I just did what????

OMG - I just committed (as in PAID IN FULL) for an entire YEAR of bootcamp. The asskicker was running a special that if you paid for a year, you received a pretty significant discount. I have been having a lot of fun, meeting nice ladies, and overall been quite challenged, so I thought I'd see what hubby said.

Honestly, I was kinda dreading the conversation. It's how much? Etc. etc. So I figured easing into it was best and sent him an email with all the information including my anal analysis of how it really wasn't that much considering my gym membership is $100 per year and it's for my health, yada, yada. Phone rings. *Sigh*. Get on the phone and he says, "Do It". Seriously? OMG, OMG, OMG! You are the best most supportive husband!

What's his payoff? (Did I just channel Dr. Phil? UGH!)  He says to me: I'm not quite sure how to say this. Ladies: we all know what that means. It's bad. So, I pre-empted him and said. Is this the part when you say that I am less of a bitch and a happier person when I work out? It's OK, because it is a true statement and I can take it. And, yep, that's what he was trying to think of how to say. He wouldn't say it that way to me (he said that as well), but honestly that's the reality. My workout is GOOD for me more than just for my health and fitness. Mentally it helps me cope with a stressful job and seems to make it easier for me to "leave work at work".

Oh and in regard to my STOOOPID post yesterday: by later in the afternoon, I was feeling bootcamp plenty! Have a great day!

Am I sandbagging?

Bootcamp round 2 started on Monday. With a week of "rest" (exercised, but no bootcamp), I have been rolling through it. Round 1 I was sore as crap some days. So far, not so much. Am I sandbagging? I don't think so, but I am starting to wonder. I keep thinking, shouldn't I be sore? Am I really working as hard as I can? What should I be doing differently? I did increase the weights that I use - when we use them - to 10lbs each. The first class I used 8. Maybe I need to push it up to 12? Or how 'bout this for a thought? Why don't I just ask the asskicker? Yes, an "a-ha" (more of a DUH) moment as I typed this up. See - another bonus for blogging!

I love to watch Biggest Loser. I watched last night and was horrified to find out that 5 of the top 10 fattest cities are in TEXAS! Not something to be proud of. Then the next scary thing is that they were saying that in some short period of time (can't remember) they are projecting that 75% of the Texas population will be classified as overweight or obese. YIKES!

Man, those people have lost some major weight! I think the blond girl (pink team shirt) is going to have quite a significant apron (kinda looks like she does already). Ii have wondered that about many of the current and past contestants and if after being on the show they chose to have plastic surgery. I've been waiting for next week - it's makeover week! I think Daris is going to end up being really cute.

But my favorite? Jillian. Oh Jillian, how I think you have the BEST body! So much so that I purchased her 30 day shred video to integrate into what I am doing. Actually I purchased it a couple weeks ago and have yet to do it! DOH!

OMG - I have GOT to find a swimsuit! I don't know about you guys, but I think shopping for a swimsuit SUCKS! Either, I don't like any of them, too low, too high, too small, too big. Always TOOOOO something. Sunkist Amy had a picture posted of herself in a really cute Target swimsuit. I had not thought to look there, so I checked online and ordered a bunch of them (free shipping and also store return) to try on here in the comfort of my own home. : ) Why the emergency? Cause we now live in a stupid house that has a POOL!! HAHAHAHA - Seems like I should have a swimsuit, huh?

Where have you found swimsuits? If you know of "the" place, please let me know.

"Progress Report"

I couldn't think of a title for this one, but I was sitting around reflecting and I thought I'd give some sort of progress report. I should consider taking a new picture as I am 11 lbs. less than this picture. (Man, I loved that costume, I had so much fun!

I can't believe that I am 4.5 years out. (And, I always seem to say that - HA - no matter how long it is. My goal range has been 138-142 lbs, but recently I saw a significant drop down to 134 lbs.

Updating my "yearly" questions. If anyone has any questions, please feel free to ask. Nothing is off limits.

Official weigh in stats:

• Height: 5'8"
• Starting weight: 234 lbs
• Current weight: 134 lbs
• Overall loss: 100 lbs
• Lbs to goal: (doc had said 149. I felt "chunky" at that weight after staying at it for a while.
• Current goal: Maintain between 138 lbs - 142 lbs. I am seeing how it goes with bootcamp this round and deciding whether or not to adjust my range.
• BMI: 20.4 - (Normal weight = 18.5-24.9)
• Clothing size: 4-6 (mainly a FOUR!)
• Shirt: S

How many fills have you had?

• 1st fill – 1.2cc
• 2nd fill – 1.8cc
• 3rd unfill - was just too tight - went to 1.4cc
•  4th unfill - dilated pouch - complete unfill
•  5th fill - .6cc
•  I think I went up some from here to about .8cc; then unfill to about .4 cc; then another to .2 cc - that's where I remain. There is .2 cc in my band. It's pretty much empty

Are you going to stay at your current fill level?
Yes.

What are you going to do next?
Complete round 2 of bootcamp with the asskicker. Decide whether or not to adjust my weight range and see if I can adjust to my size B boobies. (waaaa)

What size clothes are you wearing?

• 4 pants/dress (sometimes have to go up to a 6).
• Shirt - Small

What do you eat in a typical day?
I always start with weight control quaker instant oatmeal with 1/2 oz of dried blueberries or cherries for breakfast. (Good source of fiber.) For lunch, pretty much whatever - there really isn't a typical meal. I pretty much stay away from pasta and bread entirely. When I do eat some, it might be a bit of pasta or crackers---pasta always has a lot of sauce. Dry meat has to have sauce. Chicken breast is tricky some days. Dry meat of any kind is a problem, but as long as what I eat is chewed well and within the amount I am supposed to have - I don't have any issues. (Update: Same answer as last time, but I have added more fruit to my diet.)

Was it worth it?

Yes, it was. I stress though that I would only recommend it as a last resort. I felt I was there. I could get the weight off, but just couldn't keep it out without exercising and watching what I ate ALL the time. Now, I live a life of moderation on everything and the weight stays off. Other than the gain of 15lbs that was totally MY FAULT and choice (via bad choices and not working out) I have remained the same weight or lost a bit. It was worth every penny and I was self-pay. (Update: Keeping this one the same as well. I need to go back and read that post about the 15 lbs.)

Have you had any problems?
Yes. You'll see in the beginning of my blog that shortly after my surgery I swore my stitches in my port popped. Everybody told me no way and not to worry about it. When I went in for my fill, it had. So it is on it's side. I still have not had it fixed, but you can now see a lump from it when my shirt is off and FEEL it. Feeling it is the grossest. I am considering getting it fixed. I have also had some problems with pouch dilation. People being too tight is BAD. The other thing is that your portion size is also very important. It can also lead to stretching of your pouch. Signs? Eating more than you used to and getting heartburn (aka - reflux). (Update: I haven't gotten my port fixed and it is pretty noticeable (I do have the low-profile port already). If I were to look into boobies, I'd see if it would be possible to get that fixed at the same time.)

Have you pb'd?
FOR SURE. When I was too tight, a lot. Now, I pretty much know how and what to eat depending on the tightness of my band. When/if I have problems, it is around my fake period (I swear since my hysterectomy (post band) that I still have periods!). I have learned sometimes it is best not to fight it and let it happen. This seems to work for me and then does not lead to repeated pb's or irritation. Be sure to follow your surgeon's instructions for when this occurs. I find that I get very tight (swollen and irritated) and need to follow the instructions. I'll stay on fluids for a number of hours and then depending on how bad it is (believe me you get to where you know) I'll put myself on self-imposed soft foods for a day or two. Usually within a day I am totally back to normal. (Update: I'm not sure, but I'd guess that I've have 2 episodes in the past year.)

What rules do you follow?

Eat slowly (but not too slow!). Take small bites. Eat the right portion sizes. When I feel full - stop. Don't drink with meals. No soda. That pretty much sums it up. There aren't a lot of them. These are pretty much the standard bandster rules. Since my band is essentially empty, I focus on good choices and eating the *right* amount. If I eat hard foods like I am supposed to, guess what - full. If not, I have a little snack.)

Do you have loose skin?

Surprisingly, I'd have to say "no" (do my boobs count?). I wear a bikini and look pretty damn good for my age. Over time since I hit goal and continued to workout, I'd say that I even look better. My motto is: "Who says that I can't be in as good a shape as my 20's?"

Do you 'diet'?

I guess most people would say yes. I'd say no. The bottom line whether you have a lapband or not is you have to make good food choices. I roughly follow Weight Watchers that my friend gave me all the scoop on. The daily points with the flex keeps everything in check. I have journaled my food and exercise since I was banded - except for the time that I put on the 15lbs. This is very successful for me. Conscious eating is critical. (I eat very strictly during the week and less so on the weekend - it works for me!)

So what is all this about this 15lbs you gained?

Well, for about 5 or 6 months, I didn't work out, log my food, or make good choices. The good news is that I only gained 15 lbs. In the past, this would have been much worse. I also avoided the scale, so it was my clothes screaming at me that they were tight that woke me up. There were a whole lot of factors that contributed to my not caring - work stress, break up, just not caring - in fact, I think I was in a bit of a depression. Well, I kicked myself in the ass and got things under control. I dedicated 12 weeks and a lot of dedication and effort - and following all the rules - I lost 15.5 lbs.

Seriously? A frickin' B???

OMG - My boobs are G-O-N-E! I was wearing a tight t-shirt and husband pokes top of boob and says, "What's that?" Well, what it was was NOTHING! My boobs had shrunk in my formerly current C sized cup. I am now a B! To top off the horror, we are not talking nice little B sized boobies. We are talking B sized lost 100 lbs 40 (OK, 41) year old boobies. NOT NICE!

Oh where oh where have my boobies GONE? And can someone PLEASE give them back to me? While the scale recently took a  bit of a dive, I knew that I was "shape shifting" from bootcamp (ass kicker is aptly named). My tailored clothes were definitely getting looser and I had noticed the "issue" with my bra, but DENIAL was just better. I have definitely been losing body and boob fat.

So, I had to get new bras this weekend. Did I say B sized bras??? (Waaaaaaaaaa) I may or may not be able to adjust to these boobs. Just being honest. I am finding that I am quite self-conscious about them. I was whining about wanting my boobs back and that I wanted boobs for my birthday. My husband was funny, he said, "well, I am NOT getting you boobs for your birthday." So I asked why and he said, "Oh sure, here's some boobs for your birthday 'cause your current boobs are not good enough for me." My response, "But that's not how I would take it, since I want them." He's so sweet, "If you want boobs, done. You can have boobs and you don't have to wait until your birthday." Honestly, that meant a LOT to me just hearing how supportive he was. I'm a lucky girl.

So what to do? Nothing. That's my current plan. I am going to see how I feel about them as the months go on. I "think" I'd like to have some "bionic" boobs, but then I think about the surgery, recovery, etc. and I think, "do I really?". I'm just not sure. Only time will tell. (Maybe this is a sign that I should consider coming out of hiding for the big BOOBS event in Chicago????)

Comments & Google Reader

Thanks Grace and Jody V for the comments! Grace - I didn't have you on my Google Reader. I'll be reading from now on! Jody - I've been reading your blog for a long time and sorry to hear about the tough things going on with you and your family right now. I'm sending positive thoughts your way!

This brings me to where I need to do better. I read seriously a ZILLION blogs, but I do it in Google Reader. The problem is that I cannot find an easy way to post comments from within the reader itself and requires me to go to the blog as well if I want to comment. I have no excuse for not doing so and I should more often.

I bet Jody would have liked to have known sooner that I was thinking of her (even virtually) and that her situation SUCKS, but ya know what? Jody is trying to stay positive. (YOU GO!) That's all you can do and way to go for taking time out for you and going to Zumba. It's funny how signs happen with the church bells, isn't it?

Getting comments is really a great thing, but another big *prize* for me is to find out that there is someone else out there (banded or not) that is on a health journey. Grace - while I just scanned your blog quickly to get an idea of where you are in your journey, keep up the good work! In my opinion, exercise is key component --- way to go! Another key, is your head - I can see that you are making great progress there as well! I'll be reading and catching up!

My opportunity for today is: when I read a post and I have a comment that comes to mind, go post it. I like comments. You like comments. Everyone likes comments! Happy weekend everyone!

WHAT? 100 POUNDS????

That's right! I stood on the scale before heading out of town and I am not kidding you, I have lost 100 pounds! Four weeks of bootcamp completed. I think I had said that I was staying pretty much at the high end of my range? (138-142 is my range, I had been bumping between 140 and 142). I stood on the scale on Friday and my weight was 134 lbs!!!!!! Low and outside my range and ya know I am one of those "this has GOT to be a fake weight" type of people, so who the hell knows. But at least I can honestly say that I lost 100 lbs.! Does it still count if it's only for a day? ; )

Will I stay at this new weight? I'm not sure. Will the scale "cooperate"? Will it be a weight that is "reasonable" to maintain? Should I now consider altering my range? I'm just not sure. For the past 4 weeks, I have been literally working my ass off. It's not realistic that I will maintain this activity level year round. I'm just being honest. It's a lot of effort (some days too much) and there's also the $$$. So, I'll see what the next few weeks bring and go from there. I anticipate going up next week (my guess would be back within my range) as I ALWAYS gain weight (even temporarily) after flying. It's just a fact, but a good one to know otherwise some major freaking out could occur. (ha)

I am on a weekend getaway with my husband. The first day I had dessert, but otherwise eating was reasonable. That was Friday, so I had bootcamp as well that day (exercise = check). Saturday we did a 6.6 mile hike up hundreds of feet in elevation with a lot of snow. That night we had snacks for dinner with some wine. Dessert was 3 small cookies and 1/2 Hershey's bar. I didn't feel bad about any of it. I think I have mentioned that my maintenance involves eating incredibly "on plan" during the week and cutting myself slack on the weekend? So, this is inline with my personal maintenance.

Not sure what's up for today, there might be a hike, but looking for an easier one than yesterday as that was also the intended plan (easy hike) to give my knee a rest. That didn't really happen, but I was a good girl and iced it and also went in the hot tub for a soak.

I hit goal weight on July 11, 2007 (149 lbs. A lost of 85 lbs.). This was the goal that my doctor set for me. I just felt chubby at that weight and decided that if I took off another 10 lbs. that I would feel better.  I think I have been maintaining my range weight of 138-142 for over two years at this point (sorry too lazy to figure it out by going back to old posts). I am more shocked than anything at this point, but wanted to be sure that even if I never saw 134 on the scale again that I at least had it logged in my blog that technically I did lose 100 lbs. : )

UGH!

OMG - I ate dinner last night. Not a problem. Right amount. Stuff I've eaten before, etc. Dinner was seriously a non-event. But about 10 mins after eating, I was told some very upsetting information. Stress makes me TIGHT. And seems like it can happen kinda quickly. So, I was starting to not feel good and tried to calm myself down. NOPE! An hour later I was SICK. And, it wasn't just once either. It was one of those that once it started it just kept going. The last time this happen from what I can figure out was here....August of 2009! Go figure.

I was miserable last night. I'd fall asleep and guess what? I'd wake up barfing! OMG HORRIBLE!!! I woke up for bootcamp. (Yep, I went!) My stomach was SORE! It was super sore all day. Nothing but liquids for me. I also think that I was a touch dehydrated between the barfing and the bootcamp. I am finally feeling better now.

I guess I just needed to whine a little!

Last day of bootcamp is "officially" tomorrow. There are two make up days next week. I'll be attending one of them to find out how much I have improved. Then the following week is week 1 of Round 2!

Week 4 already?

Who would have thought that I would hit week 4 of bootcamp and be thinking - huh, it's week 4 already? Well it is and that's what I'm thinking! I didn't "exercise" this weekend and it certainly paid off giving my body a rest. I am sure I would have felt guilty, but unfortunately sometime on Friday my knee popped and then went to throbbing pain. It was so bad at one point that I just laid on the couch watching the Masters. I stayed off it for the most part (only walking when necessary) for the rest of the day. On Saturday, I could tell it was feeling better, but still hobbling around. Sunday I was walking, but tentative (and yep, feeling a bit guilty for being a sloth!). Remained on limited use and today at bootcamp had that "scared feeling" that I would hurt myself. Warmed up really well and took it a bit easy on the squats on that side, but overall all systems GO!

Looking back at my bootcamp so far, am I glad I invested the money and am doing it? Yes. Overall my fitness has improved and I am definitely in the groove. So why do I feel a little blue? CAUSE THE F-ING SCALE IS SHOWING ME AT 142!!! I can't remember if I had said the scale was up in earlier posts, but I think I had cause I had gotten on my rampage about muscle. Do I think I have gained muscle - most likely a little, but more so I'd say my fat has gone down. I would have expected overall to be at the lower end of my range and yep, I am disappointed about it. It's just a reality when I am KILLING myself that I want the FRICKIN' scale to also reflect it.

Do my clothes fit differently? Honestly, I am not sure. Sometimes I think they do and other times I think they don't. What should I have done? Taken my measurements!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR - man, this post didn't seem to start off as a rant, but it should has turned into one! Anyway, I do have MUS-CLES in my arms and I'm expecting that on Friday when I re-do the fitness test in bootcamp that I will show an improvement from where I was. So self, get over it!

Goal of Week 4 camp is to continue to put it out there "Biggest Loser" style (last chance workout reference) and to ensure that I am eating enough and small meals throughout. I want to see if I am more mindful of eating small meals more frequently if I can avoid my end-of-week drain. Then a week off and bootcamp ROUND 2 begins!!!

If it moved...

I ate it yesterday! Have you ever had one of those days where you are just HUNGRY? I am talking real hunger all day long? Well that was me yesterday. I kept asking myself: Are you hungry? Or is this something else? If you are hungry, then you can eat something healthy and if you want it then you really are truly hungry. I ate at 2-3 hour intervals all day yesterday. By the time it was dinner, I wasn't hungry and didn't eat any.

Do I think this is something to be concerned about? Not at all. I was hungry and I was listening to my body. Why do I think this happened? I don't think I ate enough the day before, I have the bootcamp every day, and I think there might be some "hormonal flux" in there as well. Yes, "hormonal flux" is a medical term (according to me - HA!). Since having a hysterectomy, I swear that I have a "phantom" period. I have tracked this for a couple months and can see the same pattern prior to the hysterectomy which is a few days prior I would have a bigger appetite which would then subside and I really wouldn't be hungry much at all. My philosophy is not to fight my body. If I'm hungry, I eat. But I am sure that when I do it is good choices vs. crap. If all I want is "crap", that's a DING DING DING - you aren't hungry - you are eating EMOTIONALLY! Step AWAY from the food. :)

I am planning on taking two whole days off from any strenuous physical activity. My body is feeling worn out! Week 4 of bootcamp starts next week and I'll pick things up again then. That doesn't mean that I plan to just sit on my ass, but will do work outside in the yard and maybe an easy walk. Fingers crossed the weather cooperates with these plans! Happy weekend!

What are you doing April 20?

Well how about committing to working out for 60 mins? There are two bloggers The Anti-Jared and Jen (Prior Fat Girl) that have a couple of great blogs, but are also trying to rally troops to workout for 60 mins on April 20. You were already planning on working out that day anyway, right? Well go make it official and pledge to do so on one of the blogs. The Anti-Jared is also giving away a chance to win a free prize. So what are you waiting for? Get going!

Push It?

In my last post I said that week 3 of bootcamp would be to "push it". Well, I've been pushing, but it seems just to be able to keep up! I gardened (major weeding, removal of mulch, re-mulching, etc.) from sun up to sun down on Saturday and Sunday. Uh, hello? Gardening IS a workout! How do I know? My hamstrings were SO TIGHT on Monday that it wasn't until halfway through that I started to loosen up. The ass kicker (my pet name for the bootcamp instructor) even noticed and asked me what was up. On and off yesterday I stretched and stretched my hamstrings hoping that they would loosen up. I can't say they are back to "normal", but they do feel better today and I didn't feel as tight (or scared that I was going to hurt myself!) at camp today.

Funny thing though - only my hamstrings felt it from the gardening. I must be getting a decent overall workout, but looks like ongoing I need to get more hamstring work in. Oh, and lesson learned: when doing extensive gardening marathons - I need to stretch now and then and definitely after!

Chicken Wings

MMMmmmm, no not the hot spicy ones that are so good drowned in bleu cheese dressing, but my arms! I have always had tiny arms. Tiny as in scrawny. Itty bitty wrists and then these sticks. Now don't get me wrong the sticks have varied in size (unfortunately), but much like a chicken had always not been strong. Well let me tell you, this boot camp torture has been worth it just for the arm factor! My bff said, "holy crap, there's actually a muscle there!" HA HA!

So week two has ended with my focus being on form. It was a great week honestly. I worked hard and seriously enjoyed myself. After some convincing of my husband, I have also signed up for the next camp! Week 3 - thinking of what my goal should be. Week 1 - survival; Week 2 - form. I think Week 3 will be to "push it". Meaning that when the leader says that you should be full intensity, I am going to focus on going all out. I should be dead by the end of the week.

I did get on the scale. No loss of weight at all. Still in range though. I hear: Well muscle weighs more than fat. Here's my personal opinion on that. While I have likely increased my strength and gained a bit of muscle - stressing 'bit", what I think is happening is that I am losing fat. A lb of fat is the same as a lb of muscle. Seriously think about it - a lb is a lb. So what's the difference? The volume of fat to make up a lb is more than the volume of muscle. Meaning that you can be shrinking fat wise and not see it so much on the scale, but feel it in your clothes. I can honestly say that my clothes are looser, but dang it I sure wish I would have measured myself! (If anyone is out there - learn from my mistake - take your measurements. You'll be glad you did.) I had intentions of measuring, but I couldn't find the measuring tape when I was going to do it and then boot camp started. Oh well, maybe for the next 4 weeks.

I have been catching up on a lot of blogs. I still see the trend of I can eat too much, I can eat this or this and shouldn't be able to, etc. I have this post from some time ago here that talks about fills. Of course, I think it's a good  post (HA), but bottom line it's only a TOOL people. You STILL have to make good choices. It's not an easy fix or a quick fix. So what does it do? If you follow the correct portion size, it *should* help you eat less. Eat less of good choices that is!!! Anyway, I'm on my soap box. Maybe it's spurred on by the fact that Easter is Sunday and I am a candy FREAK. Guess what people? You can eat as much candy as you want. : (

Unfortunately I know two other people that are banded that have not done well. Why? Lack of change of behavior. You HAVE to change your behavior. Anyone that tells you otherwise is not being truthful, doesn't realize their own behaviors have changed, or are just really freakin' LUCKY! So, it's a tool, good choices, and yes - EXERCISE!!!

Happy Easter or Passover to everyone!!

Boot camp

It's named very well. It is booting me for sure! I am on week two. Last week my goal was survival. I found out (surprisingly) that at 41 I was in pretty good shape! In fact, better shape that many of the ladies that are younger than me. Go figure. This week's goal is form. I will concentrate on doing exercises like I am "supposed" to. The other thing I'm doing is treating each day as a Biggest Loser Last Chance workout. I have to tell you I feel so great after doing this! (It's at 5:30 am and outside.) I weighed and am still in range. Yes, I am a little disappointed, but maybe I am burning a lot of fat and shrinking. In hindsight I should have measured myself. Oh well, my clothes will tell me how I'm doing. If this isn't a hoot, I was walking around in my sports bra and panties (just regular bikini kind - nothing fancy) and my husband says to me: "Do you have a swimsuit like that?" I looked at him and was thinking, "Huh?" I responded with, "I have a top, but unfortunately I am going to have to go swimsuit shopping." (I hate it!) and he says, "Well, I think you should get one like that. You look fantastic." WOW! That's all I could think and said shyly, "Thanks."

Catch Up Post

The old house sold! We are fully moved into the new house. My time has been filled with packing, moving, unpacking, and oh yeah - working. We are finally feeling settled and I'm looking forward to Spring. There have been some nice sunny days and the flowers are starting to bloom. I have switched to outside workouts for the time being until the heat drives me back inside. Monday I start a bootcamp - don't ask me why - it will be an ass kicking, but I thought some variety would be a good thing. It's M-F at 5:30 am for 4 weeks. I am actually a little bit scared! On the weight front - I'm still within range. Boring, right? But it was the goal and look I'm doing it! : )

Fill Up & Trash

For some reason there are two things I really hate doing. They are really quite stupid too! I absolutely hate taking out the garbage and filling the car up with gas. Right now the car needs filling and I was looking at it on the way back from the store - hmmmm, looks like there's enough to get to the gym in the morning and back. So yep, you guessed it. I didn't fill it up. Why is that stupid? Well, I was right next to a filling station! And, reality is I will have to get gas tomorrow. As far as garbage, taking it out sucks. 'Nuff said!

While I absolutely love reading all the blogs - banded and weight loss in general (and way more than I have listed on my blog - I use Google Reader) - I have decided that my blog is B-O-R-I-N-G! That's right, I can admit it. The problem? I am leary of sharing super personal details and therefore my blog remains about being banded. Since I am at goal, there just isn't much to say. Summary: It's hard to maintain and anyone that says otherwise I am saying is L-Y-I-N-G! (Yep, I am having a spelling bee this post.) Don't get me wrong, I have done well with staying in my range, but I will not lie. It takes effort and focus and all that yucky stuff, but DANG IT I am going to continue to maintain. : )

Anyway, I'll continue to keep posting now and then, but I'll make it a minimum of one post a month. So please keep checking in now and then. (It does add to my accountability as weird as that sounds!) I also have some pretty tasty recipes that I need to get out here. For now though - I want to cover some of my favorite sauce/dressing/condiment finds in no particular order.

• Ketchup - I can't have meatloaf without it. Just hate it without. But Ketchup is full of sugar. Ah, but here comes REDUCED Sugar Heinz Ketchup! It's awesome. Tastes exactly like the normal to me and get this FIVE that's right FIVE calories per tablespoon.
• BBQ Sauce - Again, high sugar. There are many times that I just need a little sauce for meat to ensure it isn't too dry. But oh hidden calories! Enter KC Masterpiece Low Calorie Classic Blend Barbecue Sauce. It's awesome! Calories? Forget about it! TEN calories for TWO tablespoons!!
• Mayo - Some things just aren't so good with the light stuff or the fat free stuff. WRONG!!!  Hellman's Low Fat. Man, it tastes exactly like the full fat mayo! 15 calories (1 gram of fat) per tablespoon.
• Salad Dressing - How about ZERO calories and ZERO sugar? Oh sure, you are thinking it tastes like crap. NOPE!!! Maple Grove Farms of Vermont - Sugar Free Balsamic Vinaigrette. It's made with Splenda and it rocks.

I am always on the hunt. If you have a favorite sauce/dressing/condiment, please share!

How many times...

Am I going to start a post and not get it out there? OK, this time it's happening. To ensure that, it is going to be brief and to the point about what has been going on since my last post.

• Happy belated: Thanksgiving, B-day to me, Christmas, and New Year's.
• Moved hubby back to TX. (Packing, cross-country drive, etc.)
• Bought a new house in TX (found, offer, purchase, and closed. It's ours - wow.).
• Prepared "old" house in TX to be put on market.
• "Old" house (TX) is now listed (anyone looking for a really nice house? tee hee)
• Worked out enough to stay within range.
• Have joined the January frenzy at the gym and feeling maybe a little bit re-energized (not going to lie, it's just a little bit!)

Now I am off to catch up on everyone. I am sure it will take days!

Weighed In

I decided to bite the bullet and weigh in last Thursday on my weigh in day. I'm telling you people - the scales just don't make sense. I am going to quit trying to figure it out and just hop on every week and see what it says. (Uh huh, sure I am. HA!)

My weight was 141lbs. Higher than I would have liked - of course. But lower than I expected. I was within my range as an added bonus. Honestly, it was a shock to me. I swear I am not as lean as I was as my clothes fit differently. I don't think this is my imagination either.

Remember a pound of fat WEIGHS the same as a pound of muscle, but that pound of fat takes up more room than that pound of muscle. It's a volume thing. I see people say "muscle weighs more than fat" - not true. A pound of anything weighs the same as a pound of something else, it's just that one "pile" may be bigger than the other. So while my weight is within my range I do think I am *fatter*.

So, what am I going to do about it? Hit the gym. I went 4 times last week and am working toward getting my mileage up and my speed down to where it was before. I look forward to January. I like it when there is a huge influx of people at the gym - many people don't - but I find it somehow motivating....I keep forgetting that this coming week is Christmas. I don't know what it is, but it just doesn't 'seem' like it.

Ah-Ha Moments - Good Read!

So, I have a Kindle (which I love) and I'm an avid reader. So, I troll around a lot just looking and sampling books. I stumbled across a book called: "Secrets of a Former Fat Girl" by Lisa Delaney. I read the free sample and something about the book just grabbed me. So, I bought it and read the book. I had alluded to having some ah-ha moments in my last post and the source of those was reading this book. (I highly recommend it.)

Even though it's intended for those that are on or starting their journey, there's a lot of good stuff here that really made me think. Here's a couple examples (quoted text is from the book):

On weight loss: "The real issue was not "How do I lose weight?" it was "how do I begin to think about myself as someone who can lose weight?" She goes on to talk about she is convinced that it's how you think about yourself and how you carry yourself that leads to being a "former fat girl". Well, my ah-ha here was, "HMMMMMM, I don't think I think of myself as a former fat girl." I think that deep down even now I think that the weight will come back - it's only a matter of time. This is not good and something that I am working on changing. I agree that this "fear" is a defeatist attitude and will eventually lead to failure. Not because I can't do it and keep the weight off, but that I *think* I can't. Interesting stuff for me...

On her birth order: "Sandwiched in the middle was me---the peacekeeper, the please, the good girl, the one who didn't want to make any waves. I craved my parents' approval, but I was uncomfortable being singled out for any reason, good or bad." - WHOA! This struck home with me. I am middle child and good grief this is me. To this day I get uncomfortable being singled out and I am also all of those things that she described.

And this one I had never heard anyone say, but wow is this me. It's about her brothers and how they treated her. "...comments that might have rolled off other kids penetrated my spirit like needles in a cushion." My brothers TERRORIZED me with taunts and teases of "fat", "pig", etc. And guess what? I wasn't. I have always struggled with my weight, but managed to keep it relatively in check until I was hit with major depression (that's somewhere in my blog if interested). But it was nice to hear someone validate this as I seriously just thought it was me and I was 'too sensitive'.

Loved this in regard to her exercise. There are a lot of spots in the book that made me chuckle. I seem to recall that her goal was 3 miles or something. So she's describing a workout and recalls her thoughts at the time: "After all, we've made it through two whole miles. That's like fourteen in the Fat Girl time/space continuum, right?" ---OMG, that is funny isn't it??? Haven't you thought that exact same thing?????

And my new mantra: "It's not an option." Referred to in acronym form: INO. For me that's things like: Exercise = INO; Making good choices most of the time = INO, etc. Meaning exercise is not an option. It is the norm. Meaning it will happen because it is not an option, but a requirement. I plan to work on more detail of my "real" INO list.

Ponder this: "When I think about it now, I wasn't as much putting others before me as I was putting myself last. That might seem like a game of semantics, but it's not. My lack of self-confidence and self-respect made me feel like I didn't deserve to be first." Ah ha?

Another mantra: "How I spend my time is my choice." She goes on to talk about you need to realize that for the most part your "lack of time" for the most point is the result of your own choices and related to the previous blurb about "choosing" to put other people's need above your own. Hmmmmm

There are just so many others! "When in doubt, laugh." "Choose you. Choose you. Choose you."

Consider getting this book. For me, if I get one or two things out of a book it was worth the read. There were wayyyyyy more than that in this book.

Thanks Lisa!

What?!

How can it already be the middle of December? OK, first I didn't hit any of my goals for November. That's right. Not one of them. I'm not proud of it, but I'm also not disappointed. I'm just OK. And, you know what? That's OK!

So, what's been up? We decided that we are going to stop the bi-state thing (yipppeee!) and going to make it Texas. So, since that we have:

• Found a house, put in an offer, and close on it later this month.
• Prepared one house for selling AND put it on the market. (Fingers crossed it sells in a decent amount of time!)and

When I see it like that, it doesn't look like much. But it was a ton of work in a short period of time. I stayed in Texas the entire time working and taking care of the prep work on the house while hubby had to be in the other state and traveling. So my priorities shifted. Between work and cleaning, etc. there just wasn't time to get to the gym. I was tired and stressed. I'm not going to lie, I could have gone and I might have even felt more stress, but I just was not in a place to force myself.

I acknowledged these feelings and said to myself to go to the gym if I want to and if I don't so be it, but that once every item was done on getting the house on the market, no excuses - back to the gym. Today was that day back and I figured I should also get back on track with the blogging while I was at it!

I didn't weigh in the entire time. I just didn't need the added stress. (This would have led to stress about not going to the gym, potentially gaining weight, feeling guilty, beating myself up, etc. etc.) Between sickness and all of this crap, I had not been to the gym in some time. And yep, I feel it. But I was back at it this morning and will be back there again tomorrow. I'll possibly weigh in Thursday, but I might also give myself a 'grace' week as long as I am continuing to eat what I am supposed to. (Note to self: you just need to be in your range. You do not have to be suddenly at the low end or below. Within the range is GOOD and it is your plan.)

I'm reading a good book too. I've had some 'a-ha' moments. I'll have to blog about that another time. Off to catch up on everyone else!

Jumping on the "band" wagon - bandster quiz

1. How long have you been banded? 4 years and 5 days. (OK, I don't really count the days, but it was just 4 years for me and I thought it was kinda funny.
2. What was your highest pre-band weight? / Current weight now? / Total lost to date? 234 lbs / 138.5 lbs / 135.5 lbs
3. What is your best "go-to" food to get in your protein? Any meat that is not overcooked. It does the best job of keeping me full for the longest period of time. Hmmm, ya think that's why they want us to eat it? ;)
4. What is your favorite protein brand/shake? I use low carb Slim Fast - chocolate - in the can. I only use liquid when I have to. For example, had a bad pb experience, tight following hormone patterns, etc.
5. What food do you miss the most now being post-band? None. I can eat anything I want in a small amount. The key is to make 'good' choices most of the time and when the choice isn't the best (and can bypass the band which the yummy stuff usually can) I am sure to watch portions.
6. What is your favorite "mushy" food? Soup, but I've always been a soup freak. When I have it, I make sure that it is either one of those healthy canned ones (Obsessed with Progresso Sante fe Chicken) or I make it myself.
7. What was your worst PB experience? The most recent one is here (a year ago!), but I bet there are others somewhere in my blog.
8. What has been the hardest part of this journey so far for you? Honestly - I think it's all hard. You have to want it and no matter what anyone tells you, you earned your success. The band is not magic. (Maintenance is also hard!)
9. What is your best NSV to date? Hmmmm, there are so many. I'll go with the cliche answer of looking good in my wedding dress.
10. What is your top non-weight goal for your band? Man, this quiz is kinda hard. I can't think of an answer to this---maybe it's just from being at goal for a while.
11. What is your goal weight or size? My goal weight that I set with my surgeon was 149lbs. I stayed there for a while and decided that I wanted to go to 139lbs. I am considering at the beginning of the year when all the weight loss insanity starts to consider seeing if I can get to 134lbs (100 lbs lost and see how that goes). I currently maintain between 138-142 lbs.
12. What band "rule" do you live by (i.e. don't cheat on)? There isn't one because I'd be lying if I said there was. Sometimes I eat more than I should and sometimes I have soda - (alcoholic drink mixer, but I stir it well with a straw to get a good amount of the fizz out)
13. What band "rule" do you not follow as much or aren't so good at? See above.
14. What is your goal "reward"? You know - I didn't set one for myself. Or at least if I did, I forgot and don't recall getting anything. Maybe I should get one NOW! : )
15. What are you most thankful for? All the other band bloggers out there and the comments that are left now and then on my blog. I enjoy reading everyone's journey!