time)
• I'm whining in this post!
• Unfortunately, I think my first stop toward making it to my vacation destination is Slumpville....*SIGH*

OK, so I'm over it. : ) Well not really, but I will be and I am working through it...Anyone have any cheese?

Weekly Round Up

• 5 bootcamps
• Calories: 3064

Coming up this week *drum roll*

• No more posts with whining!
• Get caught up with blog reading.
• Camp 3 times minimum
• By request, a picture of the swimsuits.
• A post about why coupons are good for clothes shopping! OK, it's really about the clothes that I got super cheap 'cause it's quite a pile even for me the queen of bargain shoppping and coupons. : )

And I will leave you with another creature that appeared in the yard:

It's hard to tell because, go figure, I didn't have a ruler with me to put next to the turtle, but the shell was about 15 inches in length! (The turtle is sooo over me taking the pictures can't you tell?)

This just in...

I bought two bikinis for my trip to Mexico. I will wear them...by leaving all other swimsuits at home and having no other choice. I don't know anyone there except my husband anyway, right? But yet, it still makes me feel a bit self conscious. I've always been shy, so when I would wear a bikini in the past it has always been with board shorts.Hmmm, I better leave those at home. Oh well, there will be plenty of liquid courage at my disposal to help me get to the point of not caring. : )

That is all...

Wild Animals

This year I decided I wanted a bird and a squirrel feeder in our backyard. The bird feeder has been awesome from the get go and we now have two pairs of cardinals, a woodpecker or two, and some other wild birds that are visiting frequently. But the squirrel feeder is another story.

The squirrels were hilarious jockeying for a turn to sit on the ledge and open the lid to get a treat in our first feeder. But every night by morning the feeder would be empty. Well, there had to be something eating it and I figured it had to be an o'possum (yes, there is an "o") or a raccoon.

Enter squirrel feeder version 2. There's just NO way the night eater is getting in right?

And the first night:

Why yes, that is Rocky with his arm shoved in the feeder. BUT he can only get whatever he can grab through the little hole and not all the treats in the glass part.

Or, so we thought, until we checked the next morning and saw this:

As long as we only put enough food out in the morning for the squirrels, it seems like the situation is managed. Here are some more pictures because I think they are hilarious!

The squirrels get really pissed when I'm stalking them with a camera. One got all worked up flapping his tail and eventually went up to a limb and started belting out a war cry to his friends...luckily there was no one in range and I was safe, but here s/he is looking ferocious:

Yes, I too am wondering why I went to Fossil Rim when I have the wild kingdom in my backyard!

Farewell my friend

Well, my friend the chipper left.

Check out this comment from Justaflower. I about peed my pants:

Okay, there should be some unspoken rule that if a blogger is having a chipper at their house for a limited amount of time we get a heads up!!! I have no time to find a way to get my "unwanted" there before it is gone!!!

No worries my friend. I anticipate that the chipper will be back this same time next year. Please start planning now. I've reserved you a room here at my casa!

And, check this out:

Voila! It's gone! (yes, the chipper ate it)

Saturday (little bit snug pants be damned), I went shopping. And, it's a miracle, I even bought some stuff. I have totally gotten over my pale not so good legs. People can just suck it! I'm wearing skirts. It's going to be hot and I'm wearing them. And that's all I'm saying about that. : )

Sunday I had a really nice visit with Beth Ann (who continues to shrink before my eyes!). I wore a very light colored khaki wrap to lunch where I proceeded to spill stuff all over the arms. I'm not even sure how I did it. Thankfully Beth Ann was OK with me dipping my sleeves in my water to try and keep the stain from setting *sigh*. Next time, I will be rockin' one of these plastic rain ponchos!

Tread Lightly!

There's a wood chipper in my yard. For real. The trees are getting a haircut today.

Excuse me sir, but can I take a picture of your chipper? Nope. I'm a whimp and couldn't let them see me taking a picture, so I took it from inside the house. But nobody better be gettin' on my bad side today 'cause there's a chipper in my yard! : )

They will also tackle this dead tree:

I'll let you know how many bodies end up it goes with the chipper. My chipper fascination started with the movie Fargo. : )

Other news:

The desserts are officially catching up with me. I wore my best fitting slacks to work yesterday. A pair that provides absolutely no room for forgiveness and they were a bit snugger than normal. Nah, not sweating it or getting on the scale, but I do need to cut back a bit (no desserts to my desserts!) and tell myself no. The thought of  trouncing around (why yes, I do "trounce") in a swimsuit in less than 3 weeks should also help hold me back a bit!

I am meeting up with the fantastic Beth Ann tomorrow!!

Weekly Round Up

• 5 bootcamps
• Calories: 2854

Booked!

All this talking about vacation gave me the bug! A 99 hour sale popped up for Texas, so in less than 20 days, I'll be going to an all-inclusive resort in Mexico for 3 nights / 4 days!

Estoy apagado practicar mi español. ¡El viernes feliz todos!

Shhhhh, Dirty Secrets

When you have a band, there are some rules. They tend to vary a bit from surgeon to surgeon, but I follow most of what my surgeon requires. I've covered quite a bit what I do, but not so much what I don't. So...

• While I try to generally make good choices, I do eat quite a bit of crap---it ebbs and flows how much. I think I had candy or dessert 5 times the week before last. One day, I had a dessert to my dessert. That single-serve mac & cheese that you microwave? Check, love that alien orange cheese now and then. I manage this though with portion control (hard at times!) and being sure that I really want the crap and there isn't something else going on with me that I am hiding from.
• I don't track calories or protein intake. I just try to generally eat a balanced diet. I do take daily gummy vitamins.
• I drink soda now and then. It's diet, but it's soda. Yesterday at Target diet orange soda kept staring at me at the checkout stand. So, I drank it!
• When I go out to dinner, I will have wine or some other adult beverage. Sometimes my drink is booze and soda! (I find that if I stir it up with the straw, I can knock some of the carbonation and don't have any issues.)
• Since my band is essentially empty, I don't eat little itty bitty bites of food. They are pretty normal sized.
• Most people think I workout a lot, but in addition to the health benefits, I do it to manage stress. My morning workouts make a huge difference in stress management through the day. If I go for a second workout, it's usually because I am in a bad mood or don't have anything better to do.

I don't really think these are "dirty secrets", but I liked the title and thought I'd share my reality. Does that mean maintenance will look like this for you? Or if you are in maintenance you "should" be doing the same? Hell no! Figure out what works for you and remember don't compare. Just because it works for me, doesn't mean it will work for you. And, that's OK! : )

Jefffffreeeeeeyyyyy!

This past weekend we went to the Fossil Rim Wildlife Center. You drive through the park in your car with the windows open and feed the animals. It was my first time to vist, but my husband had been before. We left early in the morning to get there when they opened, the animals were hungry, and the heat wasn't high.

This was a smart ostrich. Right there at the start!

There were other animals.

Zebras, but instead of black stripes, they had brown.

These guys were aggressive! And their horns while rock hard as you would expect, but they had super soft hair all over them.

But then, my main reason for being there, the GIRAFFES!!! Toys r Us used to have giraffes as their mascot. The name of one of them was Jeffrey. So, here's Jeffrey.

I dubbed this one his wife Josephine.

It was a ton of fun and the weather was perfect. It wasn't the most active weekend for me, or for that matter workout wise, but that's OK now and then. I felt pretty sloth like on Sunday, but not enough to go do "real" exercise. All the rest helped me kick it up a notch at camp this morning though!

Weekly Round Up

• 4 boot camps - 2628 calories

Cinco de...

Ugh, let me just say that as I get older my ability to drink goes down. It's an inverse correlation or whatever the right term is. While Cinco de Drinko was really the joke goal we set for our girls outing, after two I was d-o-n-e. I switched to water, but with a late night and what I did drink boot camp was not in the cards for me this morning.

Ironically, when the alarm went off for camp, a dog pretty much started barking for the next couple of hours. How is it that the owner doesn't hear that? Hmmmm, maybe it was a sign that I should have sucked it up and gone to camp??? 

We walked around the event and went into various shops. I saw a pair of jeans that I thought were very cute and two of my pals saw me looking at them. None of these gals knew me before or even know that I've lost all this weight. They just see me as I am now.

One of the girls said to me, "What are you a size 0?" I wonder what my face looked like and I'm afraid that it wasn't good and she may have perceived it as snotty or something, but I was really just shocked and embarrassed. She's very sweet and intended absolutely no harm with her comment---it's all me.

I am still adjusting to how people see me as well as how I see myself. I have struggled my entire life with seeing myself as bigger than I am (dysmorphia) and that unfortunately continues. I wonder if it is something that I will ever conquer, but I try to use pictures and looking at my clothes (not while I'm in them) as suggested in counseling, but it's still a struggle.

Thanks so much for all the comments on the scale post. It's interesting to see everyone's thoughts and different approaches. As with most of this banded stuff, I don't think there's a "right" answer to it and the answer is whatever works best for you. I realized that I didn't really flat out say it that separating from the scale was very scary and hard for me. It was.

Happy Weekend! : )

Six Month Separation - A milestone.

I. Don't. Know. What. I. Weigh. And, go figure, it's not because I am hiding from it!

My journey evolved into much more than weight loss. When I started in 2005, I was clinically despressed and I believe I had hit bottom. Since then, I have come to terms with several things personally and professionally that led to personal growth and improved mental health.

Striving for a lower number on the scale was a big incentive, goal, and way to measure my progress. But over time I started feeling that number was influencing my mood, adding stress, and even a little obsessive thought. It seemed to be turning counter productive for me as my maintenance journey progressed. In November 2010, I decided that it was time for a trial separation from the scale.

I told myself I could weigh before Christmas if I wanted. I didn't. I told myself I could weigh after the first of the year. I didn't. And so on. Why? I am actually smaller than I was in November at 129 lbs. And, reality is that if the scale said that I weighed more than 129 lbs would it really matter? Logically, hell no. I'm thinner, fitter, stronger, and healthier than I was in November. But my pea-sized brain doesn't always stay in logicland. So for now, I just don't need to know the number, but again logically I know I have to be right around that same number (come on pea-sized brain!) .

I'm not sure if this separation from the scale will lead to divorce or not, but for now it's working for me to focus on how fit and healthy I feel and how my clothes fit. Sometimes I miss my scale and I even open the cabinet door to look at it and have a "should I or shouldn't I" conversation, but so far I just sigh and close the door. It's funny how the journey takes you places you couldn't imagine going...embrace and enjoy it!

What Size am I Today?

I find clothes shopping a lot of the time to be frustrating. I just want to know that I am a certain size and be able to pick things off the rack with some comfort that it should fit without having to take 2-5 sizes into the dressing room with me.

I agree with the article posted below in the sentiment that trying on 10 pairs of jeans at times does make me feel like there is something wrong with me! At times, I just hit this point that "nothing fits" and am over shopping. There is a bright side though, it's good for my pocket book. : )

Ironically though, I have put some effort into finding some summer clothes and had some luck in finding a few things. If I could get over being a bargain hunter, I'm sure that would also help.

Anyway, if one of these scanners shows up in TX, sign me up! The entire New York Times article follows. Has anyone tried one? Source.

One Size Fits Nobody: Seeking a Steady 4 or a 10

By STEPHANIE CLIFFORD

In one store, you’re a Size 4, in another a Size 8, and in another a Size 10 — all without gaining an ounce.
It’s a familiar problem for many women, as standard sizing has never been very standard, ever since custom clothing gave way to ready-to-wear.

So, baffled women carry armfuls of the same garment in different sizes into the dressing room. They order several sizes of the same shirt online, just to get the right fit.

Now, a handful of companies are tackling the problem of sizes that are unreliable. Some are pushing more informative labels. Some are designing multiple versions of a garment to fit different body shapes. And one is offering full-body scans at shopping malls, telling a shopper what sizes she should try among the various brands.

“For the consumer to go out and navigate which one do I match with is a huge challenge, and causes frustration and returns,” said Tanya Shaw, an entrepreneur working on a fit system. “So many women tie their self-esteem to the size on the tag.”

As the American population has grown more diverse, sizes have become even less reliable. Over the years, many brands have changed measurements so that a woman who previously wore a 12 can now wear a 10 or an 8, a practice known as “vanity sizing.”

In men’s clothes, the dimensions are usually stated in inches; women’s clothing involves more guesswork.

Take a woman with a 27-inch waist. In Marc Jacobs’s high-end line, she is between an 8 and a 10. At Chico’s, she is a triple 0. And that does not consider whether the garment fits in the hips and bust. (Let’s not get into length; there is a reason most neighborhood dry cleaners also offer tailoring.)

Ms. Shaw, the entrepreneur, is chief executive of a company called MyBestFit that addresses the problem. It is setting up kiosks in malls to offer a free 20-second full-body scan — a lot like the airport, minus the pat-down alternative that T.S.A. agents offer.

Lauren VanBrackle, 20, a student in Philadelphia, tried MyBestFit when she was shopping last weekend.

“I can be anywhere from a 0 at Ann Taylor to a 6 at American Eagle,” she said. “It obviously makes it difficult to shop.” This time, the scanner suggested that at American Eagle, she should try a 4 in one style and a 6 in another. Ms. VanBrackle said she tried the jeans on and was impressed: “That machine, in a 30-second scan, it tells you what to do.”

The customer steps into a circular booth, fully dressed. A wand rotates around her, emitting low-power radio waves that record about 200,000 body measurements, figuring out things like thigh circumference.

Next, the system matches the customer’s measurements to clothes in its database. MyBestFit currently measures clothes from about 50 stores, including Old Navy, Eddie Bauer and Talbots.

Customers then receive a printout of the sizes at each store that ought to fit the customer best. The retailers pay a fee when they appear in the results, but they cannot pay to be included in the results; the rankings are based solely on fit. (The company saves the data, with ID numbers but not names, and may give aggregate information to retailers as feedback.)

Don Thomas, who manages the Eddie Bauer store at the King of Prussia Mall outside Philadelphia, said the system was helpful to shoppers. “Nine times out of 10, if left on their own, they will choose the wrong size pant,” he said. With a printout, “if it says they’re a 4 or a 6, they’re a 4 or a 6, generally. So it’s really good for the customer who’s time-starved, which we all are.”

Ms. Shaw says there are plans for 13 more scanning machines in malls along the East Coast and in California by the end of the year.
The sizing variations are a big contributor to $194 billion in clothing purchases returned in 2010, or more than 8 percent of all clothing purchases, according to the National Retail Federation.

The scanners are a modern solution to an old problem. Studying dress sizes in Vogue advertisements from 1922 on, Alaina Zulli, a designer focusing on costume history, found clothing sizes have been irregular for decades.

A woman with a 32-inch bust would have worn a Size 14 in Sears’s 1937 catalog. By 1967, she would have worn an 8, Ms. Zulli found.

Today, she would wear a zero.

Plenty of people have tried to address these arbitrary sizes. Advocating a labeling system called Fitlogic over the last few years, an entrepreneur, Cricket Lee, discovered just how difficult it is to change manufacturers’ approach to size.

Her labeling system divides women’s bodies into three shapes, straight, hourglass or bottom-heavy, and a Fitlogic label carries both the standard size and the shape.

Ms. Lee did tests in the mid-2000s with manufacturers like Jones Apparel and retailers like Nordstrom. But retailers said consumers had trouble grasping the concept. “The manufacturers were so afraid of producing more than one fit in the very beginning,” she said.

Still, she said, she will soon try to sell the sizing system again.

Some brands are taking their own approaches to make the fitting room less demoralizing. Mary Alderete, vice president for women’s global marketing at Levi’s, said, “When we try on 10 pairs of jeans to buy one, the reason you feel bad is because you think something’s wrong with you.”

Last fall, the company introduced Curve ID, a line that offers three styles, depending on how rounded a woman’s backside is — slight, demi and bold. (Levi’s is now testing a fourth style, called supreme curve.) Each of the three styles includes about 29 fits and colors, and dozens of sizes. Ms. Alderete said the company had sold more than one million pairs of the Curve jeans.

Marie-Eve Faust, the program director of fashion merchandising at Philadelphia University, called the Levi’s effort “a good start.”

“The next step is to have the major players sit together, manufacturers, retailers, brands, and say ‘This type of label should be appropriate for all of us. Let’s standardize,’ ” she said.

Dr. Faust said she had been discussing a new kind of label that takes into account the wearer’s shape, but expected retailers to bristle.

Still, Dr. Faust said, change is needed.

“It would be nice just to take the pant, look at the label and say, ‘That should fit me,’ ” she said.

Bah! Monday?!

Wishing Friends.com

The weather yesterday and today is getting to me! It has been cold, stormy, and very dark. I'll just say it, it's Monday, I'm grumpy, and I would like to just go back to bed!

Weekly Round Up

• 7 bootcamps
• Calories: 4706

Stool Revision

Justawallflower (who by the way, is far from "just a wallflower" in my opinion!) made a very good point on my original stool post. She mentioned that I was missing support. Since support really is a foundation item, I added a rug!
(Why yes, that is a berber rug!)

Then I started to wonder why I didn't have support in there originally and the truth is because I didn't have much throughout most of my journey outside of myself. I don't think this is a good or a bad thing for me, it just is. There are some reasons for it:

I'm estranged from my family. Isn't that a nice way to say it when you just don't have anything to do with them? I'm serious. It is - "I'm estranged." Anyway, I am. So, no support there.

I told 5 people. To this day they are the only people that know. Of those 5, I would say two just ignored everything that was going on. Never said a word and haven't really to this day said anything even though I'm 105 lbs less than I was. A bit strange, but OK. Two others would make nice comments about my progress along the way. And the last, my bff, is the one that took me to surgery and stayed with me after. She listened to me moan and complain. She's my rug.

My issues were inside me. I had to reach deep inside myself and figure things out and honestly there wasn't anyone that was going to be able to help me with this. I needed to figure out how to help myself.

Lack of trust and fear. I just don't trust people as a rule. Too many things have happened that have made trust a very big issue for me. The good news is that I recognize it which makes me aware and more open to trusting someone than I used to. But the thought of trusting someone with such personal information, when frankly it's no ones business, just didn't work for me.

Blogging and other online avenues were not what they are today. Six years ago there were only a handful of blogs and online communities just didn't "do it" for me. I think where things have evolved to is amazing and great for everyone!

This post is a perfect example of the support from blogging. Thanks Justawallflower for pointing my oversight out and giving me something to think about! And, thanks to all of you that comment and follow my blog. I find it very humbling and you are all now part of my rug!

Royal Comment

I watched the wedding of Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, to Catherine Middleton. Loved it! I just thought it was great. So different from the wedding of Prince Charles to Princess Diana (um, yah, I watched that one too). This one just seemed more real and authentic to me. They just seem perfect together! (Well, as perfect as you can get anyway, they are married after all!)

Alabama and other Southern States

Unbelievable. There are no words to describe the destruction and the nearly 300 people killed. Want to help? You can make a donation to the Red Cross.  It seems like there is also a blood shortage, so check out where your closest donation station and consider going.

My Stool

Ewwww, not THAT kind! The 3-legged kind of stool. I was chatting with a friend that has the band that unfortunately hasn't had the best results. For some time, I've been dreading wondering if he would ask me the million dollar question. Essentially, why have our journeys been so different.

While I have some suspicions of things that are going on with him that might be effecting his success, I didn't want to potentially be viewed as picking on him or throwing stones. Thankfully I had been thinking about this some just in case. I needed a way to frame up my journey that would possibly give him a tool to use to reflect on his journey.

Here enters THE STOOL:

Hey, I never said I was an artist! A 3-legged stool has to have balance. If the legs aren't balanced the stool teeters all over the place or may even fall over. This analogy works for my journey as well. For my band to work, I have to have equal balance of diet and exercise. The balance of the 3 allows my weight (the stool) to stay stable.

His response was that I made it sound "easy". I told him thanks and he looked at me strangely. Then I laughed and said, the thanks was for being able to explain it in such a way that it was easy to understand! Doing it is a different story, it took me a lot of practice and perseverance with some stumbles along the way as an added bonus!

It may not seem like it on here, but there are plenty of days that I want to eat crap and/or not exercise, but I usually just get over myself and do it. I tend to be more successful with exercise over my desire to eat crap, but still maintain decent balance on my stool overall. I reminded him that it's not "one" lapse, but multiple lapses that add up and lead to imbalance.

Ah, this brings to mind GUILT, but I'll leave that for another day and leave you to think about your stool.

Ewwww and you're welcome. : )

The Five W's



Source

 I was thinking how the Five W's pretty much fit my journey - ("Who" doesn't fit). These habits definitely didn't happen over night, and even after nearly six years now and then I stumble, but that's life, right?

What I eat. I focus on making healthy choices most of the time. But I give myself permission, don't beat myself up, etc. to have what I want that I used to tag as "bad" when I want it (Like those PB eggs on Easter). I guess it closely resembles intuitive eating. Whatever it's labeled, it has worked at leveling out for me the eat crap / eat nothing but healthy roller coaster I had been on.

Where I eat. Unless it's a special occasion, I eat at the table with little distraction. I used to always eat in the living room with the TV on. Breaking this habit definitely made me more conscious of what I was eating and how fast I was eating.

When I eat. I do eat on a schedule, but if I'm not hungry at that time, I just don't eat. Um, then I guess you could say I'm not really on a schedule then, couldn't you? : )  but I "check in" with myself at the scheduled times to make sure that I don't get too hungry. "Meals" only last for 20 minutes...well, unless I'm hanging out with friends, etc.

Why I eat. I eat when I'm hungry. I no longer eat just because it's meal time or to stuff my feelings.

How I eat and how much. (I swear there is also a "sometimes 'how'" in this 5 W's wasn't there? )I eat slower, chew more, and don't drink while I'm eating. I also try to stick to my bandster portions at all times. As time goes on, I think it's easy for portion sizes to begin creeping up and I have to stay conscious of this because of my "portion distortion".

So that's my 5 W's...Yep, I'm counting the one in ho"w". : )

I ate an egg and I liked it...

**singing title to Katy Perry's - I kissed a girl**...OK, it was more like a dozen, but who's counting?!

AND I liked LOVED EVERY SINGLE ONE!!!...*SIGH* only 364 days until I see you again.

Date Night!

So, I had a really cute date, blah blah blah....but let's talk about the food! (HA!) We had wanted to go to Seasons 52 for some time. The restaurant changes part of its menu seasonally and all dishes are under 475 calories. Oh, but rest assured, it sounds impressive stat wise, but you can easily eat a lot of calories --- it's under 475 per entree. So, appetizer, main, and dessertS later, the calories can add up. Foreshadowing???? Yep, but I thought I'd provide an example of a "splurge" meal for me.

My husband and I split the appetizers. A steak flatbread and crab/shrimp stuffed mushrooms. Then we had an entree --- he had lamb and I had filet. What did I really eat? Two triangles of the very thin yummy flatbread, two of crab/shrimp stuffed mushrooms, about 1/4 of the filet and some of the mashed potatoes.

Then...

DESSERT! Love the little servings. Um, but I (yes, me!) selected 4 of the shots. I just couldn't decide and man was it worth it! We split them and they were worth every single calorie. I'd estimate everything I ate that night at about 1000 calories, but no worries. This was a splurge meal.

Weekly Round Up

• 5 bootcamps
• 0 runs
• Calories: 3043

And a NSV - White capris!!!

To those that celebrate - Happy Easter!

BbbWWhhaaattt?

Um, that's a chicken saying "what". I received this today:

We regret to inform you that CAD Inc. has had to cancel the Texas Chicken Run. You will receive a full refund by mail. Please except our most sincere apology for any inconvenience this may have caused.

BIG SAD FACE! Soooo, I am now registered for Jailbreak DFW. The fun:

Break Free from the ordinary. Test yourself over 3.1 miles and 16 muddy, wet, challenging and fun filled obstacles and then kick back and reward yourself with great Texas BBQ and an ice cold cerveza.

So no feathering or neat chicken hat, but this one normally has an orange shirt and is pretty cool. Hopefully this year's shirt will be as well.

FitBy40 - Stephanie left in for you in the Comments, but in case you didn't see it or others want it, here's a link: boobs.

**UPDATED** I was just over visiting FitBy40 - she's a really cool banded chick. She's getting after it and I think many people aren't keeping up with her journey. I encourage you to go check out her blog and follow her! She can be found here.

Will I see you there?

Air Tickets to Chicago? - Check (Arriving Thursday evening / Leaving Sunday afternoon)

Roommate? - Check -> click here. Angela is awesome!

Excited? - CHECK!

Meeting you? Hope so!

Wind, Hail, OH MY!

It's probably just a typical April weather wise, but it seems like every year it just seems "bad". It was really windy all weekend during the day with storms at night. I got the first indication when I found this:

That's one of our zero gravity chairs enjoying a dip in our pool! And, since I don't "do" the pool (husband job), but the chore owner was out of town for the weekend, I had to get it out myself. Thankfully I was able to get it to the edge with the skimmer without having to get in the pool which is still too cold...well, unless you are a polar bear or a penguin.

I am hoping that hail will hit my house. I know strange, but roofs are expensive and don't last as long as they do in other climates! We need a new roof, we pay a lot for insurance, so a bit of hail damage would really help out. (This really isn't a strange wish to have here, really!). Anyway, some of my friends. who unfortunately did not want or need a new roof got MY hail. But check this out:

And those sat around the house for 30 minutes while they were doing a bit more important stuff than taking pictures of the hail! Thankfully while there was damage, none of my friends were hurt.

Weekly Round Up

• 6 bootcamps
• 0 runs (0 miles) --- (I just didn't feel like it so I didn't.)
• Calories: 3561

Good Enough

I can remember at different times throughout this journey wondering "am I doing good enough?" There were two things that I was doing that were setting me up to think that I wasn't.

1. Setting unrealistic goals.
2. Comparing myself to others.

Unrealistic goals came in different forms for me. I used things like "you should" lose this much per week to calculate dates that I should be at X weight. Or setting workout goals that I didn't really like or just didn't work with my schedule. As the saying goes, failure was not an option. So I ended up feeling bad about myself. Thinking I wasn't doing good enough and beating myself up. Let's be real, that's just not healthy for me or anyone.

I think it is a natural tendency for me to veer toward an all or nothing mentality. I have found that in my professional life as well and have been working on balance in all aspects.

Don't get me wrong, I am in no way saying that goals are not imporant. Hell, I have them. It's that I have learned that goals need to be realistic, or even more so for me, that it is OK to say that goal sucks and I'm changing it or kicking it to the curb. It doesn't mean I'm a failure, not good enough, or not trying hard enough.  It means the goal was unrealistic from the get go, I decided I wasn't enjoying the journey to achieve that goal, or I needed more time to get there. Bottom line, I need to be kinder to myself and acknowledge that I am good enough regardless of achieving a goal or not. Tough lesson and one that after years of thinking otherwise is still pretty hard.

When I was banded nearly 6 years ago, there was only a handful of blogs and most people were not much further along on their journey than me. In hindsight maybe this actually was a good thing for me. I think women naturally compare themselves to other women. Genetics? Environment? Who knows, but what I do know is that it seems to be a "woman thang".

What's funny about it though is that we do it with this bad intent. At least for me, I don't walk into a room and go --- ha ha, I am now thinner than her, her, her---it's this weirdo, OMG, I look horrible compared to her, fatter, whatever. It's almost a way we have of beating ourselves up and again, not being good enough. To get to my point, this journey is about each of us individually. The band is different for everyone. It's a tool that is the same, but our bodies are different and unique. There are variations everywhere, fill level, amount of exercise performed/needed, rate of loss, overall weight loss, etc. But bottom line, don't compare, set realistic goals, be kind to yourself, and remember ultimately that we ARE all "good enough". (In fact, were not good, we're grrreeeattttt!)

C-a-n-d-y has entered the house!

And that isn't a lady named Candy. It's candy. MMM, sugar, fat, chewy, chocolate goooooddddnnneeeesssss. It wasn't a problem....at first. But when it's in the house it TALKS to me. Seriously: "hey, over here", "yoooo hoooo", "I know you know I'm here"; "Come on! Come EAT ME!".

My husband doesn't eat it, so there is no reason for it to be in the house. When I want some, I get a small pack or bar or whatever and that's it. It's OK for me to eat crap now and then, but a bag in my house once opened will slowly disappear over time.

*SIGH*

And yes, my husband thinks I'm nuts. He just doesn't get it. He says, "just go have some and be done with it." Oh sure, if it was only so easy. Side bar: how the hell is it that he just doesn't really like candy???? THAT is not normal! tee hee

Anyway, I was obsessing and denying myself which doesn't work for me. If I want it, then have it. I measured out a serving and that's what I had to eat. I remembered that I had seen some snippet of the skinny chick's (the housewife chick) book that said that after the first couple of bites you don't really taste it anymore. And somewhere else I had read or heard (in my own words) that if you are in the zone of eating you need to break the cycle by disruption; like having a glass of water. Hell, all this probably came to mind because I had been obsessing so long.

I decided I'd have half of what was there and then some hot tea that I enjoy. If I wanted more fine, if not, then also fine. And, SHOCKER, I had my tea and was done. I put the rest back in the bag and threw it in the freezer where it remains. It's now "hey, over here", "yoooo hoooo", "I know you know I'm here"; "Come on! Come EAT ME!". I have no problem at all throwing away crap, so if the talking continues, to the trash it goes.

HEAR THAT CANDY? Shut up or I'm throwing you OUT!

Too Thin vs. Too Fat

Sometimes I watch Ruby while I am doing something else like folding clothes. In a recent episode, she had an interesting point. Ruby talked about the two extremes - fat vs. anorexia. Using my words to paraphrase what I took away, anoxerics are viewed with pity and concern where fat people are viewed with hatred and disgust. This stayed with me and in general I think that "just eat" isn't really said about anorexics, but "just stop eating" is said like a simple fix to extreme obesity. Made me go "hmmm" anyway.

**Updated** Excellent point by Island Bandit in the Comments regarding insurance mandating "diets" prior to approval. Good for her for calling her insurance company on the double standard! I didn't even think about that until she mentioned it as I was self pay.
Weekly Round Up

• 5 bootcamps
• 1 runs (4mi) --- (I just didn't feel like doing my other run, so I didn't.)
• Calories: 3396