Losing the Fluff

Change of Plans

2012-02-17T14:31:00.001-06:00

**In the huh, I never hit Publish category, I bring you this post...**

I'm sure many can relate to this: sometimes when I've planned a workout, I just don't feel like doing it. I know, shocker right?

I have what are best described as my "must" workouts and my "if I feel like it" workouts. My M-F ones are my "must" workouts. I just suck it up and go when I have the "don't wannas". My "if I feel like it" are the weekends. Races get done (cause they are fun...well, and I've paid for them!) and on the weekends that I don't have races I generally get in a long run. But sometimes on non-race weekends my run may be what I planned, a bit shorter, a lot shorter, rarely longer, or *gasp* not at all.

I run because it has evolved into something that I enjoy (and yes, it took time to get to this point!). I get dressed and head out and plod along thinking about "stuff". Sure, sometimes along the way I have the mental whines that pop up during a run like how much farther, I've been doing this how long, this hurts / that hurts, etc. But for the most part I am thinking about things that are going on, totally random stuff, or at times not much of anything.

Compared to serious runners, I don't consider myself one at all. My goals for races are: (1) have fun (2) finish (3) have a decent time / pace and (4) no recovery downtime (so that I don't miss any of those "must" workouts!). So what I'm doing works for me to meet those goals and maintain my base. If I decide that I want to PR a 5K or a half, then I will need to alter what I'm doing and do some training. But with training for me comes stress. The running becomes prescribed and must be done. That doesn't sound fun to me right now and I have plenty of stress at the moment without adding to it from choices that are within my control.

Anyway, last Saturday I bailed on the 15K to do the 5K because it was just too cold for me. I said that I'd do 9 miles Sunday, but I wasn't feeling it. I needed a mental break and some movement from sitting at a desk all day though, so I decided I'd go out and go with the flow. My 9 ended up at 5 miles.

I guess the point of this post is that my quarterly wellness goals which are a bunch of stats may make it seem like I workout a lot, I think there's a lot of balance in the details. I workout because of how much it helps me manage my stress, make better food choices, and how it makes me look and feel (healthy and strong) which all goes into helping me maintain my overall health and wellness.

Thank you for taking the time to read these posts---especially as my blog is far from band related at this point. (I really do still have a band!) Hopefully a nugget here and there is something to think about or at a minimum provides some insight at what things are like for me at about 6.5 years out.

Running for Chocolate

2012-02-11T11:57:00.000-06:00

My alarm went off and I see the clock says 430am. At first I don't remember, and I'm trying to figure out why I set my alarm so early. Then it hits me. It's a race day.

Don't get me wrong. Originally my buddy and I were hell ya! Swag is a running jacket and there's a CHOCOLATE after party. Until I saw the weather. Winter seriously came to Texas overnight. With wind chill, 17 out. Between that and the pain of getting there (get up at 430 for a 730 race) my excitement had greatly diminished. And ya, I'm whining. I just wanted Scotty to beam me there.

I started off with my breakfast of champions. Strong coffee followed by a chunk of banana bread. A couple long races ago I figured out that a homemade muffin or banana bread fueled me really well. Ever since then, it's my go to meal.

Then out the door with more coffee, 12 pounds of gear options (unfortunately not too much of an exaggeration), and we're off. We have come up with three alternate routes after taking the same route multiple times with the same result to this popular large race location in Dallas. Sitting in stopped traffic each and every time. We decided we'd rather be early sitting in the parking lot this time and our fingers were crossed we wouldn't get lost.

We essentially drove from the door to the best race parking lot with reasonable traffic. Things are starting off well and we are hanging out in the car. We see that the race has officially announced that because of the weather we could switch to the 5K with no penalty.

We had survived the cold and rain from another race and were thinking that we'd still do the 15K. Until we got out of the car that is. It felt way colder than 17 and the wind was horrible. We're still debating, but we are feeling our toes and hands getting cold. So the pro/con debate started. The intent of the run for us was to get our long run in, but we could do that tomorrow when it warms up. Then the final straw for me----no medal at the finish. I'm out, onto the 5K.

The race was very well organized. The start went smoothly and the course was good and well marked. When we finished, they had made the after party a one entry / one exit affair which made it move very smoothly. I had some hot chocolate to warm up, said hi to a few people we knew, hit the road to get breakfast at a toasty warm restaurant, and then home for a hot shower.

Since the race was 1/3 of what I had planned to run, I had a great-fast race. My toes did warm up about 1.5 miles in, but I was honestly glad that I didn't do the longer one. I don't regret my decision at all and will do a 9 mile tomorrow.

Super Bowl Recap

2012-02-06T13:30:00.002-06:00

I had to work through the weekend, which ended up being OK because my husband was out of town anyway. You'd think it'd be easy to escape the Super Bowl snacks, right? Well I didn't know I was going to have to work or that my husband wasn't going to be here and bought a bag of caramel and cheddar corn mix for us to eat....which is honestly pretty much crack!

There I was working and watching the game and snacking on the crack. I had put five servings into a bowl and proceeded to snarf on it from noon until the game was over. Sure, there's a bunch of "could-a's" that I could insert here, but nope this is maintenance for me. I strive for overall balance - which means crap and healthy. Yesterday was more of a crap day (but, it's also all natural crap!), but there was also a bit of healthy stuff.

I thought the halftime show was OK, but dated with the super old songs. I don't like Madonna's new song either. It strikes me as something more suited to a much younger pop singer and I hated her with the pom poms. 53 and pom poms? I just thought it was cheesy. Maybe I'm just over Madonna?

My favorite commercial goes to M*&*M's because I remember it and also because at the time it made me smile. I needed a smile again today and it worked like a charm. Go check it out: here's a link.

Orange Smiles

2012-02-04T14:53:00.000-06:00

I pack lunch for my husband so he gets a nutritious and healthy breakfast, lunch, and snacks. I've been on an orange kick lately because the ones around here have been so good. I'm a peeler, but he prefers his cut up into "orange smiles".

Have you ever thought of all the people that have handle an orange? It really doesn't matter if it's organic or not, there have been a lot of hands on it. My thought: Eewwwwwww!

I doubt that my husband is sitting in the office rocking the orange smile the way it is supposed to be done, but just in case I wash the orange before I cut it up.

I was supposed to go for a run with a buddy this morning, but she bailed. I decided to get some work done and then was planning on heading out for a break. Well, then it was lunch time and I was starving. Then I had this very important service announcement that I had to share about orange smiles (you're welcome). Then there might have been an chocolate chip oatmeal cookie that had to be eaten, which now needs to digest. Don't want to be getting a cramp!

Procrastinate much? It's quite possible that I'm just not going to make it out for that run today and you know what? That's OK...cause I think I really need to go get a pedicure now!

Speed in a Pack

2012-01-31T14:18:00.001-06:00

I have a couple friends that take the winter off from their fitness routine. They figure that when "spring has sprung" that they will pick up their fitness routine again hard core in preparation for summer. But there's 49 days between now and that first day of spring...imagine the progress that can be made in 7 weeks...

So, I might have been going a bit over the speed limit...within two blocks of my )*(*@#)($* house when I got pulled over along with three other cars. The other cars were told to continue while I'm left sitting there.

The policeman comes up to the car and I hand him my paperwork, but I was pretty miffed by what happened. I said, "Sir, I'm not sure why you pulled me over or why..." He interrupts: "Ma'am, I am not going to argue with you." And he goes back to his car. I'm angry at this point.

While he's writing up the citation, I attempt to talk myself off the ledge and when he comes back to the car I say to him as calmly as I can: "Excuse me, sir, I believe I have a right to ask why I am being pulled over and I am extremely upset that you interrupted me and disregarded that right. I was being polite and you interrupted me before I could even finish what I was asking and assumed I was arguing."

He got a dude look. The one where it's almost like their eyes roll back in their head and they realize something. Because I could tell that he realized that there might be some truth in what I said.

He did say he was sorry and what would I like to ask. So, I clarified why I was pulled over - speeding. But also asked why I was the only car that was being cited. He then told me that I was going the fastest of all the cars. This didn't make sense to me---write us ALL a ticket, but I'll give it to him because the fastest car of those three was going 5 over the speed limit and I don't want to be pulled over and cited for going 5 over.

He says: "Ma'am I am giving you a warning."

Me: *OMG, happy dance in my head!*

Him: "I see you have XX on your car. Thanks for your service."

Me: *OMG, still happy dancing* --- "Thank you officer for the warning and also the recognition of service. That's my husband."

So remember, if you are going to speed, do it in a pack and don't be the fastest speeder.

Oh and also, consider getting a concealed handgun license with your spouse/partner. You have to give it to the officer along with your license. Since this happened to me before my husband, all he seemed to be able to focus on was the fact that I got to handover my license first. Even if I had been cited, I do think he would have been stuck on this more than the ticket. *eye roll*

It's just a free cookie, right?

2012-01-30T09:08:00.000-06:00

While I was getting some things from the deli counter over the weekend, I heard a mom arguing with her child about whether or not she could have a free cookie. The mom must have said no to the kid at one point, but the "debate" was ongoing. I didn't think much of it until I heard the little girl say to her mom, "But I always have one when I come to the store."

Now that got me thinking. Not about this mom and her little girl, but whether or not that free cookie is potentially creating a long term association (trigger) that each time a kid enters the store that a cookie or some sort of "goody" should be eaten?

I don't think every kid that has a cookie every time s/he goes to the store is at risk, but I do think that there are likely some. And, sure, I'm putting my own frame of reference on this, but if I put myself in the place of one of these kids, I could see it happening to me. Heck, there are places that I go to today as an adult and I sometimes have the same urge to order what I always did years ago.

Sure it's balance and it's only a cookie and all that sorta stuff, but I try to imagine myself as a parent and think about how challenging it would be now with all the fast food and free cookies out there to help guide and teach children good choices and balance. Personally, I'd like to see the store stop the free cookie entirely or replace it with something healthy. My hat is off to parents that have figured this out!

On the band front - maintenance just continues. I had mentioned that my crap intake had gone up during the holidays while my husband was gone and my jeans were feeling a little snug, but after I gave myself a good swift kick I pulled back on my crap mix to about 90/10 and am plugging along with boot camp and running and feeling much better.

Joining a Gym?

2012-01-18T08:07:00.000-06:00

The 27 Rules of Conquering the Gym

Below are some of the ones that made me giggle...

A gym is not designed to make you feel instantly better about yourself. If a gym wanted to make you feel instantly better about yourself, it would be a bar.
No one in the history of gyms has ever lost a pound while reading "The New Yorker" and slowly pedaling a recumbent bicycle. No one.
Don't fall for gimmicks. The only tried-and-true method to lose 10 pounds in 48 hours is food poisoning.
You can take 10 Minute Abs, 20 Minute Abs, and 30 Minute Abs. There is also Stop Eating Pizza and Eating Sheet Cake Abs—but that's super tough!
If you're motivated to buy an expensive home exercise machine, consider a "wooden coat rack." It costs $40, uses no electricity and does the exact same thing.
If a gym class is going to be effective, it's hard. If you're relaxed and enjoying yourself, you're at brunch.
Fact: Thinking about going to the gym burns between 0 and 0 calories.
A successful gym membership is like a marriage: If it's good, you show up committed and ready for hard work. If it's not good, you show up in sweatpants and watch a lot of bad TV.
There is no secret. Exercise and lay off the fries. The end.

Shout out to Grace who hit Onderland, but I can't comment on her blog...or other blogs either! Congratulations Grace!!!

Pancakes!

2012-01-14T13:16:00.000-06:00

I did a 10K today. I've found recently that I wear my iPod, but I am not turning it on. I'm not sure why, I just find myself zoning out and thinking about this and that. So, I was plodding along trying to remember if I have ever run a 10K and I don't think I ever have. Weird, 5K, 15K, 8 mile, half, but I cannot remember a 10. Best news - that makes this a PR!

I'm using some longer races in place of long training runs in preparation for an upcoming half. Plus I think I get more out of these runs than a training run because I push my pace a bit. They are definitely a lot more fun! I've figured out I'm a medal whore though. I missed getting the bling at the end. :)

They were serving pancakes after the race, but the line was over a block long! Thankfully my buddies didn't want to wait in line either. So we went for breakfast and coffee someplace warm. We talked about new gear we've been trying out which I'll have to cover in another post because I need to get cleaning! I want the house sparkling because my husband is coming home tomorrow night! I am so excited! Happy Weekend!

How many???

2012-01-10T17:20:00.003-06:00

I went to boot camp this morning and...burned 40 calories! That's right. An hour of camp and that's what my Polar FT7 said. Yippee? It's been driving me nuts. It displayed "Check your heart rate transmitter" so many times that it kinda put me in a bad mood...OK, I wanted to throw it across the lot! Don't get me wrong, I think it's a great heart rate monitor (related post), but I've only had it for 1 year and 7 months. Here's what I've tried:

Changed battery in watch.
Changed battery in doo-hickey that clicks into the band (ya, that's what Polar calls it, really)
Washed band - which I do once periodically .
Made sure the contact things on the strap are wet when wearing.
Pulled and tugged and altered the dang strap while wearing to get it to track.
Paused and restarted.
Stopped and restarted.

Bottom line: frustrated. : | I do have an average that I burn for camp that I'll use for today, but I'd like to get this dang thing working! *sigh* Suggestions welcome.

Dear Fluffy: You did a lot of running , boot camps, and ended the year strong on your fitness goals in December, BUT what you stuff in your face is important. Since your husband has been gone you have been eating too much crap. Yes, you are missing him and the holidays were super hard with him gone, but GET OVER IT and quit eating your feelings! Your jeans are a bit tighter than they were and it could have been a lot worse (noticeable to people other than just you...and will be if you do not quit it!). Continue to get your teeter totter back where it's supposed to be and balance your stool.

"No Fluffy, to step on the scale you need not." - Y0da

"To quit stuffing your pie hole with crap you need, feeling, identify what you are, and acknowledge them." - Y0da

"Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try." - Y0da

New Year's Day & The Winner!

2012-01-01T19:27:00.000-06:00

On New Year's Day, I had my 5K to finish out the double race. I really liked ending the year with a half and starting the new year with the 5K. I was surprisingly loose and had a really good run. Best news, it was a 5K PR for the year (get it? HA) and I made a dent in my 2012 Wellness goals !

It's running season for me, so I have already registered for a few races: 10K, 15K, 5K (2), and a Half. If I can find a few more 10-15K races that are close, I might add them as a fun way to knock out a longer run.

And the winner is...
Manda Panda of Candyland to Bandland! Congratulations! Please email me (fluffyDOTbandsterATgmailDOTcom) and provide me with your mailing address.

Closing Out Wellness Goals 2011

2011-12-31T10:14:00.000-06:00

I. RAN. A. HALF. MARATHON. TODAY! Yippeeeeeee!!!

Right after I finished the race today, I had a bit of a revelation. While I don't recommend it, I did this race with little running training and a not so good running base (I was running some outside of camp and still doing camps). I had some fear this morning prior to the race about my ability, but finishing the race triggered a bigger feeling in me. While I'm embarrassed to say this, I am truly amazed and proud of my fitness level and where I am today. I'm ending the year happy and healthy, which makes me smile. Wishing everyone a happy and healthy 2012!

Wellness Goals - Year End Results

1. Boot camps. Goal: 200 camps. Stretch Goal: 240.

240 camps! Achieved stretch goal.
There were a couple days that I didn't want to go, but this goal got me out of bed and to camp. I just couldn't miss it by only a couple! I was just too dang close!

2. Training/Race Total Miles. ~~Goal: 416 miles. Stretch Goal: 520 miles.~~ Revised: 208 miles.

229.12 miles. Achieved revised goal.
My lack of summer running definitely hurt my base. I had to kick it up to be able to make it through the half and didn't know where I was going to land against this goal until I created this post. I'm very happy!

3. Half Marathon(s). Goal: 1. Stretch Goal: 2.

2! Achieved stretch goal.

4. 5K or other races such as obstacle races. Goal: 3. Stretch Goal: 5.

4. Achieved mid goal/stretch goal.

5. Calorie Burn. Goal: 130,000 Stretch Goal: 150,000 (note: this is only "dedicated" exercise)

158,596! Achieved stretch goal.

Related:
3rd Quarter Results

2nd Quarter Results
1st Quarter Results
2011 Wellness Goals

Wellness Goals – 2012 Plan is Drafted!

2011-12-28T17:15:00.000-06:00

I talked about Wellness Goals early in 2011, but then I didn't actually draft them until sometime in March. Procrastination, I'm good at it, don't be jealous. So, this post is already a win for me! ::cabbage patch::

I'm looking for some year-end entertainment and excitement which will be at your expense. Well, really no expense to you, it will be expense to me, but it will hopefully provide the winner with a little fitness motivation.

So what is it? A copy of Jil1ian Michae1s' 3O Day Shred. All you have to do is leave a comment and state for everyone to see that if you win it you will take on the challenge! I'll let people comment here or on my upcoming 2011 Wellness Goal post and pick a winner on the 2nd.

Disclaimer: While Ji11ian is my bff in my head. She sadly does not know me and did not provide me with the prize. It will come from the "fluffy's husband is outta town and I was told to do something fun" fund (I think this counts).

Excited????? I know I am.

2012 Wellness Goals

1. Boot camps. Goal: 200 camps. Stretch Goal: 240.

Keeping this one the same as 2011. It's a lot of camps!

2.Training/Race Total Miles. Goal: 225 miles. Stretch Goal: 250 miles.

Going with myrevised 2011 goal.

3. HalfMarathons. Goal: 2. Stretch Goal: 3.

Increasing by 1. Scary.

4. 5K, 10K,15K or other races such as obstacle races. Goal: 5. Stretch Goal: 7.

Increasing 2011goal by 2!

5. CalorieBurn. Goal: 150,000 Stretch Goal: 170,000 (note: this is only"dedicated" exercise)

I don't really know how meaningful this one is as it seriously seems like a lot, but I'm going to keep it again at least initially in 2012.

Related:
3rd Quarter Results **warning: this one is the one with the creepy bunny!

2nd Quarter Results
1st Quarter Results
2011 Wellness Goals

(Nothing to do with post, but I couldn't pass up a bunny with pancakes on its head!)

Reflection

2011-12-22T12:57:00.002-06:00

This time of year always makes me think about the year before. Last year our house was all decked out and we had a big holiday party. This year the holidays didn't turn out as we hoped and my husband left early in December to go overseas and won't return until mid-January. Our separation and limited contact has definitely put a damper on my holiday spirit, but compared to so many others we are extremely fortunate. So not to sound trite, I have been focusing on my blessings.

One thing I have noticed year after year on this journey is that I no longer look back on the prior year with regret. 7ish years ago that was not the case. I'd find myself wishing:

I had started eating better, exercising, or losing weight the prior year.
I had continued on some progress that I had made the year before.

While the band is a tool that helped me get to where I am today, it is by no means the sole reason for my success. When I made the decision to get banded, I was at a crossroads. I was done. My life had to change and it was the first step of many in making permanent changes. The band was definitely a catalyst, but eating well most of the time and exercising are also required. I think that's the key to my success. Amy wrote a really good post that I totally agree with. Go check it out here.

I am currently drafting my wellness goals ƒor 2012 and will close 2011's wellness goals around the new year. I am finishing the year strong and am excited about it!

So, I challenge anyone that happens to read this post: What will you find yourself thinking at this time next year? What will you do to ensure your success in 2012?

Thanks for reading and Happy Holidays!

Worth the Read

2011-12-14T14:46:00.000-06:00

Please consider going and reading this article:

Weight: Why One Size Doesn't Fit All

The author of the article and her mindset on where she is does a great job of describing where I am trying to be in my personal journey at this point, but I think there are nuggets in there for anyone! I loved this:

Just remember that weight is subjective. One person's idea of overweight is another's person's idea of just right. You decide what is good for you. I've always been happy with my body and never wanted to weigh a number that I have to constantly struggle to maintain. Life is for enjoying. I'm happy with me. No one should set rules for how I should feel.

This is exactly where I am striving to be: "Life is for enjoying. I'm happy with me."

It's Started!

2011-12-08T15:34:00.001-06:00

During the summer (that never seemed to end!), I can remember thinking at camp (1) it was hot; (2) I'll be glad when it is cold (I prefer cold over the brutal heat & humidity personally) and (3) the whinefest would shortly switch gears from hot to cold. Thursday:

And, yes, it's started! It was mild whining early in the week, but it increased as the week progressed. It got a bit on my nerves *sigh*, but I think the holiday season is contributing to that. It's early in the morning and dark, I'd rather be snuggled in my bed and warm too. We all know it's cold and I don't think there is one of us that is really *glad* to be there. (Just glad when we're done!) So, put a sock in it!

In other news, I recently had a birthday...and need to update my sidebar to 43!!!! Not that I know what 43 is *supposed* to feel like, but I just don't feel 43. I got a few new clothes and had mentioned to my husband that I wanted a ceramic watch, and tada:

Instead of cake on my birthday, I decided I wanted an ENTIRE bag of D0ve milk chocolate squares. I divided them into 7 bags and ate a bag for 7 days straight.

I'm guessing there's someone that might be thinking something along the line of that's a lot of calories, she's gaining weight, that's maintenance? an entire bag? etc. While the chocolate isn't necessarily quality calories, it was less than an extra 200 calories per day. Hell, the slice of carrot cake I like from ch33secake factory has more calories than the entire bag of chocolates anyway! So, as an isolated week it may seem like a lot--or potentially a slippery slope, but in the big picture it's not. And, I also don't plan to make it a regular occurrence!....until my next birthday! : )

Unplanned Race!

2011-12-01T11:06:00.001-06:00

In discussing the NYE/NY double with a friend a few weeks ago, I mentioned that I was going to stretch myself and do the half vs. the relay. Which led to this conversation on Thursday:

Friend: Hey, you've been training for the half at the end of the year, right?

Fluffy: *Snort* "Training" is probably a big stretch of the word for what I have been doing, but I have set my race goals accordingly...low and slow.

Friend: Well, we just had someone drop out of our relay team. Can you fill in and do the 6.5 leg?

Fluffy: Uh, you mean as in this Sunday?

Friend: Yep.

Fluffy: If you can live with me wrecking the team's time, then sure.

Friend: The team doesn't care.

Fluffy: OK, but you need to let them know that I'm a turtle.

Friend: *laughing* Ya whatever.

So, on Sunday, I joined 25,000 of my closest friends at the:

We decided to take the transit down to the race site to avoid the traffic. We got down there, used the portas and then I went to my bus to get to my leg. I got on the bus and since I can get lost pretty much anywhere, I got on and asked if it was for my mile distance. Some people looked at me like I'm an idiot, but oh well. I wanted to be sure. Then off we went to the transition point.

Everyone started getting off the bus. I said to the dude next to me, you getting off? He says to me, aren't you? I said, ya, when they kick me off! It's cold and wet. Where they going anyway? It wasn't an issue and we stayed nice and warm...and most importantly dry! The temp was somewhere in the very low 40's, but it was raining big time!

The two gals before me are fast. So, I did some calculations and knew I needed to get my butt outside at a certain point. I went out and my teeth seriously were chattering. I couldn't get them to stop. This guy next to me said that I could sit on the bus and I said believe me I would but my team will be here soon. He looked at me like I was crazy and he said is your team that fast? I said yep and no sooner had I said it that I said oh there she is now. His face was priceless!

I got the ankle thingy on and took off for my 6.5 mile leg. To give you an idea of just how fast the previous two girls were I was constantly being passed (I'm a turtle and proud of it!). Eventually the 3:05 marathon pace group passed me to give you an idea!

I just kept going. My pace was much faster than I planned, but I felt good and honestly energized by all these speedies around me. I just kept repeating in my head a story my husband told me about a Navy Sea1 (NS). When asked about the training and the speed you have to run, the NS was asked what if you can't run that fast, the response was "you just run faster". Well what if you can't, "you just do". Then when the NS was asked about distance, the response was "you just keep running". So, that's exactly what I did. I just kept running.

The 6.5 mile leg turned out to be SEVEN! But I felt good and still had plenty of gas in the tank! I was seriously proud of myself since my base is far from what it was. It was also a great confidence builder for half at the end of the month. I'd love to post a bunch of pics, but I don't have any! I wanted to be sure I had battery charge the entire time and the camera sucks it up, but I can share a pic of the medal.

Our team did great. We were shocked to find out that we placed 18th! Cracks me up even now and my buddy pointed out that I held onto 4th place throughout my leg. I wasn't a turtle, but a rurtle!

I liked this race, but I don't think I'd do the relay again. There was too much waiting before and after my leg. I'd rather just do the half next time (get there, do it, and done). Uh, did I just say that?!?

Six Years, Six Posts: Post 6 - Year End Plans

2011-11-21T07:31:00.000-06:00

As long as I have goals in mind, I'll strive to meet them. I created my wellness goals this year to ensure my focus. I set goals I could achieve with some work and stretch goals that would require more effort. You can see all the scoop on these posts:

3rd Quarter Results
2nd Quarter Results
1st Quarter Results
2011 Wellness Goals

I realized earlier this year that I h.a.t.e.d running in the Texas heat. It was huge for me to admit it and revise my goals, but running was a beating and I just didn't enjoy it. Problem is that in my 3rd quarter results I talked about how my revised mileage goal may be a stretch. Honestly, it has been bugging me ever since! So recently I decided to go for it, kick it into gear, and end the year strong.

The holidays are tough though. Surrounded by food, family stress, my own personal family baggage, holiday stress, etc. it can make keeping an exercise routine and mainly healthy choices rough for pretty much everyone. My husband is also going to be out of the country for a military detachment for over 4 weeks that includes Christmas/Eve and NYE/NY which leaves me more vulnerable than normal. So, I needed a plan and some focus that would help me with preventing excuses. Enter:

That's right a double race! It will be the first time for this race and seemed like a good way to end the year and start the next. So, what's a double? These were the options:

Essentially you can pick anything from a 5K on NYE and a 5K on NY to TWO marathons. I originally thought I'd do a half relay on each day. I ended up registering for:

That's right a HALF on NYE and a 5K on NY. Since my base is definitely not what it was, I will not focus at all on time for the half (hear that Fluffy?). My focus is "fun & finish". I went back and forth on whether or not to do the half, but if I did a relay, I knew that I could just go run the 6.5 miles which wouldn't help me with preventing holiday excuses. And, while the bling always attracts me to the race originally, this one is no exception. Check this out:

You get a half medal for each race (reflects the race you ran), but upon completing the 2nd, you also get the magnetic back plate. And look at the size! (That's right, everything is bigger in TX!). What's your plan for making it through the holiday season on track with your personal goals?

Man, writing 6 posts in 6 days seemed like such a good idea at first! Then I realized, heck I'm lucky if I post 6 times in a month!!! Thank you to each and every one of you that have read through these posts and for all the very kind comments. I truly appreciate it.

Six Years, Six Posts: Post 5 - Uhhhhh...

2011-11-20T07:30:00.000-06:00

Man, I made it all the way to post 5, but I can't really think of anything *aaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhh*. So, I bring to you bullets of random nuggets, which unfortunately seem to me to be a bit repetitive to the other posts in the series (oops!)...

The band is only a tool. I can remember when I was just starting out that one of the things I read on one of the boards somewhere was "unfortunately it doesn't band your head". This is so true. So for those of us that struggle with disordered eating, the band may not help you in that regard. If you want to, you can "eat around the band". For me, I took the cliche route to addressing this challenge - shrink, books, and a helluva lot of practice that still continues to this day, but that path worked for me.

Healthy choices and exercise will lead to loss. The scale may not reflect hard work/healthy choices immediately, but it eventually will. It's science, there is just no way eating well and exercising will not lead to loss. Unfortunately, our bodies can kinda suck at times and seem to fight back. If this happens, while it's frustrating, hang in there. Perseverance is your friend. There were plenty of times that I was questioning the process and wondering if it was going to work for me, but I just pushed my way through and hung in there. I should also mention that there was also a time that it turned out that I wasn't eating enough! Go figure, my body actually needed more food (healthy stuff) and weight loss started again.

Exercise is key in my book. Without exercising, I believe that maintenance would be a cycle of gaining/losing/gaining/losing and for me, this cycle was one of the main things I was trying to leave behind! I'm sure there are people that get to goal without exercising, but for me I want to be thin and fit. Read this post skinny fat for more.

Eat your meals, don't drink them. I think I should and like to be able to eat most foods. If you look back through my blog you will see that there were times that I wasn't doing this, but in hindsight I was too tight.When I eat non soft food, I get full and stay full for a pretty decent amount of time even now. Soft food (sliders) / liquids don't do that for me. Also, I generally eat at least some of my protein first, but I love me some veggies! The million dollar question is what is the right restriction? Check out this post that contains an article that I think does an excellent job of covering restriction.

Practice has led to improvement on not eating for the sake of eating. I've beaten the emotional part to death, this is really about is the food good? I have really grown in this area. If food isn't good, I don't eat it and while it can be wastefule, I've gotten over that. Food snob? Foodie? Whatever label that goes with this, this was a definite growth item for me.

One bad day does not wreck the journey. It's one day, seriously get over it and don't beat yourself up. What purpose does that really serve other than making yourself feel bad and at times leading to thoughts of giving up? And no, I'm not saying to deny what happened or not analyze why it happened. I think that's important. It's the mean negative self talk that which I think can actually lead to another bad day. For those old enough to have VCRs, it's kinda like that slogan, be kind rewind. Be kind to yourself and yes rewind, review, and try to learn from it. Then move on.

As a bandster, I think everyone starts out with this hope and excitement to get going on this journey and motivation is 110%. Many people lose initially (some the entire time - lucky!) without a lot of effort. Then there are others that have to work hard to get every stinking pound off---I fell into this category, but now I think it was good. It allowed me to slowly work on myself and the things I needed to address to ensure my personal success. Regardless of whether the journey is "easy" or "hard", changes have to be made. You can't (and shouldn't) eat the amount you used to, are encouraged to change your eating habits, and encouraged to exercise.

If you are at a point that your are hitting a rough patch in your journey (been there on multiple times myself!), then I encourage you to not look at how far you have to go, but how far you have come. Consider making a list of all the positive changes that have occurred. I think you'll be amazed at how many you come up with. Consider posting that list on your bathroom mirror. Read it every morning and add to it as it grows. Avoid falling into the trap of: "but", "shoulda", "coulda", etc. What you list are accomplishments and you should be dang proud!

Six Years, Six Posts: Post 4 - Band Secrets Revealed!

2011-11-19T07:31:00.000-06:00

Dear Bandster,

Please find below the secrets to band success...

Oh fine, these are just the things I'd recommend considering for a successful journey, but I thought you might read it with the "secrets to success". Ultimately your journey is your journey. You need to figure out what works for you and go with it. As much as I wish there was a magic band fairy, I've spent 6 years looking and darn it, there just isn't one!!

Portion size = bandster portions. Bottom line for me eating the right band size portions was and still remains a "must do". I had a dilated pouch at one point and I also self-diagnosed myself with portion distortion (ya, I coined the term too, but it has a ring to it). While I think I'm better at visualizing portions than I used to be, I do tend to measure while I'm at home. (I have these serving spoons that my best friend got from WW and they are 1/2 cup, 1 cup, etc., so while I'm measuring it isn't get the measuring cups out, etc.) While there is hardly any fluid in my band, the band is still there and I believe that my pouch can be stretched by eating too much or too quickly. So, if I don't get full before finishing, I just eat what I'm supposed to and I'm done. If/when I get hungry again. I just eat again.

Eat healthier. While the band doesn't have any mal absorption concerns, I owe it to myself to eat a well balanced diet that includes fruits and vegetables. I find that a balanced diet makes me have more energy and reduces my cravings as an added bonus!

Exercise. I'm sure there's someone with a band somewhere that didn't and doesn't exercise and made it to goal, but I've exercised throughout my entire journey. My exercise has evolved and continues to evolve with my fitness improving. I encourage everyone to make exercise part of the journey if you haven't already. It's good for you!

Find an exercise you enjoy and works with your schedule and commitments. It's important because consistency is key . If you hate your exercise you aren't going to do it long term. But also remember, when you start something new, it will likely be hard. Don't think hard = hate. Give a new exercise a chance, you might find that you love it.

Stop the diet mentality / step away from the scale. I think regardless of what you eat, do, etc., you are "on a diet". It's just what makes up your diet. For me what this meant was to stop looking at food based on calories and can I or should I eat this. This was part of my personal retraining and changing my relationship with food. I look at the quality of the food and do I want it. Because if I really want to eat crap, and it's not for emotional reasons, then I do. Ironically, giving myself permission was empowering. Food lost its power and more often than not I gravitate toward healthy food.

The number on the scale is only one measurement, yet it's one that seems to consume most of us and I think it is a key measurement while losing (me = guilty). Personally, I recommend once a week, but there are many successful bandsters that weigh every day. It's whatever works for you. I would strongly encourage body measurements as well though. It is something that I wish I would have done and likely would have helped me through the tough times with the scale---when the *(#&$#* wasn't moving, which I'm sure plenty of people can relate to!

Figure out what makes you feel good. What makes me feel good isn't going to necessarily make someone else feel good, but what I figured out is that I need to exercise during the week and first thing in the morning. It helps me manage a stressful job and just makes me feel good! And honestly, I eat better without even thinking about it on the days I have exercised. Go figure!

Continue to assess and re-assess. I check in with myself periodically. It may sound stupid, but I find that if I don't consciously check in (self talk) that I just keep going on auto pilot and then I project something is wrong some other way. For example, I realized at one point I was returning home from morning camp grumpy. Unfortunately, I was taking it out on my husband now and then (boo me). I sat myself down and had a talk with myself (funny picture, huh?). I realized that my trainer's style was no longer meeting my needs. So I switched to another camp.

Blogging. The intent of my blog was to document my journey as I was asked to "journal" by my shrink, but I had also hoped that it might be helpful to others from a long-term historical perspective as I had wanted to find such people in the beginning and couldn't. This many years later my blog may not be specifically "all about the band", but I'd be a freak if at this point day in and day out it was about it, right?! I've also found it helpful at times to be able to go back and look at past posts. Plus there's nothing like some perspective or opinion from another bandster and opportunity to connect and make friends. I highly recommend blogging about your journey....and please don't blog and then disappear leaving everyone wondering!

In summary, it's a personal journey. Just like the decision to get a band, it's very personal and you have to figure out what works for you. Try not to compare yourself to others, but do try to learn from others or appreciate what they are doing as you might find little nuggets that may also work for you!

Six Years, Six Posts: Post 3 - What's it like now?

2011-11-18T06:00:00.000-06:00

Well, when I hit my goal weight, it was a sunny day with two rainbows, all my problems were solved, I was instantly popular, more successful, met prince charming and happy...life was pretty much PERFECT.

Um, ya, if you believe that...Maintenance is hard work, but it’s different. At times it's harder than losing, but at other times it isn't. I can recall being way more stressed about "insta gain" and other such nonsense (yep, I said nonsense, cause it really is - so remember that!) than I am now. Does this mean that I've been perfect? Nope.

I initially freaked out more often than I'd like to admit. For me, maintaining my weight was my true test. I had to figure maintenance out. Having lived so focused on the scale, my weight, losing, etc. to now find myself "at goal" and that I had made it ---pretty much scared the crap out of me.

As with losing, maintenance has had it's up's and downs. I've had slumps where my eating has been more unhealthy than healthy and/or exercise has been more none than some. But that's life. And, one off day does not wreck the journey. It's one day, get over it. The challenge is not to let one day lead to multiple. And I can recall myself having multiple off days in a row as well at times, but ultimately what's important is to put on those big girl panties, pull on those boot straps, and get to gettin'!

I'm sitting here trying to think of some magical OMG it's amazing positive thing to say at this point and what I don't come up with much. I guess I just don't feel as excited as I used to. I don't view that as negative either. I think it's the solidification of this life journey. I'm pretty sure I said elsewhere on my blog, and I'm sure it's no revelation to anyone, but there is no finish line. This journey continues for the rest of my life and it is what I make of it.

But this journey has gotten easier over time. Exercise is just part of my routine and I find myself seeking out new activities and challenges, eating (other than sporadic emotional flare ups that I continue to work on) is really just eating---I eat when I'm hungry and don't sweat it, and thoughts about gaining weight or what I weigh are no longer at the forefront of my mind. It's a relief really and I guess I've reached a sense of peace as cliche as that is to put.

My final thought: Weight follows behavior. Your behavior ultimately is in your control. Your control is all about choices and the ones you make. As much as WLS critics like to say we took the easy way out, it's just not true. Success takes effort. There is no free ride. It's been hard work (physically and mentally) the entire way, but it's also been worth it and I wouldn't change a bit of it.

Six Years, Six Posts: Post 2 - Goal Weight

2011-11-17T06:00:00.000-06:00

Goal weight, some background: My original goal was set by my surgeon. Honestly, it was only discussed because I specifically asked him what he thought it should be and what he would consider "successful". Without much thought, he responded with 149 and that's what I went with. And, yes, I was happy when I got there and stayed there for some period of time.

(Sidebar: It may go a bit unnoticed in reading my posts at this point, getting to my original goal was a looooong journey. 20 months for 85 lbs...for a whopping average of 4.25 per month! I point this out for anyone that may have any perception of an easy or perfect journey to provide encouragement.)

But as I focused more on health and fitness, I just felt *fluffy* in my skin. I'm small boned and knew there was fluff to lose. That being said, I recall not wanting weight loss to be the focus that it was during my losing phase, but more seeing where my body settled and seeing how I felt, etc. Anyway, that happened a couple times and I settled in.

What I realized though is that for me the scale was not working. In reality, I was quite thin and fit, but when I weighed in that stupid a$$ thing was stealing something from me at times. It was my happiness and positivity. So, I divorced the scale. Sure, sometimes I think "OMG, I need to weigh myself". But I don't. I'm at a point that I can tell if I've been overindulging a bit and I pull back. I don't need the scale to tell me that and if I continue to be the size and fitness level I am currently, but weigh a bit more than the 130lbs that I was when I weighed at the doctor's office (fully clothed!!!), then that's fine --- when I divorced the scale I was 129 nekkid. The scale is no longer the boss of me!

There's a blogger - Tina's of Carrots 'N' Cake. For reasons other than one of my favorite 4-letter words being part of her title - c.a.k.e.! I think she's categorized as a food/health blogger and published a book which I haven't read, but there is one thing that she talks about a lot on her blog which is feel great weight (FGW). This philosophy aligns with where I am at this point in my journey (divorcing the scale, etc.) which is a change in focus to health not weight. Here's an article that she wrote on the topic. I included two paragraphs that really resonated with me, but you might want to check her out as well.

When I am at my FGW, I’m comfortable with how I feel on the inside and outside, and I treat my body as such. My FGW doesn’t dictate my daily activities—I don’t weigh myself, I don’t curse my thighs, and I don’t think twice about enjoying dessert. I consume foods that fuel my body and I don’t overthink my meals or the number of calories I’m consuming. I enjoy a wholesome diet and eat without severe restrictions or overindulgences. I choose workouts that keep me energized and make me feel good. Living at my FGW means that I don’t have to make myself crazy maintaining it. I’m able to experience life and enjoy all the fun things that come along with it.

There’s no magic trick for finding your FGW, and it’s different for everyone. I found my FGW by eating a wholesome, nutritious diet 80% of the time and fun, not-so-nutritious foods 20% of the time. I still enjoy eating healthy foods most of the time, but I don’t feel like I have to turn down dessert or cocktails when they come my way. All I know is that stressing out about what I am eating and how much I am exercising means I’m not at my FGW. When I feel healthy, happy, and energized, I know my body is too.

Mmmmmmm, cake...sorry, couldn't help it.

Bottom line: While your doctor may or may not give you a target weight, ultimately YOU have to live with it and maintain it. The weight may be too high or it may be too low. Only you can figure this out. And, ultimately, you have to figure out what works for you on all aspects (exercise (do it!), food, weight, etc.) So, while not weighing is the best for me for emotional well being, it may not work at all for you. And ya know what? That's OK!

Six Years, Six Posts: Post 1 - The Basics, My Annual Post

2011-11-16T18:13:00.000-06:00

In honor of today being six years since I was banded, I am going to attempt to do six posts! This first one is my standard annual post. I haven't forgotten about the questions/things people suggested either and some of those questions are answered in this one, but please feel free to leave a comment if you have any questions...it will make the 6 posts so much easier for me too as right now I pretty much just have this post with 5 to go.

Official weigh in stats:

Height: 5'8"
Starting weight: 234 lbs
Original goal weight: 149 lbs (Sat here for a while in maintenance and then decided I was still a bit fluffy)
Revised goal weight: 138 - 142 lbs (Stayed within this range for a while and picked up boot camp)
Revised goal weight again: 132-136 lbs.
Pretty much landed at 129 lbs and then divorced the scale.
Overall loss: 105 lbs
Lbs to goal: 0 lbs

BMI: 19.6 - (Normal weight = 18.5-24.9)

How many fills have you had?

1st fill – 1.2c
2nd fill – 1.8cc
3rd unfill - was just too tight - went to 1.4cc
4th unfill - dilated pouch - complete unfill
5th fill - .6cc
I think I went up some from here to about .8cc; then unfill to about .4 cc; then another to .2 cc - that's where I remain

Are you going to stay at your current fill level? Yes. I honestly can't even recall how long I've been at this level

What are you going to do next? Keep on going with my wellness goals!

What size clothes are you wearing?

Pants: 2/4
Dress: 2/4
Shirt: S/XS

What do you eat in a typical day? There really isn't typical anymore, but I always eat 3 to as many as 6 meals. I listen to my body and if I'm hungry I eat. I should say though that "meals" is used loosely here. It could be a few nuts, a string cheese, a yogurt, half a bar, etc. - each is a "meal" - and I consciously make it a bandster portion.

Was it worth it? Would you do it again? Yes, it was! It was much more expensive when I got it than it is today (you lucky dogs!), but it was still worth every single self-pay penny!

Have you had any problems? Yes, but not anything horrific in my book. You'll see in the beginning of my blog that shortly after my surgery I swore my stitches in my port popped. Everybody told me at the surgeon's office no way and not to worry about it (there was a huge snow/ice storm when I was supposed to go in for my after surgery follow up). When I went in for my fill, my port was on it's side. I still have not had it fixed, but you can see lump from it when my shirt is off and FEEL it. Feeling it is the grossest. (I think many people refer to them as port baby or something? Well, mine is more of a tween!) I also had some problems with pouch dilation. Turned out that it was likely a combination of being too tight and eating too much over time. Signs? Eating more than you are supposed to (and also could be in conjunction with eating too fast) and getting heartburn (aka - reflux).

Have you pb'd? Unfortunately, yes. More so when I was too tight. Currently only from stupidity and I can't even remember the last time.

What rules do you follow? Eat slowly. Take small bites. When I feel full - stop. Eat bandster amount. Don't drink with meals. (See the side.)... and: Eat CONSCIOUSLY - am I hungry? Am I full? Does it taste good? etc. Here's a post on my most important rules.

Do you have loose skin? I had said no previously. As I got thinner, my skin is not definitely that of a 20 year old, but I'm not 20 either! I'd have to say that the skin situation has improved more over time though. How is that? Exercise! Boot camp and jogging. The only time you can see a "skin situation" is when I'm in a certain position that I only do when working out. You can also see a bit of loose skin in the tummy area when I'm naked and leaning over (so you won't be seeing it!) which is not noticeable when i am standing up or in a swimsuit. This is the same answer as last year, but I have to tell you that this has continued to improve!

Do you 'diet'? Yes? No? Even if I only ate hamburgers, wouldn't that be a hamburger diet? The bottom line whether you have a lap band or not is you have to make healthy food choices most of the time. For a while, I was roughly following Weight Watchers that my friend gave me all the scoop on---the intent though was to become more in tune with what I was eating (the eating consciously crap). It was successful for me, but with all the exercise it just wasn't feeling right. It was feeling like work, so I just started listening (and trusting!) my body and eating when I am hungry---what you can pretty much think of as intuitive eating. Your call on whether or not it's a "diet", but there isn't anything that is restricted from my eating if I want it. But then again, sometimes I want a bunch of crap and I tell myself no. So you tell me.

Ya, I had a regain! --- So what is all this about this 15lbs you gained? Well, for about 5 or 6 months sometime in 2008(?), I didn't work out, log my food, or make good choices. Major, major funk city---ironically this is when there was a "break" in my relationship with my now husband. The good news is that I "only" gained 15 lbs. In the past, this would have been much worse. I also avoided the scale, so it was my clothes screaming at me that they were tight that woke me up. I just slapped myself upside the head and said: HELLO, get a grip. You spent a ton of money. You are being an idiot. Get back on track and do it NOW! You will feel better if you do. (I think I was in a bit of a depression.)Well, I did - I'm just stubborn like that. That is what you see referenced in a period of 12 weeks. During that time with a lot of dedication and effort - and following all the rules - I lost 15.5 lbs....and, felt a whole lot better!

Favorite Posts:

If I was going to point out a few posts to go read, it would be:
My thoughts on protein and some other opinions
Restriction
Golden(?) rules
My Most Important Rules
Why Do You Exercise?
Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3

The Five W's
Divorcing the Scale

Accomplishments this past year: Wellness Goals!

Just Stuff...

2011-11-10T12:11:00.000-06:00

I have been thinking about a few things:

I think I'll do a "Six Years - Six Posts" series around my bandiversary. I've noted down what people have suggested or asked from previous comments, but please feel free to suggest or ask things as your ideas and/or questions will really help me out!

I have said running 13.1 is good enough for me---manageable and training doesn't really disrupt or change what I do anyway that "I don't need to run a marathon". I was driving along the other day and saw cars with marathon stickers and started thinking if I were to do a marathon I'd want to run it between December and March and that I'd probably be best finding a training program to have a group to run with for the long runs. ****Screeeechhh*** Excuse me?!? So, I am considering it for a 2012/2013 Wellness Goal...stressing considering.

Another wellness goal I am considering for 2012 is 100 consecutive push ups. Here's a link. Seriously, the thought of being able to do 100 consecutive full on push ups for me really seems impossible! Then I think of all you guys that are determined and doing so well on C25K (and other fitness challenges) and felt the exact same way when you started, so it's incentive for me to suck it up and consider adding this to the list.

I am finding that coming up with Wellness Goals for 2012 is more challenging this time. I don't want to just repeat what I have for 2011, but I also need to be realistic. Right now I think my strategy will be to have a big list by January 1 that I will then finalize at the end of the first quarter. I think this helps me not limit myself in coming up with the goals and set my mind from the get go that refinement is OK and needed.

What are you considering for your 2012 Wellness Goals? Have any ideas for me or others? : )

It's not a beating, but it does involve a stickK.

2011-11-02T18:22:00.000-05:00

What is stickK?

Aside: Imagine my surprise when I encountered total blog block for a post this evening when I found this post in my drafts! I swear it was sometime last year that I stumbled across this site, but I do think it's pretty cool. That stick picture - that was an add to the draft to take the post up a notch. Gotta love a good picture of a stick.

Need a little incentive? Accountability? Check this out...

Everyone has a goal. For some, it's losing weight, for others it's exercising regularly. Maybe you'd just like to grow a ponytail.

But if it's still just a goal, it means you haven't reached it...yet.

If you're ready to turn that goal into an accomplishment, you're ready for stickK.

stickK was founded on the principle that creating incentives and assigning accountability are the two most important keys to achieving a goal. Thus, the "Commitment Contract" was born.

Entirely unique to each person, a Commitment Contract obliges you to achieve your goal within a particular time-frame. Not only are you challenging yourself by saying "Hey, I can do this," you're also putting your reputation at stake. If you are unsuccessful, we'll let your friends know about it.

Oh but wait, there's more...

Sometimes losing face with your friends might not be enough to keep you on track. So, what is the one thing no one can stand to part with? You guessed it! Cold hard cash.

As a true test of your commitment, stickK will let you put your money on the line for any Commitment Contract. Achieve your goal and you don't pay a thing (and you're much happier than before, aren't you?).

But if you aren't successful, you forfeit your money to a charity, an anti-charity or even that neighbor who keeps stealing your newspaper.

And guess what, stickK is absolutely FREE!....well as long as you hit your goal!

It's Halloweekend!!!

2011-10-28T13:16:00.002-05:00

A friend did this pumpkin and it's just too neat not to share. It took her a lot of time to do and required a lot of rhinestones---approximately 1500!!!!

My best friend is a breast cancer survivor. While cancer is no joking matter, when you have been diagnosed with it, sometimes you have to joke a little. She had hers first and then I was diagnosed with cancer "down there". We had to laugh at the time that we do everything together and that with her having top and me bottom that we're covered! Thankfully we have both had clear checkups since!

I really enjoy ~~candy~~ Halloween and normally I have a costume all planned and places to go for the entire Halloweekend. We have plenty of options for parties, but things have been hectic that I have no idea what we will be doing. (Things are in a state of flux because of some recent changes at the j-o-b. It's just a weird and stressful time, but it will pass.)

Anyway, if I end up needing a costume, I guess I'll dig something out of the attic. I am kicking myself because there was this full zip up chicken costume (white fuzzy, with hood, wings and feet!) that was marked down to 40 - which sounds like a lot, but wasn't compared to full price - and to add insult to injury there were two. Man, do I wish I had those. They were hilarious!

PS - thanks for the comments on ideas for my 6-year post and I'll cover what you suggested Tessie Rose and Manda Panda. Cat - I owe you a reply! : )

Oh no she didn't!

2011-10-25T10:03:00.000-05:00

Having to hit the "mark all as read" button really sucks, but now and then it has to happen. My ~~excuses~~ reasons:

I got behind, then more behind, then outta control behind.
Work. Nuff said on that. Other than: grrrrrrrr.
Rangers. Ya, I'm one of "those" fans. I'm jumping on the band wagon now that they're in the WS. Go Rangers!
I've been stressing about a lot of stuff. And, it was getting stupid. Stupid to the point that my unread list was adding stress. Ya, I told you it was stupid.

So, just not enough time. But I didn't want a big empty spot that in hindsight I might be wondering what was going on with me, so that's the scoop.

And in other boring news: I am just keeping up with my normal routine.

My buddy Dawyna mentioned to me that her one year bandiversary was coming up on Nov 16 (yipeee!) the date just sounded familiar to me for some reason. Uh, duh. I figured out why and it's pretty cool, we were banded on the same day! Six years for me is almost officially here. Most likely I'll do my normal yearly post (boring in my opinion at this point), so if anyone has questions, ideas, whatever on something for that post that would be great!

Review: Pirate's Booty

2011-10-21T10:34:00.000-05:00

Website

I've been a fan of the booty for quite some time. (ba-da bing!) Seriously, this snack is delicious and addictive. So it only enters the house on special occasions or in portion control bags which for me can also be dangerous.

Funny how the pirate just starts to call to me: "Come on! You know you want t' eat more o' this lovely treaaye. Yoo hoo, come eat me!"

So, hooks up on this one! Nothin' bad t' say. Thanks for t' free swag!

What be you waitin' for? Go get some!

To do my part to ensure that vendors continue to contribute to b00bs, I will now and then be doing some product reviews of the items that we received in the swag bags. We received the product for free and are not being compensated for our reviews---regardless this is a no fluff zone, so my opinion good or bad is also provided free of charge.

Review: Detour Lower Sugar Bar

2011-10-19T10:58:00.001-05:00

Website

To do my part to ensure that vendors continue to contribute to b00bs, I will now and then be doing some product reviews of the items that we received in the swag bags. We received the product for free and are not being compensated for our reviews---regardless this is a no fluff zone, so my opinion good or bad is also provided free of charge. :)

What I did like:

It is visually appealing (probably cause it looks like a candy bar)
It's lower in sugar (than the other bars) and doesn't have any Trans Fats or High Fructose Corn Syrup
The chewiness of it was pretty good.

What I didn't like so much:

The ingredient list is mind numbingly long. I didn't read them, but anything with a list that long is far from natural.
While it looks like a candy bar, I don't expect it to taste like one as it is a protein bar after all, but I didn't like the after taste.
It doesn't have Trans Fats, but it does have Saturated Fat (Boo).
Looking at the nutrient stats - it's just not very impressive.

Fluff Bottom Line: I'd eat it again if it was free, I was hungry, and there wasn't anything else handy. My guess is that the price point is high enough that I could find an alternate bar that I'd prefer.

Hittin' the TX Wineries

2011-10-17T12:11:00.001-05:00

The other weekend we went to Fredericksburg. It's a German town that is surrounded by a number of wineries. We decided to spend a few days there and check it out. By the time we arrived, there wasn't much time until our dinner reservation. The weather was beautiful, so we sat outside on the patio.

There was this big water feature throughout the patio area that had waterfalls and ponds full of fish. I spied what looked like a gumball machine, but when I looked closer it was fish food! Neat!

It was a perfect night and I didn't know that the next day it was supposed to be raining.

And, it did. There was not one person complaining though. The drought, while it should be great for the quality of the Texas wine for this year, hit the area hard. The peach trees didn't look so good and the ranches we passed on the drive down were so dry that they looked like they were clear cut.

I think we went to 7 or 8 wineries. The wine was pretty expensive, so I turned into a bit of wine snob and we held out only getting a few bottles that we could only get there and we both really loved.

I took pity on my husband and while we walked past a lot of shops, I only went into a few. My hunt for boots continues!

While I liked both of these, they are pretty limited use with my wardrobe. So, I passed on both.

It's a long drive, so after sleeping in and a very healthy breakfast, we hit the road back home.

Wellness Goals - 3rd Quarter Results

2011-10-12T12:58:00.000-05:00

This sums up the week so far:

Work has been eating my lunch. I had a fun weekend and miraculously took pictures, but I haven't had the time to mess with them. Eh, oh well, right?

I was curious where I was against my wellness goals before leaving for Chi and since it was essentially the end of the quarter, I went ahead and did them. So, of the 5 major goals I set for myself, I've completed 3 of the 5. I will hit the camp goal, but my revised running target might still be a miss. That's OK though. I'll take 4 of the 5. : )

I can't believe it, but I should start considering my wellness goals for next year! Change them? Keep them the same? I'll just add that to my growing to do list for now.

Wellness Goals - 3rd Quarter Results

1. Boot camps. Goal: 200 camps. Stretch Goal: 240.

So far: 176 camps
At the rate I am currently trending, I'll hit my goal! And, likely surpass it.

2. Training/Race Total Miles. ~~Goal: 416 miles. Stretch Goal: 520 miles.~~ Revised: 208 miles.

So far: 132.02 miles
I already knew I wasn't going to hit the original goal since I sidelined running pretty much entirely for the summer. Last quarter I had said I'd be happy if I hit 208 miles "ish" by the end of the year, but my running wasn't much this quarter. At this point, hitting my revised goal might be aggressive, but who knows.

3. Half Marathon(s). Goal: 1. Stretch Goal: 2.

So far: 1 - Goal completed. : ) ... stretch goal - remains a maybe, but thinking no.

4. 5K or other races such as obstacle races. Goal: 3. Stretch Goal: 5.

So far: 2 5K's and 1 obstacle - goal completed. : ) A couple maybe 5K's, an obstacle, trot, etc. so it's possible that I might hit my stretch here, but I'm good with just hitting the goal.

5. Calorie Burn. Goal: 130,000 Stretch Goal: 150,000 (note: this is only "dedicated" exercise)

So far: 130,036
Yep, this goal was set too low. I should easily hit the stretch goal and will need to revisit this one next year if I use it for setting my goals again.

2nd Quarter Results
1st Quarter Results
2011 Wellness Goals

Part 3: Free Time & Events

2011-10-05T09:46:00.000-05:00

Just a few highlights of what I did during free time. My main partners in crime - Angela and Island Bandit - this is such a great picture of both of them!

Shopping on Michigan Ave. My purchases - socks and a 20 buck sweater. Ya, not so impressive, but unless it was something I had to have I didn't want to deal with trying to get it home. I always love seeing the city. It's so clean and well maintained. While we were out and about they were working on all the median areas getting them all setup for fall. Love it!

Navy Pier where we rode the Ferris wheel! Thankfully while it was windy, the bucket(?) didn't move much so I was able to pretend it was no big deal. Well, other than cold!

View from the wheel.

China town - which I'm pretty sure all of us thought we could have skipped. But at least we can say we've been there.

The Bean!

Passing through the theater district.

Ramblings on planned activities...and the not so planned.

The best part of the drag show for me was when the MC wanted to become a B00b. I am so on board with a tranny b00b. I think it's hilarious! Ms Ohio was also a hoot with her glow sticks. **Thanks again, Barbara. You know what for. : )

My roomie Angela is a songbird! For real, the girl can sing. She belted it out at karaoke along with others after the drag show. I really got to know Read much better that night. LOVE her! ...might be kidnapping her. Seriously.

I went to dinner with Stephanie M, Stacy, LapBandGal, Island Bandit, and Angela. It was great spending time with all of them. The waitress was a bit daft. She kept forgetting orders, but repeatedly it was Stacy's who had Peps1 and pepperoni. I think she returned 4 times. Seriously, how hard is that?

I was nervous Friday night! I loved the meet and greet though. Again, the swag bag and the door prizes were awesome. Draz scored a Nan0 as one of the prizes and there was also a body bug!!!! Angela won the Nan0! (Angela also won the challenge! Congrats Angela!). I spent time getting to know Dawnya and more about her family. She is the sweetest. That night we went to the same karaoke bar we had been to on Thursday night, but it was packed. People went to various places, but my feet were killing me and I went back to the hotel. (Gilly - I have not forgotten. I just can't find the stupid thing. For the life of me, I don't know where it is or when I last saw it, but I'm not giving up!)

Saturday was shopping and vegging for me. Then getting ready for dinner Saturday night. The restaurant was awesome. Again, the planners hit a home run. I sat at a great table which allowed me to get to know Kristin and Grace. There was talk of going out, but then pretty much everyone ended up back at the hotel in a common area for PJ time. I put in a suggestion to the planners to consider making this an "official" event. For me, everyone just seemed more relaxed at this point and we really got to laugh and share. I think it was Joey who scored WINE as part of the swag. (Thanks Joey!) I brought my bottle down and proceeded to twist Catherine's arm to share it with me. It was great getting to know this banded star and she's a wonderful person and beautiful too! Want to talk about pressure? Imagine sending a sisterhood package to Catherine! : ) Man, there were a lot of clothes people brought! Hat tip to Jen S for all of her hard work on it. Go Jen!

Tessie Rose & Miss Vickie gave me one of the nicest (and funny) compliments. They said to me that they thought I was a party crasher and didn't believe that I was ever fat. Here's a link gals to one before pic. Much like Tessie Rose (I just think that's the cutest name and it fits Theresa perfectly that I am sticking with it. Love her hair!), I don't have many before pictures or ones that I do I am conveniently hiding behind people, etc.

Sunday Angela and I took off with Jacquie and Miss Vickie to head to the bean. It was a great opportunity for me to get to know both of them. Jacquie's daughter has picked up running and completed her first 10k! She's planning on doing the Princess, so we're all hoping to be able to find one another there. Miss Vickie - she's just a delight! She lights up speaking of her children and especially her grandkids. Um, she does not look like she should have any grandkids! I was relieved to hear that her dad is doing better and hearing about her trips that she has coming up. At the bean we parted ways as we needed to head back to the hotel.

I'm not listing 8 million things that I learned about so many gals! Everyone was absolutely great. If anyone is on the fence about joining in, as someone that was going for the first time this year and anonymous, I encourage you to go. : )

Part 2: The Ladies

2011-10-04T13:04:00.000-05:00

Wow! That's all I can say. As many have said, it was a bit overwhelming when we all got together, but definitely in a good way. It was so exciting to meet everyone in person! I did my best to at least say hi and identify my real self to everyone as I tend to be on the shy side. It's quite strange really, but being in a group of women makes me more shy(?) shyer(?). Regardless, you get the drift.

It certainly was a pleasure to meet everyone. This truly is a fantastic group. Here's a list to all of the blogs of the lovely ladies! (Thanks to Jenny, I'm even in the group photo. See me in the bottom left corner? Thanks Jenny! That's really awesome. )

Part 1: Thank You Planning Committee!!!!!!

2011-10-03T09:59:00.001-05:00

The planners knocked it out of the park! First, these gals did this for FREE on their own personal time. And, I could easily tell it took a lot of time and effort.

The entire event was extremely well planned and organized. The hotel was in a perfect location. It allowed us easy access to all parts of the city and the planned events were nearby...and a heck of a lot of fun!

They also contacted many vendors and put together a great swag bag. I'm still digging through the loot they contain like a little kid!

Lynda - Thanks for the cheat sheet, too!

So, to each and every one of you (and anyone else that helped out, sorry if I missed you!) a heart felt thank you.

What to do?

2011-09-26T17:52:00.000-05:00

I could:

But I really need a break. And, I deserve a break after 11 hours. I could:

I went this morning, but I could get an extra workout in tonight since my husband isn't home. It's a possibility, but if I do go I need to take it easy. I could:

This picture sums it up. It's official. I fail at being an early packer. Thursday morning here I come and pretty much whatever I can put together from my closet. Plus, I'd really like to go shopping in Chi anyway. Eh, I might as well just choose:

And, nope, I'm not a star. That's one of the things we do at camp and it's so hilarious that when I saw this I had to use it. We call them star jumping jacks. But I'm a dork, so when I am going up in the air like these guys (uh, I wish with that much air) I will say "I'm a star" out loud repeatedly. Hey, it takes my mind off of how much they suck and gives everyone around me a laugh...some even join in now and then.

And yes, this post is actually making me get out the door. Cause without it, I'd likely just:

I got nothing...

2011-09-23T11:21:00.001-05:00

Ya, the fact that I can't even come up with a title pretty much sums up my week. And here's a visual:

It's always possible that when I look back on this post a year from now that I will (hopefully) be thinking that I was getting all riled up about nothing...unfortunately right now, I do not think that will be the case. Oh well, it is what it is, right?

Other than ~~whining about~~ work and doing 7 camps with another one tomorrow. Um, let's just say that my husband will go if I go and leave it at that. I am just tired. Chicago? Continued fleeting thoughts that I should figure out if I have clothes to wear. But that's my plan for this weekend. *doorbell*

Things are looking up already! Nothing starts a weekend like a new pair of shoes...even if they are for running! Happy Weekend!

This and That Tuesday

2011-09-20T12:10:00.000-05:00

Originally New Balance told me that I wouldn't be able to get shoes until November. Imagine my surprise when NB contacted ME and let me know that my shoes were available to order. That is good customer service in my book!

My husband did his first bootcamp. He now understands why I always say there is no way I'd do the stuff that I do in camp on my own. He's out of town again, but may be back Wednesday night....I was teasing him saying that camp might be a deterrent and keep him out of town.

There is talk about doing a 6, 7, or 10 mile mud run next month. I am resisting the peer pressure. I'm not sure I'd have fun at a longer one. Me and another gal suggested a compromise for another run that is only 3.25 miles. Plus, you get a cape, a medal, and there's a FIRE obstacle. That sounds much better to me.

I'm hoping that family commitments for Thanksgiving will allow me to do the Turkey Trot. There's a 5K and an 8-mile run. I've done the 8-mile a few times and it has always been a blast. Plus, I'm planning on getting a new hat. I have 3 leaders at the moment. (Click image to make it bigger...I hope!)

Since I'm getting new shoes, I'm thinking I might get a new Road I D as well. If you don't have one and don't carry ID with you when you run, you should consider getting one. I have a medicine allergy that I want to be sure they know about if something were to happen to me.

And another safety item my husband taught me, on your phone you should put your contact person (for me my husband - you: spouse, partner, bff, whomever) listed as "ICE" - in case of emergency. Turns out that responders will look at your phone and this will help them immediately figure out who to contact.

Hmmmm, I normally make my oatmeal with almond milk. Today after the two camps yesterday and the one this morning, I was a bit of a zombie. I accidentally made it with skim milk instead. It doesn't taste as good.

At the rate I'm going, I will win the procrastinator award for getting ready for the trip. I get little flashes of panic when I read that people have new outfits, are packed, etc. now and then. But not to the point of action. Not to worry, this is quite normal for me.

Race Recap: Got Dirty, Had Fun, Did Go0d

2011-09-19T10:09:00.000-05:00

My goal for this mud run was to make it through (or over) all obstacles and have fun. I wasn't racing for time. But I did push myself. I started with a group of people, but two other people said to me that they wanted to pick up the pace, so I set off with them. We went through the course pushing ourselves through the run portions, but hit bottle necks at a few obstacles and at others would help people through them. (We just had a hard time passing and leaving people struggling right next to us!)

The course was 3.1 miles and had roughly 20 obstacles. While the obstacles were challenging, I think the run between obstacles was harder. It had rained heavily the night before and there had been multiple waves before mine. The course was a mud pit from start to finish. So running between the obstacles was entirely on mud. I swear the effort was like running uphill the entire time (oh and there were hills too! *sarcastic*) and keeping my footing was also challenging. Here's a map of the course:

MandaPanda guessed right and the Prison Sh0wer was a fire hose which they were nailing us with as we were crossing water about 2-3 feet deep. I am scared of heights...oh, and I don't swim either. Thankfully I'm tall, so the deepest water on me was chest height. But the cargo ladder, that was scary for me. I figure it was 15 feet high (but was probably more like 100). You climb up and over to go back down the other side. i was fine going up. Then I got to the top and had a tiny bit of a freak out inside (OMG, I am going to fall and die. I can't do this...etc.). But I was a bit committed (ha) at that point, so I just took a deep breath and got myself over and climbed down. The adrenalin made my legs a bit shaky, but once I started jogging again I felt OK.

Here's a shot of one of the obstacles crawling under barbed wire. While it appears to be water, don't let that fool you. That is pure thin stinky mud!

And here's a before and after. I donated my shoes and threw everything else away except my pants.

Things I learned:

I made it through and over all obstacles. :)
I need to figure out pants that I can also toss.
We passed lots of guys on the course, so it made us feel like we were doing well. And, in my defense of putting this bullet, a large percentage of those guys were pissed that they were being passed by "girls" (we heard them). *neener neener*...We finished 20 mins before our group.
The "showers" provided at the end were fire hoses and pretty much smelled like sewer water. *gross* There really isn't much alternative, but next time I will bring a big bucket of baby wipes.
Talking about those brain eating things in the water that have surfaced in Texas recently while in the water added a layer of excitement in freaking everyone out. *I did not bring it up!*
Woo hoo! Another item checked off my wellness goals for the year!
Mud runs are F-U-N! And, are definitely challenging. I'd do one again, but I'm not sure I'd be interested in a 6-10 miler.

NB Shoes

2011-09-16T09:49:00.000-05:00

For work or hanging out shoes I'll wear "normal" width shoes by buying a smaller size vs. narrow. I'm sure this would freak out a podiatrist, but narrow widths are limited and expensive.

But my running shoes are always the right width and size to ensure comfort (preservation of toe nails!), performance (the right shoes make you faster - in my mind they do), and prevent injuries as I am sure I'd compensate somehow for a bad fit which just can't be good. I tried so many shoes over the years and felt like Goldilocks until I landed on a particular New Balance shoe which was "just right". Nobody within a reasonable distance of me stocks narrow, so I always buy them online directly from NB.

Imagine my surprise when I went online and there are no narrow in any size. I called and spoke to New Balance and there won't be anymore produced until November. So my hunt ~~for a needle in a haystack~~ for a pair in stock at a store started. I've since called around to all the major running stores that were nice enough to also call around and no luck. *Sigh* Light bulb moment - I will be in another state the week after next!!! Maybe I can find a pair in Chicago!!!

Other things I'm ~~whining~~ thinking about:

Work stress just wears me out. It's funny how it makes me physically tired. I've got 5 bootcamps in for the week and tomorrow is the race. I'm really not feeling it, but I am going to suck it up and go. I'm sure I'll get caught up in it once I get there, it will be fun, and I'll be glad I did it. Plus, it's one of the things I had on my Wellness Goals for the year. Man, already almost time for 3rd quarter stats.
I've been thinking about my blog and how it's not really so band related anymore. Now and then I'll have a post when I am trying to give myself a kick in the butt, but my band is just there. What I realized is how great a resource my blog is for me, seeing how far I've come mentally/emotionally in addition to the weight loss, my own accountability to things like my wellness goals, venting and whining, and because of what I said in this post.
That's it's FRIDAY! Yippeeeee!!!!!!

Tenday

2011-09-13T12:17:00.002-05:00

Basically I'm swamped, but I wanted to get a few things down...

So, I went to this big fancy mall where I didn't find any jeans, but I did see a duck standing on a turtle. We stood there convinced this was a fluke until 10 mins later the duck was still on that turtle. Yep, the turtle was alive and at one point even moved around, but the duck just stayed right on top.

I went and saw Warri0r which I enjoyed, but it also hit close to home so was hard for me to watch in parts. After the movie, I said to my husband that I swore I missed my calling and that I really was supposed to be a U F C fighter. Well, if my pals at Group0n didn't hear me say that and what did I find and get? 10 real live boxing training sessions for cheap! ....The being hit, hitting someone, and the blood will prevent me from pursuing this second career. I'll stick with bags and mitts. : )
I also purchased a month of yoga and need to figure out when I can start and get the most sessions in.
I met up with Beth Ann and Angela. BTW - they look a-m-a-z-i-n-g!!!! It has been so exciting for me to watch their progress.
At our meeting place, there were lots of signs of fall! Um, too bad the weather this week is not fall-ish! (Today it's supposed to be 106!)

Angela was my lucky charm and I did find one pair of jeans...for cheap! Score!
And yes, a pair of shoes were also purchased. My husband's reaction to them - those are sexy. Perfect!
I made a scallop dish that turned out way better than I expected. : ) The sear was much better on my husband's plate, but his just didn't look as pretty.
The pris0n shower still doesn't have any more information, but it made for a fun conversation at bootcamp this morning with other people that are also doing the race and wondering.
The Hunger Game$ Trilogy is hard to put down!

Tenday...

2011-09-06T20:03:00.000-05:00

I made a slide show using pics of my friend's adorable little boy on his first day of kindergarten...to ~~terrorize~~ ply my bff with his adorableness to buy some cookies for a school fundraiser. Uh yah, one week in and already a fundraiser. Good thing he's a cute kid. He said to me: "But Fluffy, I really really NEED an air horn!" D-I-E

Two boxes of cookies later. *SIGH* At least they are pre-portioned and frozen and not here yet. Strangely this worked for me the last time I ~~was suckered into~~ supported a school fundraiser.

They didn't have sugar cookies. Which would have come in super handy for the holidays. Oh wait, I'm guessing there will likely be another opportunity...snort.

There are roughly 115ish days left in the rest of the year. I ~~will~~ should be thinking between now and when it hits 100 days left of some year-end goals.

I have a cleaning crew coming to my house for a one-time-top-to-bottom clean.Ya, I'm that lazy and ya there are that many cobwebs and dusty baseboards.

My husband thinks we should have a cleaner come in every other week. I guess he really does hate vacuuming that much...or thinks that my ability to clean a house is really that bad.

My husband is out of town. I'm feeling lonely. Good thing those cookies aren't here yet.

In 11 days, I have the Jailbreak. There's mud, rope ladders, hurdles, "river" run, prison shower...Uh, what the hell is that? I looked on the course map and that's all it says "prison shower". Please don't tell me we have to get naked and do some of the course wearing only soap on a rope...If so, I will be skipping that...and taking pictures.

I still need to get a pair of jeans for Chi...well, I can't just wear a pair of jeans - I don't think I'd get past T S A - so I need to figure out some outfits.

I'd like these boots. Ya, 'spensive, but they will last forever! I could always be cremated in them. Hmmm, tempting position on why I need these boots for the husband.

Ladders

2011-09-05T08:17:00.000-05:00

Bootcamp today...LADDERS! Narrated with comments and cheesy graphics and everything...by me!
So a ladder ~~is something you step on to get to things you can't reach~~ a progression of reps up and then back down. It looks like ----->
Here's what we did with an added bonus of the "break" that you take between each ladder rep completion....It's really not important, but (1) I actually remembered ~~the torture~~ what we did which was a miracle and (2) I got a bit carried away with the graphics.

Ladder Exercises

Pushups
Full squats (Thighs don't hit calves = trainer yell fest)
Johnny C's (Elbows remained in tact! Gotta celebrate the small stuff, right?)

"Break" 1

200 yard sprint (you call that a sprint???)

"Break" 2

Jumping burpee for 15 yards
Skip lunge for 15 yards
High knees for 15 yards (get those knees up people!)
Oh now go back from whence you came and live the joy again to get back to the starting point - translation - repeat 3, 2, and 1 and do the next ladder.

Part way through I felt like this:

Then like this:

And toward the end, my legs felt like this:

But ultimately I felt like this:

Cause I finished? NOPE. Cause next round my husband is doing bootcamp with me! (I think he's a bit scared. Ok, I'm just telling myself that cause it's fun.) Before he signed up, I said that it was my time - ya, I know it sounds harsh - but I wasn't "momming" him to go. And, that I didn't think the mornings would work for him if he's honest with himself (he sucks at getting up as in seriously sucks hits the snooze 8 zillion times and his work schedule has many meetings that start at 7).

So, we landed on me going in the morning like I usually do, but that I will also go 3 nights a week with him as well. Uh yah, that's 8 camps a week. With the heat, I've been sticking to 5-6. It's STILL 100+ every day, but this morning it was 68 degrees! While I was training for my half, I was doing 7 camps with my long run on the weekend. So, I figure I should be OK and who knows it might even get me interested in considering another half this year. Oh well, it's only a month and Chi is in the mix which will cut bootcamp down that week.Here's to a continued cool down!

Please Send "The Fairy"

2011-09-04T15:47:00.000-05:00

My husband unexpectedly was out of town today, so I found myself at loose ends. I did a bunch of housework and knocked out the grocery shopping. Then I figured that I had procrastinated enough and I might as well go check out the sales in an effort to get a few "real" clothes. Yah, I really hate shopping for myself that much and my summer clothes aren't going to cut it through fall/winter and my trip to Chi.

Off to the mall. I wasn't looking for work clothes as my current wardrobe *ahem* tshirts and shorts will be fine as long as I get to continue to work from home. I was on a hunt for casual hanging out / weekend wear. Specifically jeans.

I was convinced that a certain store would have some jeans so that was my first stop. I haven't tried any on in a long time and the few pairs I do have are too big. I'm pretty sure I was wandering around the store looking lost. This young gal came up and asked me if I wanted some help. I told her that I was looking for jeans and had no idea what I wanted. She offered to help me find a bunch of styles to try on. Great! So, she asks me what size I am and I seriously started to mumble about how I'm not sure, etc. She said, well what about the shorts that you have on. What size are those? I tell her and I blushed with embarrassment! As in full on felt my face get hot red. Unbelievable! Well, and embarrassing! Even as I type this I'm not sure why I was embarrassed and am going to have to think on that more.

I did try on the 8 or so pairs of jeans, but I was Go1dilocks. There was something wrong with each pair, but unfortunately didn't find the pair that was "just right" either *sigh*. I left that store and did walk into a few others, but I didn't see anything that I liked and was pretty much out of the mood of trying anything on at that point. So, if you know the jeans fairy - or are convinced that you know THE brand of jeans to try - please send me an email and let me know the brand.

***OMG - This is exactly why I blog. I think I was embarrassed because in my head I'm thinking she's responding with *snort* uh huh sure you are that size. AND, then what if she brings me that size and then they ARE too small *horror*. Because I'm shocked that I fit in the size I do. Anyway, there's some pretty warped projection dysmorphia crap going on there, but at least it's some nugget to ponder.

I can't remember if I blogged about this when it happened, but a few months ago I went to a going away party for one of my husband's friends. There were about 14 couples. I knew the wife of the guy that is my husband's friend and one other wife. I had stressed about what I was going to wear and ended up wearing my white capris (in picture), a fitted top with some *bling* stuff on it, and heels.

Anyway, later in the night after a number of the ~~stepford~~ wives had a lot to drink were talking about shopping and/or dieting. I can't remember exactly what they were talking about except that one of them made a comment to me that was "oh, well I'm sure you are a size zero" AND something about white pants (not said in a flattering way either). And, I was embarrassed then too. I was also totally speechless. I mean really, what do you say to that? (My husband leaned over and meowed and said wow, that was bitchy.)

Hell, I don't know where I am going with this. I am going to publish it though as it will likely keep in on my mind on some level to think about it some more. I don't think I'll be doing anymore shopping this weekend though! Go figure it could bring up so much crap for me. Anyway, off to figure out something to do for the evening...

Fun Times in Maintenance

2011-09-01T12:24:00.001-05:00

Every now and then I think about getting a fill. And recently I've had fleeting thoughts about it. But over the years I've noticed some general themes are usually surfacing when the thought does come to mind for me:

My stress level may be much higher than normal.
I may not be generally making healthy food choices. (Eating more crap which can also include increased adult beverages.)
My healthy food choices may not be ones that satisfy my hunger.
My portions may be off which is usually attributable to eating slider foods.
My exercise routine may be disrupted.

People may disagree, but a fill isn't going to address any of these things. In fact, I believe that it could possibly make the situation worse for me as it could limit the healthy choices that I do have.

Note: Keep in mind I am in maintenance. While I think being tight to the point that eating 1/2 - 3/4 cup-ish of food is not possible is not good, that's me and my opinion. Everyone's journey is different and everyone should take anything they read on a blog with a grain of salt. Ultimately, I encourage everyone to reflect and be honest with yourself and your doctor to figure out what is in YOUR best interest to get to goal...and to stay there.

And when I dig really really deep...and am super duper honest, which is really hard!, about thinking about a fill...I think the desire is really about fear and control. Fear that I will start backtracking. Fear of failure. Fear of regain. Feeling "out of control" on other things, so a fill will give me some control. *sigh* But I really do have control over all the things that I've listed. I don't need a fill for that. What I need to do is:

Remember that stressing about stuff that is not under my control is just plain silly.
Choose mainly healthy food choices. I feel better and have more energy when I do.
Aim for balance in the healthy food choices---protein, fruits, veggies, fiber, etc.
Sliders are a fancy way of saying crap food for me. Crap food is OK now and then. But it needs to be less "now".
Exercise. (git-r-done). I'm important. I'm a priority. It helps with stress and makes me feel good. (Ha - today it sounds like I'm channeling the "you like me" 0scar speech.)

So nothing psycho Fluffy, just a little bit more focus. You're stressed, sleeping like crap, and tired. Be kind to yourself. BTW - You do not need to stand on the scale either...just sayin'.

B00Bs 2011 Fun Facts!

2011-08-30T17:08:00.000-05:00

How did you pick your blog name?
I can't really remember at this point, but I used to say to my bff that I'm not fat, I'm fluffy. Followed by yes, I am in denial, but I'm not ready to do anything about it...yet.

When did you start blogging?
October 9, 2005. With this post. I just read it again and boy was I sad.

Theme of blog (weight loss, family, circus clowns, sci-fi, erotica, fly fishing, doll collecting, star wars, etc)
My journey with the lapband...but at this point it's a bit all over the place, but I continue to blog on whatever strikes my fancy to keep some focus and accountability and also in the hopes that it helps document long-term success or *something* of value to other banded people or people considering it.

Did you go to BOOBs 2010?
Nope, but I saw how much fun everyone had and figured this year, why not?

When were you banded?
Surgery Date: November 16, 2005

How much have you lost?
105 lbs

What are you most looking forward to at BOOBs?
Meeting everyone, ~~my first drink or twenty~~, hanging out, no deadlines, no commitments, just F-U-N!

What/who do you hope to find/see/accomplish at BOOBs 2011?
Just to meet as many people as I can and booze it up with the b00bs. (Man, I sound like a lush!)

Children? Pets?
No and a cat.

Who is your roomie?
Angela @ Repair and Renovation

What day do you arrive?
Thursday evening.

What airport/flight/time?
O'hare....um, not sure. I remember seeing something about my flight changing. I better take a look at that.

What events are you signed up for?
Thursday night drag show which I got confused with the Sec0nd City show on Friday, meet-n-greet, and the dinner (Hmmm, did I miss it and I was supposed to pay? If so, please yell at me pronto!) so I'm in for that currently as well. I haven't committed to any of the day time activities as I am just going with the flow. Because I am afraid that I will stay out too late and might even be a tad bit hungover.

Hobbies?
I can't think of anything that I would qualify as a "hobby"----'cause the work makes me think of dedicated stuff like scrap booking, photography, etc. Yep, I'm a loser. : )

Single? Married? In a relationship?
Told by husband that at times I still act single (whatever that means), but technically married. Funny tidbit: my husband would say quite frequently "get off my ball sack". Bad call on his part, it is now one of my most favorite things to say to him. Feel free to try it out, the first time I guarantee it will be hilarious (oh, but please tell me about it in Chi!)..... Most likely the reaction will kinda be like this:

Your birthday month?
December

What do you want other BOOBs to know about you?
I put together this cheat sheet in a blog post with other random ~~crap~~ info. It's not very exciting or very personal, but I'm hoping to remedy the personal part in Chi! I am really looking forward to meeting everyone...you can find me cause I'll be wearing one of these:

Git-r-Done

2011-08-24T14:15:00.000-05:00

Truth be told, there are things that I do not like about exercise. *gasp* Yep, I said it. Do Not Like. Weights and intervals are hard. I could half a$$ weights, but why even bother then? Intervals. They suck even more. Nuff said. My slogan is that I'm not built for speed. (And, yes that just smacks of excuse, doesn't it?)

I was thinking a lot about this at camp this morning while I was cussing my way through intervals and thought I'd note down some of my thoughts:

Man, I #)(@*#$)($* hate intervals!
Evil (hot) Trainer: "Pick it up Fluffy. I know you hate intervals." Fluffy : "Hey, a$$hat, thanks for calling me out in front of 40 people. How about you come over here and let me chase you? Until I catch you and beat you a bit...or a lot"
O-M-G! We still aren't done.
Excuuuuussseee me? Stair intervals today.&(@#*$&(&# (The stairs are a quarter mile away. Sure, let's just jog right on over!)
It's )(@#*$)@#*$ hot.
How you liking that crap eating from this past weekend NOW, Fluffy?
Evil (hot) Trainer: "Good job Fluffy. I know you hate intervals, but I'm here to make you do stuff you don't like." Fluffy: "Ya, but it doesn't make me want to kill you any less while I'm doing it." (Yep, told him that. He laughed and knows I'm joking...kinda sorta)
Other variations on the same have been said all week and will continue for the remainder. Oh yes, it's intervals all week. 400m sprints anyone? (Oh not to worry. It's "only" 3x400; 3x200; 3x100. #@&*^$*^)

So what keeps me going?

No excuses. It's hard for me to come up with a really valid excuse at 5am vs. the plethora I can come up with at other times of the day. Oh ya, I can rationalize day time excuses like a champ!
There's crap I just don't like, but I have to do to progress my fitness level. It's just a fact. I bitch, but I just do it (tee hee---n-ike). I focus on the benefits and get over it---while cussing my way through : )
Things I do not like, I will not do on my own. I might have good intentions, but I won't push myself the way I do at camp. So I have to find a group activity where it's included and I am forced to do it.
How my body has changed!

So I keep on going and I channel my inner Larry the Cab1e guy and I just git-r-done.

Again?!

2011-08-22T14:00:00.000-05:00

I was watching a movie with my husband when we heard this huge pop. We both said something about it, but didn't think much of it. Until about 10 minutes later when we both smelled smoke!

We both started running. My husband to the garage to get the fire extinguisher (seriously, twice in ONE weekend?!) and me upstairs to try and locate where the smoke smell was coming from. I assumed it was going to be upstairs again. We could find nussing upstairs, so I ran downstairs and into the kitchen.

Imagine my surprise when I see a pot on the stove to remember that I was boiling a couple eggs for my husband to take for breakfast the next day. Ooopsie! That pop? Yep, exploding eggs. I wish I would have taken a picture of the carnage. It was quite a sight, but I was a little frazzled at the time.

This was definitely my fault, and nope not cause I had too many C0r0nas, I'm just preoccupied and it's getting me into trouble. Amazingly, the pot survived the abuse. Go figure.

In band news: This past weekend was not one of stellar healthy food choices---the balance was definitely off...let's say 75% unhealthy (yikes!). One weekend won't kill me, but it certainly doesn't make me feel good either. I feel fat and bloated. Remember this feeling Fluffy!

It's not so much the crap eating that bothers me. It is that a lot of this eating was mindless and emotional. So, I'm a bit frustrated with myself. I'm not dwelling on it, but I need to recognize that some old behaviors surfaced. *grrrr* Here's to moving on and getting the balance back the other way to more healthy choices to not!

Really?!

2011-08-21T12:02:00.000-05:00

This weekend has been pretty exciting. I spent a lot of time with my friend:

Did some of this:

Source

Had a great meal...Oh, and a couple of these:

Shopped some of the summer clearance sales and found these:

And, did I mention this?

Um, ya there was a wee bit of a situation in the attic. No telling what happened (supposedly) other than the source of the small fire was these wires. Good news: everyone is safe, fire was very very small, and everything is back in working order. So after all this unplanned excitement, there will now be a lot of this:

I am officially ignoring tomorrow is Monday. Cheers!

Beat Down Week

2011-08-19T09:53:00.001-05:00

I'm not going to lie. This week has really beat me down and I'm worn out. I'm just at a super high stress level and when I am it leads to a bunch of other stupid thoughts. I have learned though THE BEST way to control eating. My secret? Just have a TMJ flare up to the point that your jaw hurts so much that you can't chew! To help alleviate this, I've been asked to wear my guard all the time that I can and to reduce my stress (duh). It's clear and really unnoticeable until I talk and sound like I have a bit of a lisp, but still quite lovely. I kinda wish it was neon and glowed though. I just think it'd lead to some entertaining looks and who knows what people would say.

What have I done to manage the stress?

Verbalized it to my husband. It's not really talking because I don't have enough information to talk at this point vs. just to say "I'm feeling super stressed". But for me, this is progress. Historically I have always internalized (or hidden from) my feelings.
Went to camp as planned...every. single. day. I'll tell you it was a struggle. My sleep has sucked and I have a bad case of the don't wannas, but I knew the exercise would help me, so I dragged my a$$ there. Sometimes it just comes to that. Alarm goes off and it would be oh so easy to hit snooze or set it to a later time, but nope. Get up and get out!
I have been tossing around the idea of running another half this year. For now, I've decided that training for it would just add to my stress and I'd probably not enjoy it with where my head is at currently. There's still plenty of time to make a final decision, but now is not the right time. (If there are any other b00bs training for a half in December, please let me know. I figure if I am I might need to do a 7-8 mile run while in Chi....*cough* hangover permitting. I like to plan ahead.)
Made healthy choices. Having to eat soft foods/liquids is not my preferred method. I get the most satisfaction from eating "real" food and my bandster portions. To help, I went to the store and got a selection of soups that sounded good and some new flavors of yogurt. It's restaurant week here in Dallas, we're going to a fancy restaurant tonight so I'm hoping that all this babying of my stupid jaw will pay off and I'll be able to eat something!

So yah, some other crap has surfaced as well. Stuff that intellectually I know is stupid and it's just anxiety, will be fine, etc. I figured I'd throw them out here regardless in case there are other b00bs that *might* be having some similar thoughts...

I saw on a few blogs "formal night" and getting clothes to wear. I saw that and my reaction was "whhhaaaaatttt?". Started thinking, hell I've got nothing to wear and it could still be 123 degrees here when I leave for Chi, but who knows what the temp will be there. What will I wear? etc. etc. Eh, I'll figure it out. I just repeat to myself that it's a great opportunity for shoes and it brings comfort to me. ;)
My blog doesn't really contain much personal information other than about this journey. I start thinking things like "whoa, nobody is going to know me" and other thoughts on that same theme. Yes, stupid. I will just have to make sure that I introduce myself and to force myself to reach out to people (it's kinda like that feeling thing).
And last, but not least, .... come on - somebody must also be thinking some of these same things! ---- I'm seen live and in person and I start wondering what the gals will think. "She could still stand to lose a few" "There's no way she weighs what she says she does" "She doesn't look that fit" "She's not as 'small' as I thought she'd be"....yep, I recognize these are MY insecurities surfacing and there may be only 1 or 2 people that think any of these things (seriously joking), but even if there is. Oh well, out of my control. It is what it is.

And yet, with all these thoughts, I look forward to meeting as many of you as I can. That's a good thing. : )

Changes and Stressors

2011-08-17T10:21:00.000-05:00

How many of you remember that TV test pattern? Man, I'm old! And ya, you are too if you remember it! Just sayin'. : P

Anyway, this is me at the moment:

Source

So this is my blog test pattern for myself. I need to read this and repeat to interrupt some of my stress.

Change is good. It could be a great opportunity.
Things could always be worse.
Worry about what is within my control/sphere of influence. Whatever else is what it is.
It's only a job. And, I am very fortunate to have a job.

Instead I will focus on:

Sticking to my routine! Continue to exercise and make healthy choices. I feel healthy and strong from doing both which makes me feel good physically and mentally.
My husband and friends are supportive and can help me manage my stress IF I talk to them. Do not disengage.

That is all. Oh wait, I think it's: You will now be returned to your regular programming...

BYOC

2011-08-12T09:15:00.000-05:00

Reasons why today is a better day:

It's Friday!!! I am giddy about it just like that bunny.

It didn't hit 100 yesterday! But unfortunately while it looked like it was going to storm, none of the wet stuff actually made it to the ground where I live. There's some projected storm activity, so hopefully some rain will come.

My shoes arrived. : ) From a l0ft ad: "The simplest outfit can be elevated to an unforgettable look with the right pair of shoes." Nuff said.

YOU! Sometimes it helps me just to vent out my blah's and it helps, but your comments helped even more! Thank you for that and I can't wait to meet you guys in Chicago! I'm still holding out that some people that aren't able to come somehow figure out a way to make it happen.

BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy – 5 questions you can copy and paste to your own blog if you so desire – in an effort to get to know your fellow bloggers better and to give your blog brain a break!

1. I have to do some MAJOR cleaning tonight…which is prompting me to ask…what is the absolute worst thing you hate to clean or cleaning chore you hate the most? (vacuuming, dusting, laundry, toilets, floors, etc.)
Garbage. It's stupid, but I just hate taking out the garbage. It was really the deciding factor in me getting married. Hmmm, should I marry him....Hell ya, he can take out the garbage! Unfortunately, my plan has not worked as well as I hoped as he travels a lot and "conveniently" the timing frequently is on the day that trash needs to be done.

2. Brown or Black? Fly or Drive? Hot dog or Burger? Gold or Silver?
Brown or Black - No preference.
Fly or Drive - whichever one gets me there quicker.
Hot dog or Burger - depends on my mood.
Gold or Silver - White gold or platinum please.

4. Even if you don’t have kids, how do you feel about kids in multiple sports during their school years? Were you in MULTIPLE sports all during school? Forced or by choice?

I like what I have seen friends do. They don't discourage their kids, but many have a rule that you can only have one sport a season. Kids choice.

I played soccer year round from essentially the time I was born...ok, well almost. During high school, I also played whatever sport was also going on. So, soccer and volleyball if that was the season, then soccer and basketball, etc. I was a sports dork.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.

People have been hitting goal weights, great loses, and struggles and challenges with the journey. Ultimately though, everyone takes time to be supportive of one another in celebrating or supporting. It's great....there has been nussing else that I can thing of at the moment. ; )

Real life - I've had a rough week, but that's life. And, ultimately the things that were rough when put into perspective are nothing to get my panties in a wad about. I am very fortunate. Now and then that perspective gets interrupted with small stuff and I forget about the bigger picture. I had a talk with myself about that and gave myself a swift kick in the a$$. Perspective is back in place.

Yeeeooowwchhh!

2011-08-11T09:12:00.000-05:00

There's this exercise at my boot camp it's called a "johnny c". I tried to find an example, but I'm not sure if it is technically called that or if I spelled it correctly, or it's just something the sadists made up (don't think so) because I couldn't find anything.

Anyway, it's an elbows and toes plank (also referred to as a forearm plank) and then you put one hand where your elbow was and repeat with the other arm (you are now in a push up plank position) and then you go back down one arm at a time. The goal is to hold your plank form and not have your hips sway. Repeat this 8 zillion times as quickly as you can while maintaining form. So I'm plugging away and somehow I peeled a nickel size piece of skin off one of my elbows....dry skin and this exercise do not mix. Learn from me, apply lotion.

To add insult to injury, I seriously thought today was Friday. As in the entire bootcamp this morning, I was telling myself that it was Friday as a motivation trick. Then it was pointed out to me that it's not. Husband is out of town and it's garbage day. Garbage is not out. Work has highs and lows. Right now it's a low...I'm grumpy. I now banish the grumpiness into the universe and outta me!

Cause I'm not any less...

2011-08-10T16:23:00.000-05:00

Source

Of a shoe whore than the rest of you, I thought I *might* share another site in addition to the one that Stephanie and Draz frequent. First some musings from my shoe closet courtesy of some pretty funny chats with my husband.

Husband: So that looks like another pair of black shoes. Fluffy: Yes, they are black, but that's pretty much all they have in common with the rest of my black shoes. These can only be worn with certain outfits just like the other ones can only be worn with certain outfits. Husband: *eye roll*
Fluffy: I buy a pair of shoes, but I have to go to an event with the husband (his event) so I figure I can escape unscathed. Husband: I like that outfit. I really like those shoes. I haven't seen those before, have I? Fluffy: Nope, I got them today so I'd look nice to go to your event. Husband: Well, you look really nice. Fluffy inside her head: diabolical bunny tee hee
Husband: I just don't understand why you have so many shoes. Look at mine. I have black, brown...or whatever he said after that as I tuned him out.... Fluffy: Well, I have to have shoes in other colors beside black/brown and shoes for the season---like boots and a whole list of reasons if you want me to keep listing them. Husband: No. But don't think that once your shelves fill up that you are moving over to my side of the closet. Fluffy: Don't you worry your pretty little head. (Ya, I whip that one out now and then on him. And, I can always find room for another pair of shoes. The out of season ones either get boxed up and put on a higher shelf to be swapped out or off to donation!)
My fall back tactic is to always get pairs that I know he'll like. It's when I get ones that he doesn't that I tend to get on shaky ground. These boots here and here are good examples of success stories.
The ultimate happened this weekend though. We were watching that Adam Sand1er/Jennifer Anist0n movie (can't think of the name, but it was a cute movie) in the movie he takes her shopping. Fluffy: OMG, I looooooovvvee those shoes. Husband: You like those?!....How much were they? Fluffy: $1700 Husband: For ONE pair of shoes?! Fluffy: See, it could be much much worse than it is for you.

Oh yah, the site. It's...man, what was it? Oh, I'm kidding. It's: t i l l y s dot com. Seriously, check it out, but if it causes any marital/partner issues this is my disclaimer that I am not responsible for the number of shoes you are likely going to love and respond out loud, by yourself, to your computer, "OMG, these shoes are only how much? I must have them!"....this may have happened to me just the other day when I might have purchased a pair. Now, go forth and shoe shop!....are my new shoes here yet?

Aarrrggghhh!

2011-08-09T16:07:00.000-05:00

No, I'm not a pirate. I'm just getting irritated at this weather! I am trying to make a tough decision, but until the heat shows some hope of breaking I can't get myself over the hump to commit!

Why yes, the sun is sporting a different mustache or beard, so click the picture to truly appreciate them! Blame my craziness on the heat!

Fast as a bunny...not so much

2011-08-08T08:51:00.000-05:00

My race tactic was I-don't-wanna-be-a-hot-weather-statistic-on-the-side-of-the-road approach. Regardless it is still a struggle for me to go "backwards" and have a race time several minutes slower than I know I am capable of. Yes, it's stupid, but that's my perfectionism that I've also been working on as part of this journey.

Here's my race summary:

Man, my back is sore. Uh huh, not sore enough. You're fine.
Is this outfit going to be cool enough? Um, unless naked is an option. Yes.
It's f-ing hot (92 degrees)! No $hit sherlock.
Let's get this thing started already.
Oh hell, it's starting.
Great. There's some people I know and I have crazy hair.
Is it over yet?
Oh look, they changed the course from last year.
Oh look, they changed the )@(#*$)@(* course from last year to have a lot of inclines.
Good grief, it's hot.
Oooo, out and back! Nice! Hey, you over there, I'm fast...like a rabbit!!!

Heck, three quarters of a mile left. Turn it on and let's get this over with!
WOO HOOO! No speed record set, but it doesn't matter. I finished.

If I post a goal on my blog it makes me accountable. It's like a promise to myself and also in a way to "all these people" that may be reading. It's just something that I found works for me. When the thought of bailing on something surfaces, I then have two options:

I'm not going to do it and I will have to explain why. And, sometimes this is OK, but it makes me think through why to figure out if the reasons are valid for me (if I were to read them, are they excuses or reasons?). A good example is when I decided earlier this year that I h-a-t-e running in hot weather and changed my mileage goal for the year. Hating something is a good reason in my book.
Then there's the other side of the coin. Bailing on a goal for me is hard enough, but doing so with reasons that I feel are lame just doesn't work. So, that's enough to keep me going. This was Saturday's race.

Thanks to everyone out there for the encouragement. I do appreciate it greatly.

Next up for me is an obstacle course race - The Jai1break. Dang it! Now I have to do it! I joke...kinda :)

No Excuses!

2011-08-05T09:10:00.000-05:00

I have a race tomorrow. Here's a list of some of the reasons why I shouldn't do the race.

My friend bailed and is no longer doing it with me.
It's hot.
My husband has said to me that I don't have to do the race if I don't want to. Translation - he won't be mad if I just skip it and the registration fee is forfeited.
It's really hot.
My back is still sore.

Now for the reasons why I should do the race:

While my friend isn't going, we weren't going to be together once the race starts anyway. Bottom line: this is just an excuse. I need to get over it.
It's hot. Sure it's hot, but it's not as hot as later in the day and I have been doing bootcamps in this heat the entire summer. A 5K is much easier than a bootcamp for me. Bottom line: this is just an excuse. I need to get over it.
Married life has been a huge adjustment for both me and my husband, but we have both been putting in a lot of effort. That effort though has paid off ten fold. He's my biggest fan and supporter. Bottom line: this is very supportive of my husband, but I can't use it as an excuse. I need to get over it.
While my back is sore, it's doing much better. Plus, it doesn't hurt when I jog. Bottom line. This is just an excuse.I won't be hitting my 27 min pace and need to take it easy ignoring my pace (plus it's hot!) and I just need to get over it.
I am a racing shirt phobia person. I won't be able to wear the shirt if I don't do the race.

Bottom line: No excuses. I'm over it and I will be doing the race. Suck it up buttercup!

Buttercup P0wepuff Girl

Fluffy Cheat Sheet

2011-08-04T07:37:00.000-05:00

Hi again! I thought I'd do a post for B00BS out there about me. A summary, if you will, because it's pretty hard with my anonymity to get to "know me", but hopefully this helps a bit. So, here goes...

I'm 42, but will be knocking on the door of 43 when we are in Chicago.
I was banded November 16, 2005 with a starting weight of 234. You can see other stats over on the sidebar.
I have a Lap Band - 4cc with a low profile port.
I was self-pay.
Depending on how you choose to interpret my "goal" weight, I've been at my goal weight for over 4 years.
If you go to this post - you will find a good summary of my journey on my five year anniversary.
I started out my journey single, but am now married - related post - pictures on this post
I ran a half marathon.
I set wellness goals and am pretty much an outdoor bootcamp freak.
I divorced the scale.
Before & After - a glimpse anyway and headless, but I'll see if I can find a couple before pictures and put them on my phone as the changes in my face are pretty drastic.
I'm very directionally challenged. Please take pity on me if you see me aimlessly staring around with a puzzled look on my face and drag me to where we are supposed to be.
I absolutely love to shop for clothes for other people! Just ask Beth Ann! So, if you are looking for someone to go with you and be a personal shopper (picking out 8 zillion things for you to try on and sending you to the dressing room), give me a shout.
Angela and I are arriving Thursday evening. If you are too, please let me know.
How can you find me? I'll be the one in the bunny costume. Ha, you just never know!

Can't wait to meet everyone!

Searches & Poop!

2011-08-03T11:02:00.000-05:00

O-M-G! I have read on blogs about searches and the funny things that are used. I figured what the heck, I'm going to go see what is there. So I did and busted out laughing. As in laughing so hard that I snorted!

I don't know how there are so many POOP references, so if you're reading Draz, continue with caution!

how can i easy my bowel movement?
fluff panties
why does it look like there's fluff on my stool
3 legged stool analogy

Not kidding you.

Sorry Draz. : )

B.O.D!

2011-08-02T08:01:00.000-05:00

Hi! Gulp. Yep, I really am shy in addition to be anonymous! Funny thing is that work people would not use shy to characterize me. But I am. So, just like many of you, going to Chicago is a bit stressful! Don't get me wrong, I am looking forward to meeting everyone, but it's definitely an adventure out of my comfort zone. I just thought I'd share so that those of you that are feeling the same way know I am too!

Will I survive? Sure.
Will I meet tons of super awesome people? You bet!
Will I end up having a great time? Yep!
[Will I likely be a "drunk" one? Uh, Yep!]

But for anyone that's shy about being the first one to order an adult beverage, just find me! Cause I will be the first one in line and not shy about that! : ) Hey, a little liquid courage takes the edge off a bit.

Thanks Angela (my roomie!) and Draz for the nice words. I have kept my journey private. Outside of other people with the band that I have met, there are only a handful of people that know (about 6). I look forward to meeting you guys, but please know that if I duck from pictures that it's not personal!

Ouuchhhh!!

2011-08-01T11:03:00.000-05:00

Because of this:


Back Pain

I spent a lot of time this weekend doing this:

Even though it's hot for most people's standards in the morning here, right now it feels like heaven to me. I spent a lot of time in a reclining lounge chair reading and looking at:

I figured after the weekend of resting that this morning I could go to bootcamp. I trust the trainer a lot. He has a degree and a zillion certifications as well as working at a very prestigious and reputable facility outside of the camps he leads. I told him when I got there this morning that my back was bothering me, I had thrown it out a few years ago, and sporadically comes up now and then. He gave me alternate things to do where needed and I spent extra time after camp with some additional stretching. I do feel loosened up, but not better. He suggested only 3 camps this week, so I'm going to listen to his advice. The good news, I had to take today as a sick day because I can't concentrate for long on muscle relaxers. Proof: This short post has been in the works for over 3 hours now. : )

I heart this stuff!

2011-07-29T08:07:00.000-05:00

http://www.nobrew.com/

After 897923 days of 100+ weather (OK, but I think today might be 30 days in a row!), hot coffee or tea is a bit hard to drink. Enter iced coffee. But not just any iced coffee, but cold dripped New Orleans style. Sure, I could get my own chicory coffee and make my own cold brewed coffee, but for those of you that don't know, I'm l-a-z-y. Seriously, no joke.

Plus I have rationalized the heck out of the expense. I'd have to get the coffee and spend time making it. shudder. When I calculate that (bet you didn't know that my time is worth 5 bucks a minute, huh?) this stuff is a bargain! And don't forget, this stuff is from New Orleans. I'm sure a real cajun even brews it!

Depending on the strength you like, it's a 1 part of the coffee to 2 to 3 parts of water or water/milk or milk. Personally, I use water/milk with some blue sweetener, throw in some ice and voila! Pure cold coffee yumminess!

What? You need more reasons??? Throw this stuff in a blender, some fake sweetener of your choice, and blend away and you have a frap...add some vanilla and you have a vanilla frap...add some cocoa and you have a mocha...you can even slide in some protein powder if ya wanna! The possibilities are endless.

So, hurry out and get some! I can find it at Whole Paycheck, but if you can't locate it ask your local store to get some stat or order it online.

PS. I have no affiliation with this stuff at all. I just think it's great.

PSII or PSS or whatever - I broke my Star bucks habit by getting my Keurig...so far this newly developed habit has remained under the radar from the husband....cause I do the shopping! : )

No, I'm really not crazy.

2011-07-27T08:22:00.000-05:00

I have a lot of talks with myself in my head, but sometimes out loud. It can go kinda like this:

Can I eat more of that? Yes, but I shouldn't.
Should I go to bootcamp? Yes, you should.
Can I have a drink while I eat? Yes, but I shouldn't.
Blah, blah, blah...

You get the point. Side bar: Did your mother ever annoy you with the - "I don't know, can you?" There are a lot of things I can do, but it doesn't mean I should and there's also a lot of things I should do and I can. Having this inner dialogue has made me think about my choices and making decisions more consciously. I've gotten over it when I'm caught talking to myself out loud! Sometimes it just works better.

Have I been perfect? Far from it and I don't ever expect to be, it's just me working on making conscious choices. Oh, and here's a cheesy graphic. : )

Me, a Grem1in?

2011-07-25T13:29:00.000-05:00

This weekend my husband characterized me and my eating as a Grem1in. I'm all sweet and cuddly (he thinks so anyway) when I'm well fueled, but when I'm not, look out! The other one he has used is:

Yep, the hu1k. And, yes, both are even a bit true unfortunately. Normally I have a snack or two in my purse, but unfortunately sometimes I forget. At least he's getting that when I say I need to get something to eat that I'm not messing around!

It was a weekend packed full of events, but we did rent a movie Friday night - Limitless. We were actually surprised how good it was, so if you're looking for a movie this one might be worth checking out.

On Saturday it was "only" 100 (temp, no heat index)...and I was thankful for the break in the heat. It's strange how much those few degrees make a difference.

Weekly Round Up

4 bootcamps
Calories: 2631

Whew, Almost Finished?

2011-07-21T11:39:00.000-05:00

It turned out that hitting goal was a milestone not the finish line for me (whoa - I can't believe it's been four years since hitting my goal weight!). The modifications I made to get to my goal pretty much have continued with more flexibility in exercise and food choices overall. For me, that means some, and at times a lot, of conscious effort.

Another thing ~~I learned about~~ when I was honest with myself is that at goal some not so healthy trends were re-emerging. It was a vicious cycle. Lose X amount, maybe I need to lose Y more. Fit in size A, maybe I need to fit in size B. Don't get me wrong, this was an important part of my journey initially, but at some point it had to stop. I had to say it was enough, accept it, and figure out the long haul.

I try to focus on:

Acceptance of food as mainly fuel and not escape from something else. That doesn't include indulgences at holidays, celebrations, etc., it's the stress/emotional eating. But I do pretty much eat what I want when I want it. I guess it's intuitive eating? Whatever you want to label it, it boils down to me eating when I'm hungry (still following my personal number one band rule of portion size) and doing a quick check if what I am hungry for is not the most healthiest of choices to make sure it's not to avoid a feeling.
Accepting myself - being "enough"; stopping negative self talk; and focusing on the positive of my own self perception.
Divorcing the scale.

Change is hard. Especially considering until my 30's I was pretty much viewed as thin with up/down to a bit fluffy, but my relationship with food and exercise has always been far from healthy behind the scenes. That's a lot of years of practice with some unhealthy behaviors! There are still days now and then that I think man I should lose a bit more or fit in a smaller size, find myself veering toward food to escape some feeling, and thinking negative things about myself, but in the whole scheme of things I am getting better and the frequency of these behaviors is decreasing.

And on some days, I even find that it doesn't take any conscious thought at all. Ah, progress. : )

Related posts:
Hunger
The 5 W's
Divorcing the Scale
Motivation

Coleslaw In Summer

2011-07-19T12:31:00.000-05:00

Source

It seems that coleslaw is pretty much a staple during the summer when grilling and my house is no different, so I set out to come up with a decent recipe that was also easy. Well, not only is this decent and easy, it's actually pretty fantastic! And then I took it up a level one time (channeling Emeri1) by adding a couple tablespoons of blue cheese one time. Guests and my husband couldn't stop talking about it or believe that it was a lower calorie version. Verdict: Super Yum. So, I'd thought I'd share...

1 bag coleslaw mix (I get the finally shredded one - more band friendly to me - that has the carrots and purple cabbage in it as well.)
2 packets sp1enda or equa1(I wouldn't recommend using sweet n 1ow - I figure it would give it an after taste.)
1 cup low fat He1lman's mayo **This one actually has better stats than the low calorie!
2-3 tbsp of apple cider vinegar
Optional: couple tablespoons of blue cheese

Dump bag of slaw mix in a bowl. Sprinkle on the fake sweetener. Dump in the mayo. I mix it up a bit at this point. Add 2 tbsp of vinegar. Taste and add more vinegar if needed. I refrigerate it a couple hours or longer to give it time to "brew" and if I am adding the blue cheese add that about an hour before (doesn't really matter when you do it, but I like to give it a bit of time to add flavor as well). Serve!

easy peasy.

What a BEATING!

2011-07-18T18:12:00.000-05:00

First, anyone that sits through the TEN hour class deserves a CHL license. There's about 20 mins of shooting and the rest is all class. And lunch, that time doesn't count as part of the ten hours either. With about 4 hours left, I started doodling...pictures of me with a gun to my head. My husband caught me and started laughing. Turns out he felt the same way.

I passed the shooting part with no issue. The target was larger and the distances were much closer for the actual "test" than what I had practiced. So, I did well (for me anyway). My husband knocked it out of the park. There was one big hole in the center of the target and that was it. Showoff :)

I zipped through the written test - as in so fast that I was done 10 mins or so before the next person - I figured I missed 1 or 2, but knew that it wasn't worth worrying about or straining my brain with the double negatives in the two I wasn't sure about. Yah, maybe not the best attitude, but let me just remind everyone TEN hours. Bottom line - I passed the entire thing and can move forward with applying for a license. I may or may not. It's TBD.

Miscellaneous thoughts:

There are quite a number of risks with carrying a gun, but in reality they also apply to having and using a loaded weapon in your own home.
In this state, since September 2007 you can have a loaded weapon in your vehicle without having a CHL. Eh, it's Texas. With or without it being legal, people that want to carry a loaded weapon were most likely doing so prior to 2007 anyway.
Ten hours is a long day on one subject period. Especially if it isn't one that you are extremely excited about and you may in reality be attending the course because (a) it was 2 for 1 and (b) earned you a huge pile of brownie points with your husband (not that either of those apply to me or anything)
There may have been some people in the class that may not have gotten the point of the class...use of a gun should be a last resort and to stop an imminent threat to your person that cannot be addressed otherwise. I stared at these people e during the last 4 hours to burn their images on my brain in case of any future encounters.
My husband was beyond thrilled that I completed this course and did well...I see some new shoes in my future...which makes the ten hours not so bad. : )

Fluffy out.

Source

Bodyguard in The Making?

2011-07-15T07:12:00.000-05:00

Check this out:

I did my best Texan impression last Sunday by going to the gun range with my husband. I think that's how Texans roll on a Sunday by the crowd that was there. Go to church and then go shoot off some guns!

That's my target using a handgun - small holes 22; some sorta 45 glock thing for the larger - hey, it was an impression remember? And nope, never been before. But get this, there was a LivingSocia1 for a 2-1 deal to get CHL training (concealed hangun license). My husband didn't renew his license (stupid since it's free) and has to take the course again. I figured he would be thrilled if I took it with him and since it's "free" for the training for me as we would have had to pay for his anyway, I figured what the hell.

The "wife restriction" I imposed on my attendance was that if/when we got to the gun part of the course and I didn't wanna or got scared that I'd be done. Well, I thought about that and decided I didn't want to sit in a classroom for 8 hours to then find out no way was I doing the shooting part, so that's how the range visit came about. I went again this week to practice some more and might try to get in one more practice session today. No way am I going to look like an idiot at this class! : )

So, by next week, I might be licensed to carry....hilarious! --- OK state of Texas, but there are some other states it applies to.

So, you know with all these fine looking women that will be going to b00bs, I think I might have just found my job! B00bs bodyguard!!! : )

I'll let you know how it goes...

Source

What? WLS & Exercise is Possible?

2011-07-14T08:47:00.000-05:00

All I can say is DUH to this article. : ) And as far as the next step of "can it actually help them to maintain that weight loss"...My vote: Yes. For me I would not have gotten to where I am today or maintained the loss after all this time without exercise. Plus, in addition to being thinner, I really want to be healthy and strong. I'm not sure how those goals can be achieved without exercising (related post). Anyway, I thought someone else might want to read the article.

Hot Out?

2011-07-13T07:56:00.000-05:00

My tips for hot-weather-outside workouts:

Water is your BFF. I take a bottle or two of water and freeze them. The night before I need it, I move it to the fridge to melt a bit. Then I take those and some cold ones from the fridge to camp. As an added bonus, the frozen ones feel lovely if there's time to put them on your wrist, forehead, neck....OK, anywhere!
Listen to your body. Feeling light headed? Thirsty? Short of breath? Stop, slow down, or whatever, but listen to your body! Give your body what it needs otherwise you might find yourself having a fun experience like one poor gal at camp who was puking her guts out. Personally, there are no heroes and it's not a competition. Do what you gotta do.
Sweat can be your enemy. There have been a couple workouts that I sweat out too much "good stuff" (hey, I'm not a doctor or a professional trainer) and have felt a bit light headed. To counter this, I take with me some Gatorade G2 which I will sip on and off. 1/2 water 1/2 Gatorade is another option. Too much makes me feel yucky, it took some trial and error to figure out what worked for me.
Bring a towel. No duh, right? Except the other day I forgot mine because I was actually washing it (miracle) and it sucked!
Dress appropriately. Screw it if you aren't a size zero or a fitness model. You're there to workout. Wear some shorts, a tank, or some sort of moisture wicking shirt. Don't add to the misery by dressing in too many clothes.
Refrain from negative self talk. (I can't do it, it's too hot. I'm gonna die (not you aren't, it just feels like it, ha). Blah, blah, blah.) You can do it and you are! I find a hot workout much more mentally challenging and sometimes have to gut it through and mentally kick myself in the a$$. Heck it's only X number of minutes or X number of sets, right? So, if it's 10 jump squats, 15 pushups, 40 mountain climbers, and run a loop, I know that the time on average will be 3 times minimum for me. So I just cheer myself on and switch my focus to ~~surviving~~ getting to 3.
BE PROUD! You are out there and you are doing it. You're awesome!

Have something else to add?

Don't Wannas

2011-07-12T11:58:00.000-05:00

I. Did. Not. Want. To. Go. To. Boot camp. This. Morning.

Know what I did?

I got up and went....suck it up buttercup!

And after - as I expected, but it is just sooooo hard to believe when the "don't wannas" hit...

I. Was. Glad. And, I felt good. : )

Wellness Goals - 2nd Quarter Results

2011-07-11T14:36:00.000-05:00

The heat is killing me! Boot camp at 5:30 in the morning has been easily averaging 85 degrees without even adding the humidity. 5:30 AM??? Ridiculous! But a good workout *sigh*. This is impacting my original goals, because I have embraced that I am not a hot weather runner. So, I have officially sidelined running until the weather cools down. I refuse to do something I hate it and that's OK.

1. Boot camps. Goal: 200 camps. Stretch Goal: 240.

So far: 115 camps
At the rate I am currently trending, I'll hit my goal and depending if I add any extra days when it cools down, I might hit my stretch.

2. Training/Race Total Miles. Goal: 416 miles. Stretch Goal: 520 miles.

So far: 108.92 miles
HA - laugh with me. NOT hitting this goal. Unless I turn into F. Gump where he takes off. I would be happy if I hit 208 miles "ish" by the end of the year. I figure that by mid-September it might be cool enough where I feel like hitting the road again.

3. Half Marathon(s). Goal: 1. Stretch Goal: 2.

So far: 1 - Goal completed. : ) ... stretch goal - right now, I can tell you I have no interest. It could be because it is so dang hot here though and the thought of running a half is the last thing I want to do. It's possible that I could get one in before the end of the year *if* when the weather cools down I have some interest.

4. 5K or other races such as obstacle races. Goal: 3. Stretch Goal: 5.

So far: 1 5K completed; Signed up for: 1 obstacle and 1 5K. I should hit this goal. Stretch goal up in the air.

5. Calorie Burn. Goal: 130,000 Stretch Goal: 150,000 (note: this is only "dedicated" exercise)

So far: 87,044
This goal might be set too low. Even with the cut back in running, I should still hit the stretch goal. I'm going to have to revisit this one next year if I use it for setting goals again.

I am strangely OK with where I am at this point. With all my whining about the heat, it might seem like I should try to find something inside. But while the heat makes me whine, I still love boot camp and just have to suck it up. This is definitely personal growth for me. I really am not beating myself up about the running. I did push myself to do some runs to be sure, but once I was, I just was. The rest, I'm good with where I am so far. HA - at nearly 43 years old, I actually might be getting some of this stuff!

Summer Watermelon Salad

2011-07-07T15:13:00.003-05:00

Watermelons are super yummy in TX right now. On our trip to San Antonio, we went to a super fantastic restaurant for dinner. They had a watermelon salad on their menu which we both thought was great. I thought that I could ~~duplicate~~ tweak it more to our liking, so I did made it the other night. I try to make an "exciting" side item as it is 89234897234 degrees here, so it's grill only for protein.

Ingredients:

Watermelon cubed **A good seedless watermelon is going to be key
Cheese - They used feta, but I used gargonzola (like a stronger cheese)
Balsamic reduction
Basil - They used leaves that were cut up. For me, I find that basil goes bad before I can use all of a fresh bunch, so I tried chopped organic basil in a tube!

Now for the extremely tough directions. Cube the watermelon. Throw some in a bowl (your call on how much). Drizzle on balsamic reduction. Throw on some cheese. Dot on the basil in a tube. (Husband comment: What's the bird poop?) Ya, it was that easy and just as yummy as the one from the restaurant. Theirs looked waaaay fancier : ) When I can ~~rescue~~ get the pictures that are currently ~~trapped~~ on my husband's camera, I'll post the picture of the one we had at the restaurant for a good laugh of how ugly mine truly is.

**UPDATED**

Balsamic reduction: Seriously easy guys. Get some balsamic vinegar, a good pot/saucepan, and a heat tolerant whisk (If you don't have one of these - go get one now! ha - a spoon will work just fine). Measure a cup of vinegar, dump it in the pan, and cook the hell out of it on high stirring constantly (or you can lower the heat to have it simmer, but you need to stir it frequently). I'd estimate it takes about 10 minutes, but whatever amount of vinegar you start with, you want it to pretty much reduce by half. It will continue to thicken as it cools. Voila! Balsamic reduction.

Other tips:

Most recipes will say something about sugar. The vinegar actually sweetens as it reduces. Personally, it's sweet enough for me, so I don't add any.
Uh, this kinda stinks. Turn on your overhead fan on your stove if you have one. Oh, and don't hover over the pan, otherwise you will end up wearing eau de balsamic vinegar. Nah, that has never happened to me or anything. I just heard about this tip from someone else. : )

Should yogurt require instructions?

2011-07-05T08:56:00.000-05:00

After a weekend of too much food (not stellar choices) and about 2 or maybe it was 20 :) adult beverages, I am back on the wagon. I feel sluggish and "fluffy", but I expected to from all the crap I consumed. Nope, I didn't get on the scale. I just got up and went to bootcamp bright and early, I will get back to making more healthy food choices than not, and I will cut out adult beverages (during the week anyway).

I do think I've gained some weight in the past 3 weeks. My teeter totter just got a little off balance. I don't feel as lean and a skirt that fits well (as in no spare room at all) feels a bit snug. But I am sticking with where I want to be in maintenance at this point and not getting on the scale. I know what I need to do to get the fluff off and will just tip the teeter totter the other way for a bit without any extreme action or freak out. And honestly, it feels good, really good...and weird to say that too! Now for some thoughts on yogurt...

I think Fage is the best Greek yogurt on the market. Yep, it's expensive, but many times I can find it on sale and I just load up. I grew up on Greek yogurt so "normal" yogurt is runny to me and grosses me out. I have been excited about the Greek yogurt hype as it has made it readily available without having to go to a "special" store. Drum roll for the whammy....

BUT I HATE the fruit thing!!! Seriously, I can't get all the fruit out and it's a pain in the a$$ to mix in to the yogurt in that little side thing. I guess it's the purist attitude that the yogurt maintains it's integrity and all that, but seriously??? And guess what? I am such an idiot I didn't even realize that you were supposed to pour the fruit from one side to the other. Was I the only one?

OK maybe I am, but it doesn't work well---at least for me, so maybe it's user error, but I don't think so. And I am still left scraping the fruit out and trying to mix it in the other side. And get this, look at the side of the container. There is a "suggestion" to "Please Do Not Stir". Have you tried the fruit alone? It's sweet---too sweet for me to have a glob with the yogurt unmixed.

And one more rant - why does it seem that the "exotic" flavors are in 0% fat and the "standard" are in 2%? I don't want blueberry something or other, I just want blueberry dang it!

I feel so much better now that I'm off to get one from the fridge. : )

Dear Social Media Fage Person:
If you happen to be reading this, please note my email address is on the right ---->.
I'd be happy to publish your response to my feedback.

Life & Stuff

2011-06-29T11:53:00.000-05:00

While my life isn't really "a dashing and bold adventure" (shocking, I know!) the last two weeks have been very hectic for me---work, my husband's work obligations, social obligtations...just stuff. I was able to get in 3 bootcamps last week, but it looks like it will only be 2 this week. I'm not sweating it (obviously - ha), but it does put me a bit off kilter eating and stress wise. This weekend is our wedding anniversary, so we're trying to figure out what we are going to do for that. I'm planning to get back into my normal routine next week---including posting. Life happens, right? Until then, I want to wish everyone a happy:

Canada Day

Creative Ice Cream Flavors Day

International Joke Day
I Forgot Day
World UFO Day
Build A Scarecrow Day - first Sunday in month
Compliment Your Mirror Day
Disobedience Day
Stay out of the Sun Day
Independence Day (U.S.)
National Country Music Day
Sidewalk Egg Frying Day

(These are all holidays between July 1-4 that I found listed on the internet. That has to make them real, right?)

Not Mo Jo, but Mojito

2011-06-24T07:35:00.000-05:00

It all started with one really good mojito. (~~ok maybe it was two)~~

Who doesn't want a couple pygmy goats? (You can't have just one, they get lonely.) I figure we can house and crate train them to get around the home owner's association and the city oridinance that they are farm animals and not allowed. Who'd be the wiser right? Check these two out and you'll see why I want them.

You want one, I mean two, now don't you? Before you think I've lost my mind. Here's what my husband wants:

I don't know what his deal is with big dogs. The bigger the better in his book. We've been trying to come up with a dog we can both agree on, but we haven't landed on one yet. We did take a trip to a breeder to see some labradoodles here in TX.

Awwwwww, right? Too bad they don't stay that size. Needless to say, no goats or a puppy were purchased. We're sticking with the wild kingdom in the backyard for now.

And you thought this wasn't band related? I have a new slogan I'm a B.A.D.E, pronunciation - bad eeee. What is it? Bandster Against Drinking and Eating of course! (Yah, I blame it on the mojitos too)

Do your part! Become a B.A.D.E today! Don't drink & eat!!!

(and yah, don't drink and drive either)

~~~~~~~
Thanks for all the great comments on "motivation"! Look at what Banded Bella said "...Motivation, to me is a mind over matter thing....when you stop minding it ceases to matter. We should always mind gaining weight or not exercising so that it always matters." I think that's great. Thanks Bella!
~~~~~~~

Motivation Comment

2011-06-22T07:41:00.000-05:00

LapBand Gal, I am now your official stalker. I tried 8,234,123 times to get my comment on your blog post on motivation with no luck. No joke - check your stats!. Lots of blogs have been discussing motivation in addition to LabBand Gal. Finding it, keeping it, losing it, etc., so I thought I'd chime in.

Motivation is a philisophical thing for me. It's like: Which came first the chicken or the egg? Or, do you get wetter running or walking the same distance in the rain? (Think about that one. It will drive you crazy debating with yourself! OK, it does me.)

Motivation is something that ebbs and flows for me. In various posts you will see references to "funks", "slumpville" and "sloth". A component of these for me is just plain ol' lack of motivation. What happens? Life. There's just ups and downs in life and I don't think that it's realistic to always be "on" or motivated. And, I also think that's alright. At least for me it is. ; )

But let's talk about motivation and exercise. I workout my fair share. Do I always want to? Nope. In fact, I have determined that I hate running in the Texas heat. Yep, me no likey. So I'm not doing it. I'll run when I feel like it (believe me there's a ton in bootcamp, so I'm not missing out) and pick it up again with the longer distances when it's cooler.

So what do I do when I'm lacking motivation? I take the: just do it, put my big girl panties on, I'll feel better after I do it, pull myself up by my bootstraps, fake it until I make it, get your ass out there, suck it up buttercup, whine a little (or a lot), there is no valid excuse approach. It's a million dollar question in my book that doesn't have just one answer and varies from person to person....hmmm, sounds like something else, huh?
(weight loss, banding, etc.)

Ultimately for me, motivation is like what I choose to eat. It's the law of averages. I need more days of motivation and healthy eating than days that aren't. Balancing the teeter totter that way (ooooo, another cheesy graphic!) has kept me at a steady goal weight for over 3.5 years.

This isn't a diet. Behavior modifications such as exercise and what I choose to eat are not temporary and to me that's what sets this journey apart from a diet. These life changes are never done and they have to continue. I refuse to have wasted my money, time, and effort...and most annoyingly for me personally to be a statistic that supports the "WLS surgery doesn't work" camp.

Why yes, I was going to put this entire thing in LapBand Girl's Comments. ; )

Flashbacks to a few posts

2011-06-21T07:24:00.000-05:00

Today is a new day! Thanks for the nice comments yesterday.

When I get an email from someone that is considering or new to banding, there are a few posts that I suggest checking out on my blog. I thought I'd point them out as they are buried in the postings at this point and there are quite a few new followers (Thanks!).

Of course, these are my thoughts and opinions. You should always follow the guidance of your doctor or ask questions of him/her, but if you have a question and want an opinion, please let me know!

Weekly Round Up

6 bootcamps
Calories: 3620

Acknowledging and moving on...

2011-06-20T13:24:00.000-05:00

My husband is very squishy on the inside. While he may not always know how to express himself well, he is very sensitive and kind hearted---one of the things I cherish most about him. Most people don't know this or see this because of his profession, experiences, etc. and I think at times misinterpret his reactions because he tends to go inside himself when he's hurt or sad.

Yesterday he put off calling his dad to wish him a happy father's day. He loves his dad - very much in fact - but there have been many times that his dad has hurt him with his words and he doesn't know which dad is going to answer the phone. Unfortunately yesterday was one of those days that something was said that hurt my husband. Needless to say when this happens, I get pissed. I try to take the high road and provide the other perspective (his dad is joking, didn't mean it that way, etc.). Problem was, this time I was also hurt by what was said.

I was too shocked by what happened at the time to recall exactly what my husband said his dad said, but he said something to the effect of I guess I'll never have to get you a card for father's day. I had heard my husband say during the call some reference to there being plenty of children to adopt, but didn't know how that surfaced at the time, so this was the missing piece.

Anyway, I had cancer. Repeatedly I tried to address it without having a hysterectomy. But it just wasn't working. Living 90 days to 90 days with some it's clear reports to be followed by "it's back" was taking a toll on me after nearly two years, so I made the decision to solve the problem entirely by having a hysterectomy. Plus, my doctor at this point wasn't even sure if I continued down the current treatment path if I could carry a child. I was not married to my husband at the time, but we were dating again. It's funny how when I was choosing not to have a kid became so different than when the choice was made for me. It took my power away I guess.

Prior to marrying my husband, we had a long discussion about "You know I cannot have children. It's not a possibility. You are giving up having a child of your own." My husband said at the time that he didn't want children and if that changed we could consider adopting. I brought up that I was concerned that HIS clock hadn't really set off yet and wanted him to know that if he changed his mind that I would be willing to adopt. So, it's out there and we both know it's an option. One that we may or may not choose to pursue. Right now neither of us knows.

What I do know is that I'm just very upset today. Upset that was said to my husband by his father (I think my husband took it as a criticism and that somehow he has failed or disappointed his father). Upset that he may be missing having a child of his own because of me. Upset that I don't have a choice anymore to decide whether or not I want to have a child. We talked about it quite a bit yesterday, but while I was pissed and upset at the time, I was so concerned about my husband that I didn't realize just how upset I really was. Today I do. It sucks. But I also know that I am cancer free, I haven't let him down, and there are other options...and, I haven't been eating my feelings. I will allow myself to continue to be upset today, but tomorrow I will move forward.

Milestone & That's what BFFs are for?

2011-06-15T09:16:00.000-05:00

Milestone

I realized, fluke really, that my last post was my 500th! It's hard to believe that my first post was October 9, 2005. In so many ways it seems like it was just yesterday and in other ways not. Well, here's to the next 500 posts and thanks to each and every one of you that take the time to read and comment!

My BFF

So my BFF found a picture of me. She thought it was just sooooo hilarious that she HAD to send it immediately. The email subject:: "Who the hell IS THIS???"

It's funny to hear her say that she didn't realize how big I was until I wasn't anymore. Since she sees me often, it was a strange kinda thing. She really didn't notice my weightloss until I had lost a lot and it really didn't hit her how fat I was until she saw me in past pictures. (She actually met me when I was thin.) Since then she'll come across pictures now and then and freaks out. It's pretty funny actually.

The picture was a bit small, but I did my best to do a side by side comparison. I can tell you this though that t-shirt in the original picture is a man's XL and I also fill out nicely(?) the XL loose fit (supposed to be) elastic waist capri sweat pants I had on. The other side XS and size either 2 or 4 pants.

Weekly Round Up

4 bootcamps
Calories: 2687

Banging = Stomp = Husband

2011-06-13T16:22:00.000-05:00

My husband likes to bang on things...pretty much constantly. Oh, it's not annoying at all (HA), but I have to say he does have some rhythmic skills. Thankfully the drum set is still not setup for him to add that to his banging routine.

I saw Stomp several years ago, but knew he hadn't and they had made changes to the show since I went. So we went over the weekend. After the show he said we should go to these more often and I was thinking in my head whether or not I can see him enjoying a full on musical. I think he's more Stomp, Cirque, Lion King, but who knows. We might just have to try it!

Weekly Round Up

4 bootcamps
Calories: 2687

Fear

2011-06-09T12:05:00.000-05:00

First and foremost, thanks for the nice comments on my picture on my last post. Please know that I am not trying to diminish or seek additional comments, but want to write about how I am feeling since that post.

Surprisingly, I felt fine in my bikini in Mexico, but I seriously would have felt like I had made no progress if I felt otherwise when I didn't know anyone there other than my husband. But having the picture on my blog makes me feel insecure and uncomfortable. I don't know, it just does. I know it is there and I feel naked. Which sounds stupid when I remind myself this blog is anonymous. I knew the post was outside of my comfort zone, but I decided to do it anyway because I used to look like this:

And it sure would have been helpful to know that getting from that to where I am today was a possibility back in 2005 when I was seeking people that already had a band. So, I will focus on the good things about doing the post that I need to remember:

The comment on my paleness is a true feeling I was experiencing in Mexico (albeit a negative one, but that I successfully told myself to get over and I did), but it wasn't about my body in the bikini really. This was a step forward for me.
I also edited from that post some negative comments about the photo itself. The negative comments flowed from my brain to fingers so quickly that I didn't even notice them until I reread the post before publishing. But I did call myself on it and deleted them.
Reality is that my body is not perfect and I need to try and stay on the side of the teeter totter that my imperfections are OK more so than not. My goal was to get healthy and at the end of the day I need to remind myself (give myself a good kick in the a$$) that I surpassed what I had originally hoped by a long shot. And frankly, my surgeon put 85lbs as my stretch goal and I landed at 107.
That chair - see how I filled it up so nicely? I take about half that amount of space now.

So the work continues on this journey...

GOOOOOOO MAVS!!!!

Vacation Bullets

2011-06-07T16:51:00.000-05:00

It was the first week of the "rainy season". I was a bit scared and the forecast showed rain. Whew, we had awesome weather! It started pouring on the last day when we were getting ready to leave, but that made leaving easier. ; )
We didn't have an agenda. We went to bed when we wanted, got up when we wanted, and ate when we wanted. It was perfect and just what I needed. I was pretty sad Sunday night that I had to return to the "real" world and am looking forward to going somewhere again.
I didn't workout on my vacation. I did some active "stuff", but nothing strenuous. I just didn't wanna and that's OK. Regardless, last week I still got in 4 bootcamps for 2690 calories.
It felt like I ate a lot, but I think it was more so that I wasn't as active as I normally am and felt a bit slothlike. I mentioned how much I ate toward the end of the trip to my husband and he busted out laughing. He said he was amazed at how little I ate. Funny how it's all perspective.
The pool was deep everywhere -- 5.5" for the most part. Which wasn't over my head, but I don't know how to swim (hangs head in shame). My husband who swims like a fish towed me around the pool the first day. The second day we stopped by one of the shops and I got a kids floaty ring. It was big enough that I thought I could hold onto it or lay across it. I didn't think there was anyway I could fit in the center. Imagine my surprise when that floaty fit around me! seriously shocked
I have some pictures, but I haven't messed with them and I think they are mainly scenery pictures anyway. I wore my bikinis to the pool and little dresses/skirts the rest of the time. I felt a little bit self conscious when we got to the pool the first time, but honestly it is because I am so pale. Which I told myself is STUPID. While I wish there was something I could do about it, there isn't. So I just got over myself! (Me and sunscreen are tight!)

Non-Vacation Related, but I just can't help myself...

Weinergate - *gigglesnort* - I didn't believe him from the get go. There has always been something about him that has always made me feel "oogie" as a woman. Personally: Resign already dude. You only did what you had to do (no "responsibility" was taken in my book). You were caught in the act and are now trying to do a mea culpa and get away with it. And, for me the basis is not so much because you're a slime ball, but because you LIED and frankly you're an idiot for doing what you did and thinking that you could get away with it. (Oh, and honey, please at least separate from him.)
The bachel0rette. Yes, I watch it (hanging head in shame, again!), but there's really nothing else on. I find her to be very insecure, but found the most recent episode to be even more cringe worthy. There is NO way they didn't know what a slime ball that bentley character was, but it's all about the ratings. The things he said - HARSH! It will make for a good reunion at the end though I'm sure.

Whoooossshhhh!

2011-05-31T15:27:00.000-05:00

That's me driving by! Things are hectic with me trying to get everything done before leaving for Mexico. So, just a quick post and I'll be back next week!

Weight. I forgot. While I divorced the scale, the nurse was adamant that I had to weigh. I explained to her why I didn't want to, but she was honestly a bit of a )(@#*$)@(#$* so I just stepped on the scale. I had clothes on and weighed 130 lbs, so this no weighing stuff is really working for me. The last time I had weighed, I was 129 lbs in my b-day suit (nekkid).

Oh, and the doctor did say that was horse crap and would note it in my file for the next time so that it would be my choice if I wanted to weigh or not. She's very happy with my journey and how I have maintained my loss (ob-gyn). She has other patients that also have a band and I guess it hasn't been a smooth ride.

Slumpville. Ya me! My stretch goal for the "slump" week was to get 4 camps in. Working through my slump on my blog just seemed to work me out of it and I put on my big girl panties and got to it! : )

Nails. I had that gel nail polish put on my nails. It's not supposed to come off like regular nail polish and grow out. I thought they'd be perfect for time in the pool. Um, 2 days. That's right. 1 day in the pool and sure nuff those puppies started peeling off. Grrrrr! I think there was something wrong with the application. I am going to try and fit in a trip back, but not sure I have the time between now and when I leave.

Exercise & eating. I am planning 3 camps minimum before I leave. If I have room in my suitcase, I will pack workout clothes, but I don't have any plan to use them. But if the mood strikes me, I'll have the clothes to do it. I find the water aerobics and other "active" activities to be a hoot, so I plan to participate in those. The objective for this short trip is to relax and be "off the grid". I plan to eat and drink what I want and do a whole lot of hanging out, reading, and napping. I can hardly wait!

Nos vemos la próxima semana! Adiós por ahora!

Disclaimer & soapbox thought: I am not fluent. I speak brokenly and usually have a ton of errors, but I think it's better to attempt to use the native language than not at all. It amazes me (appalls actually) that Americans go to Mexico and are upset because everyone isn't fluent in English. Um, it's Mexico????

Weekly Round Up
•6 bootcamps
•Calories: 3503

Clothing Coupons Pay Off!

2011-05-26T18:54:00.000-05:00

I went to 0ld Navy. Now, I don't think it's the highest quality, but what I get there is usually so trendy I really only want to wear it for the current year anyway. Personally, I think their "original" prices are high for what you get, but when on sale or clearance, it's pretty good!

I picked up 8 items for a total of $136.28. All items were on sale or on clearance, but my final price was $63.14! HUH? So, here's how it worked out. I knew that all clearance items were marked down an additional 50% off. Add to that I had a one day coupon for an additional 20% off with no exclusions and WHAM-O, SCORE! : )

Here's a picture of the loot:

I didn't realize what an idiot I was in my last post. After mentioning about my car, I should have told everyone that I am just fine! Thanks for the concern though. : )

If you have an 0ld Navy close by, I'd go check out the clearance section! I believe the sale is still on...uh, what are you waiting for??!!! (oooo, and post your loot if you go!!!)

Hmm, they multiplied!

2011-05-25T21:03:00.000-05:00

Well here's what happened. I bought one bikini and my husband loved it! I didn't really want to wear the same one the entire time, so back to the store I went. Surprise! They were now even lower priced! So, the one turned into three (mix and match line). I am sure every woman would have done the same thing...right? : )

Um, I may not have mentioned a few of the sarongs that are with the suits to the husband. A couple I had, but a couple are new. Shhhhhh...

OK, this seriously is NOT a whine. This week has turned hilarious. In other words, all I can do is laugh at this point.

The spa part of the pool emptied for some unknown reason overnight. The pool is not my job. Here's what I can tell you about the pool. "Hey, there it is!" Needless to say I panicked and my husband is out of town all week. Mysteriously the pool service doesn't know why it emptied either, but thankfully it has stayed filled since they came out and checked it out. Who knows.

My phone died. I took it to get it repaired and decided to just drop it off to get back quickly and back to work. Eh, not a big deal. Have a phone plan. Well, then on the way home, I was rear ended. Yep, I couldn't make this stuff up!

Thanks to all of you that read and comment on my blog. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to meeting those of you that are able to go to B.O.O.B.S. I have my plane ticket, roommate, and we have our hotel reservations!

Yup, it's confirmed...

2011-05-24T18:55:00.000-05:00

I desperately need a vacation and I swear my hormones are out of whack. Evidence:

I am grumpy to co-workers. (Oh, and kinda HATING my job right now!)
I was talking to my husband on the phone today and started crying for pretty much no reason...niiiiceee!
I swear I am having hot flashes, but I've never had one to know for sure, so I'm not sure. Women have tried to describe what it feels like to them and I kinda think it sounds like it, but then not really....arrrggghhhh!
- Recently visited the doc and all hormones, vitamins, and other such full workup crap is totally normal. While this is good, I really wanted something to be off to explain what is up with me!
- And more TMI on this bullet, I had a hysterectomy and experience fake periods, but all of this is just different.
This is manifesting itself during a super bad (no not the movie, although I highly recommend it) time as this is an off week for camp. The trainers have been a bit flaky, so I only have 3 days of camp, but am trying to see if I can get a 4th day.

Why yes, I could get my a$$ out and do something on my own or *shudder* go to the gym, but please see other bullets as to why that just ain't happening at this time. : )

I haven't been reading blogs! The horror!
Eating for the right reasons is very hard right now. (aka - I want to eat crap food all the time)
I'm whining in this post!
Unfortunately, I think my first stop toward making it to my vacation destination is Slumpville....*SIGH*

OK, so I'm over it. : ) Well not really, but I will be and I am working through it...Anyone have any cheese?

Weekly Round Up

5 bootcamps
Calories: 3064

Coming up this week *drum roll*

No more posts with whining!
Get caught up with blog reading.
Camp 3 times minimum
By request, a picture of the swimsuits.
A post about why coupons are good for clothes shopping! OK, it's really about the clothes that I got super cheap 'cause it's quite a pile even for me the queen of bargain shoppping and coupons. : )

And I will leave you with another creature that appeared in the yard:

It's hard to tell because, go figure, I didn't have a ruler with me to put next to the turtle, but the shell was about 15 inches in length! (The turtle is sooo over me taking the pictures can't you tell?)

This just in...

2011-05-19T10:54:00.000-05:00

I bought two bikinis for my trip to Mexico. I will wear them...by leaving all other swimsuits at home and having no other choice. I don't know anyone there except my husband anyway, right? But yet, it still makes me feel a bit self conscious. I've always been shy, so when I would wear a bikini in the past it has always been with board shorts.Hmmm, I better leave those at home. Oh well, there will be plenty of liquid courage at my disposal to help me get to the point of not caring. : )

That is all...

Wild Animals

2011-05-18T07:38:00.000-05:00

This year I decided I wanted a bird and a squirrel feeder in our backyard. The bird feeder has been awesome from the get go and we now have two pairs of cardinals, a woodpecker or two, and some other wild birds that are visiting frequently. But the squirrel feeder is another story.

The squirrels were hilarious jockeying for a turn to sit on the ledge and open the lid to get a treat in our first feeder. But every night by morning the feeder would be empty. Well, there had to be something eating it and I figured it had to be an o'possum (yes, there is an "o") or a raccoon.

Enter squirrel feeder version 2. There's just NO way the night eater is getting in right?

And the first night:

Why yes, that is Rocky with his arm shoved in the feeder. BUT he can only get whatever he can grab through the little hole and not all the treats in the glass part.

Or, so we thought, until we checked the next morning and saw this:

As long as we only put enough food out in the morning for the squirrels, it seems like the situation is managed. Here are some more pictures because I think they are hilarious!

The squirrels get really pissed when I'm stalking them with a camera. One got all worked up flapping his tail and eventually went up to a limb and started belting out a war cry to his friends...luckily there was no one in range and I was safe, but here s/he is looking ferocious:

Yes, I too am wondering why I went to Fossil Rim when I have the wild kingdom in my backyard!

Farewell my friend

2011-05-16T10:04:00.000-05:00

Well, my friend the chipper left.

Check out this comment from Justaflower. I about peed my pants:

Okay, there should be some unspoken rule that if a blogger is having a chipper at their house for a limited amount of time we get a heads up!!! I have no time to find a way to get my "unwanted" there before it is gone!!!

No worries my friend. I anticipate that the chipper will be back this same time next year. Please start planning now. I've reserved you a room here at my casa!

And, check this out:

Voila! It's gone! (yes, the chipper ate it)

Saturday (little bit snug pants be damned), I went shopping. And, it's a miracle, I even bought some stuff. I have totally gotten over my pale not so good legs. People can just suck it! I'm wearing skirts. It's going to be hot and I'm wearing them. And that's all I'm saying about that. : )

Sunday I had a really nice visit with Beth Ann (who continues to shrink before my eyes!). I wore a very light colored khaki wrap to lunch where I proceeded to spill stuff all over the arms. I'm not even sure how I did it. Thankfully Beth Ann was OK with me dipping my sleeves in my water to try and keep the stain from setting *sigh*. Next time, I will be rockin' one of these plastic rain ponchos!

Tread Lightly!

2011-05-14T10:49:00.001-05:00

There's a wood chipper in my yard. For real. The trees are getting a haircut today.

Excuse me sir, but can I take a picture of your chipper? Nope. I'm a whimp and couldn't let them see me taking a picture, so I took it from inside the house. But nobody better be gettin' on my bad side today 'cause there's a chipper in my yard! : )

They will also tackle this dead tree:

I'll let you know how ~~many bodies end up~~ it goes with the chipper. My chipper fascination started with the movie Fargo. : )

Other news:

The desserts are officially catching up with me. I wore my best fitting slacks to work yesterday. A pair that provides absolutely no room for forgiveness and they were a bit snugger than normal. Nah, not sweating it or getting on the scale, but I do need to cut back a bit (no desserts to my desserts!) and tell myself no. The thought of trouncing around (why yes, I do "trounce") in a swimsuit in less than 3 weeks should also help hold me back a bit!

I am meeting up with the fantastic Beth Ann tomorrow!!

Weekly Round Up

5 bootcamps
Calories: 2854

Booked!

2011-05-13T11:59:00.000-05:00

All this talking about vacation gave me the bug! A 99 hour sale popped up for Texas, so in less than 20 days, I'll be going to an all-inclusive resort in Mexico for 3 nights / 4 days!

Estoy apagado practicar mi español. ¡El viernes feliz todos!

Shhhhh, Dirty Secrets

2011-05-11T09:28:00.000-05:00

When you have a band, there are some rules. They tend to vary a bit from surgeon to surgeon, but I follow most of what my surgeon requires. I've covered quite a bit what I do, but not so much what I don't. So...

While I try to generally make good choices, I do eat quite a bit of crap---it ebbs and flows how much. I think I had candy or dessert 5 times the week before last. One day, I had a dessert to my dessert. That single-serve mac & cheese that you microwave? Check, love that alien orange cheese now and then. I manage this though with portion control (hard at times!) and being sure that I really want the crap and there isn't something else going on with me that I am hiding from.
I don't track calories or protein intake. I just try to generally eat a balanced diet. I do take daily gummy vitamins.
I drink soda now and then. It's diet, but it's soda. Yesterday at Target diet orange soda kept staring at me at the checkout stand. So, I drank it!
When I go out to dinner, I will have wine or some other adult beverage. Sometimes my drink is booze and soda! (I find that if I stir it up with the straw, I can knock some of the carbonation and don't have any issues.)
Since my band is essentially empty, I don't eat little itty bitty bites of food. They are pretty normal sized.
Most people think I workout a lot, but in addition to the health benefits, I do it to manage stress. My morning workouts make a huge difference in stress management through the day. If I go for a second workout, it's usually because I am in a bad mood or don't have anything better to do.

I don't really think these are "dirty secrets", but I liked the title and thought I'd share my reality. Does that mean maintenance will look like this for you? Or if you are in maintenance you "should" be doing the same? Hell no! Figure out what works for you and remember don't compare. Just because it works for me, doesn't mean it will work for you. And, that's OK! : )

Jefffffreeeeeeyyyyy!

2011-05-09T11:57:00.000-05:00

This past weekend we went to the Fossil Rim Wildlife Center. You drive through the park in your car with the windows open and feed the animals. It was my first time to vist, but my husband had been before. We left early in the morning to get there when they opened, the animals were hungry, and the heat wasn't high.

This was a smart ostrich. Right there at the start!

There were other animals.

Zebras, but instead of black stripes, they had brown.

These guys were aggressive! And their horns while rock hard as you would expect, but they had super soft hair all over them.

But then, my main reason for being there, the GIRAFFES!!! Toys r Us used to have giraffes as their mascot. The name of one of them was Jeffrey. So, here's Jeffrey.

I dubbed this one his wife Josephine.

It was a ton of fun and the weather was perfect. It wasn't the most active weekend for me, or for that matter workout wise, but that's OK now and then. I felt pretty sloth like on Sunday, but not enough to go do "real" exercise. All the rest helped me kick it up a notch at camp this morning though!

Weekly Round Up

4 boot camps - 2628 calories

Cinco de...

2011-05-06T11:11:00.000-05:00

Ugh, let me just say that as I get older my ability to drink goes down. It's an inverse correlation or whatever the right term is. While Cinco de Drinko was really the joke goal we set for our girls outing, after two I was d-o-n-e. I switched to water, but with a late night and what I did drink boot camp was not in the cards for me this morning.

Ironically, when the alarm went off for camp, a dog pretty much started barking for the next couple of hours. How is it that the owner doesn't hear that? Hmmmm, maybe it was a sign that I should have sucked it up and gone to camp???

We walked around the event and went into various shops. I saw a pair of jeans that I thought were very cute and two of my pals saw me looking at them. None of these gals knew me before or even know that I've lost all this weight. They just see me as I am now.

One of the girls said to me, "What are you a size 0?" I wonder what my face looked like and I'm afraid that it wasn't good and she may have perceived it as snotty or something, but I was really just shocked and embarrassed. She's very sweet and intended absolutely no harm with her comment---it's all me.

I am still adjusting to how people see me as well as how I see myself. I have struggled my entire life with seeing myself as bigger than I am (dysmorphia) and that unfortunately continues. I wonder if it is something that I will ever conquer, but I try to use pictures and looking at my clothes (not while I'm in them) as suggested in counseling, but it's still a struggle.

Thanks so much for all the comments on the scale post. It's interesting to see everyone's thoughts and different approaches. As with most of this banded stuff, I don't think there's a "right" answer to it and the answer is whatever works best for you. I realized that I didn't really flat out say it that separating from the scale was very scary and hard for me. It was.

Happy Weekend! : )

Six Month Separation - A milestone.

2011-05-05T09:07:00.000-05:00

I. Don't. Know. What. I. Weigh. And, go figure, it's not because I am hiding from it!

My journey evolved into much more than weight loss. When I started in 2005, I was clinically despressed and I believe I had hit bottom. Since then, I have come to terms with several things personally and professionally that led to personal growth and improved mental health.

Striving for a lower number on the scale was a big incentive, goal, and way to measure my progress. But over time I started feeling that number was influencing my mood, adding stress, and even a little obsessive thought. It seemed to be turning counter productive for me as my maintenance journey progressed. In November 2010, I decided that it was time for a trial separation from the scale.

I told myself I could weigh before Christmas if I wanted. I didn't. I told myself I could weigh after the first of the year. I didn't. And so on. Why? I am actually smaller than I was in November at 129 lbs. And, reality is that if the scale said that I weighed more than 129 lbs would it really matter? Logically, hell no. I'm thinner, fitter, stronger, and healthier than I was in November. But my pea-sized brain doesn't always stay in logicland. So for now, I just don't need to know the number, but again logically I know I have to be right around that same number (come on pea-sized brain!) .

I'm not sure if this separation from the scale will lead to divorce or not, but for now it's working for me to focus on how fit and healthy I feel and how my clothes fit. Sometimes I miss my scale and I even open the cabinet door to look at it and have a "should I or shouldn't I" conversation, but so far I just sigh and close the door. It's funny how the journey takes you places you couldn't imagine going...embrace and enjoy it!

What Size am I Today?

2011-05-03T08:04:00.000-05:00

I find clothes shopping a lot of the time to be frustrating. I just want to know that I am a certain size and be able to pick things off the rack with some comfort that it should fit without having to take 2-5 sizes into the dressing room with me.

I agree with the article posted below in the sentiment that trying on 10 pairs of jeans at times does make me feel like there is something wrong with me! At times, I just hit this point that "nothing fits" and am over shopping. There is a bright side though, it's good for my pocket book. : )

Ironically though, I have put some effort into finding some summer clothes and had some luck in finding a few things. If I could get over being a bargain hunter, I'm sure that would also help.

Anyway, if one of these scanners shows up in TX, sign me up! The entire New York Times article follows. Has anyone tried one? Source.

One Size Fits Nobody: Seeking a Steady 4 or a 10

By STEPHANIE CLIFFORD

In one store, you’re a Size 4, in another a Size 8, and in another a Size 10 — all without gaining an ounce.
It’s a familiar problem for many women, as standard sizing has never been very standard, ever since custom clothing gave way to ready-to-wear.

So, baffled women carry armfuls of the same garment in different sizes into the dressing room. They order several sizes of the same shirt online, just to get the right fit.

Now, a handful of companies are tackling the problem of sizes that are unreliable. Some are pushing more informative labels. Some are designing multiple versions of a garment to fit different body shapes. And one is offering full-body scans at shopping malls, telling a shopper what sizes she should try among the various brands.

“For the consumer to go out and navigate which one do I match with is a huge challenge, and causes frustration and returns,” said Tanya Shaw, an entrepreneur working on a fit system. “So many women tie their self-esteem to the size on the tag.”

As the American population has grown more diverse, sizes have become even less reliable. Over the years, many brands have changed measurements so that a woman who previously wore a 12 can now wear a 10 or an 8, a practice known as “vanity sizing.”

In men’s clothes, the dimensions are usually stated in inches; women’s clothing involves more guesswork.

Take a woman with a 27-inch waist. In Marc Jacobs’s high-end line, she is between an 8 and a 10. At Chico’s, she is a triple 0. And that does not consider whether the garment fits in the hips and bust. (Let’s not get into length; there is a reason most neighborhood dry cleaners also offer tailoring.)

Ms. Shaw, the entrepreneur, is chief executive of a company called MyBestFit that addresses the problem. It is setting up kiosks in malls to offer a free 20-second full-body scan — a lot like the airport, minus the pat-down alternative that T.S.A. agents offer.

Lauren VanBrackle, 20, a student in Philadelphia, tried MyBestFit when she was shopping last weekend.

“I can be anywhere from a 0 at Ann Taylor to a 6 at American Eagle,” she said. “It obviously makes it difficult to shop.” This time, the scanner suggested that at American Eagle, she should try a 4 in one style and a 6 in another. Ms. VanBrackle said she tried the jeans on and was impressed: “That machine, in a 30-second scan, it tells you what to do.”

The customer steps into a circular booth, fully dressed. A wand rotates around her, emitting low-power radio waves that record about 200,000 body measurements, figuring out things like thigh circumference.

Next, the system matches the customer’s measurements to clothes in its database. MyBestFit currently measures clothes from about 50 stores, including Old Navy, Eddie Bauer and Talbots.

Customers then receive a printout of the sizes at each store that ought to fit the customer best. The retailers pay a fee when they appear in the results, but they cannot pay to be included in the results; the rankings are based solely on fit. (The company saves the data, with ID numbers but not names, and may give aggregate information to retailers as feedback.)

Don Thomas, who manages the Eddie Bauer store at the King of Prussia Mall outside Philadelphia, said the system was helpful to shoppers. “Nine times out of 10, if left on their own, they will choose the wrong size pant,” he said. With a printout, “if it says they’re a 4 or a 6, they’re a 4 or a 6, generally. So it’s really good for the customer who’s time-starved, which we all are.”

Ms. Shaw says there are plans for 13 more scanning machines in malls along the East Coast and in California by the end of the year.
The sizing variations are a big contributor to $194 billion in clothing purchases returned in 2010, or more than 8 percent of all clothing purchases, according to the National Retail Federation.

The scanners are a modern solution to an old problem. Studying dress sizes in Vogue advertisements from 1922 on, Alaina Zulli, a designer focusing on costume history, found clothing sizes have been irregular for decades.

A woman with a 32-inch bust would have worn a Size 14 in Sears’s 1937 catalog. By 1967, she would have worn an 8, Ms. Zulli found.

Today, she would wear a zero.

Plenty of people have tried to address these arbitrary sizes. Advocating a labeling system called Fitlogic over the last few years, an entrepreneur, Cricket Lee, discovered just how difficult it is to change manufacturers’ approach to size.

Her labeling system divides women’s bodies into three shapes, straight, hourglass or bottom-heavy, and a Fitlogic label carries both the standard size and the shape.

Ms. Lee did tests in the mid-2000s with manufacturers like Jones Apparel and retailers like Nordstrom. But retailers said consumers had trouble grasping the concept. “The manufacturers were so afraid of producing more than one fit in the very beginning,” she said.

Still, she said, she will soon try to sell the sizing system again.

Some brands are taking their own approaches to make the fitting room less demoralizing. Mary Alderete, vice president for women’s global marketing at Levi’s, said, “When we try on 10 pairs of jeans to buy one, the reason you feel bad is because you think something’s wrong with you.”

Last fall, the company introduced Curve ID, a line that offers three styles, depending on how rounded a woman’s backside is — slight, demi and bold. (Levi’s is now testing a fourth style, called supreme curve.) Each of the three styles includes about 29 fits and colors, and dozens of sizes. Ms. Alderete said the company had sold more than one million pairs of the Curve jeans.

Marie-Eve Faust, the program director of fashion merchandising at Philadelphia University, called the Levi’s effort “a good start.”

“The next step is to have the major players sit together, manufacturers, retailers, brands, and say ‘This type of label should be appropriate for all of us. Let’s standardize,’ ” she said.

Dr. Faust said she had been discussing a new kind of label that takes into account the wearer’s shape, but expected retailers to bristle.

Still, Dr. Faust said, change is needed.

“It would be nice just to take the pant, look at the label and say, ‘That should fit me,’ ” she said.

Bah! Monday?!

2011-05-02T08:23:00.000-05:00

Wishing Friends.com

The weather yesterday and today is getting to me! It has been cold, stormy, and very dark. I'll just say it, it's Monday, I'm grumpy, and I would like to just go back to bed!

Weekly Round Up

7 bootcamps
Calories: 4706

Stool Revision

2011-04-29T08:06:00.001-05:00

Justawallflower (who by the way, is far from "just a wallflower" in my opinion!) made a very good point on my original stool post. She mentioned that I was missing support. Since support really is a foundation item, I added a rug!
(Why yes, that is a berber rug!)

Then I started to wonder why I didn't have support in there originally and the truth is because I didn't have much throughout most of my journey outside of myself. I don't think this is a good or a bad thing for me, it just is. There are some reasons for it:

I'm estranged from my family. Isn't that a nice way to say it when you just don't have anything to do with them? I'm serious. It is - "I'm estranged." Anyway, I am. So, no support there.

I told 5 people. To this day they are the only people that know. Of those 5, I would say two just ignored everything that was going on. Never said a word and haven't really to this day said anything even though I'm 105 lbs less than I was. A bit strange, but OK. Two others would make nice comments about my progress along the way. And the last, my bff, is the one that took me to surgery and stayed with me after. She listened to me moan and complain. She's my rug.

My issues were inside me. I had to reach deep inside myself and figure things out and honestly there wasn't anyone that was going to be able to help me with this. I needed to figure out how to help myself.

Lack of trust and fear. I just don't trust people as a rule. Too many things have happened that have made trust a very big issue for me. The good news is that I recognize it which makes me aware and more open to trusting someone than I used to. But the thought of trusting someone with such personal information, when frankly it's no ones business, just didn't work for me.

Blogging and other online avenues were not what they are today. Six years ago there were only a handful of blogs and online communities just didn't "do it" for me. I think where things have evolved to is amazing and great for everyone!

This post is a perfect example of the support from blogging. Thanks Justawallflower for pointing my oversight out and giving me something to think about! And, thanks to all of you that comment and follow my blog. I find it very humbling and you are all now part of my rug!

Royal Comment

I watched the wedding of Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, to Catherine Middleton. Loved it! I just thought it was great. So different from the wedding of Prince Charles to Princess Diana (um, yah, I watched that one too). This one just seemed more real and authentic to me. They just seem perfect together! (Well, as perfect as you can get anyway, they are married after all!)

Alabama and other Southern States

Unbelievable. There are no words to describe the destruction and the nearly 300 people killed. Want to help? You can make a donation to the Red Cross. It seems like there is also a blood shortage, so check out where your closest donation station and consider going.

My Stool

2011-04-28T13:37:00.000-05:00

Ewwww, not THAT kind! The 3-legged kind of stool. I was chatting with a friend that has the band that unfortunately hasn't had the best results. For some time, I've been ~~dreading~~ wondering if he would ask me the million dollar question. Essentially, why have our journeys been so different.

While I have some suspicions of things that are going on with him that might be effecting his success, I didn't want to potentially be viewed as picking on him or throwing stones. Thankfully I had been thinking about this some just in case. I needed a way to frame up my journey that would possibly give him a tool to use to reflect on his journey.

Here enters THE STOOL:

Hey, I never said I was an artist! A 3-legged stool has to have balance. If the legs aren't balanced the stool teeters all over the place or may even fall over. This analogy works for my journey as well. For my band to work, I have to have equal balance of diet and exercise. The balance of the 3 allows my weight (the stool) to stay stable.

His response was that I made it sound "easy". I told him thanks and he looked at me strangely. Then I laughed and said, the thanks was for being able to explain it in such a way that it was easy to understand! Doing it is a different story, it took me a lot of practice and perseverance with some stumbles along the way as an added bonus!

It may not seem like it on here, but there are plenty of days that I want to eat crap and/or not exercise, but I usually just get over myself and do it. I tend to be more successful with exercise over my desire to eat crap, but still maintain decent balance on my stool overall. I reminded him that it's not "one" lapse, but multiple lapses that add up and lead to imbalance.

Ah, this brings to mind GUILT, but I'll leave that for another day and leave you to think about your stool.

Ewwww and you're welcome. : )

The Five W's

2011-04-26T08:04:00.001-05:00

Source

I was thinking how the Five W's pretty much fit my journey - ("Who" doesn't fit). These habits definitely didn't happen over night, and even after nearly six years now and then I stumble, but that's life, right?

What I eat. I focus on making healthy choices most of the time. But I give myself permission, don't beat myself up, etc. to have what I want that I used to tag as "bad" when I want it (Like those PB eggs on Easter). I guess it closely resembles intuitive eating. Whatever it's labeled, it has worked at leveling out for me the eat crap / eat nothing but healthy roller coaster I had been on.

Where I eat. Unless it's a special occasion, I eat at the table with little distraction. I used to always eat in the living room with the TV on. Breaking this habit definitely made me more conscious of what I was eating and how fast I was eating.

When I eat. I do eat on a schedule, but if I'm not hungry at that time, I just don't eat. Um, then I guess you could say I'm not really on a schedule then, couldn't you? : ) but I "check in" with myself at the scheduled times to make sure that I don't get too hungry. "Meals" only last for 20 minutes...well, unless I'm hanging out with friends, etc.

Why I eat. I eat when I'm hungry. I no longer eat just because it's meal time or to stuff my feelings.

How I eat and how much. (I swear there is also a "sometimes 'how'" in this 5 W's wasn't there? )I eat slower, chew more, and don't drink while I'm eating. I also try to stick to my bandster portions at all times. As time goes on, I think it's easy for portion sizes to begin creeping up and I have to stay conscious of this because of my "portion distortion".

So that's my 5 W's...Yep, I'm counting the one in ho"w". : )

I ate an egg and I liked it...

2011-04-25T07:22:00.000-05:00

**singing title to Katy Perry's - I kissed a girl**...OK, it was more like a dozen, but who's counting?!

AND I ~~liked~~ LOVED EVERY SINGLE ONE!!!...*SIGH* only 364 days until I see you again.